A/N: Here we go - it's almost the end of the story. There will be one more chapter after this, which is not really a chapter but not quite an epilogue either. I hope you'll like the fluffy ending. :)
ELENA
And so I died. Unfortunately, death was not how I had expected it to be like. There was no light, no bliss and there were no familiar faces to welcome me. Instead, I was thrown into a raging fire, I was being skinned, gutted and torn to pieces. I was in hell.
After an eternity of agony that made me yearn for death, I was finally granted relief and sunk into oblivion, into the comfort of complete and utter nothingness.
When I came round and fully regained consciousness for the first time, I was lying in Damon's bed. Sunlight fell through the windows, blinding my eyes.
Damon, who had been slumped in a chair beside the bed, jumped up when he noticed that I was awake and quickly closed the shades. There was no need to ask – I knew instantly that I wasn't human anymore. For one thing, I remembered the excruciating pain of the transition, when all my limbs and organs had torn been from my body, turned inside out and randomly shoved back in. Secondly, I was close to dying from thirst, and there wasn't even a glimmer of warmth left in my body. I felt like the desert at night: Cold and arid. My lips were cracked, my skin was too tight and itchy, and my parched throat seemed to be lined with sandpaper. Instinctively, I knew that no amount of water was going to bring relief to my aching body, because in truth, it wasn't thirst I felt. It was raging hunger.
It was so all consuming that not much else registered with me at this point – just that and my overwhelmingly keen sense of smell. And right now, being in Damon's bed and with him so near, I was bathed in his scent and it made me dizzy.
Feeling slightly panicky at all the overwhelming sensations and trying to shake my discomfort, I sat up, gathering my thoughts. But it was hard to concentrate when I even heard the blood rushing in his veins, calling to me. My gums started to hurt like crazy, and I felt my canines elongating. I knew my eyes must have darkened and my pupils contracted to mere pinpoints, for I was experiencing tunnel vision, and the only thing that shifted into focus was the pulsing artery on Damon's neck.
He sat down next to me on the bed and pulled me into his embrace. "Elena..." His voice was a mere whisper, full of relief, heartache and passion, as he nestled my head in the crook of his neck and supported it with a caressing hand. All I could do was fight the urge to sink my teeth into his flesh, but I was losing it fast. Only now did I understand what 'seeing red' truly meant.
"Damon, no, I..." My voice was raw and panicky as I tried to warn him, fighting against his hold.
"Sh, it's okay, just take what you need from me," Damon encouraged, and when he pulled me close again, I completely lost every sense of inhibition and restraint.
He gave a soft groan as I tore into his skin without giving a second thought. I wasn't even pondering if I might be hurting him. In this all consuming need, there was no room for coherent thinking, just a gut-deep, primal instinct that was driving me to take, to devour, to consume. Damon's blood flowed warm onto my tongue, and contrary to what blood had smelled and tasted like when I was human, it was now sweet, potent and delicious. It did more than just soothe my churning stomach and quench my thirst: It filled me with sudden warmth, caressed my taste buds, salved my throat and made me moan in bliss. I was drowning in Damon and it felt like heaven.
Moaning in rapture, I clung to him with all my limbs, digging my fingers into his flesh and holding on to him with fierce determination, as if afraid someone might try to separate me from the source of my bliss. I had no idea how much I had been taking from him, but with each pull my head became a little clearer and my frenzy slowly subsided. Finally, I was coherent enough to realize what I was doing and disentangled myself from him with a slight feeling of shock. The wound on Damon's neck was raw and ugly. Blood ran down his throat and soaked his shirt, and my nails had left bleeding imprints as well. My hand flew to my mouth, and I stared at him, aghast at what I had done.
"Oh my God – Damon, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me... I just couldn't control myself..."
He just smiled at me and softly brushed my mouth with his fingers, wiping off the blood. "Of course you couldn't. You just woke up from death sleep and needed to feed. Four days I have been anxiously waiting for that to happen, and believe me: Never has time passed so slowly!"
"Why – you could have served me some blood in a glass!" I winced, still horrified that I had just acted like a wildcat with rabies, totally senseless.
Damon's tender smile never wavered. "I didn't want your first meal to be one of Alys's horrible concoctions. Besides, it's been totally my pleasure, believe me! God, this was... incredible." His eyes were filled with so much emotion and for a moment, they seemed to hold too much moisture, too. He quickly blinked and found his light, slightly teasing tone again. "As much as I enjoyed that, I'm afraid you'll have to resort to blood bags for a little while, too – unless you want me to find you a couple of nice young humans to feed on. Or... well, I suppose you could keep me in your bed and feed on me, but as appealing as I find the idea, I'm afraid it won't leave me with enough energy to do any fun things in here..."
DAMON
Sweet Jesus – she still was blushing. I thought that was next to impossible for a vampire. It was probably due to the fact that she had been feeding thoroughly just a minute ago. I made a mental note to keep saying indecent things to her after all her feedings. I loved to see her all flustered. And hell, I loved her feeding from me. Blood sharing was always pretty intimate, and I had never done it with anyone but Katherine. But like everything I had shared with her before – it didn't compare to this. Not at all.
Like every baby vamp, Elena totally lacked any finesse at this point; her bite had been blunt and savage. But she had devoured me like I was the essence of life. And while that might have literally been the case just now, I couldn't help reading – feeling and hoping – much more into it. Though I had turned humans before, this was the first time ever that it filled me with a feeling of pride, responsibility and fierce protectiveness. I had given life to this beautiful creature, and now I was overcome with the ridiculous desire not only to be there for her, but to be the one and only for her, in every respect.
Too bad that feeding solely from each other wouldn't work out permanently. At least one of us had to compensate the energy loss from outside sources, and I wondered if that was going to be a problem. At the moment I hated the thought of seeing her hunt down a random guy, even if it was just for his blood. I wondered if she might feel the same way about my prey.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, wondering if she had truly registered at this point what had happened, and all the implications entailed.
She looked around, wide awake now, amazement on her face. "Damon – it's incredible. It's like I was half deaf and blind before... The colors... the sounds – everything is so much more intense now..." She frowned. "A little too intense, honestly."
"I know. That, you'll get used to." But would she get used to everything else that came with her transformation? Would she hate me for arriving too late to save her life and turning her into a vampire, once she fully realized what her future held? I wouldn't be able to stand it if she hated me. She might as well take a stake and drive it through my heart. A little fearfully, I returned her gaze.
"You found me," Elena said, her face showing nothing but gratitude. She wrapped her arms around me in an embrace that was just firm and tender and driven by emotions, not hunger. "I knew you would."
"I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to make it in time to save your human life," I whispered into her hair. My voice broke thinking of how I found her on her parent's grave, bloodless, lifeless, with those almost filled ziplock bags of her blood beside her. "Why, in God's name, did you do that?"
"I had no choice. She would have killed you otherwise."
"You don't know that for sure. If we had agreed to turn you..."
Elena distanced herself from me to look me in the eyes. "No, Damon," she said, full of conviction. "After Katherine found out about us, she was – I wouldn't call it heartbroken, for I'm not sure Katherine actually has a heart. But something had snapped inside her. She would have killed you no matter what – just so that I wouldn't have you."
"She won't be able to ever hurt you again."
Elena's expression turned to one of surprise. "What do you mean? I didn't die – so she must be still alive, too."
I shook my head. "No. When I found you, you were pretty far gone. Your heart had stopped beating. I had to resuscitate you to bring you back at all." I shuddered at the memory. "It was a very close call, Elena. I guess you're really undead now, in a way."
"I had no idea how far away Katherine had taken you," Elena said wistfully. "And I didn't really have time to search the internet to find out how much time remained once I cut open my wrists."
"You shouldn't have pulled that stunt at all! Just thinking how close I came to losing you completely..." My throat constricted painfully just thinking about that and my eyes threatened to water once again. Quickly, I pulled her to my chest again, holding her tight.
"But you didn't lose me," Elena said, touching my face. "It looks, on the contrary, as if you'll be stuck with me forever."
"I kind of like having you around, so I guess I can live with that..."
Elena nuzzled the base of my neck, kissing her way up to where the wound she had inflicted earlier had already begun to heal. Instead of biting me again, as I had expected her to do, she just licked away the blood that still smudged my skin before her lips moved on to my mouth. Her one hand clung to my upper arm, the other came around my neck, drawing me in for a hot and frenzied kiss. Until she suddenly drew back, confusion on her face. "How come your skin is so warm all of a sudden?"
I chuckled. "It's not. Your temperature has just dropped to pretty much the same degree as mine, so you don't notice the difference anymore."
"Oh." There was a brief look of disappointment on her face. "So I guess that means I'm not hot to your touch anymore?"
"On the contrary. I think you're very hot. I could prove it, if you want me to..." I let my hands wander underneath her shirt, curious to find out if anything had changed in my favorite areas. Elena gasped, probably taken by surprise by the strong response of her body. "Damon – wow... this is..." Her voice was suddenly lost as goosebumps erupted all over her skin and a tremor went through her.
"Intense?" I asked, reluctantly stilling my hands and concentrating just on kissing her. "I know. Everything is pretty much overwhelming right now. Sensual overload. I bet I could drive you totally crazy within minutes..."
"Oh, please, don't stop..." Elena moaned, pressing closer and clinging tighter. Her nails dug into my back again, conveying her need. It wasn't surprising – just like other emotions, sexual cravings went into overdrive in newly turned vampires, blurring with hunger and making it hard to distinguish one from the other. It would make her a bit oversexed for a while. I decided to count my blessings and enjoy it while it lasted, and allowed my fingers to resume exploring. We had ample time for talking later, after all.
The agony of her transition and the pain of my own helplessness still haunting me, I proceeded with gentleness, but Elena would have none of it. Unlike me, she wasn't overcome with relief and gratitude and a strange feeling of tenderness, but driven purely by need. She soon got impatient and started tugging at my shirt. Oblivious of her new powers, she was startled when the seams came apart and buttons went flying. I chuckled at her expression, which was somewhat in between wild and flustered. "Don't worry, you can sew them back on later..." I teased. "Just try to keep in mind that you're a bit stronger than before – you don't want to break anything else..."
"Stop talking," she said breathlessly, effectively shutting me up by putting her lips on mine and invading my mouth. Her hands boldly started to roam and take possession of other parts of my body, too. Never before had she been this forward – not that I was complaining! This openly wanton Elena surely was unexpected, but incredibly sexy. I couldn't have withstood her advances even if I had wanted to.
I reciprocated by ripping her shirt off, too, though carefully gauging her reaction. She gasped, and another tremor went through her. My vampire senses quickly assured me that it hadn't anything to do with cold or fear. Starting to feel quite needy myself, I quickly disposed of my remaining clothes and returned into her eagerly waiting arms.
ELENA
I didn't know what was happening to me, but I couldn't have cared less. The moment Damon put his hands on me I was overcome with desire – no, with pure, unadulterated lust. There was nothing that I wanted more than to feel him close to me, on me, in me. His sudden warmth, his scent and the still lingering smell of his blood made my hunger flare up again violently. I wanted – needed – more of him, and I couldn't wait. I was practically trying to crawl under his skin, and I wasn't gentle in doing so.
Damon seemed to understand my yearning and didn't waste any time on foreplay. I wouldn't have had the patience for it, as I was burning already, every part of my body suddenly on fire – so much that it almost hurt. I had never felt anything like this. The moment he thrust into me, I sank my teeth into his neck again, still needing more of him and taking shamelessly. Judging by the almost animalistic sound that escaped his throat and all the other evidence his body gave, it only served to drive him wild. Unlike everything we had done before, this was raw and honest fucking. And I wanted it like this. Thankfully, Damon was equally okay with hard, rough and fast sex as he had been with agonizingly slow, heartbreakingly gentle or teasingly playful lovemaking. This is what I would never have found in someone as sweet, sensitive and considerate as Matt or Stefan.
Soon, we were a tangle of limbs on formerly pristine white sheets – exhausted and out of breath, covered in sweat and blood. And I finally felt sated.
Only now did I realize how much Damon had held back with me before, always aware and mindful of my fragile human body. Another reason to feel at least a little grateful for the change I had undergone. These were probably the perks of vampirism. Doubtlessly, I'd soon have to cope with the downsides, but for the moment, I pushed these thoughts far from my mind.
Damon, ever-observant, seemed to have noticed the fleeting shadow that had briefly crossed my mind. Or maybe he was just anxious about how I was handling the hard core version of intimacy now that I had come down from my high.
"You okay?" Lying propped up on an elbow, he trailed a hand through my hair, brushing it across my shoulder so he could see my face. "I haven't hurt you, have I?"
I snuggled into his chest, breathing in his comforting scent, which seemed much more intense now. There seemed to be subtle nuances in it that I hadn't detected before and that I couldn't exactly define yet. "No, of course not. I've never been better." He didn't seem to buy it. I reached out to touch his thoughtful face. He hadn't shaved, at least not for two days. Which made me wonder if he had left my side at all for anything but the strictly necessary while I had been in transition. After watching Caroline, I had a fair idea how much of a torment that must have been. "Honestly, I'm fine," I assured him. "I'm not that delicate anymore, Damon. You can stop worrying about me." Though I thought it was incredibly sweet that he did.
"It's not so much your physical delicacy I'm worried about..." he said, his hand trailing down my back, tracing the curves of my body. As if he couldn't stop touching me, needed to reassure himself of the fact that I was indeed safe and sound at his side. As if he was still worried I might freak out any moment, realizing who I was now, and who I gladly shared my bed with. For all his pretense of being bad ass, hard and unrelenting, in truth, Damon was nothing but gentle, caring and considerate.
DAMON
I had never been this rough before and allowed my dark side to take over – not with her. But then, Elena had never been so unrestrained, fierce and wild – I would never have guessed that she had it in her, and the effect on me had been profound, downright mindblowing. Of course, I was fully aware that this was mostly due to the raging hormones that were currently wreaking havoc in her body. Chemistry aside, Elena was still so young, endearingly innocent and inexperienced. I was afraid of pushing her too fast, too soon.
"I know this is a lot to take in," I tried to put into words my concerns and my resentment at the fate that had been forced upon her. "You should have had more time to grow into all of it." Vampires. Intimacy. Her new body and the sensations that came with it. Us. So much had happened at once, and she had barely had a chance to get accustomed to any of it. I was afraid that it all would suddenly come crashing down on her.
Yet Elena returned my gaze with an unwavering serene expression. "I'm fine, Damon," she repeated empathically. "Physically and emotionally. We're both alive, my friends and family are safe and you said that we don't have to fear Katherine's revenge anymore. That's all that really counts for now. You still haven't told me yet how that came to happen, by the way. Why is Katherine dead? I'm a vampire – the spell must have been broken."
I wasn't sure if she purposely tried to divert my thoughts away from the dark path they had taken. Maybe she was just shoving it all away so she wouldn't have to go there yet herself. She really was good at that. But it was probably the best coping mechanism right now: One step at a time. After all, we had plenty of that.
"She's not exactly dead," I said, answering her question. "But she isn't alive either."
"I don't understand..."
"Neither did I. I spoke to Bonnie about it. She said that we need to understand that magic of these proportions is pretty unpredictable. You died, Elena. When I found you, your heart had stopped beating. I restarted it, gave you my blood and injected the venom – all pretty much simultaneously. Anyway, after I had taken care of you and brought you here, I went back to see how Katherine had been affected by your death. I found her on the floor just like you had been lying on the grave – pale and drained of blood, unmoving."
"But not dead?"
"She hadn't died from the spell. And other than that, a vampire is never fully dead unless you stake her, tear her heart out or cut her into pieces, remember?"
"You didn't do that, did you?" Elena asked, obviously horrified at the thought. Just as I had thought she would be.
"No, though admittedly, that moment, I really had wanted to. But I couldn't be sure how this binding spell worked: Strictly speaking, you weren't a vampire at that point, but a human in transition. I didn't know how killing Katherine would affect you. What if the binding spell was still effective until you completed the change? From what Bonnie told me, it might be good thing I didn't kill her. Katherine fell into death sleep due to the blood loss, and she was probably already in that state when your heart stopped beating. Just like she hadn't died when Caitlin did, because she was already in that nether state in between life and death."
"So we're back to where we were with the spell before?"
"Not exactly. Bonnie thinks the spell might be still active, waiting for the next human descendant to appear – just like it did before. Only there is none."
"And there never will be..." A brief, sudden sadness flashed in her eyes. I squeezed her hand, wishing fervently that I could take that particular hurt from her. Elena quickly shook herself out of it. "So – Katherine is in death sleep, and might well remain so forever. What did you do with her body?"
I grinned. "I put her back where she should have stayed from the beginning: In the tomb."
"But it's not sealed anymore. What if someone finds her and reawakens her?"
"Not gonna happen – thanks to your foresight. Bonnie and Sheila with their combined power sealed the tomb again, using the little I had saved of your blood. The human blood you saved when trying to kill yourself." I couldn't help smirking mischievously. "I'm afraid there is nothing left of it."
"What a diabolical thing to do!" Elena's expression belied her words, though. She looked impressed, even pleased. Good. I had feared for a moment that she would protest, saying that this was too much of a punishment, given that Katherine hadn't actually managed to kill anybody. But obviously, there was a tiny streak of spitefulness even in her. I smirked. "Call it retributive justice."
"So unless someone excavates the whole site and destroys the tomb, Katherine will be stuck in there forever." Though she spoke with glee, her perfectly beautiful face suddenly turned sorrowful again. "Damon – in case she told you: I didn't mean any of the things I said to her on the phone. You know that, right?"
"She never said anything to me, except to go and find her lunatic Doppelgänger who obviously was bent on committing suicide. What did you tell her, though? I had been wondering..."
Reluctantly, Elena told me how she had turned the tables on Katherine, though I probably got only the edited version. For a moment, I didn't know if I should applaud her wickedness, coolness and incredible bravery or if I should shout at her for being so stupidly careless and disregarding of her own life as to sacrifice herself for someone else – me, of all people. I only dawned on me now that she had been fully aware of the fact that I had only stood a small chance to save her human life. It wasn't that her plan had failed. It had never been based on another outcome to begin with. She had counted on me to arrive in time to turn her into a vampire. And even saved her own blood to give me the strength to do it. She had sacrificed her life for me.
The realization came as a shock. This beautiful, smart, kindhearted and selfless girl had given her life to save me. "Just why do you want me, Elena?" I asked, still wondering if she could really have meant this – us – to happen or if it had been her sense of morality, the need to do the right thing and her conviction that she had no other choice.
"You mean apart from the obvious – like that I'm in love with you, that you are the most wonderful, attractive, strongest and caring man I have ever met?"
"I'm not the guy of your dreams, Elena," I said softly, feeling the need to correct this insane picture she had drawn of me. "I will probably bite you as much as I kiss you. We will never have children together. I will still have to feed on humans, and it will probably drive you mad with jealousy. You'll surely do that to me..."
Elena pushed herself up on her elbows, shutting me up with a stern gaze. "Hell, you also won't ever give me silver jewelry for my birthday and I won't be able to eat garlic anymore, which really sucks. What are you trying to say? That we have to make compromises to get this thing working? That you might not be faithful to me for all eternity? Correct me if I'm mistaken, but these are risks incurred with every guy I would have decided to spend my life with. There are solutions to most of them... If we both should desperately want kids, there are ways, Damon. Elijah found a way to have a family, and so could we. I'll probably take a liking to expensive bourbon now instead of garlic. You can buy me gold instead of silver... And if we ever hurt and betray each other, we'll have to do the same as other couples do – find a way to forgive." She sighed, groping for words. "Damon – you're not going to die on me. I will not lose you like I lost my parents and like I thought I had lost my brother. I will not have to live in constant fear for your safety, worrying about being left all alone. Do you have any idea how much that means to me?"
I could only stare at her in awe. For weeks, I had wondered and feared what changing into a vampire would do to her. Deep in my heart I had known that it had been inevitable. But I hadn't been able to stand the idea of her slipping into that darkness and despair. And that had seemed the only way for her to go, given that she just was not the type for the aloof carelessness and calculated indifference that had been my coping mechanism for so long. Everybody else – Alys and Stefan – had become melancholic, broody, shrouded in gloom and guilt. That would have been bad enough, but in my worst nightmares, I'd feared that she would become like Katherine.
Yet again, Elena had managed to surprise me by not reacting at all how I had expected. "How can you be so okay with this?" I marveled. She seemed stronger now, not only physically, but emotionally. Centered, grounded, more confident. It wasn't at all to be expected from a newly turned vampire. "You're supposed to be extremely volatile, confused, overwhelmed... How is it possible that you have it all mapped out like that?"
"I don't. I mean – yes, I have obviously been giving this whole thing a lot of thought pretty much ever since I knew what you were. I guess once I realized that what I felt for you was not going to go away, I also accepted that I had to become a vampire at some point. Otherwise, there could never have been an 'us'. You turned for Katherine, remember?"
"Yes. But I was overwhelmed, volatile and confused for a very long while after that. I went on a killing spree, Elena... I hope you're not going to go through that as well, for I'm afraid you might not be able to cope with the guilt."
Elena frowned pensively, as if looking inside herself and searching for that urge. "I don't feel like killing anybody," she said seriously, having examined the idea in her head and discarded it. "And if that should happen, I trust that you'll keep me safe."
She trusted me like that. But how could I ever make up for the decisions she was forced to make because of me? How could I compensate for everything she had eternally lost because of me? "I swear I'm gonna try forever to make it up to you." I vowed. "I'll try to be worthy of you."
"But you already are, Damon," she said, her voice full of emotion. "You always have been. I love you."
My throat constricted at her words. Overcome with a flood of emotions that had no other outlet, I felt my eyes swell with tears for real this time. She was my undoing. My life. My everything. With her coming back into my life, the bleeding lump of flesh that had been my heart had started beating again. And not for the first time, four days ago at the cemetery. It had happened long before that, just without my noticing.
"I know now that I have never, ever been in love before. I thought I was. But what I feel for you – it doesn't compare to anything I've ever felt before. I don't even know if there's a word for it. You don't hold my heart, Elena – you are my heart. And, this time, I intend to keep it with me forever."