Sayori got admitted out today.

It turns out that she also had a concussion, but it wasn't that bad. All her other injuries seemed to heal quickly except for the shoulder and her broken arm. The doctors told her to not move the stitches too much or they'll give out.

She also recovered from her pain medication today and told us everything. Sayori and Haru used to meet up every week for seven months. These "meetings" consisted of Sayori giving him her hard owned money for drugs. She risked her life every Friday for the promise of him not hurting all of us.

Now that promise was broken and Sayori was still feeling the effects.

Even though she tries to hide it, she blames herself. She blames herself for the deaths of Natsuki's, Yuri's and her own family members. She blames herself for how deceitful Haru was. She blames herself for everything.

I wish I can just stop her from blaming herself on everything. It hurts to see her like this.

"Are you feeling alright."

"I'm fine."

Sayori stares on blankly while we walked home. She's been quiet ever since she had that phone call. We both knew it was dangerous for her to be left in her own thoughts but she still did anyway.

I walked beside her, not knowing what to say. I think she doesn't want me to say anything.

The sky was a blend of orange, pink and purple. The sheer beauty of it made me look on with awe. Sunrises are very pretty, aren't they?

"...I guess they are," Sayori whispers causing me to realize that I said that last part out loud. I felt my face tint. We both stopped to stare at the sun slowly rise. I started to hum Viator unconsciously.

After a while, Sayori started to hum with me.

I stared at her in slight surprise as she hums along. She meets my gaze and flushes slightly, realizing what she's doing.

"Viator was one of the songs I listened to for motivation," she says after a tense silence. Her voice was still a fragile whisper. "It helped me keep going most days as it easily became my favorite."

"It helped me too," I say slowly, thinking of yesterday's events. "Such a calming song always seemed to calm my nerves."

"More than Melody?"

"More than Melody."

Sayori giggles and for a moment, the rainclouds clouding her face cleared. The small but bright smile that appeared on her lips made my heart swell in joy.

But as quickly as it came, it left.

"I kept it a secret because I thought it was lame listening to piano music, nevertheless piano music from an anime. But now seeing you know it..." She trails off, flushing again.

"I kinda kept it a secret too. We're even!"

Sayori shines a small smile. My heart ached in happiness once more.

The sun was almost in its rightful place in the sky when I came up with an idea. Smiling, I wordlessly say my goodbyes to the sunrise as I turned to Sayori.

"Let's take a detour."

"Are we even allowed to be going here?" Sayori asks. We were walking on a dirt path again. A different one from when I found Sayori at.

"We won't be going alone. We'll be fine." I skipped through the plain area, practically wanting to run. This is one of my favorite places in the world. Sayori follows close behind, trying to keep up.

Soon enough we met a large glistening blue lake. My smile grows uncontrollably large as I sat near the lake, looking at my reflection. Sayori follows suit, shining a small smile.

"Do you remember this place?" I say. Sayori gasps, acting offended.

"Of course I do! We had our datester here and toppled over in that there boat." She points to an old wooden boat sitting by a small docking area.

"And almost got eaten by a bear," I added smirking.

"And got lost while our cell phones were dead," Sayori added, raising an eyebrow.

"And almost got killed as the zoo animals ramage the zoo."

"And got on the train right before it broke."

"And gave Natsuki twenty dollars each for losing a bet!"

We both laugh. "How did she know that it will turn out that bad?!"

"She's psychic!"

It was technically our first date, but it ended up in a disaster. (Except when riding the rhinos. They're super cute!) We called that date our datester because we didn't get anything done. However, it was one of the greatest days of my life.

Being with my girlfriend while handling a shitload of shenanigans is always so fun.

"You know, I actually planned on confessing on you here," I say. Sayori smiles lightly.

"But then I spluttered that I liked you at a sleepover."

"You are usually super flirty when you're sleepy."

Sayori laughs again. "Well, you're flirty...like... all the time."

"Is that so?" I kissed her, proving her point.

"...Very flirty."

"I can't help that I love you~"

She kissed my forehead gently. "I love you too."

Sayori and I watched the lake silently for a few minutes before she speaks again.

"Life is short, did you know that?"

"Sayori wha-"

"But with happiness and joy, it could be fulfilling." She continues, ignoring me. "Do you know how fucked up life is without any of those things?"

"Sayori..."

"Haru said that to me once, saying that he was emotionless. He had to act normal for people. He was my friend because he felt obliged to, n-not because he wanted to." She chokes up on the last sentence as I watch helplessly. She wipes away the tears on her eyes before continuing.

"It made me think how similar my life was to h-his. How we both acted 'normal' because we didn't want any attention drawn to us. How we didn't have a-a lot of happiness in our childhoods. How we both met the literature club and was truly happy. And still..."

Sayori takes a shaky breath, turning to me. "A-And still, he chose to t-throw it all away...for you."

She couldn't take it at this point, sobbing heavily into her hands.

I frowned, brushing her hands away. "Hey Sayori, do you remember my break up?"

Sayori's sobbing slowed as she tried to speak. "With him?" I nod and she grimaces. "Yeah. Haru almost destroyed the whole literature club."

"Want me to tell my side?"

Sayori suddenly looks up, disbelief in her eyes. "We..I...You-!"

"I'll be fine. I moved on, obviously."

Sayori stares at me hesitantly as she nods. I chuckle for a bit, remembering old memories.

"It all started when Haru confessed..."

"Will you accept my confession?"

Haru bows, a smile plastered on his face. I froze, staring at the love letter in my hand to Haru. My mind blanks.

What's going on?

Haru is confessing to me. Haru is confessing to me.

I try to reciprocate feelings for him, but somehow, I can't. Only a longing for a long friendship exists in me for the man in front of me. And that seems to be fading, seeing how he's been acting for the last few days. However, I sense feelings for-

I felt my face tint. I can't think about her, not now. I need to focus what's in front of me which is...

Haru is confessing.

Fuck.

I bit my lip, thinking. I declined many confessions because I was 'popular' and all. Still, this was a friend of mine. I don't want to break his heart.

"I accept."

I answer half thinking. What am I'm doing? I don't want this. I don't want this!

Haru stands up and pulls me into a hug, beaming.

I can't break his heart, not now.

It'll break mines too.

I was walking to the club when someone grabs my arm. I relax when I see who it.

"Oh, hey babe," I say.
I cringe inside, the word disturbing my very core.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"To the club? I thought you were going too."

"Heh, to that dump? Let's go somewhere more fun."

"Eh?! The literature club isn't a dump! ...I thought you liked it."

"I like you!" He pecks my cheek in which I flinch to. "Come on Monika, they'll be fine without us for a day."

I don't want to make a scene. I need to be perfect and if it's with him...

"Sure, take me where ever you like."

I wanted to go to the literature club today...Sayori is there.

It will be alright Monika, You'll see everyone tomorrow.

You just have to tolerate faking a relationship until then.

I try to think about other things while making out with Haru. Tolerating it is easier than breaking up with him.

I don't know if I can break up with him.

I'll think I'll have a panic attack if I do. Oh god, he'll never be my friend again. And then Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri will follow suit. I'll be friendless again. I'll-

I pulled back, pulling my shirt down.

"No! What the fuck was that?!"

"Don't say you didn't want it."

"I didn't! Listen, Haru, we are only one month in our relationship. I don't think we're ready for that..."

"Oh..." Haru frowns, averting his eyes. My heartbeat quickens.

They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymore. They won't be friends with me anymo-

"I'll talk to you later," I say rather hurriedly. I quickly ran up the stairs to hide my tears.

I pulled Haru by the arm and dragged him outside the clubroom.

"What's wrong with you?!" I whisper harshly. Haru frowns.

"I was just teasing her." I stare at him and he looks away guiltily.

"You and I both know that it wasn't teasing." The quiet sobbing from the clubroom proves my point. "You shouldn't lash out at her like that, she's your friend. She's our friend."

A tense silence grew between us both as I stared him down.

"If only you knew..."

"Know what?"

"Sayori tried to get with me. I only lashed out on her to prove my dedication to you."

My frown dissipates, in its place with confusion. Sayori wouldn't do that, would she?

"...What?"

"She said awful things about you, babe... Saying things like your confidence was a fake and that you're really pathetic on the inside..." My breath hitches as anxiety rush through me. She knew. She knew. She knew. She knew.

"B-But she wouldn't..."

"I didn't know that she was like that either but you have to trust me. You trust me, right...?"

I glanced through the clubroom door's window, to the sobbing Sayori and the comforting Natsuki and Yuri. I held my breath, tears somehow escaping my eyes.

They can't know. I won't let them know! Even if I have to...

"I-I do."

He kisses me and this time I didn't dislike it.

"That's my Moni."

"Where are you going, babe?" Haru shouts from the kitchen. I sigh, I just wanted to just slip out from his guard.

"T-To school. I have forgotten something!" I impatiently tap my foot on the floor, waiting for him to just drop it.

He didn't, of course. He comes over and frowns instead.

"Are you going to that literature club. That club's full of liers and hypocrites."

I scowl at his words. Sure, I haven't talked to them in a month but I want to become friends again. The literature club was my safe haven, my home. I realized from the time I was holed up in Haru's house that I still wanted it to be.

"I realized that I never had a proper goodbye. Can I just slip in for a bit... Please?"

He was silent as he decided his choice. A glimmer of hope appears in my eyes as I smiled at him.

"...Fine. Just don't stay long."

"Yay! Thank you!"

I rush out the door as fast as I can, pleading that they haven't ended the club yet. The school was a short distance away from Haru's house, but it still was tiring to run the entire way.

I stopped as I reached the clubroom, panting furiously. A wave of anxiety rushes through me as I saw all of them having fun inside. They wouldn't want me back. I should just go back home...

Just before I was going back home, the door suddenly opens. A very familiar vice president (president?) pops into view, pouting.

"Stop annoying us. I thought we agreed to disband next- Monika?!"

Sayori was even more beautiful than last month. Her sapphire eyes glistened with tears as she beams.

"I-I never thought you'll come back."

"Well, I never thought I'll see you again."

Sayori beams before remembering the past month. Her smile vanishes as she backs away instantly, reaching for the door.

"You still aren't mad at me, aren't you?"

"Actually, we need to talk."

"Oh?"

"Break up with him."

"Eh?!"

"You can't let him just control you like this, dude," Natsuki whispers. "Letting him decide where you go, decide who you talk to, even letting him look at your messages isn't normal. That's even not considering if your right about him lying to you..."

I stared at the two. Yuri sits at a desk, fidgeting with her hair. Natsuki leans against the closet, blowing the hair out of her face.

Sayori had asked to get some air beforehand. I have a feeling that she's not coming back.

"I-I agree with Natsuki on this one. Your relationship is unhealthy," Yuri says. "You have to break it off or this abuse will get worse."

I felt my breath hitch. I thought they would just say "You should just have a talk with him" or "Everything's will be alright soon!" I didn't expect them to say break up with him. I grip my shirt tighter as I tried to think of a response.

"Monika, please. We care for you."

"We won't force you into anything if you don't want though... It's your call."

This was I wanted months ago! Now I have a valid excuse to break up with him! This is what I wanted all along!

But...I love him.

I groan in frustration as I tried to stop myself from crying. My heart is confusion. Why do I love him? Do I still love Sayori?! Wait, do I love them both?!

Natsuki and Yuri look on in worry as I began to sob. Was it because of confusion? Frustration? Denial?

"Monika are you-"

"I'll be fine," I choked, smiling slightly. "Just... I'll think about it."

Yuri whispered in Natsuki ear hesitantly. She perks up, quietly thanking Yuri for whatever she said. Yuri somehow becomes more flustered than before.

As my sobbing died down, Natsuki began to write something down, tearing out a page of her poetry notebook. "Here," she says slowly, flushing a little. "Stay safe, dummy."

I hesitantly took it, thanking her. She averts her gaze and rolls her eyes.

I smiled walking home, wiping my remaining tears. Natsuki has given me the literature club's numbers.

I made our first group chat that day.

Two weeks.

I have waited two weeks to gain my confidence and strength. Now, I think I can do it.

I'm breaking up with him.

I'm breaking up with him!

I'll...do my best? I don't feel like doing my best on a thing like this. My heart still longs for him.

I have to do this.

I have to do this.

I don't want to do this.

"Haru? Can you come upstairs please?"

"Coming!"

I cupped my mouth as soon as the words came out my mouth but the cheerily reply still came afterward. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach as infinite possibilities came to mind. My oxygen levels suddenly dropped as I began to gasp and choke. I couldn't even control shaking rapidly.

The door opens and in came Haru, oblivious as ever.

"Monika? Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine," I say, trying to control my breathing. Deep breaths Monika, deep breaths.

He sits down, rubbing circles on my back but I move back. "I need to talk to you."

"About what, babe?"

"About us."

His kind demeanor vanishes. "What did they say?"

"They?"

"Those bitches over in that literature club who else!" He curses under his breath. "I shouldn't have let you go over there..."

"STOP BLAMING THEM ON EVERYTHING! They did nothing wrong..."

"They did everything wrong! They lied to you, Monika. They talked about you behind your back and had 'accidents' to embarrass you!" He sighs, squeezing my hand. "Why do you still stick up to them rather to me?"

My heart broke at his frown. I thought about just dropping the subject for now, but I refuse. I need to do this, for both of us.

Rip the bandage off.

Rip the bandage off.

Rip the bandage off...!

"Y-Your lying."

"W-What?"

"I-I can see through you Haru. I can see that your lying. And if you have to...l-lie... to get your way then I think we need some time apart..."

The squeezing stops. "What?"

"I-I think we s-should break up, Haru."

He stands up, glaring daggers at me. I immediately turn away, not trying to cry in front of him.

"Fucking Hell!" He throws a glass from my desk dangerously close to me. I jump, looking at the glass remains.

"That could have hit me!"

"You're staying here at any cost. You don't know what you doing by leaving me-"

"I decided already. O-Our relationship wasn't healthy..."

"WHAT ABOUT MY DECISION!?" His voice booms through the wall. A few tears turn into uncontrolled sobbing as I broke in my bedroom.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Monika," he says, his voice noticeably quieter. I whimper at his gentle tone, knowing that it was the last time I'll hear it. "It's just-"

I look up at him, trying to stop my tears. "Just let me go, please."

He tries to grab my arm but I pull it back. His eyes were full of hurt before turning into pure hatred.

"Fine, just go. I'll get you back later."

I still went home, only turning to him to say one thing.

"The literature club forgives you, Haru."

"Tell them to go fuck themselves."

I solemnly nod and walked out the door, shutting the door behind me.

"Haru shot up the school a few weeks later. I cut all complete contact with him after that. In fact, I never actually saw him again." I smile bitterly, knowing that Haru has seen a few people after he disappeared. "But do you know what differs from you and Haru?"

"What?" Sayori still had a tinge of sadness in her voice. However, her tears were dried from hearing my stories, which pleased me.

"That I actually wanted to be with you. Gosh, you were all I could think about back then. I was so hopeless!" I pause, thinking. "Wait I'm still hopeless, subtract that." Sayori and I giggled at my little remark before we got serious again.

"Seriously, you're nothing like him. You're kind, friendly and actually respect me. I wouldn't have come back if you were like him. I really love you, Sayori."

Sayori and I both flushed but giggled. Sure, we weren't used to affection but it felt so sweet in our hearts.

"Yuri and Natsuki too! If they haven't convinced me to break it off, I would have been farther from you. I didn't even know it was that bad..." I smile bitterly again, seeing how oblivious I was the first time. I shouldn't have my friends notice the flaws in my relationships before me. I'm so stupid...

But I still broke it off at the right time. That's a plus.

Sayori places a hand on my shoulder, recognizing the scowl on my face. She looks at me embarrassed, a light flush on her face.

"Hey."

"Hmm?"

"Do you still love him?"

I frowned, eyeing her. "I love you more."

"I know that, silly." She playfully flicks my nose, smiling slightly. "But somewhere, somehow, do you still love him?"

I froze.

I remember after breaking up with Haru, I still felt like I truly deeply loved him. I began thinking irrationally. I cried for hours days at a time. I even stopped going to school for a period of time.

I can't deny that I loved him dearly. I will never deny that.

However slowly I started going back to school. Then, to the literature club. Even after Haru shot up the school, I kept going.

There were slow steps and there were times I stopped completely just to sob loudly and to yell why the fuck is this happening to me. But I kept moving.

I believed something will come out from all of this. Something will come out from this hurting and suffering I went through. What I'm still going through, really.

Words can't describe how thankful I am to have Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri my best friends. The Literature Club is really all I need to be happy anywhere. It's that 'something' that I have been striving for so long.

Now that I think about it, all those screams, fights and sobs were worth it. The longing in my heart for Haru is gone and now replaced with the love I have for my club mates. The love I have for Sayori.

I have truly found my special day.

"Not at all."

"Oh, you guys came back?" Natsuki rubs her eyes, drowsily staring at us.

"Did we wake you?"

"No, I was going to help Yuri make breakfast anyways."

"You passed out on me!" Yuri yells from the kitchen.

"It wasn't my fault that you keep me awake last night!"

Me and Sayori glance at the two for some kind of explanation. Natsuki flushes when she realizes her mistake.

"What did you guys-"

"GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE GUTTER, BAKAS!"

"W-we weren't doing anything l-last night, I-I swear! I-It was just an m-mess up on N-Nats part."

"Nickname basis I see~"

"Shut up Monika!"

I laughed, shutting the door behind me. Sayori wordlessly takes off her shoes, though I could see a hint of a smile on her face.

"So, how are you feeling Sayori," Yuri says finally stepping out of the kitchen. She looks like she regained herself minus the light flush still burning on her face.

"Better than earlier," she replies honestly. "Though I am still slightly tired from all of those pain medications they gave me. They're not fun at all!"

"I told you to sleep it off," I say.

"But it was fun then!"

I sigh, head patting Sayori. She pouts, conflicted with her own emotions.

"Anyways how long till breakfast will be ready."

"About an hour since someone didn't wake up in time," Yuri mutters. Natsuki sticks out her tongue. "Why?"

"Well, I need to talk to you guys about something..."

Yuri eyes me, surprised. I nod at her, knowing what I'm doing.

I have to do this, there's no perfect time than now.

Yuri eventually smiles at me, respecting my decision.

However, Sayori and Natsuki glanced at each, unease creeping upon their faces. "The first time you did this we all moved in together..."

"And the second time you did this our whole families got murdered!"

The air in the room became thin suddenly. The girls seemed to get self-conscious, averting their eyes.

I would say that it isn't that bad, but it is. We have never been that far apart before. Me moving to Florida might not only hurt the literature club but our friendship itself.

So instead I said, "It's not about killing or murder. I-It's just...saddening."

Natsuki and Sayori lifted their heads up, their eyes sparkling and about to brim with tears.

"Come on, tell it then."

Yuri walks over and places her hand up. "I've got this," she whispered. I give her a thankful glance.

Yuri clears her throat, closes her eyes to take a deep breath, and readies her self.

When she opens her eyes, she's too were brimming with tears. And yet, there was burning confidence in those purple veils.

"M-Monika's going away in two days!"

And instantly, it all clicked.