"Oh..."

Sayori and Natsuki glanced at each other, smiling nervously.

"Oh."

As we stood confused, Sayori and Natsuki chuckle to themselves. Tears began to prick in their eyes from laughing too hard.

Oh...hehe...that took long enough!" Natsuki finally exclaims, looking at us through blurry eyes.

"We were wondering when you were going to tell us!" Sayori giggles. "It's two days before your trip silly!"

Yuri quickly gets flustered. "Did you guys knew already?" They nod.

"We knew since the outing last week!"

Yuri's blush gets darker as she stammers. "Y-You listened to our conversation?!"

"Sayori. Accidentally."

"Hey! You listened too!"

"You dragged me into it!"

"Hey, hold on!" I say, stopping the two from bickering. "What's actually is going on?"

Sayori turns and chuckles awkwardly. "Maybe we should tell them the full story." Natsuki seemed to consider this and nods.

"It was after I came home to the mall that one day."

Sayori smiles once she gets in the house, knowing she's safe. She just brought a brand new phone from the mall, exactly like her old one.

Haru just sold her old one, which sucked since she liked that one. It also sucked because she's almost a thousand dollars in debt thanks from him selling it.

She stares at her phone, smiling sadly. The things she does for that man.

She puts the phone in her pocket and looks around the house. It seemed too quiet and lonely. She is pretty sure that Monika and Yuri should be here.

Instead, she found nothing.

Sayori frowns, knowing that they are here. She races upstairs, trying to find the two.

Mine's..no

Natsuki's... not there

Yuri's... nope

Monika's-

Sayori freezes when she sees the light on in Monika's bedroom. The two light voices ringed into the small hallway. Yuri's was filled with worry while Monika's was full of reassurance.

Sayori frowns knowing that it was a serious conversation. She hopes that they are okay. She only wants the best for her friends.

She was about to walk to her own room before Monika says something she'd probably didn't want to hear.

"I...um... bought plane tickets already."

"Oh. When are you suppose to leave?"

"In two weeks."

Sayori mutes her gasp, turning back towards the room.

Monika's leaving..?

Is it because of me?

She couldn't breathe, nevertheless move. It felt like her whole world grounded to a halt. She wouldn't know what do with herself without Moni. She would've died if wasn't here.

And now she's leaving. The truth echoed into her very core.

"Monika, isn't that too late of a time?" Yuri starts again suddenly, snapping Sayori out of her thoughts.

"It's the earliest in my budget," Monika says calmly.

"I could easily-"

"No. I promised myself to not take other people's money. This trip is my responsibility."

This trip is her... responsibility? And why Yuri's not against it? This whole conversation is making her head hurt. Nevertheless, the conversation goes on.

"But-"

"No 'buts' Yuri."

Sayori hears Yuri sighs deeply.

"Very well." Yuri's voice is close to tears at this point. Sayori fights the urge to go comfort her. "Anyway, when do you plan on telling them?"

"I don't know... I want it to be as soon as possible. But still, I want the other stuff to sink in first."

She's talking about the...deaths. Sayori could her feel her mood spoil more thinking about them.

She backs into the wall, trying to not turn into a crying heap. She knows that all of this is caused by one person. The person she's working for. The person she loves and yet wants to curse his name over and over.

It's her fault.

Her own fault.

She deserves to die.

"Sayo-"

She looks up to see Natsuki looking worriedly at her. Her breath hitch as she thinks of a solution. Suddenly she grabs Natsuki and ran towards her room, locking the door swiftly.

"Sayori what-" She takes one look at Sayori and her angry demeanor vanishes. A frown appears on her face. "What's going on?"

Sayori turns to Natsuki, trying to keep a smile on her face. It crumbles and eventually, she does too.

Silent sobs racked her body as sinks. The happy reality she wanted in her mind couldn't fathom this news.

She didn't even realize that someone else was there until they pulled her into a hug.

"E-Even if I don't know what's going on. Just know that I'm with you too." Sayori could hear Natsuki's hesitation in her voice. And yet, she still bothered to calm her. "Even if I don't act like it, I-I care for you dummies."

"Natsuki..."

"Shush. Don't talk if you don't feel like it."

Sayori nods slowly, feeling another wave of sobs ready to spill any moment.

Even with her heart filled with grief, she still felt happy that she had great friends.

"So you're saying that Monika's going far away?"

Sayori nods.

"And that he has something to do with it?"

Sayori nods again.

"Do you know when she's coming back?" Natsuki's voice hints of anger and sadness, breaking Sayori's heart.

Seeing the look on her face as she shakes her head no pains her even more.

"Damn. That sucks."

Sayori wordlessly gets up and unlocks the door, surprising Natsuki.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not going to mope around and wait for her to leave! I'm going to make these weeks the greatest!"

She meant it with all of her heart.

Natsuki sat shocked for awhile before smirking. "Mind if I help?"

"Nope!"

Wiping their tears, the two skipped over to Monika's room, knocking on the door. Monika answered eventually, pale for some reason.

"Moni! Yuri! You're invited to our first annual family outing!"

"I know last week wasn't the 'greatest' week that we had, but it was fun, wasn't it? All I wanted was to spend fun times with you." Sayori looks up at me teary-eyed. Her voice broke a long time ago, but she still wore a genuine smile.

"Now that I did... I won't be that sad if you go. I have Natsuki and Yuri anyways! I'm sure that they'll take good care of me." She gestured to the two who quickly get flustered. Sayori laughs lightly, turning towards me again.

"What I'm saying is we'll be okay right here. It's not like we'll going to lose contact anyways! We can still call and text each other..." She clasps her hands, trying to keep her sobs to herself. Still, large tears spilled over, bouncing off her flushed cheeks. Her sad smile kept its place.

"Just come home soon, okay?"

Then it hits me. I won't be able to see Sayori's smiles again. Or Natsuki's flustered retorts. Or Yuri's nervous laughter. It never occurred to me that it will hurt so much to part from those little details.

Details flood me by storm. The way Sayori's eyes shines the emotion she's feeling. The intensity of Yuri blush when she hides it with a book or her hair. The tune Natsuki hums when she thinks nobody's listening.

It never occurred to me how much I'll miss them.

Are they thinking the same thing right now? Will they miss the weird details about me?

As I gazed at their faces, I immediately knew the answer.

"I promise."

Sayori's smile grew wider, her eyes sparkling. She sobs again, this time because of happiness. "M-Moni..."

"Run. She'll hold you on that forever," Natsuki chuckles.

"Natsuki! It's not the time," Yuri hushes.

Sayori giggles. "Guys It's alright!"

"You're still crying, this is unacceptable." I sigh under my breath before revealing a small smile. "Let's cheer you up with some frozen yogurt!"

Sayori grins. "Really?"

"It's on me."

And together, we explored the town one last time.

"May I go to the bathroom?" I say, raising my hand. The teacher only nods before going on with his lecture. I hurried out of the classroom and broke.

The first year of high school has been hell. It's just like the school back in Florida. Test grades and expectations breathing down my back. Judgemental girls and jockey boys fill the hallway. It seems there's nobody here that doesn't expect nothing out of me.

I don't blame them, though. I am the most popular girl in school.

It wasn't like I wanted to be the most popular. It started with the expectations Mother gave me. And then the debate club. It's gotten to the point that I cannot take off my mask at all at school. It's exhausting acting on top of things. I just want to be free.

Nobody understands that but Auntie, and now she's gone.

When my anxiety gets really bad, I usually just break in the bathroom. The farthest one from the lunch room where nobody goes to, of course. I thought about taking anxiety pills to keep this in control, but the truth is I'm scared.

I'm scared of what other people think. What other people will say. I'm scared for my popularity to topple, even though I don't care for it much.

I'm scared for people to leave me.

I'm scared for almost everything people can do. It's amazing how much authority people minds have over me. If they push far enough, I might even kill myself.

I shake the thought out of my head, slowly coming out of the bathroom stall. It's irrational to think these things and yet I still do. Is it the loneliness inside of me or the longing to be free? I don't know myself enough to answer that. Thankfully, I don't have time to, anyway.

I splash some water on my face, washing off my tears. Smiling, I examined myself to see if I had any evidence of my break down. As per usual, I didn't.

I slipped out of the bathroom silently, walking to my class. I've might miss a subject or two in my current class but that didn't matter. I could always just cram everything when I get home-

"Heyyyooo!"

I turned to see a coral haired girl with a small red bow waving at me. She had bright blue eyes and small plump cheeks. Her blazer was strangely unbuttoned, showing the rest of her uniform. She smiles at me when she sees she has my attention.

I faintly remember this girl from my calculus class this year. It was hard to tell since she sits in the fair back, often sleeping during lectures.

"Hey Monika," she says when she catches up to me.

"Sayori, right?"

She nods. "I recognized you from my calculus class so I just had to say hi! Where are you going?"

"Oh, I'm just going back to my English class. Where you're heading?"

"To science," she says, pouting. "It's so boring there! We don't even do fun sciencey stuff anymore."

I giggle lightly. "Now that I think about it, science is quite dull... Just listening to the teacher talk is enough to put anyone to sleep."

Sayori laughs with me. "And my parents wonder why my grades are so low!"

We talked until we have to part ways, vowing to see each other in Calculus after the next couple periods. When she skipped away, I cautiously put a hand next to my cheek. It flushed a light red from laughing too much.

Something in me says she's different than my others. Could she be my first true friend?

Ultimately, even the thought of a real friend made me grin.

I woke up groggily, rubbing my eyes. The faint, soft, light of the sun was peaking slowly through the window. I stretched, yawning quietly before my scanning the room. The other girls were also there. We probably read together until we passed out. Natsuki was sleeping near the closet while Sayori was on the bed. Yuri was nowhere to be found.

I didn't worry much, thinking she was in the bathroom. However, when I went downstairs to get a drink, she was downstairs. She was wearing her gym clothes, a purple tracksuit with a white stripe. When she sees me, she smiles, pointing to the door.

"Want to go on a run?"

I held my breath to not exclaim a loud squeal. "Really?"

"It's your final full day, isn't it?"

I grinned, nodding. My drowsiness vanishes completely. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Yuri and I ran the usual mile, however, instead of going back home, we sat on a nearby bench to regain our breaths.

"It's...haa...great to be back out here," Yuri says facing the sky. "It's amazing how much I missed this."

"It's what's three weeks of not working out does to you!" I exclaimed, full of energy. We both laugh.

"Say, what are you going to do in Florida, anyway?"

"I dunno. Play some games, plant some flowers, explore the beaches. What interesting places are in Florida, anyway?"

"I heard some theme parks are around there."

"Ooo! If we all go up there we can go to Disney World sometime!" Both of us knew that it was an irrational thought. We currently don't have that much money and with a death threat hanging between us and everyone we know and love there's no way we could go.

It's a nice thought, though.

All of us having fun.

But sometimes when all the laughter dies down and everything's quiet I can't shake the feeling of being guilty.

That my friends are going to be sad without me.

That Haru is targeting them just for me.

That I rebelled against everything I was raised with.

Deep down, I'm still that insecure child from six four two years ago.

Is that why I was so against love in the first place? Because I was taught it was an addicting drug that you can't pull away from? In a way it was true but, in my sixteen years in living, I've never felt happier with it! To part from it makes me sad, it makes me feel guilty.

I finally know why.

I finally know why..!

Keeping my thoughts to myself, I looked over to Yuri, who was looking at the sky. It was the time of day for the sunrise, wasn't it? The clouds look sad.

They're sad, just like two years ago.

Without a warning, a droplet falls on the bench. Then another and another, until suddenly, a downpour begins. Yuri and I still stared at the sky. Our hair wet, our clothes soaked, and yet our eyes sparkling.

And while looking at that sunrise, the raindrops, the gray clouds, all of it! While looking at the colorful sky, I remember a past I locked deep inside me. A past I never looked at till now, because that part of my life was I considered over.

A single thought pops into mind, all the others vanishing completely.

I never really had a childhood, didn't I?

Before I knew it, I was spinning in the rain, without a care in a world.

They forced me to be the 'perfect student'.

The laughter that was bubbling inside me for who knows long sparked out of my lips, the sound cheerful and light.

They never let me have the type of friends I wanted to have.

Eventually, tears came down. Teenager's me pent out frustration and loneliness burst out into a period of sobs I couldn't control.

They never let me play games, or watch movies, or love them.

Yet I still laugh and smile because for the first time I realized for the first time that I could still make up for lost time.

Jobs and scholarships and work piled upon work depended on my time.

For the first time, I realized that my childhood wasn't out of my reach just yet. I just need to keep going.

All this time I was thinking how I needed to be independent and strong, Even with the girls, I needed to cast out things like guilt or anxiety because adults don't think those things. But I'm not an adult!

For the first time, I realized I never danced in the rain before.

"FUCK YOU MOTHER! FUCK YOU FATHER!" I stared at the sky, hoping that they can hear me. Laughter, tears, and overwhelming emotion danced as sparks in my eyes.

"FUCK WORK! FUCK SCHOLARSHIPS! FUCK JOBS! FUCK IT ALL! SEPTEMBER 22 2001 WAS THE DAY I WAS BORN. I'M SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. I'M GOING TO BE A TEENAGER AND NOBODY IS GOING TO STOP ME!"

I pant heavily, leaning on my knees. It's exhausting to yell but god knows I needed this.

"haaa...haaa...Sunrises...are awesome."

Yuri giggles from her spot from the bench. I realized that she was watching this whole thing and... I even didn't care.

I'm going to make the most out of my childhood, right here right now! Florida's not going to stop me! Haru's not going to stop me! Not even my parents will stop me!

I stood up finally, filled with confidence. The same confidence I had three weeks ago but I don't intend to lose it.

"I'm going to another run," I say. Yuri laughs quietly at my enthusiasm, getting up from her spot from the bench. "Don't leave without me!"

We ran faster and worked harder, moving along the beat-up dirt trail. Laughter sprung out of my lips once again and Yuri's small determined smile accompanied it. The downpour only got more powerful, making the dirt trail muddy. I didn't care.

In the end, I slipped. Mud got all over my gym clothes, the cold muddy sensation making me shiver. I knew I've should be ashamed for dirting my clothes, but I didn't care.

I've longed to do this stuff for the longest time.

Yuri holds up a hand to help me up after regaining her breath for a while. I stared for it before grabbing it and pulling her down with me.

She laughs, brushing her hair back. "Monika you're so immature!"

"That's the point!"

We laughed some more before regaining our breath for the third time today. However, eventually, the laughter died down, leaving us with calming silence.

We embraced the silence before Yuri cuts it. Her voice a gentler tone from the laughing, smiling one.

"Are your parents still...talking to you?" I stared at her, surprised for her to just bring that up casually. Normally we don't bring up my parents a lot. I usually just shut off or avoid the topic anyway.

Keep yourself in check Monika. Nobody could see what you truly feel. Nobody could see what you truly have to say. That will only break the illusion.

Do you understand, my little girl?

Those are not your friends, Monika. Their poor, dumb, deceitful peasants! Look at how they act! Pitiful!

Now let's go to L̴̨͔͕͙̥͂̑͒̃̆͌͌̓̆̕͝͝ï̸̧̜̝̦̠̣͙̣̳̈́̓͐͆̋͊͑̊̐̏́͊ȩ̵̩̘̰̝̲̖̼͊̓̄̆̊̏̋͋͘̚̚̕͜r̵̟͉̯̮͙̈́͒̍̋͝'s house! He's a much better fit for you!

Breaks are not given when you're a doctor Honey! Now go back into your room and study!

I hiss while unforgettable memories made themselves known once again. A whirlwind of memories to make my stomach hurl. And yet, I answer her.

"Not anymore. I've deleted their contacts and everything after..."

Yuri solemnly nods already knowing what I was about to say.

"I still feel like their controlling my life somehow. After all, it's hard getting rid of fifteen years of tradition."

"I-I think I know what you mean," Yuri says, sighing.

"Imagine straying from fifteen years of cutting. Or fighting from fifteen years of depression. Or get used to being safe from fifteen years of abuse. It hurts, and you want to go back on solely because it was the 'norm'. It was the only thing you knew won't go away. And when's that's absent you feel like the whole world has been flipped upside down."

She looks at the sky, holding up a palm to catch the raindrops in. "Everything except your heart is pleading to crawl back to it, But don't listen to those. Your heart knows you the most." She smiles, emitting a chuckle. "From this morning I see that you listen to your heart indefinitely."

I smile. "Thanks, Yur-"

Some thunder cuts me off, booming off in the distance. "I think we should go."

Yuri nods, lifting herself up. "If we stay outside any longer we might get sick."

"Oh really?" I say, lifting myself too. "Then we probably get a full on cold when we get home. It's almost a mile away~"

"Don't remind me."

I laugh as we walk home together.