The grip of my hand on her shoulder tightened as her sobs increased in volume and quantity. She was gasping for breath as she cried and her cheeks were stained with tears.
"Amu, calm down. Amu!"
Her bangs shook as she lifted her head; her red eyes meeting mine. She was biting her lip with so much pressure it was turning slightly white. I could tell that that small action was what was keeping her from sobbing out again. What pained me the most was her eyes. They were filled with pain – deep, aching pain.
"Listen to me for a moment. I am not going to ask you what happened, not just yet, okay? I'm just going to clean your bullet wound – it's pretty nasty."
I looked to her eyes to see if she heard me or if there was any sort of acknowledgement. When I detected nothing, I sighed and got up. I ran upstairs as fast as I could and made haste to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit. Just as I was proceeding to go back down, my gaze drifted and met up with Noelle's eyes. She seemed to slightly understand the situation before either of us could even mutter a single word.
"Is she going to be okay?"
"Yeah. Don't come down no matter what, okay?"
Her eyes traveled from mine to the staircase railing before coming back up to meet mine.
"Okay," she said turning around and disappearing back into her room.
I waited until she had completely vanished into the shadows of her room and the white door had emitted a 'click' sound before rushing back down. When I got down, Amu was holding herself by the elbows and rocking herself back and forth slowly, tears still strolling down her cheek. I set the first aid kit right down in front of her, showing her without words what I was planning to do. But she didn't take notice; her eyes were staring off at space. As if she was watching a movie only she could see.
"Amu, can you take off your jacket?"
She didn't respond, but instead shifted her eyes to me and stared at me as though I was a stranger. She looked down to her lap and then slowly took off her jacket until she revealed a black tank top. I poured the disinfectant onto a small cotton napkin and slowly moved it to her wound. The minute the napkin made contact with her skin she screamed and began fighting me. She pushed at me, trying to make me release the napkin. When that didn't work, she began punching and kicking at me.
"Stop it!"
"You're arm is going to get infected," I reasoned, still avoiding her futile efforts at punching and kicking me.
"Let me die!" she wailed. "Just make all the pain go away Ikuto. Please make it all go away."
She collapsed onto the floor right in front of me, pulling me down with her and cried onto my chest. I held her there with one hand and with my other I continued disinfecting the bullet wound until it was completely clean.
"I'm here. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay," I soothed.
By now her wailing had reduced to sniffling, and I was wrapping the wound up. When I was finished, I grabbed the box and place it back in the upstairs bathroom. Afterwards, I walked into her room and began looking for a fresh pair of clothes. The ones she was currently wearing were stained with blood. I opened her closet and pulled out a white t-shirt and gray baggy sweats. It was just as I was closing the doors that my eyes immediately locked on a familiar piece of clothing – a leather jacket. My leather jacket. For a moment I just stood there and stared at the jacket before deciding on a selfish impulse to take it out. When I made sure I had everything, I went back downstairs.
I placed the clothing right in front of her.
"Change into these."
"Don't leave me…"
My heart beat in my chest with a loud thud at those words. But I tossed the feeling aside and focused back on what I was supposed to be doing.
"I'm just going to be in the kitchen okay?"
She nodded her head slowly and just as I was entering the kitchen she began undressing. In the kitchen, I began getting out all the necessary ingredients needed for a cup of hot chocolate.
x
By the time the two cups were done, Amu had already finished dressing. Her clothes were stacked in a small, somewhat neat pile under the table. She also had on the leather jacket.
"Drink it," I ordered. "It'll calm you down."
Obeying, Amu took a couple sips of it before just holding the warm mug in her hands.
"Okay Amu, I want you to tell me what happened."
Much like a child, she looked at me as though she was just learning how to speak and needed guidance.
"I was on a negotiation case," she whispered.
Immediately I felt a small kettle of anger boiling up inside of me. I had told Tsukasa not to give her case countless times after Ami had gotten into an accident. And what does he do – give her a case.
"I wasn't alone, Kain was with me, but that didn't matter. I felt like I was the only one who could do this case…it was two girls –K-karyn and Anju.-
When a couple tears slivered down her face, she took a quick sip of the hot chocolate.
"They were just like me and Ami…same situation as the three of us too. Except this time I was negotiator. They had hostages. They didn't mean to, but they did. The situation changed drastically when one of the hostages ended become the bad guy. He had the gun and he was the leader at this point. I had snuck into the building by now. Soon it came to the point where he was going to harm Anju…so I shot him. We came to escape but then he shot me back. Karyn grabbed my gun and shot him right in the shoulder for me."
She clasped her fingers around the mug tighter, the steam floating up and evaporating into the air right as it hit her chin.
"S-she s-said that she wanted a better…h-happier future. I told her she and her sister could come with me. We went outside and the light from the sunset blinded me for just a moment and…and…a-and
Her crying started again. The tears slivered down her cheek, collected at her chin and dropped into the drink.
Not able to help myself, I leaned in a bit closer and wiped her freshly sprung tears away.
"Go on," I whispered soothingly.
It was a selfish thing for me to make her re-live a traumatic event that had just happened a little over forty-five minutes ago. But I had to know. I needed to know.
"E-earlier I had asked the chief police to have all the cops keep their weapons sheathed…but when I got out…even through the sunlight I saw someone from the crowd of police shoot. It missed, but it made everyone else shoot. And the bullets hit them."
Without a seconds delay, I pulled Amu into my chest and let her cry. Even if she wasn't crying at the moment, I knew she would. She placed her cup down right next to her and clung onto my shirt.
How much would she have to go through before someone said it was enough? How much pain can person endure through in their lifetime?
We stayed like that for a while; I just waited until she released everything. Soon, she began to calm down again. Her head was just resting on my chest, her breathing slow and deep. But she wasn't asleep, I knew she wasn't.
"It's not your fault," I whispered.
"It is."
"You didn't kill them. You had nothing to do with anything. If anything it's the chief's fault for not maintaining orders."
Amu didn't answer, but she just rested her head on my chest until she fell asleep.
x
Amu POV
When my eyes slowly opened and met the ceiling, I groaned. I didn't want to wake up at all. I just stared at the ceiling, until the waft of coffee hit my nose. I got up, noticing for the first time I wasn't in my room. I was on the couch in the living room surrounded by a swarm of blankets and pillows.
Frowning, I tried to remember what exactly had happened last night. I remembered everything up to when I got back home and everything afterwards was blank.
My feet dragged me to the kitchen where I saw Ikuto and Noelle standing over the stove.
What was Ikuto doing here?
Neither one of them noticed me as I trudged over to the table, drew back the chair and took a seat – resting my head on my hand. Neither one of them noticed me until Noelle turned around to get something. Her brown eyes locked onto to mine, and she ran towards me. As she did however, she stopped, turned to look at Ikuto, who was still facing the stove and walked towards me.
"Good morning Amu!"
"Good Morning Noelle."
"Ikuto, she's awake."
"I heard."
He turned, wearing a soft, pleasant smile on his face. In his hands was a mixing a bowl.
"Noelle, get the chocolate chips."
"Okay."
She turned away from me and ran to the freezer where the chocolate chips were currently being stored.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine. I just don't remember getting onto the couch last night."
"Oh really?" he asked in an amused voice, a single brow arched up.
"Yeah…"
Noelle returned with the package of chocolate delights and the two of them set to work. Before long the aroma of food had filled the kitchen. When they were done, the table was filled with chocolate chip pancakes. She munched down on the food, savoring every bite, while he washed the dishes.
"Okay, you two, I need to go to work."
Noelle immediately jumped out of her seat, and enveloped him into a hug. Just as I was about to stand up, Ikuto motioned me down with his hand and walked towards me.
"Take care of yourself while I'm gone, okay?"
"Yeah."
He smirked and ruffled my head.
"Don't look so upset, I'll be back to see you guys in two days."
"Bye," I squeaked meekly, watching his back retreat behind the door.
Looking back at the table, I saw the small girl loading another pancake onto her plate. She looked up at me and met my eyes, a small tint of pink coloring her cheeks.
"Want some?"
"I'll pass; I'm not really that hungry."
"Are you sure?"
"Hmm? Yeah, I'm just going to head upstairs and lie down."
I pushed away from the table, gathered my favorite blanket and pillow, and headed upstairs.
Noelle POV
I finished the pancake I had grabbed, ate it all, and put the dish in the sink. I grabbed a chair, dragged it to the counter to use as a stool. I grabbed a napkin, dragged the chair back to the table, and placed the napkin on top of Amu's pancakes. After that, I went into the living room to draw.
-A Couple Hours Later-
I closed my drawing notebook, and ran upstairs to put away all my coloring things. I didn't want them to get ruined. After I put everything away, I headed into Amu's room. Forgetting to knock, I opened the door and walked inside. She was asleep. I was going to leave when she started to say some things. Frowning, I turned around again and just watched her talk to herself. I started to leave again when she screamed softly.
Was she having a nightmare?
I stood closer to her bed and shook her shoulder. When she didn't wake up, I shook it harder. She whispered something to herself and then woke up.
"Noelle, what are you doing here?"
"You had a nightmare."
She took a deep breath before getting out of the bed and walking downstairs. I picked up the pillow she had dropped and followed her downstairs. When I was finally down to the living room, I saw Amu standing in the kitchen.
There were tears on her face and she was holding a knife, pointing it in her direction. A small noise came and she frowned looking down at her stomach. That's when I remember that she hadn't eaten anything. The knife suddenly fell from her hands and she collapsed onto the floor. I ran out of the room and picked up the card that had Ikuto's number.
Ikuto POV
This was definitely crossing the line. Amu was just unstable at the moment. According to Noelle she hadn't even eaten since the last time I saw her – which was a couple hours ago. I pressed my foot harder on the accelerator, needing to get to Amu's house as soon as possible. Not that I didn't trust Noelle, but she's five. Five year olds have no idea how to handle a situation as complex as this.
When I got to her house, I jumped out of the car and ran to the door. Without thinking, I grabbed the doorknob and twisted it open. When the door actually opened, I frowned. Why was the door unlocked? I stepped inside to hear little footsteps running around. Getting passed the door, I caught a glimpse of Noelle running around with blankets and pillows. With a small smile, I headed into the kitchen.
My breath caught in my throat; Amu was lying on the kitchen floor. Blankets were stuffed under her and over her, and pillows were surrounding her like a fortress. For a moment my mind flashed back to Noelle grabbing more blankets and pillows, but then my eye fastened on the knife that was still lying a couple inches away from her.
I bent down and picked up the cool material. On its blade there was the reflection of Amu. I placed the knife on the counter and then kneeled down beside Amu. I gently eased her head onto my arm, and then moved her legs onto my arm and lifted her up; her head resting on my shoulder.
I carried her bridal style upstairs, where I saw Noelle scurrying around – her hands filled with more pillows than necessary.
"Ikuto!" she exclaimed, dropping several of her items. "Amu, she-
"It's fine. Noelle, go grab a suitcase and put whatever you need in there."
Her vulnerable eyes widened slightly; her bottom lip trembled.
"I'm sorry. I'll be a good girl now! Can I stay?"
"You can't. At least not now; when I come back I want your clothes and other things you think you'll need in a suitcase waiting downstairs."
Without a response, she dropped the things on the floor and slowly walked into her room. Sighing, I took Amu into her room and placed her on the bed. I tucked her in, gave her one last lingering look and then headed downstairs. The first thing I did was call Kukai.
"What do you want Ikuto?" answered Kukai in a light tone.
"I have a favor to ask of you."
"Yes?"
"Well…before I get to that is Utau there?"
There was a mumble over the phone and background noises which I could not identify.
"Hello?" asked Utau.
"Utau, do you think you could camp out at Kukai's house for a while?"
"Huh? Why? Is everything alright?"
"Everything is fine, so can you?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Okay, I'll come in around a half hour to drop of Noelle. She's going to be staying with the two of you for a while."
"What? Why? Amu's her guardi…oh God. What happened to Amu?"
"She's okay right now-
"Right now? Ikuto you have to bring her over."
"I can't, but I'll explain everything when I get there with Noelle."
Utau released an exasperated breath before mumbling a quiet 'Okay'.
I hung up the phone in time to see Noelle descending the stairs with her suitcase. Her eyes were dark; I felt like the worst person alive to separate her from her only family at this point.
"Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah."
At Kukai's House
I pulled her things out of the trunk and walked it up the driveway. I rang the doorbell, and the two of us waited for Kukai to answer the door. Instead, we were greeted by Utau who had on a cheery smile.
"Why hello there, you two."
"Hey."
Noelle didn't even look up; her gaze remained fixated on the floor.
Utau bent down and just looked from me with a frown to a soft expression for Noelle.
"Who is this lovely angel standing right in front of me? Hmm?"
Noelle slowly inclined her head to show her tear-stained face. Utau immediately wrapped her arms around Noelle's small body and lifted her up; soothing the sobbing five year old as we headed inside. Kukai came out from the kitchen with happy smile and some cookies in his hand to see Utau taking Noelle upstairs.
"You're horrible Ikuto," mumbled Kukai coming towards me.
"I had to."
"You had to make a five year old cry…what a monster. Here, have a cookie."
I grabbed the smallest cookie and took a bite from it. As Kukai led me to the couch, Utau descended from the stairs; her arms crossed over her chest. She sat across from me and next to Kukai.
"I want an explanation Ikuto, starting from what happened to Amu."
"She is currently passed out."
Utau's violet eyes widened, and before she could say anything I continued.
"Now I'll start from the beginning. Yesterday, she had a case with Kain about two girls in the same situation she was in years ago with Ami. It was natural for her to feel an obligation to the case. After she heads in to the building, in short, she finds the girls and this man who's holding a gun at them. Amu shoots the guy, and they plan to escape but the man shoots her in the shoulder. The oldest of the girls…Karen, shoots the man back as payback. According to what I found out from Amu, she had promised the girls a new beginning. She was going to help them, like I had helped her and Ami years ago-
"You're the negotiator from eleven years ago?" exclaimed Utau standing up.
"Yeah."
"Does she know? Amu's been looking for yo-
"It's fine Utau. Amu found out in Paris and the two had sort of a meltdown in the middle of the night in the hotel afterwards," said Kukai with a hint of amusement.
"You knew?" she asked raising a brow.
"Yeah…"
"After all this, you are giving me the details."
"Yes ma'am."
"Continue," she said looking back at me.
"Um…before she had entered the building she had told the head of the police crew there to have all his officers put their guns away. But when she and the girls went outside and gunshot erupted and countless others followed. The girls died in front of her."
"Oh my god."
"I was babysitting Noelle at the time when she came home. She was covered in blood and was severely traumatized. This morning, I left her thinking she was okay. But I got a call from Noelle sometime in the afternoon frantically explaining that Amu had been holding knife to herself before passing out – she hadn't eaten all day."
"Amu…" whispered Utau to herself.
"Is that why you brought Noelle, because Amu can hardly take care of herself?" questioned Kukai.
"Yeah."
"And who's watching her?" asked Utau.
"I am."
Author's Note
Hi Everyone (: So we all – I hope – have a Thanksgiving break. With this one week break, I want to see if I can at least get 3-4 chapters out. However, knowing me, I'll probably make it to 2-3. But I'm staying optimistic about it. Oh, chapters will be updated regularly this week, so check regularly.
Thank you to all my reviewers. I love you!
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Okay another thing I wanted to say was, I got a lot of reviews and messages saying what happened in the last chapter was pretty confusing. I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean for it to be confusing, but I also didn't want to give away what exactly happened. My explanation is probably also confusing TT . TT Anyways, I hope this chapter cleared some things up.
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