A/N: Morning, as usual! New chapter, longer and with more feels than the usual. I guess? I wanted to give some more drama to the story and that's what you get. Not too dark, it's getting brighter, I'd say. So, I'll stop boring you with my chattering and announce once again I don't own anything beside the plot and the few made up characters. Thank you a lot for sticking up with me and I hope you'll enjoy this! Please don't forget to review, follow, favourite.
On with the mess...
Chapter 12 - Inside Look
Halfway out of the usually quiet mansion, Edward froze with his automail foot hung in mid-air. A shallow layer of fresh snow adorned his bare feet and it was so cold... so cold... he felt his right arm being touched, the many screws that connected his shoulder to his arm tingling slightly at the subtle weight that urged him to stop, to just stay there rooted on the spot. It was so contradictory, how could a metal limb feel coldness or warmth... was it normal to feel with an object? His mind was slowly drifting, that was for sure, imagining things that were impossible.
The sensation lingered even after the brief pulling force disappeared. Roy let go of the finger he managed to grab in his haste to keep Ed close to him. Coldly, the boy got a grip on his emotions and talked like reciting a much hated poem, "What did you say?"
"That- urgh, no matter," Roy sighed and gave up, by far faster than he initially intended. He was tired, that was that. He turned his back to the door and lifted his right foot for a steady march to the living room. He jumped when something frozen touched his arm shyly.
"Argh, what the- uh? Edward? Hey, don't look like you want to kill me... at least not in front of the door, it's hard to clean the carpet...," Roy bubbled like the embarrassed teenager he has always wished he could have been when the time still allowed him. Well, at least he had the chance now. When it definitely wasn't the time for that.
Edward yanked his arm and forced the much taller officer to look into his eyes. Those inhumanly focused orbs where suddenly so down to earth, so impure, so confused. They were... mesmerising. Yes, his eyes were downright beautiful. Roy knew he would melt if he kept on watching so intently, but he couldn't help it, really. And he truly didn't give a single damn.
However, Ed broke their addictive stare. With a look of pure hatred, venom poured out of his down curved mouth, "You could say whatever you want, but we both now you don't mean it. So spare me the bullshit, Mustang. Yes?" With that, Ed jumped in his boots, which he found by chance next to the door and descended the two steps that led him to the outer world, away from that damned place he used to consider home.
Roy, only in his socks, sprung though the door and replied in the same range, "Are you fucking kidding me? Who the hell would stay like an idiot for so long to see if you are okay?"
Ed turned and retorted, "And who the fuck put me into that state? Who, Roy?"
"I did my best to prevent it!"
"And you've done some fine job with that, you really have!" Ed resumed his walking, almost running to the generous front garden's exit. Roy chased after him. "ED! EDWARD! WAIT! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU! EDWARD!"
"FUCK YOU, BASTARD! YOU'RE FULL OF BULLSHIT! STOP PLAYING WITH MY HEAD!" he raged and ran as fast as his feet and condition permitted. He was in no shape to run in that cold, especially with his closing wounds, but damn logic, damn health – he desperately needed out.
Roy dropped to his feet, all the positive energy he has woken up with completely gone. What has he done this time? Why was everyone leaving him when he opened, showed his true self? He knew he shouldn't have told Edward about him. He knew it. It was another mistake. Edward wasn't Maes Hughes, who supported him due to his friendship and similar values, he wasn't Riza Hawkeye or his team, who devoted to his cause driven by their loyalty, he wasn't Olivier Armstrong, who needed him as much as he needed her. Edward, unlike those he mentioned, didn't have a reason to stay by his side.
And that hurt like being stabbed, being dumped in front of his own house. "Shit, back to square one," he cursed under his breath and thumped on the alleyway with his sodden socks. His toes started to hurt from the cold and the melted ice started to freeze back where his feet touched the ground, but all he could do was kick the snow in frustration.
"MISTER MUSTANG!" a loud voice echoed from a faraway balcony. Roy turned and waved at his closest neighbour, who was by no means close to his house. Being in a good neighbourhood had its advantages. At least she was an entertaining presence when he was bored and didn't have any company, and he could see some future fairly good soldiers in her four boys, if they had the lack of mind to join the army. "DID ANYTHING HAPPEN? HEARD YOU SCREAM, BUT DIDN'T GET WHAT! IS EVERYTHING FINE?" she yelled so he could hear her. The noise of the city was covering their voices. In the same register, Roy retorted, "NOTHING, MISSES DRAMPS! EVERYTHING'S FINE, THANK YOU!"
He waved his hand at his neighbour and returned inside, frowning deeply.
It was a lost battle, to put it simply. Just like that, because Edward deemed it proper to wake up on the wrong side of his bed. Yes, his bed, damn it, it was now his very own bed, only for him, cold like always, he mused to himself, fuming even harder.
'Argh, now what the hell am I supposed to do?!' Now he needed a plan for at least apologising. If that helped with anything at all.
He hated leaving things unfinished.
XXXXX
Edward slowed down and looked around him. He faintly remembered the street where he currently was... it wasn't a route he usually took to the hotel where he always stayed, but it was the fastest way. He entered the hotel like he owned the place and, after nodding a salute to the receptionist, he headed for his usual room. With a thump, he closed the door and jumped on the small bed, his hands covering his face. Strained sobs escaped between his clenched fingers, tears falling into overflowing tears.
"Damn it... damn it... damn it!" he repeated again and again, like a prayer. His words faded in the pillow he muffled his mouth with, succumbing into the dulling silence that surrounded him like a heavy blanket. "ARGH!" he threw the pillow away and stood up. He rushed to the bathroom and washed his face. The coldness started to catch up with him, and he was drenched in melting snow. Water dripped from his shirt, a small pool formed around his feet.
He looked in the mirror to find a yellowish face with messy hair falling into the lowered eyes. Plainly, he looked like shit. He felt like it. "Ah, I'm so stupid...," he told himself. How he wanted to say 'So do I', that he loved Roy back... but he was sure the man didn't mean it. It was the best phrase to make him stay. Roy had to be that low. Yes, that was it.
'No, he is not,' Ed reminded himself. Maybe Roy's words were true and depicted his feelings, but it was too late. The short-lived, hard to be called 'relationship' has ended, and it was for the best. Roy was older and had to protect a certain reputation, more to say about a certain position he held in the military. And him, he was a disoriented young adult who didn't know what to do with his life. No reason to stay.
'Who am I fooling? I wanted it to continue... I can't hate him for what he is... never could... I'm a terrible person,' he thought grimly. 'I'm way worse than him,' he concluded and sunk in the hot water in the bathtub, fully clothed as he was.
XXXXX
Roy fetched a bottle of scotch and brought it to the living room. He purred himself some strong coffee from the kettle and mixed a small amount of it with the liquor. It tasted horribly, the coffee too strong and the alcohol forgotten opened for too long, but it didn't matter. It was something that could cloud his mind, and that was all that counted as useful at the moment.
It was the third night spent in the very same way since his pseudo break up. It was not quite a separation, but neither a departure in good terms. He didn't know how to look at it – his feelings, which he considered genuine, were not reciprocated, or maybe he had managed to scare the hell out of Edward. Perhaps both, or perhaps only one of them? None of them? Whatever it was, he wanted to know. He hungered for a reason why he was left in that state. He wanted to know why there was a person who didn't fall for his charms. It was against nature.
He nodded to the half empty bottle. "It's going to be a long night for the two of us, pal. Brace yourself."
XXXXX
Riza woke up, just as usual, at half past six in the morning and arrived at Roy's place at seven. She couldn't comprehend why people thought that she was a morning person, when she clearly wasn't. On her few days off, she easily slept until noon, but when duty called, she could go for days with just scarce moments allocated to sleeping.
She opened the car's door but it was immediately slammed back in its place. The seat next to her was soon occupied by a fresh smelling Roy, looking like a man with a mission.
"Good morning, Lieutenant!" he said with an uncharacteristically excited demeanour given the hour. Taken aback by her superior's mood, she responded to the salute and drove quietly to the headquarters.
At work, Roy was once again in surprisingly high spirits. He worked fast and well and didn't even comment on the copious amount of paperwork Riza had piled up just for him. It was as eerie as it could get.
Hawkeye provided him with coffee which he gladly accepted, and took a less than twenty minutes break for his lunch, which was extremely short, not even a quarter of what was usual for him. He even stayed overtime, another strange occurrence. She simply studied the smoothness of the act she knew was just a disguise for a well hidden condition. 'What are you trying to pull off, Roy? What is it this time?' she asked herself.
"Lieutenant, as the work has become rather erratic, I've been thinking that we all could take a break. You all deserve it, you've earned it after everything we've been through. I will announce the others as well, and I will let Major Armstrong in charge. I don't suspect there will be too much action for the future week or even weeks, mm?"
Roy patted her shoulder and left the office, leaving Riza a bit disappointed. All this nonsense for a little vacation?
'Come on, Roy, you can do better than this,' she thought, but didn't comment on what her superior officer said.
XXXXX
He knocked on the door and patiently waited for the apartment's owner to respond "Yes? Oh, Roy, it's so great you've managed to come!"
"Mistah Roy! You're hewre!" a little girl bubbled happily and Roy ruffled her hair and kissed the top of her head gently. "Good evening, Gracia. Great to see you, Elicia! Here, that's for you, little princess," he said and offered the child a heavily wrapped package. "And that's for the bigger one," he teased and gave her a bottle of high quality red wine she liked to drink in the evening and a box of fine chocolates.
"Ah, still the charmer," Gracia hugged Roy and welcomed him in. Elicia was fumbling with the wrappings and squeaked when she saw the content of the package. A big pink haired fabric doll and lots of sweets fell into her opened arms. She looked like a little twinkling star, shining with happiness. "Twank you, mistah Roy! I love her!" she put the sweets down and ran to Roy to hug him, her new doll safely tucked between her arms.
"I'm glad you like her. Have you thought of a name?" he asked, kneeling to be at the same level as her.
"Err..." She looked at him in deep concentration. "Royaline!" she made joyfully. Roy burst into laughter at the name, which was obviously inspired from his. Well, he was proud that he managed to pick something nice for the little girl he loved so much. She was the little reminder of his best friend, resembling her late father more and more after each passing day.
"Ah, Elicia, are you sure?" Roy spoke seriously. The auburn haired girl pondered it for a second and then answered in the same stoic tone "Yeth, her name is Royaline, because she is as swuper as you!" she finally giggled, still fighting with the consonants in all her mirth.
"Well then, dear Elicia, I'm very happy. But I don't think I have pink hair, though."
"We could make it pink!" she laughed and hugged him again, then ran to her mother to show off her new doll. "Wow, what a beautiful doll Roy has brought you! I'm jealous!"
"Yup! She's nice!" Elicia said with a small, carefully hidden yawn that didn't escape her mother's vigilant eyes. "Ah, Elicia, it's way past your bed time. Let's head to it."
"But, mommy!"
"Eli, listen to your mommy. I will come back during the day and we will catch up with everything you did with your friends. I am really curious about what John and Andrew did with the lizard you've told me about last time I've seen you, and I can't wait to hear about Marie. Oh, and Fanny, I wonder what she's been doing, too!" Roy rationalised with the little girl, who reluctantly agreed to go to sleep, followed to the bedroom by her mother.
Gracia returned a few minutes later. "I'm so sorry, Roy, you know how children are..."
"No problem, she's way too cute to be mad at. Seeing her made my day. And you, naturally," he winked at her, making the woman blush slightly.
"Yes, she's a jewel, now that Ma... argh, pardon my manners, would you like something to drink?" she asked, mentally slapping herself for almost mentioning something painful for both of them. Roy smiled at her and reached for her hand. "How are you holding up, my dear?"
The woman smiled slowly and returned his gaze. "Better, I- It's been some time, anyway, and I know he would hate to see me upset and that's why I'm trying to distract myself. Elicia understood what happened, or so she says, and she has been a great support, though she is still little. I don't know what I would have done without her... I'm so blessed to have her. And you. You, visiting us so frequently helped us more than you can imagine. Thank you so much, Roy."
"No, please don't speak so highly of me. I've always felt great in your company and I would never leave friends behind during hard times." Roy stroked her delicate hands and gave her a reassuring smile.
"Now I see what Maes saw in you, Roy. I'm happy I met you when I did and that you've been my husband's rock for so long. He loved you dearly."
"He's always had my back. There are things that can't be forgotten," he replied heartily and took a cup of tea from the table. Poor Gracia, she's been so absorbed in her grief that she forgot she has already put a teapot on the coffee table.
"So, Roy, tell me, what do you plan to do in the next few weeks? The New Year's Eve it coming, are you spending it with someone?" Gracia asked, taking a sip of her tea, clearly wanting to change the subject as far away from her deceased husband as she could. She loved him even after his premature death, and he was her soul mate forever and irrevocably, but she has had enough of all the pity she has gotten in the past few years. Enough was enough sometimes.
Roy noticed the abrupt change of topic, but he put it in the back of his mind. "I haven't given it too much though, really... I think I will be spending it with everyone I'll find in a pub, for a change. I've never been a sucker for celebrations anyway, you know me. What about you?" Roy put the cup down and looked carefully at the woman.
"I will go to my parents with Elicia. Some friends agreed they'd come with us and, after Elicia goes to sleep, we'll go somewhere. We've always wanted to do that anyway, to celebrate New Year's coming like we used to do during our school years," she replied dreamily. She indeed looked forward to it and Roy was happy that she was moving on. Life had to move on even after a tragedy. Or, at least how Gracia said some time ago, for Elicia's sake and Maes' eternal rest.
"That's nice, I'm glad," he congratulated her decision which, in his opinion, was a good change of pace.
They chatted lightly, the conversation drifting from work to silly memories and then politics. Roy was very fond of Gracia. He was grateful to that woman who brightened Maes' life and brought that little bundle of joy to life. And he was especially thankful that she didn't violate his best friend's memory by going out drinking herself out in grief or hanging out with dubious men. She had the right to happiness, but she had definitely put her daughter first.
Sorrowfully, he remembered Edward. He would have loved going somewhere with him, anywhere, to share more stupid moments they could remember after the years passed. Take pictures and look at them when they'll be old and wrinkled. He was softer than the others thought him to be.
"Actually, Roy, dear Riza called me yesterday to ask how I've been doing. I heard you've been very busy lately," Gracia changed once again the subject, her eyes twinkling with something that could only pass as mischief.
"Oh, yes, lots of work. I plan on taking a few days off to travel a little, I'd like to do something I've never had the chance," he replied stirring the sugar in his second cup of tea. "You know, before the year is over."
"Mm, that's nice. You should take a well-earned break, you fully deserve it. I mean, you've gotten yourself in hospital as a birthday gift, you sure need a vacation. I really can't understand how you can work yourself into exhaustion like that. It's not healthy, you know," she said, scolding a little.
Roy snorted and agreed. He hasn't told her about the accident with his uncle, all she knew was that Roy has had some health problems after an extended period of working abnormally hard, resulting in him having to be hospitalised for a few days to regain his strength.
"About that, how's Edward? He used to visit us from time to time, to see how Elicia grew up and drink tea with me."
Roy nervously poured some milk in his tea and put the cup down. "He's fine, working hard as well."
"I'm glad he's fine. I haven't spoken with him lately. I suppose he has been really busy. Though I thought you two were in better terms, I heard him speaking nicely about you. In his own way, you know, but it was positive talking." Gracia said innocently.
"What makes you think we aren't in good terms right now?" Roy demanded, not so happy with the matter at hand.
"You almost spilled the milk when I asked about him. I know you a little better than you think, especially after hearing about your little gestures and gimmicks."
"Maes, huh?"
"Yes, him, but also, you might find it funny, Edward. That boy looks up to you and respects you from the bottom of his heart." The woman nodded to emphasize her point. Roy looked down and pressed his thin lips hard, turning them white. Why didn't he know about this? Why nobody told him that Edward was regarding him as such?
"And-" she continued "-because Riza told me that she wondered why she hasn't seen him anywhere in the past few days. I had a hunch it had something to do with you, because you two always tried to get on each other's nerves, but the way I see you right now, it's because of something more, am I right?" Gracia smirked. "Come on, Roy-Roy, tell me I'm right."
Roy chuckled and shook his head. "Damned woman, you and your feminine intuition! Am I so easy to read?"
"I haven't known you for as long as my husband or the Lieutenant, but I can tell many things about you just by observing you. You men think you are subtle. You're not."
"Ah, you wound me, Gracia, dear," he said with feigned annoyance.
"Now that we've cleared I'm right, dear Roy, what is it that bothers you so heavily that you talk so nostalgically about our also dear Edward? Hm?" She rested her chin in her palms and lowered her head to look him in the eye. At that moment, Roy felt like his words were pushed out of his mouth. Or like he was at marriage consultation.
'Marriage what?!' he mentally hit his stupid brain. What marriage was he talking about?
"Okay, Gracia, you won. It's complicated, but-"
"You love him, he loves you, you are two idiots. Not that complicated, right?" she abruptly interrupted.
'What the hell is with these women? His aunt first, then Hawkeye and Armstrong, now her?! Sheesh!' he screamed inside. A faint blush tainted his cheeks. Women needed to stop talking to each other, and he blamed his assistant for it.
"Okay, your face says it all. Don't dare deny it, I know more than you think." She nodded proudly, chuckling. "Roy, I don't want to budge in, but listen to me – if you want something, go for it, my dear. Take Maes for an example. He was staring at me like an idiot for so long, that in the end I've went to talk to him. Seen, liked, took. No need to go turning around your head. It doesn't get you anywhere. Oh, and I'm sure in the meantime Maes was telling you about me. You were like two cackling hens."
"Actually, yes. I told him to ask you out and kicked him out of the dorm to go talk to you, the idiot," he admitted. "At your first date, I had to literally beat him to man up and get out of bed. Poor guy, I think I've scared him more than helped," he laughed.
"You see? Roy, don't stand like that and make up your mind, that is the only advice I can give to you. Now, tell me, how's your aunt? Miss Mustang? It's been ages since I've talked to her! She scared me a bit when she asked to use my country house to hide during the Promised Day."
'Damn, this woman has no subtlety in her,' Roy concluded dreamily and took another sip of his tea.
XXXXXX
The next morning, Roy packed up some clothes and walked to the train station. He could have driven to there, but he preferred to take a few steps instead of staying in a car. He would have enough time to lie around in the train.
He took a seat in his usual place, the last bench in the right row, in the second class wagon. He talked to some passengers and exchanged recipes with a grandmother who was overly excited to hear that men who held interest in cooking existed. A pregnant woman explained him how hard it was to have morning sickness and he recommended her some herbs – which Maes told him about when his wife was carrying - and comforted her, telling what a great joy the child would be. Children popped up from nowhere and he played, as usual, with them.
The train ride went as smooth as always. He got the chance to converse and he didn't have a minute to get bored. It was great to travel with middle-class people, they were great company.
He got out when he reached his destination, Pleonuk, a rather small but lively city very close to the East City where he has been stationed before coming to Central. Not too many knew, but this was where he has been born and where he has lived for a short time. He and Chris moved to Central when he wasn't yet six years old and he only had faint memories of his stay there, beside his parents' death and some other few, but he came there with a thought that had nothing to do with his memories.
He left his lithe luggage at a warm looking pension. The owner was an interesting combination of Xingese and Ishbalan, his wife definitely Amestrian with a trace of the northern mountains harshness. He immediately recognised Roy.
"Oh my, Mister Mustang! Nice seeing you, despite the cold weather!" he greeted and shook Roy's welcoming hand.
"Ah, Horth, I'm so glad to see that you're doing so well with the guest house," Roy replied with a large grin.
"Yes, thank you! It is going alright. How long do you plan on staying?" he asked and opened a heavy register.
"Frankly, I have no idea. I got a longer leave from work and I plan on roaming around," Roy said.
"As you wish, Roy," Horth loosened up the appearances. He has been Roy's colleague at school, in Central, and escaped the cruel fate most of his people gone through due to his elongated black eyes. His Xingese emigrant father had a great idea on marring only a half Ishbalan without red eyes, that being the only way they all survived that mess. Horth Isaki married the previous year the woman he'd been with for about twelve years under well-kept secret, too afraid that it could endanger her life.
Another customer rang the bell on the counter, moving the owner's attention away from Roy. He kindly asked him to leave his things in his usual room, and gave him the needed keys. Roy smiled and accepted the keys with gratitude.
The room was warm and pleasant, a large bed reigning the room under large knitted ponchos. Rosa, Horth's wife, knitted them and painted all the four paintings that hung on the walls and took great pride in her manual work. She was a nice woman, blond haired with steel blue eyes, almost grey. She always looked like she wanted to murder you, but when she smiled, one couldn't frighten to its perfection. Roy often joked that she looked like an angry goddess, and that remembered him greatly of Olivier Armstrong. 'Neah, that one is sure to kill you,' he thought and chuckled.
Rosa knocked at his door and asked if he needed anything. Next to her, a short tanned girl with wavy white hair and long grey eyes smiled at Roy widely, revealing her changing teeth, more missing than those who were left.
"Ah, Rosa, you're too nice," he replied gently and hugged Tana, the little girl. She was Horth and Rosa's child, the little slip they had in their otherwise perfectly covered relationship they had until the previous year. "I'm perfectly fine, thank you," he said, but his stomach gave him away with a loud rumble.
"You don't fool me, sweet-eyes. Dinner will be ready shortly."
"If you don't burn it," he teased, crossing dangerous waters judging by the woman's murderous glance.
"Ha, you'd wish, lad. Watch it," she said and took her daughter with her to finish assembling the dinner.
The meal was lovely, the small family and the few friends that worked with them being a great company for Roy. Tana was the greatest, her good humoured nature making them gag on the delicious food from the heavy laughter. This pension was where Roy always slept when he visited the area on errands or just for relaxation. The Eastern Area was for him a real oasis of peace, the mixed past with it making him feel welcomed there. It was the place that gave him life, the place that stole his childhood, the place that gave him hope, that made him stain his hands, that redeemed his sins. And Rosa's cooking was one to look forward. To kill for, really.
After the dinner finished, Roy thanked and returned to his room, pretending to be tired. With an all-knowing look, Horth nodded to him and wished him good night along with the others.
In the room, Roy changed his clothes for something warmer, took a small package from his bag and got out for a walk. The sun was low on the sky, the night starting to creep over the day and it was getting chillier. He walked with his hands in his pockets and stopped at a flower shop to buy some immortelles. He paid for them and headed to a space where he remembered his house has been. In a faraway area of the city, built when it had been only a village, quiet and peaceful. The closest neighbours were about five minutes away. It was rather secluded and serene. Nothing was built over the previous house which was now a black ruin guarded by a snow fortification. Roy made his way through the snow to the cleaned path to a tall leafless tree that watched over two marble stones.
"Nice to see you again, Mother, Father. How've you been?" Roy saluted and put the flowers down on the black stone that covered his parents.
XXXXX
With a loud growl, Edward woke up and yawned. He stretched his muscles which greeted him with a fierce pain. "Ouch, damn," he hissed and halted his stretching to look at the clock. He jumped off the bed and threw open the bathroom's door, grabbing his toothbrush while disentangling his messy blond hair.
After less than ten minutes, the alchemist was running down the streets of Central City. After twenty, he was breaking the office's entrance.
"MAJOR ARMSTRONG! I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE PAPERS, NO!" he shouted to the massive officer who was peacefully talking to his sister and sipping tea.
"What papers, Edward Elric? Oh, and please close the door, it'd be a pity to let the warmth get out," Alex feigned a confused look and turned his eyes to his oldest sister, as if she knew what was happening.
"Err? The papers on my research that you requested me to bring like, you know, today?" Edward tried to sound all business and failed as always, but his heart was beating like mad from running.
"Today? I told you to bring them next month, I recall. On the phone, when we talked."
"You said December! No way you said next month, Major!"
"No, I believe it was January. Right, sister?" he looked at the blonde woman who nodded frantically then snorted. Olivier chuckled loudly, patting her brother on his broad shoulder. "Damn, you were right, Alex. Way better than spending the day with them lots," she said with an amused face that Ed didn't quite get. He actually felt his blood grow cold at the sight of the state in which the woman was. She was direly friendly, and that wasn't good, because she didn't seem like one to ever be friendly.
"Loosen up, kid, and come here, sit with us," she waved her hand to the couch she was resting on.
"You can put the papers on the desk, the General will find them when he comes back," Alex added and took another sip from the black tea. The tea cup looked pathetically small in his huge hands, making him look like a great bulky giant with a great bushy moustache drinking from a tiny flowery cup.
Warily, Ed took a sit next to the Major General, as far away from her as possible. "Comes back?"
"Yeah, I heard he left the town for a few days. I'm really surprised that you came to work on your day off," Olivier said solemnly. "I, for one, wouldn't have." Her smile turned into something strange.
She looked a bit disturbed in the head, suddenly grinning at her little brother about an unknown joke. Shit, maybe they wanted to sell his organs! Or what if...
'Calm down, they're not going to sell anything,' he scolded himself. He hoped.
"How are your injures, Edward?" the larger alchemist asked with concern.
"Better, I guess... they're healing, thank you," he replied mechanically.
"Ah, that's great. We really though we've lost you back there, I heard you fainted a little later, after I left the hospital. Good that Mustang took you home, it sounded like you were in a rough state," Olivier said playing with her long fringe.
"Yes, I'm all good now," Ed lied.
He wasn't well at all. His wounds were healing, but he felt like hell. He was mentally broken. He missed the only opportunity that he might ever have to be next to the man he realised he could die for, literally. Well, he had almost been killed because of him, so this was only a matter of semantics. He has been so blind not to notice his feelings. Or maybe they were too blinding for him to see anything.
"My ass you're good," the woman burst. "You sound like a broken engine, and trust me, I know how one sounds, and it sounds like shit – exactly like you right now. So, big baby idiot Roy-boy screwed up again?" she implied and rested her back against the backrest, hands folded neatly in her lap. How could she be so vulgar? He suddenly preferred her usual coldness much better than that.
"Ah, Olivier, don't be so rude with him. Edward, my sister is merely saying that there might be something bothering you, and we would like to listen to your problem, if you want to share it with us," the Major said kindly and Ed's unease returned in full force.
Two pairs of startlingly blue eyes turned at him. Edward wanted to think of something else, so he thought of the situation of the office. It was rather awkward to leave someone lower ranked than him in charge while the commander was away, but there was no one to question Roy's orders. And, at the moment, the burly officer was the best option to take care of the work that could show up during the usually tranquil Winter Holidays, as he wanted to stay in Central and celebrate with his big family. And to keep his hot headed sister away from plotting a promotion in Mustang's absence was also a viable reason for choosing him.
The silence stretched on too much and Ed found himself in need to reply. "There's no problem, Sirs," he said smoothly, not sure what to call the woman. 'Sir' suited her better than anything.
"Elric, I might be older than you, but I'm not deaf yet, my hearing is still quite good. Nor am I blind. It was not that hard to see you storming out of Mustang's place, and definitely not that hard to hear him yelling at his neighbour. It's surprisingly easy to put one and one together. It makes two." She talked like she would explain something to a mental limited case. She added with less sarcasm, "Miles dragged me with him to check if you two were alright, don't think it as anything more, but what we saw was anything but fine."
Edward's facial clenched as if he wanted to defend himself, but Olivier raised her right hand. He closed his mouth back.
"I know about you two, no worries, kid. A bit surprising, knowing him, but not hard to imagine. I definitely don't judge you, but your little quarrel kills the mood around here. Especially when I don't have some worthy opponent to bully during my spare time. It's no fun to pick on my little brother all the time," she punched Alex's arm with a force that could easily break off his bones. He shifted a little in the armchair on his sister's right and muttered a silent, "I won last time, Sis."
"Whatever," she replied a lot louder than him. "You get my point, right?" she said, looking at Edward with her crazy blue eyes.
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
"We fought."
"Atta boy! Was it that hard? Okay, now, tell me so I can break his neck. For once, I'll make sure I get to him before Hawkeye does," she plotted evilly. "You know, I've been waiting for that for a while. It will be delicious."
"No, no, you don't get it. I don't want anyone to get in our problems. I'm sorry, Majors, but I prefer to keep it personal. I just want a peaceful holiday, I want to go see my family back in Resembool. As plain as that. There's no need to worry." He looked at the clock on the wall. "If you'd excuse me, Majors, I have some things to finish. I have to go. Thanks for the concern, have a great holiday!" he saluted and left visibly quieter than how he came in.
However, Olivier looked raged.
"Did that brat call me twice a 'Major'?"
XXXXX
Roy stroked the black tombstones lovingly. They looked well-kept and devoid of snow. Some pine crowns connected them, most likely placed by the good hearted Horth who sometimes tended to the tombs. He was much indebted to Roy, to his continuous support during his harder times and, in spite of the officer's complaints, he always tried to help him at least in that small, yet meaningful way.
He kneeled in front of them and cleaned the little ice that painted flowers on the golden letters. "Amaya and Cenric Mustang, beloved parents and children of the people, who watch over those whom they loved. We will never forget the sacrifice," he recited the words with which his parents welcomed death. He put down the package he brought with him and then he pulled off the necklace he carried around for the past few days. He looked at it for a moment.
He opened the black velvet package and took out a small urn and a bar of metal. He clapped his hands together and transformed the metal into a shovel. He slowly broke some good frozen layers of mud and then opened the urn. He let the ash fall into the hole and then he threw the mud back on its previous place.
He stood up to look at his work. It was almost complete. He gathered the shovel, the velvet and the urn together at the head of the small improvised tomb and clapped his hands over them. A solid tombstone erected from the soil, well anchored in it.
He took the necklace from the ground and kissed its cold surface. Gently, he pressed the metal on the tombstone, silver letters forming on the black tombstone.
Telford Mustang, a never understood alchemist, brother and uncle to those who have forgiven, we will forever remember you.
"I forgive you, Uncle. I don't know what we've done to you, why you had to kill my parents and then try to kill me, but I forgive you. I will remember you as my only uncle, and not a murderer. My conscience is clean. Yours, I hope, is too. Rest in peace, Uncle Telford," Roy said and lowered his forehead to touch the cold name.
With a deep sigh, he rose and moved to the other tombs. He kissed the stones gently and put his arms around them, like in a hug. "I'm sorry for what I've done. I'm sorry, but I had no choice. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...," he whispered his eternal prayer to his parents and started crying whole-heartily.
It was the only place he could be himself.
XXXXX
Edward returned to the hotel and pondered what he should do. He had absolutely nothing to do, that was the pure truth. He lied to the Armstrongs so he could get out of there. He knew the two adults meant the best for him, but he couldn't bring himself to tell them what really happened. It was good that they understood him, it meant he wasn't alone in that, but it still didn't lighten his heart. He felt like plain shit. Alone and sad.
With great strain, he pulled up the phone and dialled his brother's number. "Hello," he said in the receptor.
"EEEEEEDDDD!" a loud voice shouted at the other end. "So good to hear you!" Winry continued cheerfully. Another voice asked 'Is that Ed?' and the speaking person suddenly changed. "Brother! How've you been? We thought something happened, we tried to call you but no one answered! We tried the General and then the Lieutenant, who was nice and told us you were busy with a mission. Are you alright? Did you get enough sleep?"
Leave Alphonse to act like the mother hen. "Yeah, yeah, no worries, Al," he replied detached. "How are you? How's Granny and Winry? You've stolen her phone just a moment ago."
"Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were okay. But you sound so. We're all fine, a bit sad that you couldn't come to spend at least a few days with us."
As much as Edward wanted to accept the invitation, something didn't let him show his face to the people he loved so much. He wanted to believe it was just fatigue, but it wasn't. He didn't want them to see him wounded and broken hearted as he was. He didn't want them to worry or get hurt. He loved them too much for doing that to them.
And he felt like there was some hope left for him in that damned capital.
"I'm sorry for that, Al, you know I couldn't do anything about it. But I will visit you soon, just wait a little and we'll get together," Ed assured poorly. "This time, it is for real."
"Fine, you are welcomed anytime. Tell me, do you know if the General is around? I wanted to talk to him about the wedding," Al asked cheerfully. 'Ah, shit, I forgot about the wedding,' Ed mentally scolded.
"Why do you want to talk to him about it?"
"I told you we thought it'd be great to be the officiator. He's been a strong figure around us and he would be the best to do it. Do you think you can suggest it to him and maybe convince him to do it? I'll talk to him too, but you know, you two know each other better, you've been working with him for some time."
'Damn straight we know each other better. Why does that bastard keep pestering me even when he's not around?' Ed frowned.
"I think it'd be better if you personally spoke to him. After all, it is your wedding, and I'm sure he'll appreciate if you tell him, and not me. But I can convince him afterwards." Or more likely try to make him not come to that wedding. He didn't want his precious brother's wedding to be ruined by Ed's sour mood. 'I'm so selfish...'
"Great! Thanks, brother! I will call him after the New Year's, I think he'll be at his office by then, right?"
"Sure."
XXXXX
Roy returned to the capital three days later with a lot more energy than when he has left. He was ready for a new year of boring paperwork and annoying officials he needed to convince and other fools he needed to charm and so on... it was indeed troublesome. Maybe he should take it easier, and relax... settle down, leave the military and start travelling... yeah, it sounded good.
"For fuck's sake, I'm thirty, not eighty!" Roy rubbed his forehead. He knew he would never settle nor leave his goal unreached, and with pushing his stability rock away he felt more lost than ever. But that gave him no excuse to think of such foolish plans for the future.
He opened the door to his house slowly, like he didn't want to disturb anyone from inside. Of course there was nobody there. He sort of wished there would have been someone to ask him about his short trip, or take his coat, but it would probably have been a thief and that's something he didn't want, no matter how pitiful he felt. He had his decency.
He threw his few dirty clothes in the laundry basket and put his suitcase back at the top of the hallway wardrobe. His house seemed lifeless and cold, just like he remembered it has been for the few past years, from the moment he bought it. He refused sharing a dorm with anyone, as he needed to stay away from lower ranks as to show his superiority. There was no superiority in fact. If he were to speak openly, he would have enjoyed living with a housemate, but it didn't work with the image he has created for himself.
A womanizer who never brought anyone home, a very well-mannered man who ate with his bare hands when in hurry, an always cheerful man who drank away his loneliness with the ghosts in his head, an unshakable man who was afraid of the darkness and always held a light on. If anyone saw him like that, his reputation would be severely compromised. He was by no means what others saw him.
There were just a few who knew some of the truth about him, his most trusted subordinates, but even they were oblivious to the bigger image. But there was Edward. The only one who ever slept at his place, who he cooked for, who he shared his consolation drinks with, who knew the shadiest parts of his soul. But his rejection betrayed the trust Roy thought they had after the years they have fought together. It was all an illusion.
Mere illusions made up by his drunken mind. There hasn't been any alcohol to drown his judgement, there has only been laughter and smiles.
And now, he had none of them.
He undressed and left his clothes in a small pile in the bathroom. The hot water refreshed him and almost made him feel at peace, if only for a few silent moments. He clinically cleaned himself and washed his black hair. Not very content, he noticed he should cut his hair. The bangs were already falling into his eyes and they might be getting in the way. But maybe he'd wait a bit longer. He dried and put on some clean clothes, not really paying attention to what he was dressing into.
He descended and took a seat on the couch. He ruffled his still damp hair and looked at the clock on the wall. It read nine forty. Outside, it was dark, the only light coming from the houses and the street lanterns.
A few more hours till the next year... he should change into something more appealing and go out. Have a drink with some nice stranger and flirt with some others. Enjoy the night at its fullest.
But something in him didn't let him do that. It was a tiny voice in his head that pocked at him, telling him to listen to his heart and not do something so irresponsible.
Despite himself, Roy took another shower just for the good old times' reminder and changed into dress pants and a black shirt and a grey cardigan. He attempted making his hair stay a little less wild, but it didn't work out as planned. It was the same careful mess as always. He looked in the mirror and noticed some faint black lines under his already pitch black eyes. He applied a little correction cream or whatever it was called makeup he stole from Olivier some long time ago. That overly manly woman had a surprising collection of ointments, balms and the likes that smelled like a little version of heaven, but he supposed they all actually belonged to her former assistant, for some reason.
With a final glance in the bathroom's mirror, he concluded he looked good enough for the night. He would probably get the cold of his life, considering he has just washed his hair and it was cold outside, but damn it all.
It was time for some action.
XXXXX
They said holidays were about happiness, but not for everyone.
Edward munched on the shortbread he bought that morning. It was pleasantly sweet and it heightened his mood. He still wondered why he didn't go back to Resembool, however, he thought it wasn't that bad. He decided he would go and spend the night with whoever he found in a bar or something. It would be a nice experience, he was sure, he never went out like that in such occasion. There has always been Al and Winry and Granny and some other friends from their hometown, but never him alone. Maybe he'd meet someone interesting to talk to and change the scenery a little. That would be enjoyable.
He dressed in his favourite black leather jeans and put on an equally black shirt. He was all dressed in black, but he didn't care that much. His blond hair contrasted nicely with the darkness of his clothes, and he carefully tied it in a high ponytail. He put on his coat, scarf and gloves and went out of his room.
Outside, it was cold and dark, but that was acceptable. People were cheerfully chatting and singing some holiday carols he didn't pay too much attention to when he was a child, but it was nice. There was considerably more light on the streets and there were many merchants with candies, mulled wine and sweet tea. Children were running around eating sugary fruits. The older of them were building snowmen or played with the abundant snow. There were adults and older people bubbling with excitement, some of them even throwing snow balls at each other.
Yes, he should find happiness in his future, not sorrow in his past. It was beautiful outside.
Ed was aware that he wouldn't be able to mend back his relationship with Roy, as he heavily doubted the man still wanted him. He realised his feelings were of love, but it was too late after he has pushed the older away. He should move on. He should live his life, after all, he was young and handsome and smart and had a nice salary and a stupidly high rank for his age - he had a bright future in front of him.
Only if his feet listened to his train of thoughts.
XXXXX
Roy sprayed a little nice smelling cologne he bought from an old lady who sometimes sold him information and put on his shiny boots. He searched after his leather wallet through his many drawers in the hallway and then wrapped his dark grey scarf around his neck. Smoothly, he slipped in his long black coat and stuffed a few cenz in his pocket to buy some mulled wine before he headed to a bar. He snatched his keys and opened his front door after shutting the lights.
He immediately covered his eyes with his hand. A beaming ray of light momentarily blinded him. He lowered his arm and looked at the source of his discomfort.
It was the street light that reflected in tightly combed blond hair, surrounded by the sweet spicy smell of mulled wine. Cinnamon and fiery eyes. Yes, that was one delightful sight.
"Edward?" Roy said incredulously. Did he start having hallucinations?
The blond measured his words for a second and then asked shakily, "Hey, Roy, would you like some... err... mulled wine?" He extended a cup and smiled sheepishly.
That image looked like something cheap, quite eerily at that. Well, at least he didn't need to buy himself a cup of the hot spiced liquor.
A/N: Pam, pam, that's it for now. Hope you like this chapter and I'll see in the next one! Thanks for the positive response and thank you very very much for reading and as usual, please don't forget to review, follow, favourite. It boosts me, that is :D
Bye, bye!