A Literal Scrapbook

by Claire Whitmore

A scrapbook is messy, it's full of everything, an essence of what was. It has the smiles, the sadness and the moments when you laugh for no good reason and just want to be with someone loved. This is the Marauder's scrapbook, literally. It's a big bundle of warm fuzzy blankets, cheap wine and the comic section of the paper on a rainy day, just in the form of drabbles. R/S and J/L

92. Dear Book V

Dear Book,

I haven't talked to you in quite some time, years, in fact.

But, given that Remus is out most of the time trying to bring back some werewolves to our side, I haven't got anyone to talk to.

I need just that.

Marlene's dead, her whole family too. It happened a couple of nights ago, though, I only found out last night because James didn't want me or Remus to find out before the full moon.

I'm not sure if I can really feel anything anymore. Though, I know that eventually this sadness will tire itself out and leave me alone.

Though, I wonder if one day there will be a death too many and I'll never be able to pick myself up again?

That's why there needs to be more words for sadness.

It's no good just saying "I'm sad.", because that doesn't actually tell anyone what you're feeling.

There's that sort of guilt sad that replaces your insides with lead, though there is no reason to feel guilt. It prevents you from being able to move or think.

There's the sort of sad that is more neutral, nothing changes or leaves, it's just continuous and the only symptom is that you find yourself unable to smile as often.

Then, there's the sadness that comes from knowing something will end, and there's nothing you can do. It's a nice sadness, because you end up lapping up in the remaining moments you have left. And as a by-product, those sad memories end up being the best ones you may ever own because you made the most of them when they were being created.

There's the sadness that is like greeting an old friend, it's familiar and somehow safe and warm because you know how long it will last and when you'll see each other again.

There's the brattish sadness, the sort when you want to freeze in that moment or kick or scream or beg so you don't have to deal with what is to come.

Then, sometimes, you'll find yourself getting over one of these sadness's and you'll be smiling for the first time in weeks… then you'll start to disintegrate again and you'll cry and weep for no reason other than that it helps.

Then sometimes you're sad for no reason at all.

I miss Remus.

I miss being able to see James and Lily and Peter whenever I wanted to.

I miss the days where I thought I was going to be able to see my godson whenever I pleased.

From,

Padfoot.

I really like the idea of Sirius getting more mature as he gets older, especially after James dies. I guess it's because James and Sirius were so alike and everyone goes on about how much of a prick James was as a kid and then you just see ol' fatherly wise Sirius and it's proof that they weren't all that prickish.