APOV

I am cold. So cold. I am alone. So alone. It's quiet. Too quiet. I think maybe I am dead. I open my eyes, at least I tried to open my eyes but the darkness is too heavy. It surrounds me and forms an oppressive weight. I don't know where I am, but this sure isn't heaven. I wish I had a blanket but all I have to wrap around me is cold darkness. I can't imagine spending eternity like this, alone and cold in the dark. How many times did I think about taking my own life or letting Taylor do it? Karma is a bitch.

I start to think about Christian but then I remember Elena. It hurt so bad when I saw him with her. It hurt so deeply that he would take her word over mine. I wonder if she has killed him? I wonder if he is in a dark, cold spot like me, all alone. Somewhere between heaven and hell. I hope not. Surely, if there is a God who judges, they would know what a good man he is, they would know all about his generous deeds. They wouldn't let a good man like him die and an evil pedophile like Elena live. Would they?

The mere thought of Christian dying after all he has been through terrifies me. I start to pray for him. I remind God how much Christian has already suffered, between his early childhood and his time with Elena, it's a miracle the man can even smile, let alone stop and put the needs of starving people ahead of his own.

Suddenly, I hear a sound. It was a small sound, but it frightens me, no, it terrifies me. It means I am not alone anymore. Then I hear a voice.

"Please don't be afraid. There is nothing to fear. "

"Where am I?"

"Think of it as a private waiting room. "

"Is this heaven?"

"It is neither heaven or hell. It's just a place in between. Really, it's just a waiting room. "

"Why can't I see?"

"Perhaps you are blind?"

"I can't open my eyes!" I protest.

"Perhaps that's your problem. You need to open your eyes. "

"How long will I be here?"

"As long as it takes."

"Think about it. I will be back. "

"Wait! Please don't go," Ana pleaded but the voice was gone and she was all alone again. In between heaven and hell. Did that mean her life was being judged? Somehow that thought was very unsettling. Was the fact that she had lived with Christian and not been married a direct invite to hell? No, that was ridiculous. But what about sleeping with Taylor? Even though they didn't do anything, was it wrong? Was it cheating on Christian to pretend another man was him? The cold weight she felt wrapped around her grew heavier. Christian certainly felt like she cheated on him. Maybe that's all that counted.

Time passed slowly. Ana had lots of time to review her life. In the end, she just didn't feel she was evil enough to go to hell. She tried to relax when she heard the voice again.

"Ah, I see you're still here, so no decision yet? That's usually a good thing. "

"Why should it take so long? There's only two choices and I am not evil enough for hell "

"You sound very certain ."

"I am. I never did anything really terrible."

"That is a matter of opinion. "

Ana suddenly felt petrified. What if she got sent to hell?

"Let me assure you, I do not know your fate. However, you should be aware of two things. One, your judgement extends beyond just heaven and hell. There is a third option. They could send you back. "

"Back, meaning I don't die?"

"Exactly. The second thing you should be aware of is rejecting the gift, the miracle of life can really upset our Creator. Depending on circumstances, just thinking of suicide could land you someplace besides heaven. I have said too much now. I must leave, but if I don't see you again, Good luck!"

Alone in the cold and dark, Ana started remembering the night when she took the knife and Taylor found her. If he hadn't come, would she have used it? Shame washed over her as she finally admitted to herself she would have used the knife to end her life. She wondered if the voice was an angel. She should have asked him. Then she remembered Taylor. She didn't need an angel; she already had one.