Author's Note: okay so this chapter is really long. The longest yet. Just over 3,000 words. I'm anxious to know what you guys think of it. Warning there is a bit of langue in it but only one or two words. We are slowly chipping away at Blaine's shell and seeing the real him. He broke my heart in this chapter. I just want to wrap him up and squeeze him to death. Read, review, and enjoy hopefully!

I sat up quickly and leaned against the head board. It was still dark and was about 3 a.m. I don't know what was wrong with me. I have never had nightmares before, not even when I was younger. This the third one I have had in the past week. I went in the bathroom and splashed cool water on my face. My eyes were red and my face was splotchy. I dried off my face, pulled on a hoodie, and crawled back in bed but I couldn't sleep. I flipped on the lamp and pulled my bible out of the drawer. It was dark blue and had my full name in gold lettering. The spine was worn and slightly cracked. Church programs and paper stuck out every which way marking different pages and verses. It had seen better days but it will see some pretty great ones too. I skimmed through some of the marked pages. I shut my light off when I heard Burt and Carole getting up for work and lay there in the dark until I heard the front door shut.

I crept down the hall softly and slipped into Kurt's room. I knelt down by the edge of his and shook him. "Kurt. Please wake up please." I pleaded. He jumped when he saw me. "What's the matter honey? Come here." he said scooting over and patting the space next to him. I crawled in and laid against the head board and held his hand. "Where you crying B?" Kurt whispered. "No I just needed to be next to you." I lied. "Blaine, don't lie to me. Your eyes are red and puffy." he said sitting up. "I was cryin' but I'm fine now. You don't need to worry babe." I assured. "Will you at least tell me why?" Kurt asked rubbing the back of my hand. I paused for a second. I was taught to be strong, not a cry baby. I nodded and sighed. "You don't need to worry Kurt, I'm fine! I gonna go for a run." I said little too harshly. "Okay, it's just us today." Kurt said sounding hurt. I ran down the hall and pulled on my running stuff.

I sprinted down Kurt's street and around the next few streets. All the houses looked the same and the grass was one uniform length. A dog chained to a tree barked at me and an old lady sitting in a lawn chair waved to me. I slowed down and flopped on a park bench. I took deep breaths and used my inhaler. This run wasn't helping me. Thoughts about my dream swarmed my head like flies. What if it came true? I couldn't handle that, especially not if it meant loosing home. I just wanted things to be normal again. I wanted everything to go back to when I was a little kid. Nothing mattered then except for whether or not your friends were on your little league team and not getting your church cloth's dirty. Now I have all these responsibilities and secrets and it kills me. I'm lying to my friends and family, I'm lying to Kurt about my nightmares, and I'm lying to myself my. I tell myself that I'm fine. I assure everybody things will be fine even though I'm scared whittles myself. I knew I was a good actor and now I know I can pull off anything. But I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this one. I sighed, retied my shoes and took off back to Kurt's house.

I slipped off my running shoes and yelled for Kurt. "I'm home babe." I looked in the kitchen, living room, and his bedroom but I couldn't find him. The back yard was empty and so was the basement. I walked past my door and stopped. Small noises came from inside.

I opened the door and found Kurt. "Crap Blaine you scared me." he shouted. He was sitting on my bed holding my bible. "I yelled for you. Why are you in here?" I asked pulling my socks off. "Just looking at your pictures and stuff." Kurt said with a fake smile. "Now you're the one lyin'." I said sitting across from him on the bed. Kurt pursed his lip and looked at the book in his hands. "I was putting away clean laundry and I saw this sitting on your night stand. I didn't know you had a bible with you. I saw it and I just kinda started looking through it. I'm sorry." he apologized handing it back to me. I leaned against the wall and sighed. "I got it when I had my first communion. It's alright; you can look at if you want. I don't care. Just be careful with it. It's special to me." I said handing it back to Kurt. "Why do you believe all the stuff that's in here? Isn't it like believing in Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy?" Kurt asked not taking it back. I thought for a moment. "I guess I like the idea of there being something more than just what we can see." I was running my finger along the cracked spine. "I had times when my life just sucked and I could drive out to the woods sit in the bed of my truck and read. I could read the stories about all the tragedies and think, hey maybe this problem really isn't that important. It's not going to matter in 15 years. I could read the miracles and have hope that stuff would get better. I could read any of it and my day just seemed better after. I would be so inspired in that moment that I would go and help anybody I could" I smiled. "But you don't know its real." he said skeptically. "No I don't know it's real. But we all want that thing that we can latch onto that will make everything seem not so pointless or that gives us that drive to work harder. To have something or somebody that we work to please or make proud. You may do it for you dad or Carole. But I do what I do for God and for my grandfather." I said matter a factly. "I do it for my mom." Kurt whispered. "See." I smiled. I scooted over next to Kurt and smiled at him.

"What do you wanna be when you grow up Blaine?" Kurt asked. "A preacher, you already know that." I said looking out the window. "Yeah but if you hadn't gone to church all those years. What would you want to be?" he said seriously. "A teacher, I always thought about that. I would teach music or agriculture. Something that would make an impact on kid's lives." I smiled to myself. "You would be a fantastic teacher honey." Kurt said pecking me on the cheek. "It's almost time to go back ya know; just a few more days. I'm ready to be home but I don't want to leave." I whispered.

"I know, but we get to go the Michigan together in a week. Walks on the beach. Swimming. Seeing you without a shirt, it's going to be great." Kurt flirted. "You know, if you wanted me to take my shirt off you just had to ask." I said kissing him deeply. "I didn't know it was that easy." he smiled. "For you yes it is that easy." I said. We kissed passionately. I grasped onto the blanket beneath us. Kurt slid his hand from the middle of my back to just above the waist band of my pants. I didn't realize what was happening until he ran his finger under the elastic of my boxers and started pulling them down. I jerked away and pulled my shirt back on. "What's wrong Blaine?" Kurt asked sitting up. "I can't do this, I'm sorry Kurt." I said breathlessly. He just nodded. "I'm sorry. I love kissin' you, cuddlin' with you, all that stuff. But I can't go that far. I'm not ready to take that step yet." I said leaning against the wall. "You don't have to be sorry Blaine. I took it too far and I'm the one who is sorry." Kurt said grabbing my hand. "You deserve to be loved in every way possible, I'd do anything in my power to make you happy but I can't do this." I said running my finger along the scar on my elbow. "I'm happy just being with you. A relationship isn't about sex; it's about being with a person who makes you happy." Kurt smiled. "When I was 14 I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't have sex or do any of that stuff unless I was married. I never wanted to risk anything, ya know? I know, it's totally dorky and it makes me a loser. But I'm not gonna break that promise." I said picking at a loose thread on my shorts. "It makes you amazingly sweet. I'm not going to push you to do anything. Your first time needs to be special. Mine wasn't and I regret it. I had known that I would meet you I wouldn't have even looked at James. He didn't love me." Kurt said running his fingers along the scrapes on my legs. "Y-y-you're not a virgin?" I stammered. "Um no, does that bother you?" Kurt asked softly. "No not at all. It means a lot that you said you would have rather been with me." I smiled pecking him on the cheek. "It's almost noon, do you want to go get lunch?" Kurt asked getting up. "That sounds perfect." I smiled. "Okay, get changed and I'll meet you down stairs.

I watched him close the door and listened for the step on the bottom of the stairs that creaks when you step on it. I sighed and rubbed the palms of my hands on my eyes. I hated myself for shutting Kurt down like that but I couldn't do it. I swore to myself that I wouldn't do it till I was married. But now I don't know if it was even legal for me to get married. I've been thinking the past few days and I think I love Kurt. Like honestly love him. When we get back home I'm taking him back to where it started. I'm dragging him back to the woods and singing to him. Then I'll tell him I love him. I pulled on jeans and a clean shirt. I slipped my wallet and phone into my pocket and ran down the stairs jumping over the last few steps. "Why do you always do that?" Kurt laughed. "Why not?" I shrugged. "You are such a 12 year old." Kurt said pulling me out the door and into his Prius.

We parked outside a little bakery and climbed out. It had a big window and you could see all the people having lunch inside. A bell jingled when we walked in and an older lady smiled at us. There were only a few other people sitting around. "Kurt, where have you been? Come give me a hug!" the lady behind the counter said. "Hi Mrs. Bell." Kurt said pulling the lady into a hug. "Are you going to introduce me to this handsome boy with you?" she asked looking me. "Blaine Anderson ma'am." I said reaching for a hand shake but got pulled into a tight hug. "This is my boyfriend Blaine." Kurt laughed. "Oh Kurt; you go away for a few months and you come back with a boyfriend! Can I go south too?" Mrs. Bell. "Yup, and he is everything I thought I didn't want. An athlete, he only wears baseball shirts, his dad is a preacher, and he is a hobbit. But that's my favorite part." Kurt said laughing at me. "Now if you ever break my boy's heart I will come to Hicksville and take care of you myself Blaine Anderson." she said seriously. "I swear to you I will never hurt Kurt ma'am. He means everything to me." I said slightly frightened. "Good, now what do you want to eat?" she said marching back to the counter. We ordered and slipped into a booth in the corner. "Who is that lady?" I laughed. "She was a friend of my moms. I used to come in here every day after school and do my homework until my mom came and got me. She is like a grandmother to me pretty much." Kurt grinned. "She seems very nice." I said taking a drink of my coffee. "She is. But we need to talk about something. Why were you crying this morning? I've never seem you look that upset." Kurt asked softly. "I told you not to worry about it Kurt; it's no big deal." I snapped. "I know you are lying Blaine and if you don't tell me I'll find out myself." Kurt pressed. "Fine I'll tell you what happened but not here. When we get home I will." I said softly. Kurt accepted it and took the food from the waitress. We ate in silence and drove home the same way.

"Blaine Samuel Anderson you talk to me right now." We were sitting on the back porch. Kurt sat on the swing and I sat on the railing. "If I tell you, you can't tell anybody else. You have to swear to me." I insisted. "Fine I won't tell." Kurt sighed pursing his lips into a thin pink line. "Alright, this past week I've been having nightmares. Last night was the worst one yet and it scared me and that's why I came to your room. The others weren't as bad. But this one really messed with me. There now you know so let's drop the subject." I huffed. "Will you tell me what it was about?" Kurt asked softly. "Will you drop it if I do." I said. He nodded silently. "Fine, it was about my dad. I dreamt that he found out about us. He found out somehow and he was angry, really angry. I was yelling and saying that I wasn't his son anymore. That I was going to Hell for being a homo freak. My mom hated me and Cooper had destroyed my room. He threw me out and I ended up homeless living in an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. But the worst thing was he said that grandpa would have rather had m-m-me d-d-dead than be a filthy fag." I choked out, flinching at the word coming off my lips. I rested my head against the post and squeezed my eyes shut. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks and dropped onto my shirt. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me off the railing. I could feel my entire body shaking.

I don't know how but we somehow ended up sitting on my bed. I was curled up into a ball clinging to Kurt's shirt staining it with my tears. I could feel him patting my back and rubbing my hair. "Shh, you're okay, you're okay." he repeated over and over again. I couldn't stop shaking. I'm absolutely terrified. What if my grandpa would have really felt that way? Would he really have rather me be dead than be gay? Would mama really hate me? Would Cooper destroy everything I love? My mom means everything to me. "You'll be okay honey; nobody is going to hurt you. I'm here B." Kurt whispered. I finally sat up and turned my back to Kurt. "Will you look at me hon?" Kurt whispered. I shook my head. "Please Blaine." he pleaded. I sigh and closed my eyes tight. I turned around slowly and kept my eyes shut. I felt Kurt grab my hand and I squeezed it tight. I pulled my knees to my chest and rest my head on them. I crack my eyes open and blink a few times. Kurt's eyes were a little red but he smiled at me. I was so shaken I couldn't find anything to say. "You know your grandfather wouldn't think that. Just from the way you talked I know he loved you more that words can express. I know you know that too. And your mother is one of the most sweet, loving, overly protective, motherly, people ever. You will always have a place to go Blaine. Your home can be where ever. Home is where the people that love you live. My dad thinks you are fantastic and Finn is convinced you're the best thing since he found out you can use the microwave to make s'mores." Kurt assured me. I didn't laugh. I shut my eyes again and buried my face in my knees.

"Kurt I'm home! Where are you?" shouted Burt from down stairs. "I'm going to go talk to my dad. I promise I won't tell him about your dreams. You can come down whenever you feel like it." Kurt said. He planted a soft kiss on the back of my neck and shut the door softly behind him.

Author's Note: Wow that was a tough one to write. What did you guys think? Sorry for the bit of language. I love Blaine as that character. I know it's nothing like TV Blaine but I find this easier to write because it's where I'm from. Oh and its official, I get to see Darren at his concert in Indianapolis in June! Love you guys! Review and let me know what you think.