I can tell Christian 's finally fallen asleep again by the steady rise and fall of his chest. I get up and leave the room, closing his door quietly. I glance at the clock on the wall as I pass the kitchen on my way to the stairs. It's 4:15 and I am not sleepy at all. I decide to take a shower and get dressed. Then I will update my case notes on Christian, Sawyer and Taylor on my IPad with a nice cuppa tea.

I have just finished updating Christian's case notes. Actually living with him these last few days has been an eye opening experience. I am impressed by how he faces life head on, despite the many challenges that involves. I was startled at first to see Sawyer and Taylor holding guns outside his room. Their protectiveness was reassuring. I know they have been trained to always expect the worst but watching them go into work mode was quite an experience. I am glad the nurses and Dr. D left yesterday. No one should ever have to hear a fellow human being suffer so.

I start on Sawyer's notes when I feel a presence behind me. I turn and there is Taylor. I almost have a heart attack. He laughs. I would love to get a look at some of the skeletons in his closet, but I know that is one door he is not opening.

He is dressed in sweats and barefoot and he's wearing his sling. He starts a pot of coffee and I am impressed how smooth and compact his motions are, even one handed. I put my IPad down and just relax, savoring my tea. I ask him when he thinks Christian will awake.

"Normally, he doesn't go back to sleep; he plays the piano. You must be good Doc, very good."

"Thank you, Taylor. What type of music does he play?" I ask curiously.

"After a nightmare? The saddest most awful depressing shit you ever heard. Its like a funeral dirge that never ends. He just keeps playing it over and over again until we all want to scream."

I smile at his description. "So, Jason, how are you doing?" I ask, as his psychiatrist.

He hesitates a moment, then grins and says, "It's all good, Doc, don't worry. That was a hell of a nightmare the boss had, eh?"

I sigh at the obvious deflection. "You weren't feeling so good a week ago, " I point out gently. His reaction is anything but gentle. "Fuck off, Doc." he roars. The anger comes out of nowhere and has completely taken me by surprise. "That was then. This is fucking now. " He turns away and I call his name softly, and with that, he really explodes. "Leave me the fuck alone. I don't need this shit." Suddenly his good arm sends his coffee cup flying. To say I am startled by his violent reaction and the depth of his anger is an understatement.

Again, the sound of running feet and Sawyer is there, gun in hand. Behind him is the new guy, Sullivan. Suddenly, Grey is there. He does not enter the kitchen. He looks at Taylor and silently communicates with him. I watch Jason's body sag as the anger leaves him. Where it went, I have no clue. Gail comes forward and starts chastising him for making a mess in her kitchen. She shoos him and orders him to a take a shower and make himself presentable.

Everyone looks at me accusingly. Grey calls me into his office. He comes straight to the point. "I need you to lay off Jason." I look at him, questioning silently.

"I know you're worried about him, but he'll be okay. Work is how he copes. Its his personal form of Prozac. "

"Christian, you need to know, what worked for him in the past, isn't guaranteed to work in the future. There is an awful lot of buried anger there. I lost count of how many defense mechanisms he used."

"I know, John. It will be alright. I'm hoping Gail will be there for him, but he needs to see Ana, Ana and me and come to terms with that."

"That sounds reasonable."

"I was hoping you would be able to come."

"I am sorry, Christian, I doubt he'd welcome my presence now. However I do think he needs to see Ana. Perhaps Gail could go."

"Good idea, John. I'll set it up. We'll go early, that way when we get back, maybe Barney and Welch will have some news."

"Okay, Christian. I'll back off on Taylor."

Christian walks around his desk and grabs my forearm, "Thank you, John and thank you for earlier."

I can sense that was difficult for him to say. I try to keep it simple so I smile and nod and then reach for the door.

CPOV

We left for the hospital at 8:00 am. Taylor suited up like he was working. I put him in the back with Gail. I am driving. Sawyer is still not a hundred percent, so he is not driving. Taylor is still in a sling. I don't mind driving. Sawyer will be staying in her room. He is armed but almost more importantly, if Ana awakes, it is a friendly face.

We take the elevator up and get off on her floor. I stop and turn to Jason. "You really need to prepare yourself for this. It's going to be fucking hard." I look him straight in the eye and see his mask is firmly in place.

"Understood, sir."

Since he put that damn black suit on, he's back to the stoic, formal Taylor. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but it is probably for the best. We sign in and show ID. Sawyer moves to a corner and stands alert. I approach Ana first. Gail and Taylor stay back, I guess to give me a little privacy. I stroke her bald head gently and lean down and kiss her forehead softly, I want to speak, but it is impossible. My face is wet with tears. Her face seems to have a little more color but she is still intubated. She only has one IV now; that's progress, right? I finally find enough control to whisper in her ear. I tell her she is safe. Sawyer is here and he will be staying with her. I beg for her forgiveness and tell her I love her. Then I am too overwhelmed to continue and back away.

I go and stand by the door to the bathroom. I see Gail gently nudge Taylor forward. I can see Taylor's profile clearly. He is struggling with his emotions. I see his nostrils flare and his eyes blink back tears, but like me, he is helpless to stop their fall. He nears her bed and grabs the siderail with his good hand. I catch Luke's eye, just in case. He understands and positions himself so he can catch Taylor should he collapse.

His hand reaches out haltingly to comfort her. I can see how much his hand is trembling. I understand what he is going through, the horror, the guilt, the anger and the shame. He stands there staring at her, almost like he is committing her image to memory. Then, he mutters something short in her ear, kisses her forehead and almost runs to the bathroom where he gives up his breakfast. Gail pays no attention, and approaches Ana. She talks to her and tells her stories about Taylor and myself.

She adjusts Ana's pillow and gets a second blanket. She talks to her as if she were awake and could answer her. She smiles and laughs and promises to have her iPod brought over. I am amazed. Her reaction is so different from Taylor and I. She promises to visit again soon and assures her she is doing very good and will wake up soon. She assures her repeatedly that she is safe and protected and not to be afraid. I am in awe of Gail. We all take turns saying good bye and with heavy hearts, we reluctantly leave.