Chapter 3

A/N:

This chapter is going to be hard on Liam again, so heads up if you are a Liam fan. I'm not really sure where I stand on him right now. All the female characters in the show who love him (Hope, Steffy, Ivy) all go on and on about what a good person and good man Liam is and in some respects that's true. His advocacy for animal rights, donating and raising awareness for charities, and giving voice to the less fortunate is really great, especially in the high society life that the show takes place in. But other than that, from what I've seen Liam is kind of wishy washy. He hurts a lot of people, constantly carries on emotional affairs (I mean he crucifies Steffy for sleeping with Bill (not condoning that btw) and then makes out with Hope about a billion times while he's still married, not to mention everything with Sally that kind of set everything in motion) and pretending to always be the victim of circumstance.

Just prepare yourselves, there may be some serious but well-deserved Liam bashing this chapter.

Liam's POV

As the driver drove me back to the Forrester Mansion, I couldn't help but think about everything Steffy had said to me.

How long had she thought these things about me?

How long had she felt that way?

I always tried to be honest about the way I felt about her and Hope. I thought my honesty would limit their pain, but maybe it only served to limit mine.

All those years I spent with them in this constant triangle had tainted everything. There were at least as many happy moments with both Steffy and Hope as there were bad ones.

How do I justify that to Steffy?

How do I explain to Hope?

What would my daughter think?

Just the thought of someone doing to my child what I've done to Steffy and Hope, makes me want to scream.

Why did I think everything was okay all these years?

"We're here, sir." The driver called from the front and I braced myself for what was to come.

As I walked into the foyer of the mansion, the remnants of my wedding being cleaned up, a few remaining guests whispering in corners as I walked through.

This is what Steffy meant.

I cause destruction, even when I don't mean to. I hurt people, and I always have a way to justify it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Hope was nowhere to be seen in the disarray.

Walking over to the fireplace where Brooke and Ridge stood arguing; the destruction of their marriage was my fault as well.

They'd been struggling since I'd proposed to Hope. It was hard for Brooke to manage her happiness for her own daughter while her husband had been trying to console his.

Ridge had been upset with him for some time, and now Brooke was too.

But he hadn't expected the strike of her hand against his cheek.

At the crack of the sound, all mutterings and whispers stopped.

"How dare you?" She hissed.

"I'm so sorry, Brooke. I need to find Hope. I have to explain." I tried, but she shook her head.

"No. I used to think you were a great guy Liam. I wanted you for Hope, because you made her happy, but now I don't know. Because she's cried over you more than enough times, and frankly I'm tired of consoling her for you to come back and hurt her again. So, I need you to leave. Go back to Steffy."

"I suppose he's already been there." Ridge said. "I'm guessing she didn't give you the answers you wanted."

Brooke gasped. "And so what? You're coming back to my daughter as some sort of consolation prize?"

"Absolutely not." I said. "You both know how much I love your daughters. I would never think of either of them in such a way."

"Well, your actions say differently Liam." Ridge said.

"Well, I want to know what was so important that you ran out on my daughter." Brooke demanded.

I opened my mouth the answer, but Ridge spoke over me.

"Wyatt told him about how Bill played them." He stated, neither he or Brooke seeming too shocked by the news of Bill's manipulations.

"You knew?" I asked. "And you didn't say anything?"

Brooke sighed. "You were already engaged to Hope when Steffy found out. She decided she didn't want to tell you and by that time—"

"By that time Brooke was all too happy to keep quiet because her daughter was happy. I thought you should know, but Steffy was pretty clear. She didn't want you to know."

"So, she really has given up on me?" I asked, consumed by sadness that I'd forgotten my place.

"You could try not to look too disappointed. My daughter, your fiancé, is upstairs upset at what you've done to her, and all you can think of is Steffy." Brooke said, glaring at me.

"She hasn't given up on you." Ridge said. "At least I hope not. I suggest you take the advice I gave you when you before. As someone who has been here before, take some time to step back, without interference from Steffy or Hope, and figure out for yourself what it is that you want. You could save a lot of people a lot of pain that way."

He was right. I hadn't ever taken time to consider my own feelings. Hope had been there since I moved out, being supportive, but also reminding me about our past. I should've taken his advice back then, but I didn't.

As I looked at the awkward tension I had placed on his marriage with Brooke, I thought back to how sad Steffy looked at the Cliff House, and I prepared myself for how distraught Hope probably was in the rooms upstairs.

I saw the destruction I had caused, but nothing pained me more than the thought that Steffy had given up on me. That I had driven her to that.

I didn't need time. I had forgiven her for Bill all those weeks ago, and that was still true. We would be a family. This time I would fight for her.

"I want to be with Steffy. I want our family, our life together; it's my dream." Brooke sobbed, turning to Ridge who comforted her, though the joy was evident on his face. "I'm sorry Brooke, sorrier than you'll ever know for the pain I've cause Hope, and you. I love her, but our love has always been innocent and sweet, that of teenagers. It's easy and simple, but mostly it's safe, it's the love between friends. I turn to Hope because I know she won't hurt me and that's not fair to her or Steffy. Steffy is the love of my life. What we have is passionate, raw, and fun. Sometimes it's crazy and hard, but I'm also more myself and more complete with her than I have ever felt in my life. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I want you to understand. With Steffy, it's like every breath I take is lighter, and I know that with our daughter, our life will be amazing. Now that I know it's possible again, I can't give that up."

I smiled through my tears, because even though I was happy that Steffy never betrayed me, I was going to hurt Hope, and even then Steffy still may not take me back.

"I don't think its us you need to explain that to." Ridge said, a mixture of joy and disappointment on his face. "You better pray that Hope understands."

I took the stairs slowly preparing myself for what awaited me in the room as I raised my hand and knocked lightly.

When there was no answer, I entered the room.

It was a mess. A hurricane had blown through the Forrester Mansion, and this room was the hardest hit.

Hope sat on the bed, her knees drawn to her chest, face stained with mascara streaks. She looked up at me, her eyes flashing before grabbing the land beside the bed and hurling it at me. I just barely managed to escape.

"Hope, I understand you're upset—" I tried.

She screamed, eyes flashing, before frantically looking around for something else to throw at me. Thankfully, nothing else was within her reach and she didn't seem to want to leave the bed.

"Upset? You think I'm upset, Liam! I am fucking furious. I keep embarrassing myself over you. You better have a very good reason for leaving like that." She shouted

"I'm sorry for this. For everything. Sorrier than you'll ever know." I said.

"I don't want apologies right now, Liam. I'm tired of your apologies. I want an explanation, and it better be a good one." She said.

"When I had chosen to forgive Steffy, Wyatt told me that she had been carrying on an affair with Bill. He said that he had seen the aftermath of a romantic get together, and when I asked her if there was anything else she needed to tell me, she said no."

"I know all that already. Steffy hurt you. She betrayed you in the worst possible way and left you in a way that I had never seen you in before. And then she compounded that pain by having a secret affair." She stated pointedly.

"But that wasn't true. Bill had Justin set it up for Wyatt to see. That's what he told me at the wedding." I finished lamely, and it seemed to fuel Hope's fire.

"So, what you're saying to me, is that you left me at the altar to what exactly? Go talk to your ex-wife. To reconcile with her? How could you? You left me there, standing there, waiting for you, like a fool! All our friends, family, people I work with, don't you even care how that looked? How that felt?" She shouted.

"I wasn't thinking." I tried and failed to explain. "I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. But I don't want to lie to you. When I left, I just wanted to get to the truth with Steffy. If I'm being honest, it hurt when she stopped fighting for us and our marriage. When she seemed to just accept our engagement, it stung. I never pretended that it didn't. I wanted to apologize to her and to let her know that I trusted her."

"Now." She muttered.

"What?"

"You trust her now. You didn't back then, and why should you have? She can't be trusted. She is incapable of doing what is best for you; always has been, always will be."

I tried to object, but she kept talking.

"But that doesn't matter to you, does it? You just had to explain all this to her in the middle of our wedding? Why not after? She wasn't going anywhere. You could have told her all that after we were happily married, and started our lives together, but you didn't want that, did you? You wanted to be free and uncommitted when you spoke to her, right?" She asked, fresh tears coating her cheeks once again.

I remained silent.

"Right?!" She yelled.

"If there was a chance that she would forgive me, then—"

"Then, you would want to get back together with her. You always do, no matter how many times she hurts you or how many times she betrays you or manipulates us. You need her in you life for whatever reason. And I'm always your second choice. I mean, why not? I'm always here right?"

I felt the need to walk over and hold her, but I wouldn't be welcome. That much I was certain of, even with the shock of what she said.

Because Steffy had said something very similar, about being the outsider, the second choice, the one in the way of fate.

How had I been completely obliviously to the way I was making them both feel?

"It's not like that. It's never been that way. I love you. I always have." I tried.

"Not enough. Not as much as you love Steffy. Because you chose her, before you were duped by Bill, you had chosen her. And when that fell apart, I was all to willing to throw myself at you." She laughed. "What kind of self-respecting woman agrees to be with you on the heels of not being chosen by you? It's really like I do this to myself."

"No, you don't. You are a strong, beautiful, brilliant woman and you have always been there for me." I tried to rid of the self-doubt that I had instilled, but it landed on deaf ears.

"Just go, Liam. You're right. I have always been there for you. That's why I know you so well. I know what it is you want to do. You don't have to try to make false apologies or half-hearted explanations. You always want her in your life. Even when I hated it, even when it tore us apart, you needed her in your life. And now with the baby, I don't know why I even bothered." She shook her head.

"I do need her, Hope. But I've always needed you in my life too. You're a large part of my life, Hope. I'm not going to ask for it now, but I hope eventually, you'll forgive me."

It felt unfinished and half-assed; my apology.

But I didn't know what else to say.

I desperately wanted to comfort her, but she had glared at me from the moment I had entered, and I knew my touch wouldn't be tolerated.

"Just go, Liam. Go to Steffy. We both know that's where you want to be." She said, turning away from me. She looked so fragile, laying there, curled up in her wedding dress. It killed me, being the cause of her pain, but even more so because I couldn't justify imploding her life if Steffy didn't forgive me.

A/N: So, there you have it. I hope you liked it and that I wasn't too hard on Liam for some of you. I am not really a fan of Hope, but I tried to write her pain as honestly as I could. As always review! If you are a Hope fan, I don't know I hope this wasn't too bad, but obviously Steffy and Liam are the endgame for this story, so she was going to get hurt. She's not going to be in this story too much I think. I'm going to try not to paint her as the villain too much.

Also, a quick update. I have stopped watching B&B. I usually take breaks when the story starts to annoy me, and this story arc obviously has. Everything I write will be based on what has previously aired, and my own future AU. This story will not follow any of the future episodes.