Chapter 5

Liam's POV

The tension in the room was palpable to say the least.

Steffy broke eye contact with me the moment Dr. Marsh left, but where she wanted to leave the intensity behind, I wanted to hold on to it, to savour it.

The session had been painfully honest, but I felt closer to her than I had in a very long time. I wanted this moment to last. I just wish she did too.

"I should probably be getting home." Steffy said.

I wrapped an arm around her waist, helping her up as she grumbled a reluctant thank you. I knew she was annoyed at my attention. She'd always hated needing help, but the weight of her belly had significantly increased in the last four months and as much as she hated to admit to it, he centre of gravity was thrown off by it.

And if I was being honest, I was compelled to touch her, to feel close to her and bean. I wanted to feel a part of this journey with her. A journey I'd stupidly removed myself from and have regretted ever since.

"I'll walk you to your car." I said, getting up and getting the door for her before she could protest. She didn't though. She remained completely and irritatingly quiet the entire ride in the elevator and walk to her car.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said, hopping in her car giving me mild satisfaction that she would show up at our next appointment tomorrow.

I stood waiting for her to drive away, watching as she started the engine only to have it stutter and fall silent.

She groaned, dropping her head to the steering wheel.

I smiled, knocking on the window.

"C'mon, I'll give you a ride." I said.

She stared at me warily for some time. Enough to make me worry that she'd say no and call a car, but then she sighed, grabbed her purse and followed me to my car.

"Are you sure you remember the way?" She asked.

I laughed.

"I guess I deserve that." I said.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, she reached for the radio, but I grabbed her hand to stop her.

"Should we talk?" I asked. "About everything we said in the…"

She pulled her hand away.

"I don't really think we need to. I mean, I think we did a lot of talking for tonight." She said, staring at her lap.

"I just think that maybe we need to talk about what we talked about. We didn't really decompress." I pointed out.

"Isn't that what tomorrow's session is for?" She asked.

But she wasn't really understanding. How could I tell her that I just wanted to spend time with her alone, without prying eyes, or pressure to bring up painful memories. All I wanted was to have dinner with her and maybe watch a Bob Hope movie. I wanted to have fun with her again.

When did our relationship become so hard?

I pulled up to the Cliff House, our old house, her house now, and walked her to the door.

She quickly got her keys and was inside.

Before she could close the door, I stuck my foot in.

"Have you eaten?" I got the courage to ask.

She stared at me like I'd grown another head.

"I mean, I know how well you cook, and I figure you could use one of my home cooked meals. I mean, you must be tired of take out by now. And bean should really try my cooking, so she gets used to it. Plus, it's got to be healthier than take out, right?"

"I've actually gotten okay at cooking now, for your information." She said.

"Please." I said.

She stepped back, and I walked into our home of the second time in three days.

She walked into our old bedroom as I looked for any changes I'd been too determined to notice the first time. There weren't many, a few less pictures of us together; noticeably absent the wedding photo we kept on top the mantle of the fireplace. I wonder what she did to the one we'd kept beside our bed?

The most significant change, the once empty guest bedroom beside ours was littered with shopping bags, filled with toys, clothes, baby booties. A tiny black faux leather jacket conjured images of Steffy and bean, in matching mommy and me leather jackets.

The room was painted, but not your typical baby girl pink. Rather the formerly white walls were a beautiful blue sky, with perfect white clouds. It was perfect, everything we ever wanted. Our daughter would wake up to blue skies every day.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Steffy said from behind me. She had changed into a loose dress that accentuated her bump. "I thought it was more positive than just a regular old soft duckling or enchanted forest. I had an artist come by a couple months ago, and we decided on the sky, over there, she's going to paint our faces. I had to give her a couple pictures, I hope that's okay with you, but the mural will be worth it. She thought she could make a park scene to surround us, maybe some kites and butterflies. Based on her sketches, it'll be really beautiful. I thought the crib could go right beside that wall, so she could always see our faces, even when I'm at work." And you're not here. She didn't say it, but she didn't have to.

"And you don't have to worry about fumes or anything, she comes in to paint when I'm at work and the type of paint she uses is very safe for pregnant women. And you're probably wondering about that big blank spot. We were thinking about putting her name there, she's been super on me about that because she keeps saying she can't do anything else on that wall until I tell her if she's a Penelope, a Paris, or Jo." She laughed.

I didn't know what to say. It was already a beautiful room. When it was finished, it would be perfect. I could see it in my mind; Steffy and I bringing her home from the hospital, placing her in her crib. We'd stand over her watching her, basking in how beautiful she was. And even when we weren't there, she'd feel us surrounding her. It was a picture I'd carried in my mind when we first found out about the pregnancy, a picture that had seemed so far away a couple weeks ago, and one that should feel within reach now, but felt like it was fading.

I cleared my throat, leaving the nursery.

"So, what do you feel like? How about your favourite?" I asked, approaching the kitchen.

Steffy abruptly stopped behind me, face blanched, clutching her stomach.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, reaching for her.

"Yeah, um, it's just stir fry has been making me sick lately." She said.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"It's okay. You couldn't have known."

But I should have.

"So, what can you have?" I asked, opening the refrigerator.

"Well, there are some pickles in the fridge that you could fry. Oh, that and some of that red pasta you used to make, and some chocolate milk." She said, smiling brightly.

That combination sounded disgusting, but it was simple enough to make and at least I could have the pasta. I got to work as Steffy put her feet up and turned on some music. She scarfed down her food faster and louder than I'd ever seen her eat before, moaning at the bite of pickle and spaghetti.

I remained quiet, amused and watching, while battling my inner turmoil. The talking that was supposed to be done seemingly escaping both our views.

Or that's what I thought.

"Are you upset?" Steffy asked, after she had polished off the remainder of the chocolate milk.

"About the session? No." I said, hoping she believed me, but she had always been good at reading me. The session was the farthest thing from my mind.

"Not about the session. You've been weird since you saw the nursery. If you're worried about consistency, I can give you Carly's number and she can replicate it at your place. Where are you staying now, anyway?" She asked.

"I'm at a hotel for now while I find a new place." I said. "And the nursery is beautiful." I didn't bother to bring up the offer she made, because I didn't want to have a replica of my daughter's room at my place. I wanted to be with her and Steffy together, one nursery, one home.

"Then what is it, Liam? Don't you know that after all this time, I can tell when you're brooding over something?" She said with a soft smile.

"No, I'm just thinking about what you said, about a Penelope, Paris, or Jo. I guess I was just shocked that you already started thinking about names." Without me.

Though I left that part unsaid, she heard it.

"Those aren't my name choices, though I have been thinking about names. Penelope, Paris and Jo are the examples Carly gave for the wall because they're all different lengths and take up different spaces on the wall. She's been asking me every day if she's a Penelope, a Paris or a Jo, and honestly, Penelope is starting to grow on me. I know it must suck, feeling like you're not a part of something that you should be, but I can't apologize for moving on. I spent a long time being sad about our break up, and I needed to be strong and ready for when our daughter came. Time didn't stop, and focusing on the nursery and names, it really pulled me out of a dark place." She said, chin raising stubbornly, and all I could think is I hope that our daughter gets that stubborn chin.

"I don't want you to apologize. I'm not going to lie, it does suck. But none of that is your fault. You fought to keep us together, and I was too blinded by everything else that was going on to consider what I was going to lose."

She looked shocked at my admission of my guilt, but the session and a lot of harsh words from just about everybody I've talked to recently has made me see the truth in their accusations.

I have been disloyal, stubborn, and self-righteous at times, and if I ever wanted to grow and build a life with Steffy I needed to admit my own pitfalls and stop crucifying others for theirs.

"So, what names have you been thinking of?" I asked, changing the subject to something more optimistic.

"I've just chosen a few that I like, but I still always thought we'd do this together, whether you had gotten married or not. I thought we could both come up with names we liked and tell each other. We get veto power too though." She laughed. "I've been looking at a lot of unique names. I want her to have a name that's completely hers, but you're going to have to tell me when I've gone too far. I don't think I remember the difference between unique and ugly anymore."

I laughed.

"Okay, shoot." I said.

"Hang on a sec." She shuffled over to the nursery, and returned with a book, handing it to me. It was the book 100 unique names for your baby girl. "Feel free to chime in with your own when you find any you like."

I nodded, immersed in the book.

"I'm not going to start off with my favourite just in case you hate it right away. One of the ones I like Dahlia."

Dahlia Spencer had I nice ring to it. But then we hadn't discussed last names. Dahlia Forrester-Spencer?

"I like it." I said.

"Okay, it stays on the list. I should get a pen…" She muttered, searching before giving it a checkmark. "Found anything yet?" She asked.

"Nope, still looking." I said.

"Okay, next for me, Leilani." She said.

Once again, I needed to hear it; Leilani Spencer or Leilani Forrester Spencer.

"I like it more than Dahlia." I said. "What about Athena?"

"I love the idea of naming her after a goddess." She scribbled adding it to the list.

"I like Willow." She said.

"Veto." I said. "It's pretty, but it sounds kind of sad."

"Huh? I never thought of that." She crossed it out.

"How about Adeline?"

"Veto. Too vintage." She said. "Finley and Emerson."

"Unisex?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, but I kind of like the idea of a girl rocking a boy's name." She smirked.

"Finley, yes. Emerson, veto."

She sighed. "Fine."

"What about River or Lyric?" I added, not really names but definitely unique.

"It does roll off the tongue nicely. River Spencer, or Lyric Spencer."

I stuttered, breaking into a full-blown smile.

"What?" She asked.

"I didn't know if you wanted to hyphenate or not. Or if she'd even have my last name at all."

"I mean, I thought about Forrester Spencer, but only because they're both powerful last names in the business world, but no matter how upset I was at you, she was always going to be a Spencer."

I smiled, hope filling my chest.

"Maybe by the time she's born, you'll be a Spencer again."

She tensed, looking away, before picking up her phone checking the time. She cleared her throat and looking anywhere but at me, she said, "It's getting pretty late. We should call it a night."

I glanced at my watch. It was barely 9:30.

"Steffy—" I started, but she held up her hand, standing and not too subtlety shoving me towards the door.

"Liam, we had a pretty good moment, let's not push our luck and just call it a night, huh?"

I tried to protest, but she'd already opened the door and shoved me outside.

"Goodnight." She said, closing the door, and once again I was on the outside looking in on my family who seemed to be doing just fine without me.

A/N: So, I've been reading the spoilers and it said that Steffy is going to choose a name for her baby, so this chapter was inspired by that little bit of information. Anyway, all the names I like for this baby I put in this chapter, so review comment, and tell me what names you like for Baby Spencer.