A/N: So, just though I'd let you guys know that lots of upcoming scenes are being written well in advance, and well… I think you should know this is becoming epic… that's all I will say ;) Thank you reviewers!
Enjoy!
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Chapter Thirty-two
Boromir would not wake in the morning for practice. Serafina laughed at him as he swatted them away lying in his blanket roll. He was clearly suffering from his consumption of wine the night before. Aragorn kept his face fairly passive, but Serafina caught him dropping Sam's pots and frying pans on a rock near the man's makeshift bed. She could have sworn she saw a ghost of a smile play on his lips when Boromir swore loudly and rolled over onto his stomach.
Most of the company was awake; Legolas and Gimli were evidently out on another walk. When Serafina and Aragorn rose to walk to the clearing used for practice, Merry and Pippin joined them. Serafina looked at them questioningly and Merry spoke up,
"We thought we could use a few last minute pointers… you know, just in case."
Serafina smiled in answer, she was not feeling particularly talkative, she had herself consumed too much wine the previous night and though she did not have a headache she did not feel much like talking. Aragorn however answered and said they would be welcome to join them.
Serafina tried to keep all of the revelations from the night before out of her mind as she walked through the woods to the clearing for the last time. She realised she would be sad to leave the trees - a feeling she was sure she would not have felt if she was not forced to re-join the fellowship for at least part of the quest.
She only half payed attention as Merry and Pippin practiced with Aragorn. She knew a couple of hours must have passed before he called her over but she did not feel them go by. When she drew her sword she was finally able to focus. She rejoiced in being able to forget the night before, forget the visions, forget even the man in front of her and focus purely on the swordplay.
"Good," he said grimly after they had sparred for a time, "You are learning well. What you need to remember, and his goes for you two as well Master hobbits, is that you will never be able to match your opponents in strength. You are not strong enough to fight stupid, so always stay alert. Think clever and move fast, hopefully that will keep you alive," he said eyeing Serafina pointedly as he finished. "Still, if any battle comes our way the three of you, and Frodo and Sam will do well to stay behind Gandalf."
Serafina's and the hobbits' heads snapped up. At first Aragorn held her gaze in confusion but as her expression turned sad she saw realisation dawn and his face contorted with pain. He dropped his sword to the ground and covered his face.
"Aragorn?" Serafina asked from where she stood. She should go to him, she knew. She hesitated for a moment remembering her decision the night before; distance was the answer. But looking at him standing there in distress made her disgusted with herself. Surely she could comfort a friend! And what difference would it make, she would be leaving them in any case.
Back straight she closed the distance between them, her heart racing she stood squarely in front of him. "Aragorn?" she asked quietly again, aware that Merry and Pippin were still with them. He made no answer. Serafina didn't know what to do. Looking down she saw his fallen sword lay forgotten on the ground. She bent and picked it up. Stealing herself she gritted her teeth for courage and pried his right hand from his face and placed his sword hilt in it gently, closing his grip around it. She felt his hand tighten on the sword and his other hand left his face. His features were still twisted with grief. She felt awkward standing in front of him with Merry and Pippin looking on, equally uncomfortable. No one had really discussed Gandalf's death, at least not when she had been around and the topic felt extremely taboo. Last time she had attempted to say words of comfort to him she'd been rewarded with words that slapped her in the face, whether he'd intended it or not.
She knew she needed to say something to him. The longer she stood there in front of him with her hands on his the more aware she became of her own discomfort in the situation.
"Are you alright?" she whispered.
Most of her communication with Aragorn was done just between the two of them. She often felt uneasy conversing with him in front of the others. She realised this was probably what gave their friendship such an intimate feeling and having Merry and Pippin as witnesses to her trying to comfort the man increased her self-consciousness. Aragorn opened his eyes and looked at her. His eyes seemed to be full of questions and pain. She could feel the unspoken emotion from his gaze and squeezed his hand underneath her own. Apparently the moment passing between them appeared too private for the hobbits and Merry hit Pippin on the shoulder and said in a quiet and sad voice,
"Come on, Pip. Let's go."
Serafina breathed a sigh of relief as their footsteps faded and focused on the man in front of her. He stepped back from her and sheathed his sword. His eyes met hers again.
"I can accept that he is dead," he said emphatically, gesticulating to reinforce his words, "and I can even move on!" he exclaimed throwing his arms wide. He was silent for a moment and Serafina tried to process this side of Aragorn she'd never seen. They had always discussed her; her problems, her wounds, her future with them. She had no idea how to talk to him about him. Fortunately for her he seemed to be in an expressive mood, he looked at her gravely as he said, "But what I cannot seem to master, Serafina, what eludes me…" he paused unable to find the words and walked away from her a few feet and then turned back. "I cannot get used to it," he owned to her.
He continued walking away from her and eventually leant his back against a tree facing her on the edge of the clearing. He did not watch her as she walked to join him. She fought herself the whole distance, the coward within her screaming at her to leave him - leaving would be easier. Before she knew it she was in front of him again.
"You cannot not guess how many times each day I think I should consult him on this matter or that," he said not looking at her.
"I'm assuming more than once," she said dryly without thinking. When she realised how unfeeling her comment was her eyes widened, but she stubbornly kept her chin lifted high, she wouldn't take it back.
To her surprise though a grin appeared on Aragorn's face and he chuckled lightly. She smiled in relief.
"Yes Fia," he said with a sad smile, "more than once."
"No matter what decisions you make, Aragorn. None of them would question you, they trust you implicitly." Her words were slightly stiff but she said them with conviction.
"And what if I make the wrong decision?" he challenged her.
"You won't," she said confidently, her voice and eyes hard.
"You cannot know that," he said frustratedly, "You cannot see the future. What if the quest fails as a result of a decision I made?"
Serafina blushed at the reference to the future, but left it unexplained. "I know you," she said, blushing deeper for repeating his words from the night before back to him, "You won't let the quest fail."
Aragorn looked at her with an odd expression. Serafina thought she saw gratitude in it and yet he seemed still unconvinced. He reached out and took her right hand in his own. He looked at their joined hands and began to trace the outlines of the almost healed skin on her wrist.
"Tell me something," he said pointedly changing the topic, "Was it a calculated stumble in Moria? Or did you actually trip and steal my knife in the spur of the moment?"
Serafina grinned at him. She felt relieved that she did not have to think about this kind of interaction; banter came naturally to her. She could tell that he was still grieving, she could read it in his face and in the way he held her hand. She tried not to think about their joined hands as she stood there - if it comforted him she would let him do it, but she refused to dwell on it or make more out of it than it was. The way he traced his fingers along her scarring skin was slightly more distracting.
"Do you really need to ask?" she said with an audacious smile.
Aragorn shook his head, but a small smile appeared on his lips, "I thought as much," he said still looking down.
Serafina laughed and said, "I was so worried you would see through me, so I hid my face in your chest but then I -" she stopped herself abruptly. What was she going to say? I became disoriented by your closeness? Serafina balked visibly but fortunately he was still examining her wrist and missed the expression in her eyes. She spoke quickly to hide her falter, "But I was able to slip it into my shirt before you noticed."
Silence settled between them for a moment. Serafina noticed that Aragorn appeared to be lost in his own thoughts. She reprimanded herself mentally for becoming so comfortable with him that she could have said too much. Presently though Aragorn was smiling, he raised his eyes to meet hers. Serafina looked at him questioningly and he let his smile grow.
"That was quite a story you told last night," he said.
A smile of her own twitched onto her lips, "It was true."
"I know," he answered, "I could tell by your blush."
Serafina reddened but raised her eyebrows. "That could have been the wine," she said defiantly.
"It was not the wine," he said smiling. "Though Boromir did a good job of getting you to drink it."
Serafina shrugged her head to the side, "It was good to forget things, if only for a moment."
"Forget the secret that he knows?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.
She looked at him darkly. "It is not a secret. I would just prefer to not discuss it."
"Very well," he said inclining his head politely, but there was a clipped tone in his voice that made her grind her teeth. "It is good to see the two of you getting along in any case."
Serafina let out a harsh bark of laughter. "He is only trying to ease his fancy, I suspect once he either gets over it or gets used to it he will be as eager to chop off my head as he ever was," she said carelessly. In her complacent attitude she missed the flash of comprehension in Aragorn's eyes. Had she seen it she may have reanalysed her words, but she remained unaware of the conclusions he was drawing.
"I do not think him so inconstant," he said dropping her hand. Serafina immediately folded them over her chest. Something about the tone in Aragorn's voice was making her uncomfortable, "Your friendship, I think, will be invaluable to him. I am worried that the ring is effecting him ever more."
"I am not offering him friendship," she retorted.
Aragorn raised his eyebrows but said nothing. She felt his eyes on her but she looked determinedly over his shoulder. Eventually Aragorn said, "Fia, truly I am sorry if I've offended you. I only seek to know all that I must to lead the quest, and that includes -"
"I know," she cut him off, "And it is fine. Really. I just need some time to come to terms with things."
"I understand," he answered gravely.
Together the made their way back to their camp in awkward silence. Each not understanding the other as they thought they did.
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"You're joking," said Boromir as they were all seated together for their last evening meal. He sat next to Serafina and she looked down determinedly at the food she cradled in her lap. The rest of the fellowship, having already been informed of the temporary addition to their journey, was glancing between Serafina, Boromir and Aragorn, the latter siting across the group from them.
"Indeed I am not," Aragorn answered simply, "It is not ideal, but -"
"Not ideal?" cried Boromir, "It is madness! Unless you have decided to change your plan and we journey to Minas Tirith after all?"
A thrill of panic charged through Serafina. Minas Tirith was a direct route to Denethor - a future she refused to see come to pass. She looked up quickly and interjected with heated fierceness.
"If you journey to Minas Tirith, be assured I will leave you before then!"
"Have you forgotten already what may be waiting for you in my city?" Boromir asked her quietly with a confused expression on his face, he was not quite enough and Serafina could feel the interest from the rest of the company increasing. She looked away from Boromir's questioning gaze back to the ground.
"My decision remains unchanged," answered Aragorn eventually.
"Then what? She travels with us to Mordor?" he challenged.
But Aragorn would not let his temper rise. "Serafina will travel on alone before we make a direct path to the black lands," he said calmly.
"And you would allow this? She knows nothing of the wild - you send her to her death!"
"Less than a month ago you would have left her to the wolves," Aragorn said quietly giving Boromir a sideways glance, "In fact I remember you suggesting it on more than one occasion."
"And you stood by her side at every turn!" shouted Boromir, "does her safety not concern you anymore?"
Serafina could barely believe her ears. She sat watching the two men wide-eyed and too infuriated with the topic to interject again and too angry about being discussed in such a manner that speech was now impossible. Boromir was completely outraged, she had expected that he would not like it since his undertaking of the guilt for the path her life had taken. She had not expected him to take on the role of protector. She could not imagine what Aragorn thought had passed between the two but she hoped he would maintain the detached approach he was employing.
"My level of concern for Serafina has not wavered," he said. Serafina had never seen his face look so hard and devoid of emotion, his voice was carefully calm but she detected a note of warning in it. A shiver ran down her spine. "That is why," he continued his voice gaining in heat, "she travels with us as long as it is safe to do so. I will not have her walking the wilderness alone a day longer than she must."
"Why can she not remain here?" Boromir demanded.
"Do you really think that Aragorn would allow Serafina to accompany us if sanctuary in Lórien was an option?" asked Legolas sharply.
Boromir didn't answer.
"Exactly what I was going to say! Of course he wouldn't!" exclaimed Gimli slapping his legs and standing up, as if trying to close the discussion for good. He looked sideways at Serafina and said, "Perhaps this way we'll get the chance to hear the stories of her encounters with the remaining three naked men!"
"You're putting her in danger Aragorn." Boromir said in a low voice, "You will not - we will not be able to protect the hobbits and her as well!"
Gimli sat back down sighing. Serafina threw the remains of her dinner on the ground and stood her eyes livid.
"I can protect myself!"
"Fia sit down," Aragorn said wearily. Serafina ignored him.
"Is that what you've been doing? Deluding her into thinking that she has a chance on her own? Her chance of surviving with us is small, and on her own it does not even exist."
"Have you not been preparing her for this very situation every morning we have stayed here?" asked Legolas, clearly getting sick of the discussion. "If you were not prepared to accept the possibility that she would need to employ the skills you were teaching her then why did you bother?"
"I never expected her to need to use them. The only possibilities I was prepared for were that she would be left in the safety of the elves or that we would have her journey with us to Gondor. I did not expect that she would be left to wander the wildness alone. I did it because Aragorn insisted it was necessary!"
"Then you should be thankful that Aragorn had the foresight you lacked."
"Legolas, enough." Aragorn said quietly.
"Frodo," began Boromir turning to the hobbit in desperation, "what do you think? Do you also believe that Serafina has a place re-joining our journey?"
Frodo looked at Boromir in alarm at being dragged into the conversation. Slowly he let his eyes trail up to Serafina who still stood, her chest heaving in anger.
"I think there is no other option. I do not rejoice in it but I agree that she is better to travel with us for a time instead of traveling all of the way alone," he paused and regarded Boromir for a moment, "I also think you would not object so strongly if we were to accompany her to Minas Tirith, which makes me question the motivation of your objections."
Boromir looked at the hobbit in surprise. "And you have no fear that she would begin to desire for the ring? She has sworn no oath to protect you."
"If Serafina wanted the ring I'm sure she would have taken it already, or kept it when she did take it! Clearly it does not affect her like it does others!" he answered sharply.
Silence fell on the fellowship and Serafina felt a rush of gratitude to Frodo. She knew Boromir accused her so as a last resort but she could not help feeling all of the goodwill that had been established between them disappearing on her side.
"Very well," said Boromir quietly as if speaking to himself. Then he raised his voice slightly to address the group, "If you stand unanimous on this I can see I cannot change your minds however strongly I oppose the decision." He stood slowly, rising next to Serafina, towering over her, "Whatever happens from this point on, I will not be held responsible for it," he said to her bitterly. He turned from the group and walked away. Each of them watched as he disappeared between the trees, a lone figure in the darkness.
"Well that was unexpected!" exclaimed Gimli. He stood, grunting as he rose, and made his way promptly to his bedroll. Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam began talking among themselves in hushed whispers and grabbed the remaining portions of dinner. After a moments deliberation Legolas too rose and began to prepare himself for rest and the morning that would follow.
Serafina stood still, her hands balled into fists at her side. She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself but it was useless. That they would discuss her, so openly and in front of her without even considering to consult her left her blood boiling. What's more, that Boromir would deign to guilt himself into assuming the role of her protector was infernal! She closed her, but Boromir's accusations that she would form an attachment to the ring resounded in her ears. She could barely believe that he would dare make such a comment. Spitefully she began to wish that she hadn't bothered to distract his attention from the ring those many times. Perhaps then the hateful man would reap what he sowed.
She felt a hand on her shoulder.
"You should not blame him," he said gravely, "he is not himself."
Serafina opened her eyes to see familiar grey ones looking at her in concern. "I blame him for being so concerned with his own opinion of himself that he feels duty bound to protect me, though he would probably rather that I rot in a dungeon," she remarked bitterly.
"I think you are too hard on him," he answered with a strange note in his voice, "I do not believe that he wishes you harm anymore than I'm sure you believe it now. I also try to protect you, Fia. You used to get angry with me for it."
"I still get angry at you for it," she countered, "but that is different."
"How is it different?" he asked fiercely. Serafina looked at him and was surprised to find hurt in his eyes.
"It is different because you are Aragorn and he is Boromir! What other difference could there be?"
"I think the difference is in how you perceive it," he said bitterly.
"Of course it is," she answered not understanding his irritation, "that is what I said."
Aragorn searched her face but his eyes never gave hint of if he found what he was looking for or not. Serafina lowered her eyes and she saw Frodo watching her keenly. He did not frown but he looked away soon after she caught him watching her. She raised her eyes back to Aragorn; his face was once again grim, only traces of hurt were now visible.
She bade him goodnight quickly and walked away from him, utterly perplexed at his words and his conduct. Boromir had accused him of not caring for her safety, something Serafina knew Aragorn took very seriously, and Aragorn had barely flinched. And instead he had reprimanded her for being furious with Boromir, and then attacked her for being angry that they both try to protect her for different reasons. The man was infuriating. In her blanket roll she rolled over and over, trying to force stillness onto her mind. When sleep claimed her finally she was bombarded with dreams springing from the scenes she'd seen in Galadriel's Mirror.
She woke angry though the morning dawned crisp and clear. After packing the camp Serafina stood to the side of the fellowship as Galadriel presented them each with elvin cloaks and personal gifts to help them or encourage them in desperate times. She felt like an intruder on an intimate family gathering, the person who isn't actually supposed to be there and tries to stand in the corner hoping no one will notice how awkward the situation is being made by their presence.
Eventually though the moment passed and Serafina followed the fellowship to the boats.
"Will you not accept my gift to you, Serafina of Gondor?" sounded a clear voice in her head.
Serafina spun around and saw Galadriel standing in the line of trees. Quickly she checked to see that none of the others were watching her before walking towards the beautiful elf, trepidation in every step.
"Take this," she said, though not in Serafina's head. She looked into her eyes and was overcome for a moment with wonder. She shook her head quickly, attempting to clear away her admiration for her beauty - she refused to become as hopeless as Gimli. Galadriel seemed to perceive her thoughts and laughed lightly. She was holding out to her a pouch for her belt made of the softest and most beautifully embossed leather. Serafina took it. It was approximately five inches deep and seven inches across. Immediately she noticed the pouch was not empty and she looked at Galadriel questioningly.
"Do not open it now. What you will find inside is something to help you on your path, wherever it may lead," she said with a mysterious smile.
"Thank you," said Serafina, frowning at the elf.
For some reason Galadriel found her response amusing and laughed again. "Go now Serafina. My thoughts go with you and your companions. From here the road is long."
Serafina walked quickly away from the elf to find herself about to be stuck in a boat with another. Legolas though, payed her little attention as she got into the boat. She smiled when Gimli joined them, at least her last days with the fellowship would be spent with a friend. She glanced over quickly to Aragorn. He had barely looked at her all morning. She sighed and realised she should be happy that distance was festering between them, but somehow a smile wouldn't come.