A heartfelt and personal tale of how lying results to paranoia and the tragic downfall to everything. It's like looking into a future bible. That is how wise and well-delivered and well edited this is.

At one point in his sixth year Sirius was absolutely positive he had become a compulsive liar. He didn't mean to, but something about dating your best friend for the past four months without telling your other bests fiends about it sort of made you liar quicker and a lot more easily. Lily would say "like water off a ducks back", Sirius didn't have a clue as to what she meant. Silly Lily with her Muggle sayings.

He did want to come clean to James and Peter, it was just the longer he put it off the harder and scarier it was to have to explain to them why you didn't trust them for so long. Then James would get frustrated and probably kick a chair, break his toe, and limp out of the castle muttering about how "relationships are built on trust" and how "dishonouring it is to lie to your friends". Sirius didn't want to put James through that, it would break the man.

"Where have you been?" James asked, looking up from Transfiguration Today. This was assumedly another scheme to get Lily to witness his intelligent streak and as a result to fall desperately in love with him.

Sirius and Remus walked through the portrait hole. Remus pretended to cough, hoping that the excessive bout of coughing would hide his blush. Sirius stepped forward to explain.

"Kitchens." Sirius shrugged. "Got hungry."

"Why are your lips swollen, Remus?" Lily asked, being perfectly aware of Remus' reason as to why his lips looked as though they had been trapped in a vacuum cleaner for several minutes. Having this knowledge, she was jumping at every chance she got to give Remus a "gentle push" out of the closet.

"He got his mouth caught in the opening of a butterbeer bottle." Sirius interjected.

"What about your mouth?" Lily asked, her voice was full of desperation.

"I snogged that seventh year earlier."

"What seventh year? And how much earlier?"

"Two and a half hours. Romy Orion."

"Never heard of her. How are your lips still like that?"

"It was a pretty hefty snogging session."

"What house is she in?"

"Hu- Ravenclaw."

"What does she look like?" Lily was about to out-do Sirius, she was on the cusp of greatness. She was on top on the world. She could out-wit anything now. "I might have seen her."

"Tall, browny-blondey-reddy hair. Nice arse."

"Nice arse?"

"Yeah, toned. Like those Olympic swimmers you keep in your dorm."

Lily blushed. Despite this, she kept on marching on. She was about to undo and unravel every little thread Sirius had woven together. It was beyond her as to how Sirius knew what she kept above her bed. "Those swimmers are male."

"You know what I mean."

"I don't." Remus and Lily said.

"Shut it, Lupin. And according to science –something that you, Evans, need to pay more attention to- males chose females as mates whose waists are seventy percent of the size of their hips. It's a natural thing that suggests that females that have this are more likely to have less trouble delivering children. It's fucking biology."

"When did you learn about this stuff?" James asked, amazed that Sirius had known this seeing as it wasn't a part of the compulsory study.

"I like to read Moony's science books and magazines."

"Why?" Lily pressed. She had him backed into a corner.

They smell like him and it helps me concentrate when it's the full moon because I can't really see him and he's not well then. "I get bored and I'm allowed to read. Get off my back, you're not my mother."

"Remus, what are your measurements?"

"No clue."

"31, 30, 31 at a guess." Sirius said these words far too quickly. "Why did you ask anyway?"

"Just curious,"

"Scientifically, there isn't much between the male and female form except from sex organs and a different ratio of hormones. My point being that everything is the same and nothing matters as to what you do in your spare time."

"No one ever said that they were different." Lily said innocently.

"Well, that's bloody brilliant, isn't it?" Said a very frustrated and sarcastic Sirius.

"It certainly is. Anything else you'd like to tell us?" Lily said coyly.

"Nothing." Sirius gritted through his teeth. "C'mon, Remus."

Sirius stormed up the stairs, wide eyed and shocked from what he had just witnessed, Remus followed him.

"Where are you going?" Lily teased. "What are you going to do now?"

"I AM ABOUT TO FUCKING FALL ASLEEP, IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU."

Please tell me what the moral of this story is. I think it's "If you're going to lie to people you know, get your facts straight and don't suck on your secret lover's mouth for too long."

Another could be "Don't tell Lily Evans that you're a closet gay.". Next time you see your Lily Evans, slap them.