Author's notes:
Hi there! Sorry for the delay but I really worked a lot more harder on this one, because it was really important. I hope you will see it and like it :)
I wanted to thank you my editor who is always there to help me and my writer friend Amy who gave me the best ideas ever for this chapter. Thanks also to all the persons who favorited, followed and especially reviewed, your opinion is the most important thing for me.
Enjoy!
(There are two flashbacks in this chapter, I wrote them in italics, I hope you won't get confused because thoughts are in italics too. Let me know if I should change something.)
Bo was left alone again. Lauren was gone and she was mad at her. She knew she wasn't thinking clearly and that well, yes, maybe she had overreacted because she wasn't really in the best mood right now, but she couldn't help it.
She could easily imagine how the human would be feeling: confused, maybe even frustrated. And it was all her fault. Again. After all, she was the one who had wanted to sleep with the doctor just the day before. She had seduced her. And now, she had just sent her away. Bo knew she would have to talk to Lauren eventually, and preferably really soon. They had to have a serious talk about their relationship and their feelings toward each other because Lauren would no doubt want an explanation as soon as possible. And the Succubus owed her that.
But Bo didn't want to think about it right now. She had too many other things to attend to first. Moreover, how could she possibly talk to the doctor about her feelings when she didn't even know what she was feeling herself? She didn't know what she wanted. She didn't know anything. Bo was a lost girl.
The Succubus took a deep breath and rushed back upstairs to check on Tamsin again and finish patching up her numerous wounds.
Kenzi had changed into a black t-shirt and was busying herself covering the blonde with an impressive amount of blankets.
The human turned her head to give the Succubus a concerned look as soon as she heard her reaching the top of the stairs. "You okay Bo? I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I swear but… but I heard yelling so..." the small girl asked carefully.
"Yeah... Well, not really but I really don't want to talk about it, not now Kenzi, please," the Succubus pleaded.
The younger woman knew her best friend well enough to not push the subject further so she just nodded in agreement.
"Did you finish... Um you know, cleaning all the... her..." Bo started hesitantly. Generally she was confident and direct but at that moment it was difficult to find the right words, only because she cared about Tamsin. She cared so much that it hurt her to even utter words such as "wounds," "cuts" or "bruises" in reference to the blonde.
"I did, don't worry," Kenzi quickly replied seeing that the Succubus was again having a hard time controlling her emotions.
After a few seconds of silence, she talked again, a deep frown on her face. "But now, she is just... Cold. An-and I don't even know why! I left for something like 5 seconds, just to throw away all the bandages and gauzes but when I returned I saw she was shivering slightly. And her face looks even paler, no? Tell me that's just because she hates being in the sun," Kenzi asked worriedly.
A rush of fear passed through Bo's body and she moved swiftly to the bed to touch the forehead of the Valkyrie herself.
"Shit!" she cursed quietly. "A-Acacia warned me, she told me that I needed to keep her warm because she might get this cold again! Dammit! She is lowering her heart rate and her body temperature in this coma state in order to heal from her injuries faster. Acacia said it was called the 'Valkyrie protective instinct' or something like that. She told me that, she told me it could happen again, she told me to keep her warm and I… I just fucking forgot, dammit!" Bo almost shouted, riddled with fear and anger.
"Stop it!" Kenzi yelled at the Succubus to stop her rambling. She grabbed Bo's arms with more force than necessary to get her to snap out of her state and look into her eyes. "Stop blaming yourself for this Bo! Put that damn guilt away for just a second and do something useful!" She stopped to catch her breath and let the Succubus process what she was saying. "Now, you take a deep breath and you get it together dammit!"
Kenzi knew she was a little harsh with the brunette, maybe even a little too much, but it was necessary, it was the only way to get her attention and make her help Tamsin right now.
Bo took a few seconds to compose herself before speaking again. "Okay… Okay. What do I do?" she asked, unsure.
"Try to get her warm. I don't know, use you succucharm or something but please do something because those blankets are obviously not enough."
"Okay I can do that, I can," she replied with more confidence in her voice than before.
The human finally let go of the Succubus's arms so she could move. Bo moved by Tamsin's side again and noticed that the blonde was still shaking slightly, her face even paler than usual, and she was sweating abundantly.
She delicately put the back of her hand onto Tamsin's forehead and nearly jumped when she felt how cold the Valkyrie really was.
If she didn't do something now, it might be too late. She had to do something to help her right away.
She carefully sat on the bed next to the Valkyrie, took one of Tamsin's hands in hers and started releasing waves of warm energy into Tamsin's body. As a Succubus, Bo's body was naturally hotter than average. She never thought this ability could actually save someone one day. And for the first time since the day before, Bo actually felt useful. She was doing something good, she was helping.
As soon as her the warmth hit Tamsin, the blonde let out a slight moan of relief in her sleep. The brunette could see how much her energy was helping the Valkyrie, as her body temperature increased in just a few minutes after Bo touched her and she almost stopped shaking entirely. The energy also seemed to help soothe Tamsin's pain, as the Valkyrie's frown disappeared as soon as the Succubus started releasing her power into her.
Bo stayed there motionless for a few long minutes, just enjoying the moment. For the first time that night she felt good, relieved even. Her mind became clearer the very instant she laid her eyes on the blonde. Tamsin was going to be okay, physically speaking at least. She was going to be okay.
The clock was ticking and Bo was still in the same position several hours later. Kenzi had gone to take a nap in her bedroom earlier, when she was sure Tamsin was not in danger anymore.
No matter how tired Bo felt, she could not let herself fall asleep, because she knew she wouldn't be capable to continue releasing her power into Tamsin while sleeping. She was aware that she also wouldn't be able to do this all day but leaving the blonde's side was out of question.
So she just stayed like that, sometimes sitting up, sometimes lying down beside the Valkyrie. She always held her hand, her fingers tracing small perfect circles on it. Sometimes she would delicately caress the blonde's bruised face.
She really wanted to take the Valkyrie in her arms but she couldn't. Yes, she was afraid of hurting her but above all she wanted to respect Tamsin's intimacy and she was quite certain the woman would not appreciate waking up cuddling the person who had just broken her heart. So even though Bo wanted nothing more than to just hold her tight and close, she kept her distance, only because she cared for Tamsin and respected her enough to not go against the Valkyrie's will.
The Succubus was so hypnotized by the blonde's face that she didn't even hear her best friend approaching her.
"Hi there Bobo," Kenzi said sounding a little more enthusiastic as she stopped by the bed frame "How is she?" she asked, becoming serious instantly.
"Fine… Well I don't know if 'fine' is actually the best word to describe her right now... But she is all warmed up, she doesn't have a fever either, and I think her injuries are healing well; no bleeding, no infection," the brunette replied quietly.
"And how are you? You stayed awake the whole time?" the little human asked, looking directly into Bo's eyes so that the Succubus could not avoid the question.
"Yeah... I'm good..."
"Don't lie to me. You know I love you Bobolicious, I really do but you're just one of the most terrible liars of all time. You are not invincible and invulnerable, you have the right to feel bad or sad sometimes. Just talk to me."
"What do you want me to say Kenz… I screwed up okay?" the brunette replied, her voice broken with sadness. "It is like I used her. I let her love me, make love to me even though I knew I wasn't sure if I wanted this or not. But she wanted this. And I let her take care of me because it felt so good, I didn't have to worry or to save anyone when I was with her. I wasn't the chosen one who needs to be there for everyone. It was just her and me. She made me feel safe, Kenzi," she finished, looking at Tamsin with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"She was your shield against every shitty things that happens in this world, right?" Kenzi asked quietly. She felt so sad for her friend and seeing her beating herself up over Tamsin's situation.
"Exactly…"
"And what do you want now Bo? Do you want her to still be your protector and friend or do you want more?"
A few seconds passed before Bo opened her mouth to answer.
"More. I want more. I can't live without her Kenzi, I just can't. I know that now, and I will never give up on her," the Succubus replied earnestly. "But what if she doesn't want me anymore? I broke her heart… She was so hurt and broken… what if she rejects me?" she asked, her voice slightly rising as tears started to well up in her eyes again.
"Just give her some time. I can assure you that there's nothing more she wants than to be with you. I've known that since she was that little rebellious teenage blonde who was asking a million questions about you! She admired you so much!" The little human replied with pride. " And yes, she will probably be angry and broken at first, but if you prove to her that you want to be with her, that you are ready to be with her, and only her, then I am absolutely certain that you two will be so happy, as if nothing happened. Just be patient, Bo," the human said, smiling at the Succubus in attempt to comfort her.
"I will explain everything to her, I will be honest with her and then I will give her the space and time she needs to decide. Thank you, Kenz," she said wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"Okayyy now that we're done with all the serious talk, let's go get something to eat! Want anything in particular?" the human asked.
"No thanks, I'm good here."
"You sure? You look like you could use a snack there, and I'm not just talking about food if you know what I mean."
"I'm fine, seriously. Just a little tired, I guess," Bo replied, still looking at the peaceful blonde lying beside her.
"Okay then, tell me if you need anything. Oh and I'm gonna call Dyson, just to let him know what happened and tell him that everything is under control now," the human added while heading towards the stairs. She stopped and turned around again when she heard a panicking Succubus.
"You are going to tell him?!"
"Jeez relax! I'm not going to tell him EVERYTHING that happened between you and blondie Bobo, I'm not that stupid! But he is, well, was Tamsin's partner so I think it is only fair to tell him what happened to her, without any details. But he needs to know." Kenzi explained calmly.
"You're right. Sorry I just... Panicked I guess." she said with a chuckle. "I don't want anyone else to know, as I'm sure Tamsin wouldn't want it either. It's none of their business."
"I agree. Enough problems to deal with in our own back yard, right? Okay I'm out, pizza is calling!" the human added as she turned around and went downstairs.
Bo stayed with the Valkyrie the whole day, just watching the blonde breathing, her chest rising and falling evenly with every breath. It was one of the most peaceful things the Succubus had ever seen. She really needed that silence to think, to clear her head.
She would sometimes think about how dumb she had been, how she had turned off her feelings for Tamsin. She had known very well what Tamsin felt for her ever since that day when the Valkyrie kissed her at the Yule party, and especially when they kissed the second time.
She closed her eyes to let her mind travel.
Bo put her hands on Tamsin's shoulders as their lips made contact and they got lost in the feeling, forgetting everything and everybody around them. The blonde cupped her face, as they kissed slowly and gently. The Succubus could feel the emotion behind the kiss and it caught her completely by surprise, to the point that she started feeling butterflies in her stomach. She melted in that kiss completely.
When they moved apart, Bo could feel Tamsin staring at her intensely with the loveliest eyes she had never seen. She suddenly felt nervous, quickly turned her head to avoid an embarrassing moment and changed the subject.
"Nada," she said, cursing herself in her head for being this stupid and weak.
"Speak for yourself," Tamsin replied.
The Succubus looked at her in shock. 'Did she just admit that this kiss meant more for her?' she thought. Distant memories flooded her mind at that moment. She remembered all those little smiles, all those lovely looks Tamsin had given her when she thought no one was looking. She wanted to ask her, she wanted an explanation. An explanation for this kiss and also for that kiss in Brazenwood. She needed to know. But she was just too afraid to ask. So she didn't.
A small sad smile crossed Bo's features as she remembered every good moment she had with the Valkyrie that night.. Since that day, she had been avoiding the subject, and every time Tamsin complimented her or was just obviously flirting with her, all he ever did was just change the subject.
Like that time on her birthday, when Tamsin came into her room to give her the cupcake (and more after).
Bo was touched by the gift from Tamsin. Even if it was just a cupcake, it pleased her. It pleased her to see that Tamsin was doing everything that she could to just make her happy, to make her smile.
Showing she cared was difficult for the blonde and the Succubus could see how nervous she was, but she admired her nevertheless.
The Valkyrie handed her the cupcake, and she grabbed it eagerly and took a bite. Then Tamsin spoke again, in that same lovely voice that gave her butterflies in her stomach.
"You were amazing today."
The brunette was taken by surprise by the simple remark, and like a coward she changed the subject, again.
"If there is something better than this, I have not encountered it," she replied as if she didn't hear what the blonde had just said to her. She quickly looked down to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks.
Bo opened her eyes wide as the realization hit her.
That was always how she had dealt with her feelings toward Tamsin. She buried them as deeply as she could. But no matter how hard she tried to deny them, they were constantly coming up to the surface every time she saw Tamsin. Every time they looked in each other's eyes. It was unavoidable.
She turned her head to look at the blonde and leant forward to gently kiss the side of her face.
« Was it love? » She thought to herself. Had she settled so deeply into accepting what she had had with Dyson and Lauren, the familiarity of it all? Had she really been so frightened by her feelings for Tamsin because what she felt for her seemed impossibly more than she could fathom? Because they were deeper? Because they were more natural. Is this what love really was? The more Bo thought about it the more relaxed she felt. The freer she felt as she watched Tamsin sleep and the more anxious she was to see her awake.
She put her hands on the Valkyrie's forehead, gently caressing the other woman's hair before murmuring to the blonde, still unconscious beneath her:
« Have I loved you for all this time? »
From time to time, Kenzi went to check on both girls. She had brought Bo a sandwich earlier even though the brunette kept repeating that she wasn't hungry. But she couldn't fool the little human so she eventually ate half of it, just so that Kenzi would stop bugging her about it.
Dyson offered to help as soon as Kenzi called him. "Call me if you guys need anything," he'd said. "Also um… If Bo needs to... you know... feed. Tell her to give me a call," he added when the human told him Bo looked very tired, but he didn't press the matter when the goth growled at him. "Keep it in your pants wolf boy, now is not the right time!" Kenzi told Bo but she knew the Succubus would decline his offer anyway. And she did.
Bo did her best to stay awake, but she was so tired that her eyes were closing against her will and eventually fell asleep later in the evening, her body against Tamsin's.
She was sound asleep when some noises pulled her out of her slumber. First she thought she was just dreaming but then she heard groans and felt something move against her.
She quickly opened her eyes to see in the moonlight that it was in fact Tamsin who was groaning and moving.
The Succubus quickly sat up and put her hands on the blonde's cheeks.
"Tamsin?" she whispered but the Valkyrie didn't open her eyes. "Tamsin? Can you hear me?" she added while gently tapping the other woman's cheeks.
The blonde finally opened her eyes with great difficulty and looked straight into the big brown eyes above that looked at her worriedly.
"Bo?" she whispered.
To be continued…
Author's notes:
So? What do you guys think about it? :) I would really like to hear what you think about it so please, drop me review ;)