Another song-inspired fic. This one took a lot longer to write. I'm slacking. My bad. Enjoy anyway :)
Chapter Summary: Gail reminisces about her relationship with Holly.
Today's song: Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer
Driving around the city was never a fun feat. Some days it was easier than others. Today was no such day. Passing by some of the places where Holly's presence still lingered was a never-ending challenge. Gail drove by The Black Penny on her adventure down memory lane. It was the place where they had their first break up. It was also the last place they shared a drink together before she left for San Francisco. Earlier that day, Gail had driven past the forest where she first met the forensic pathologist.
Sometimes Gail wondered if what she had with Holly was real, or if it was all just a lie. There were so many ups and downs to their relationship that she never really figured out if their relationship was any better than her previous ones.
No, that was the real lie. Her relationship with Holly, regardless of the setbacks and heartache, had been worth it. Being able to spend any amount of time with this amazing, wonderful person was a blessing.
Gail found herself parked outside Holly's old house. She didn't even remember how she ended up here. Her inner map must have led her here subconsciously. Looking over to the door of the house, Gail was immediately thrown back into the memory of when her heart broke for the second time that year.
They had decided to move their conversation from the locker room to Holly's house, both women knowing that it was better suited to somewhere more private than 15 Division. The instant they entered the living room, Holly confessed everything about the job opportunity in California and how rare it was for someone her age to even be offered the position. With every word she spoke, Gail fell even further into turmoil. She didn't want Holly to leave, but there was no way she would ask her girlfriend to give up such a prestigious job.
The moment Holly reiterated that she was leaving in two weeks time Gail broke. Tears ran down porcelain features, prompting soft tan hands to reach up and wipe them away. Gail didn't care that her mascara was probably running at this point. There was no sense in hiding her feelings about the situation presented to her. Holly felt her own set of tears sting the back of her eyes, but fought as much as she could to hold them back. She pulled the blonde woman into a strong embrace, but when she did she lost composure and allowed her tears to freely flow.
Gail shook her head, pulling herself back to the present. Some days she thought it would be easier to wake up not remembering anything about their relationship. Maybe it would be easier to wake up with amnesia and just forget everything she ever felt. If she did, she wouldn't have to deal with the pain, the heartache, or the emptiness. She could forget those stupid little things Holly did that put such a smile on her face, like the way the doctor pushed her glasses up her nose when she was reading or how she'd bite her bottom lip when she nervous. Forget the way it felt to fall asleep next to the person Gail considered to be her other half - her better half.
On days like today, the blonde officer found herself drawn to the pictures on her phone. The visual memories of the best relationship she had ever had shone brightly on the little screen as she swiped through them. Pictures of stolen kisses, sleeping figures, special outings, and secret feelings filled the handheld device. Gail threw her head against the headrest and let out a loud sigh, hoping to distract from the tears she could feel burning in her eyes. No one would ever be able to replace Holly.
Driving away from the place she once felt was almost home, Gail wound back up at her beloved bar, secretly hoping her colleagues were not there. Walking through the doors of the Penny, she spotted familiar faces, but not those of her fellow officers. Instead, these faces belonged to Holly's friends. At least, one of them did. Rachel, if Gail recalled correctly, was the nice one. Yes, the nice one was who was waiting patiently at the bar for the drinks she just ordered.
Gail wandered over and took a seat on the bar stool, hoping not to strike up a conversation with this one off acquaintance. Unfortunately for her, Rachel spotted the blonde and, drinks in hand, sauntered over to her.
"Gail, hey. It's been a while." Rachel cheerily said.
Placing her order with the bartender, Gail spun around on the stool, "Hi Rachel. Odd to see you here on my turf. What brings you here?"
Taken aback, Rachel kept a smile on her face despite the somewhat bitter words spoken to her, "A friend of mine heard about this place and wanted to go. I enjoyed it last time I was here, despite everything that happened. You know, I was really happy when you and Holly got back together."
"Yeah, well, she moved out to San Francisco, remember? Didn't exactly work out." The officer let out a slight sigh at her remark.
An awkward silence fell upon the two women before Gail spoke up.
"How is she doing out there?"
Rachel shrugged, "She's good. She enjoys her job, doing well at it. I think she's happy?"
"You think?"
"Listen, I have to go. My friend is waiting for me over there," she pointed to a corner booth where another woman sat, "It was nice running into you. Have a great night Gail."
As she watched the other woman walk away, Gail couldn't help but ponder the words. 'I think she's happy?' What was that supposed to mean? The blonde quickly reached for the phone in her pocket and searched through copious emails. Holly had sent her the new cell phone number she had in San Francisco when she first moved, however Gail hadn't found a need to save the number in her contacts until now.
Composing a new text message, Gail typed and retyped words, never being satisfied with a message. After what seemed like forever, she finally settled on a short text.
'I hope you're doing fine in San Fran.'
Pursing her lips together, Gail lightly tossed the phone back on the table and took a long sip of her drink, sighing in the process. She looked down at her phone after it beeped once, indicating a newly received text message. The name flashed on the screen and she quickly unlocked her phone to read the text. It wasn't long or filled with anything she was expecting. A long message about how beautiful the city is, how great her job was, or details about how happy her life was in California was what Gail had been anticipating.
No, instead of any of that, all that was sent were six simple words.
'I'm really not fine at all.'