Chapter 5: Stubbornly in Love

Author's Note!

Hello everyone. I'm having national competitions now and am studying for my SATs, so I'll be less able to update. But do continue to support through reviewing, favourites and following. It's very encouraging. Yup. Unfortunately, I'm finding it very difficult to put Ana and Ethan together in the end. I know it's supposed to be an A/E fanfic.. But... GAH!

"If you ever had a chance to be whatever you want, what would you be?" I asked as we walked into the lobby of Best Western.

Ethan's eyes sparkled as he gave it a long and hard thought. "I'm not sure... What would you be?"

I laughed and shook my head at him, taking my place in the lift. "I asked first."

Ethan pursed his lips in deep thought and thumped his thigh as his eyes looked up for inspiration. "I think..." He started. "I'd be a tree."

"A tree?" I gasped. "What lowly aspirations!" I teased. Ethan pouted and I laughed harder, leaning in to wrap my arms around his waist from the side. I buried myself into his bicep and felt his right arm loop around my waist. "Why a tree?"

The lift opened at our floor and we shuffled out in our position. Ethan pressed me deeper into his side as he bent to reach the room card. Swiping it, he opened the door, "So that no matter where you go, you'd know exactly where to find me."

I smiled up at Ethan as we stumbled into the room. He had thought about me even in the life he would want to have. "I don't think I'd ever leave you."

Ethan opened his mouth to answer. "I don't think you'll have a choice." My eyebrows furrowed and so did Ethan's. We both looked at each other, the voice had not matched his lips... Neither had they been his.

My world must have halted in that moment. The earth failing to rotate about its axis as Ethan and I swiveled every so slowly to face the dark presence that had invaded our room. Christian was sitting at the far end, seizing our little chair by the table. Of course, he as flanked by Taylor and Luke.

His expression was completely unreadable. Christian had his eyes cast downwards and his hands fastened under his chin like an anchor to steady his head. I could almost feel his anger radiate from him. Heck, it was suffocating. Luke and Taylor had their eyes fixed on the ceiling, as if desiring not to be here. Who would?

Ethan cleared his throat and stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets, "Christian?" He gave me a frustrated look and a callous shrug as if it was anticipated.

I sighed inwardly. Ethan was right, this really was anticipated. It would not be difficult for a trillionaire to track down someone like me. Deep down, I knew that if he had the will, he would have a way. Clearly, Christian would not let go me that easily. We loved each other and it was going to take some time for the both of us to move on.

Being with Ethan was great. But I could not just completely banish my feelings for Christian. They still existed and took up majority of my heart. In other words, they were keeping everything Ethan out. Even knowing what Christian had done to me, standing in close proximity to him beckoned for me to forgive and forget. If I did, I could be back in his arms once and for all.

"Christian." I said, uncertain of how he would react. My heart thumped noisily against my rib cage as my ex boyfriend's grey eyes met mine. They were scalding and I gasped.

Ethan reached for my hand and took it. "GET. YOUR. FU*KING. HANDS. OFF. HER!" Christian seethed, leaping to his feet and gnashing his teeth again.

Mimicking a gate, Taylor and Luke swung across Christian and after as a barrier between him and Ethan. In response to the threat, Ethan gently led me behind his body for protection. That seemed to anger Christian more and he fought against his guards, spewing vulgarities as if they were the only words he knew.

This would not do. "Ethan," I said softly. He tilted his head towards me but his eyes remained on Christian. "Can I talk to him?"

He thought about it for a moment and pursed his lips at the idea. "Ana, I have no right to say no. You don't need my approval to do anything."

"Yeah, but you know he wouldn't hurt me." I tried to convince him that I would be safe.

Ethan nodded at me, "I know he wouldn't."

Christian relaxed and fell back into his seat. He folded his arms across his chest crossly, clenching his jaw tightly once more. I gave the three men a half-hearted smile, "Would you all excuse us for a moment?"

Luke and Taylor exchanged a look that was more of a silent discussion. "Of course, Ms Steele." Taylor nodded at me as he led the way for Luke and Ethan to leave.

Ethan lingered at the door for a second and smiled at me, "Call if you need me."

Silence filled the room as I stood there awkwardly with Christian brooding in his chair. Neither of us made a move for the other and neither of us said a word. So this was how our relationship was going to be. Sadness spread across me and I felt overwhelmed, stumbling down onto the bed to find support.

Watching my the weakness take me, Christian snapped out of his brooding, "Ana?" He was worried, just as he always was.

I rubbed my temples for a while, chasing away the impending headache. I had spent the past few days trying to push out everything Christian but now with him here, it was all flooding back. I missed him.

The mattress beside me slunk a little as Christian took the spot beside me, "Are you feeling alright? Do you need a doctor?"

"No, no." I tried to inject more life into my words, "I'll be alright... Just a little tired."

He scoffed, the concern dying out just as quickly as it had blossomed. I lifted my head the question his change of heart. Christian was smirking sourly. "What?" I demanded.

Christian clenched his jaw.

"What is it, Grey." I snapped, in no mood for this round the bush attitude.

Wordlessly, he picked the red lingerie off the floor and dangled it in front of me. My cheeks burned red as I snatched it out of his grasp and chucked it under my thigh. Christian looked wounded at my actions, as if I had just confirmed his darkest nightmare.

My fidelity was of utmost importance to him. "Christian," I called which he ignored. "Christian, Ethan and I never had sex."

"I beg to differ." He spat, gesturing to my thigh. The familiar anger taking the stage by storm.

I sighed. "We didn't. Whether you believe it or not. And it doesn't matter, Christian. Because I'm a single woman." Even when I said it, I did not wish it was true. A large part of me wanted to belong to him again, willing for time to reverse and for the mistake he made to be undone.

Christian sighed and put his face in between his palms and grunted, trying to restrain himself. My words had tortured him and it hurt me just as much as he was hurting.

"Ch-" I started. My hand lingering just above his head, desiring to cradle my small lost boy.

"I love you, Anastasia." He whimpered into his hands. My heart stopped beating. "When you left it was like my world just darkened. I did not want to live anymore. I simply had no desire too."

The moment was too intense. In a satirical tone, I tried to lighten it, "That's a little melodramatic don't you think? We barely knew each other."

Instantly, his head whipped up and his grey eyes stole my breath like a thief once more. "It's true. I didn't eat or sleep or come out of my bedroom until Grace hauled me out."

"Christian, you can't take things out on your body!" I scolded, shaking my head at him.

"I certainly won't take them out on you." He whispered, alluding to his dominant side.

"I don't want you hurting yourself." I told him gently, placing my hand on his shoulder blade.

Christian's eyes paused to observe our contact, "I don't want to hurt you." He closed his eyes and screwed his jaw shut once more. "But I did and I'm sorry."

With each sorry, the gaping wound that was my heart sewed itself back together. It rebooted and began at tuning itself to Christian's heartbeat, linking us together as one. I could not suppress my innate desire to love Christian, this broken man. My broken man.

With no warning, he fell to his knees in front of me. His face was downcast, not locking with my gaze anymore. "Christian?" I reached for his face, trying to lift it up so I could see what was wrong.

"Forgive me, Ana." I heard him say just as my fingers were met with moisture.

He was crying. My heart broke for him and my own eyes began to water. The last time we had cried together was when I had left him. But here he was again, crying for me. I had made him cry. I had the ability and worth in Christian's heart that could evoke such emotion. The same ability his biological mother had.

"Please, Ana." He sobbed, "I tried to live without you but I can't. All I hear is your goodbyes when I want to hear that you love me and you want to stay with me. I just feel so... Lost."

It was then that I dropped to my knees before him, gently raising his face to meet mine. His eyes were red and glistening with fresh tears, streams meeting at the palms of my hands as I cradled his face. My own view began to fog.

"I know I'm selfish." He pouted subconsciously. "But I need you. I need you, Ana. I'll do anything to have you back. You mean more than the world to me, you are my world."

His words were enough to set the spark to the passion that I had been building for him the past few days. All the time had cultivated longing for him. Especially in the times when I thought I would never see him again. Those were the hardest moments, where my fingers lingered over his contact on my phone. Times when Ethan was in the shower or in the toilet of the rest stops.

The love we had was real and it was stubborn, it was not going to give up without a fight. "Christian, please don't cry." I said just as my own tears spilled over my cheeks.

Lovingly, his fingers brushed across my tears. "Ana, don't cry. It hurts me so much to see you cry over me."

The many times I had done so was when I was uncertain of his love for me. But this time I was crying because I was completely sure of his undying love for me.

"I'm sorry baby, please don't cry." Christian begged, crushing me into his chest.

I gave myself over to him willingly, falling into the familiar embrace and sniffling hard to breathe in his scent. I missed his scent. I missed Christian Grey. "I do love you, Christian."

"Then come home with me." He beckoned, his words finding their way into my heart and nestling into it.

The hope blossomed and I nodded against his chest. My days of wandering were over. I was to return with the love of my life. It was the only way I knew I could survive. "Yes, take me home."