CPOV

I got to exit 99, signaled and took the exit ramp. I could feel the tension rising inside me as I slowed for the light and put my signal light on for a left hand turn. I passed a big truck stop on my left. But then, there it was, right in front of me. Cy's Diner, home cooked meals. I signaled for a right hand turn and entered the parking lot, heading for the dumpster in the back. I parked beside the dumpster as instructed and waited.

Even though I was parked, my hands clutched the steering wheel so hard, it hurt. I have never felt so frightened, so helpless. I was there, I had the money, and now nothing. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

In the back of my mind I can't help wondering if this is it. Is this going to be the end of the road? Will my life end here, beside a dumpster? I force myself to take a deep breath and try to relax as I try to push the morbid thoughts away. Suddenly I hear the high pitched beeps of a truck in reverse. I look up in the rearview mirror and see a delivery truck backing into the parking lot. As the truck angles around to the rear of the diner, it completely blocks me in.

I watch as the driver jumps down and walks to the back of his truck and swings open the twin doorsrevealing stacks and stacks of brown cardboard boxes filled with frozen food. He appears to have no interest in me and I am not sure if I am relieved or disappointed.

I continue to watch as he stacks boxes on a handcart, wheels it through the back door of the kitchen. After watching him repeat this several times, I lose interest. I try to look to the front but the truck it is big and it blocks everything. I feel my anxiety build. What if whoever was supposed to collect the ransom changes their mind because of the truck? Suddenly, everything just gets to me. I thrust open my door and rush to the dumpster where I puke my guts out.

I am still bent over, taking in big mouthfuls of air, when the delivery guy comes over.

"You okay, pal?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. "

Then I feel his hand tighten around my arm in a menacing grip. "Good, because now you need to come with me."

I am surprised and at the same time, not surprised. In a way I am relieved. I hate waiting. I hate not being in control. He leads me to the back of the truck, opens the doors and tells me to jump in. I hesitate. How can this be right? He hasn't even asked about the ransom! I stand there feeling befuddled and perplexed and suddenly there is a gun poking in my back and he snarls "You want to see your mother again, get in the fucking truck!"

I immediately leap into the truck and he follows me. He closes the doors and flips a switch while ordering me to strip. Its fucking freezing but I strip.

"Your watch and any jewelry," he demands.

I slip off my watch and pinky ring and hand them over. He runs a scanner over me, under me and all around me. Then he tosses me a bag with a sweatshirt and jogging pants and tells me put them on. He grabs up my old clothes, puts him in a black plastic bag and starts opening the door.

"Wait! What about the ransom?" I ask.

"The five million on your front seat? Forget it. I don't need that." And he opens the door, hurls the trash bag into the dumpster and jumps down. I hear the doors shut and then lock. I hear the thud of the drivers door shutting and then the truck starts to move.

I shiver with the cold, feeling alone, more alone than I can ever remember. My life has gone to complete shit. I can't keep anyone safe. Not Ana and not my mom. Fuck, even Ros got hurt. I want to cry. All I seem to do is hurt people, not just any people either. I hurt the people who care the most. I think of Taylor and wish he was here beside me. He said not to worry. He said everything would work out. If he was here, I'd believe him. He can make anything happen but he's not here. I can't do this. I will fuck it up. I put my face in my hands and feel the wetness of my tears. Fuck! What is the matter with me?

My mom once told me we always hurt the ones we love because we know no matter what, they will forgive us because they love us. Maybe it works that way with Mom but I don't think it works that way with Dad or Elliot. If something happens to Mom, they better shoot me too because there is no way I could ever face my father or my brother again. I shiver again but I am not sure if its from the bone freezing cold or the terror inside me.

We don't drive more than about fifteen minutes when the truck slows down and eventually comes to a stop. I somehow managed to tie the laces of the sneakers he provided me with. An old, used pair of Nike high tops. I hear the door unlock and then swing open. He motions for me to jump down. I do.

We are at a rest area off I5 if I am not mistaken. We head for the restrooms. Inside, he enters a stall. I take this opportunity to relieve my bladder. He comes out dressed in jeans and a tee shirt washes his hands in the sink beside me and we leave. We approach an old white Ford pick up and he tells me to get behind the wheel. The truck is gone. I get in and he hands me a baseball cap and shades. I put them on and he tosses me the keys. I start the engine and pull out.

Who is this guy? Is he Jack Hyde? Is he someone from Schneiderman? I drive mindlessly on the interstate, wondering where we are going, wondering if an eleven year old girl can really keep track of me. Then I hear a giggle. My heart almost stops and the truck swerves across the lane.

"Jesus!" He yells, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Pay attention to the road before I fucking shoot you!"

My hands are shaking, but inside I am grinning from ear to ear. Shelley is with me. Slowly, I start to relax. I hear someone playing the piano, Mozart, Beethoven, and Bach. Each song relaxes me a little more. Each song seem to renew my strength. I can do this. Mother saved me. Now, it is my turn to save my mother, my angel, my Grace. I will free her or die trying. I hear a smile. How can you hear a smile? I don't understand it, but I smile inside. I don't want whoever is with me to know. I feel question marks popping all over the place inside my mind. Ah, questions. I understand. I have been remarkably quiet but now as the sun sets and darkness looms it is time to get some answers.

"So, what do I call you?"

"You don't call me anything. Pay attention to the road. Get off at the next exit."

I see the exit sign coming into view. I read silently in my head as loud as I can, if that makes sense. I see happy smiles. Okay, I guess they got it. No more than twelve miles from the exit, I am directed to take a left fork onto Spirit Lake Highway. Five miles in I am told to take an abrupt right onto a dirt road and stop before a gate.

"Go ahead. Get out and unlock it. The combination is 8-24-12, right, left, right. "

I get out and open the lock and the gate, concentrating on the combination. I feel smiles in my head again. It is almost like being held by Ana. The smiles make me feel safe. As I pass through the gate, I try to remember if I ever told Ana how I feel when she holds me. Somehow, I don't think I ever confessed the real reason I like it when she embraces me, that it makes me feel safe. In my mental to do list, it rises to number one when I return with Mother. I get out, close the gate and relock it and start driving slowly up a narrow dirt road filled with switchbacks. After twenty minutes, he tells me turn right just before a large boulder. I swallow nervously as the headlights reveal a small cabin. There are no lights on. I see a large generator, but it isn't on. I see an outhouse. As I walk through the underbrush, I see my companion has his gun out again. I want so badly to just pivot and kick his head so hard it would break his neck. I am seriously contemplating it when I hear Taylor shout in my head, NO! Wow. This is really freaky. My hands start to tremble again. Its cold now that the sun has gone down and I feel chills wash across my body. Cold or fear, I am not sure. We reach the cabin, and he tells me to unlock it and gives me the combination. As I concentrate on the numbers, I am thinking I will not be leaving here alive. I open the door and stumble as I feel Taylor's big beefy hand squeeze my shoulder in reassurance, just as he has done in the past. It felt great but I'd be a liar if I said it didn't scare the shit out of me at the same time.

"Okay, hands behind your back."

I comply and he cuffs me. He flips two switches by the door and I hear the generator kick in and a light turns on. There's a small table and two chairs in the center of the room and a cot against the wall. He lights the kerosene lantern on the table and flips the switch shutting the wall light off.

He pulls a chair over to a vertical support beam. "Sit!" He orders. I sit. Using two more pairs of cuffs, he locks me to the support beam. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an Iphone and checks his email. He grins. Then he puts down his phone and begins beating the hell out of me. In no time my face is almost bruised beyond recognition, but not quite. He snaps a few shots. Then lifts a trap door in the floor. He comes over and unlocks me from the post,then shoves me down the stairs the trap door covered. As I tumble down the steps I hear his laughter as he says, "Don't forget to say hello to Mommy." Then the trap door shuts. I call out, "Mother?" But there is no answer. I hear the rumble of the truck and know the kidnapper has gone. My left knee and ankle are hurt from the fall, I can't stand, at least not with my arms behind my back. I can't crawl either. Is my mother here or was he just playing mind games. I try rolling across the dirt floor and smack right into a body. "Mom!" I call frantically. I find her chest and lay my head across it until I feel the tiny rise and fall. She is alive. Relief blasts through me as I shout it to Shelley and Taylor. I feel their smiles and I know help is on the way.