Chapter twenty two: Gone.
Have you ever been in a place where everything just made sense? When your whole life felt as if it had been building up for that moment, and to somehow revolve around that moment alone? If not a moment, then a person? Where no matter how hard to tried to convince yourself they were far too good for you, and deserved better, and yet they still continued to shower you in feelings you didn't deserve?
Now imagine that person, that moment, suddenly disappearing. And no matter what you did to get it back, to get them back, it was pointless. Everything had been pointless. It had meant nothing.
The only thing that surrounded me now was the walls of my dorm. I had debated going after her, but for what? To be told to stop making a scene, and for the whole of the Volturi to see that I was not good enough for her; no matter how hard I tried? Deep down, I supposed I had always known I was a lost cause, and Renesmee had been kidding herself with believing she could change me. But I never believed it would come down to this. With me; in a room where there once love and now it was only me and the lonely feeling surrounding me. Broken down, kneeling on the floor with only a necklace in my hand reminding me that she was gone. That she had truly had enough, and left.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to get up and get out of this room, for everything reminded me of her. The bed, where we had lay together tangled in sheets. The floor; where her clothes had been scattered. The chair, where I'd sit and watch her walk around and talk. But I couldn't move. I couldn't even bring myself to get up off the floor. Not yet, not while my body was adjusting to the overpowering feeling of... Shattering completely.
Why did they call it heartbreak? It wasn't just by cold, dead heart that felt broken. It was all of me. Every single cell that build my body up, every small nerve ending, every genetic make up that made me the way I was, felt shattered. Torn into pieces and thrown to the side. I don't remember realizing my father didn't care about me hurting this much. Nor death being this painful. Or transforming into a vampire. Nothing in this world I had ever experienced felt like this.
What I once believed impossible had come true.
I was broken. Or, more broken than what I had once been.
Renesmee Cullen was actually able to ruin one of the most feared Volturi guard members. She was able to take my heart in the palm of her heart and crush it, rendering me helpless; in the process of making him a laughing stalk of the vampire world.
If it had been someone else in my situation, I might've laughed. Saw this situation as amusing, and bid Renesmee a 'good job.' For back then, I didn't know what it was like to have my heart broken, and nor did I ever believe I would. I had fallen under her spell, and no one was able to deny that. Even Jane had seen it, and questioned me on it. She had worried for me, fearful that Renesmee may take me away from her. She didn't like that I was in love, nor belonged to someone else. Was this why? Because she didn't wish for me to get hurt? Because she knew the only person who I should accept love from was her, for she'd never break me down like I was now?
Despite how much I felt like I should have listened to her, and did my best to forget Renesmee when I had the chance; merely to save me from this suffering... I was glad I hadn't. In this moment of pain, of this total torment and utter hollow heartbreak; it was worth it. For all the good times that we had shared. The laughter, the smiles, the jokes. I didn't regret any of them. Call me a madman, or just a feeble boy in love enduring his first heartbreak; I wouldn't take back any of it, for it would mean I'd never would have had the experience of actually being in love, and feeling loved in return.
What the hell was I doing?
Kneeling on the floor, staring at this necklace and feeling sorry for myself because I had lost the one thing that had meaning in my life? How long had I knelt here for? God knows, but it felt like forever.
I was never one to give up and admit defeat. I was Alec of the Volturi, and I did not give up. Not on anything; and I was certainly not giving up on this. I was not giving up on her.
With all the inner strength I had left, I grabbed the cloak I'd shed in the night and threw it around me. Uncaring as to how scruffy it might've looked. I didn't care about my personal appearance in that moment. All I cared about was getting her back. She had said she didn't love me, but that must've been a lie. It had to have been. I couldn't have been imagining it all. She had chanted it over and over during the night, even when she admitted she had been angry with me.
She must've still loved me, even in the slightest.
I clung onto that, and hastily shot out of the room. There could be only one place she could be. Her room. Packing her things, and that would be where I lay down the law that she was not leaving me; that Lilianna would never win. I was hers, and I would forever be hers. I was going to be selfish, and I was going to make her see that I could not, and would not be without her. Not again. Not ever.
Getting to her room was the easy part. It wasn't that far, especially at the rush I was in. I wasn't sure how long I had just knelt there, and stared at the necklace I had given to her once upon a time - which was still in my grasp. This was hers. This would always be hers. I didn't want it.
In some strange symbolic way, it was as if this necklace was my heart. It didn't belong to me anymore. It was hers, and she was not giving it back. I didn't want it back. I wouldn't let her give me it back! It was then I decided that would be what I said to her. I wouldn't allow her to get any words in, and I would put it flat out there for her. Unless she said the words 'I don't love you anymore' and 'I don't want you' that would be it. Not the words she had used of 'I don't think.' That meant nothing. That was unsurety. There was still hope for me yet, there had to be!
With no hesitation; I pushed her door open and threw myself into the room; half expecting her to already be packing her things up. To look up at me in surprise and then shock as I told her how it was. That I loved her, and I was not allowing her to do this to me. To us. We were forever. We made that promise to one another, and I didn't care what it meant in order to keep it. I was a man of my word. If it meant I had to leave the Volturi to be with her, then so be it! Jane would understand. She would have too.
"Renesm-" My words cut short.
But she wasn't there. The room was empty. The bed was made. There was no catastrophic scene of clothes everywhere. No underwear on the lampshade. The place was spotless. Pristine and clean looking. No trace as to anyone ever having been here to begin with.
How had she packed so quickly? Then it dawned on me. She had told her father she wanted to leave before letting it come to my knowledge. He must've told the rest of the family, and while they packed, he packed her things. That was the only reasonable explanation. The only one that made any plausible sense.
Outside, I could hear some small commotion. Walking to the window to peer down, having a full view of the mountains surrounding our city; and the back entrance to our castle leading to the streets of Volterra, I was able to see it all. Rows of cars, hired ones none the less. Ivy was leaning against the door while Chris pushed some bags into the trunk. Suzannah trying her best to help Marc with his bags and her own. Shannon already pulling the passenger side door open; obviously calling shotgun.
The car in right at the back... Made my stomach twist. I didn't care about the others, nor the faces that I knew. All that mattered to me were the four that stood out to me the most. Edward had his hand on the roof of the car, conversing with Carlisle at the car in front of his. Isabella standing beside Jacob with a distressed look upon her face. But what got to me most was Jacob, or more so who was huddled in his arms.
A lump formed in my throat.
She really was leaving.
She hadn't even given a second glance back. She was happily leaving me behind, and hugging up to a male she knew I would never approve of being close to her; despite the whole imprinting thing. Most of the hope I might've had when coming to this room finally vanished. I had lost her, and I would never get her back.
It finally dawned on me that this was real; and I couldn't stop it.
I loved Renesmee. I adored Renesmee, and I wanted Renesmee to have exactly what she wanted and deserved in life. If that wasn't me... And she had finally come to the conclusion to that, then so be it. If she was actually leaving, I had no choice but to let her leave. She was not a child. She was an adult. It was her life, and her choice. I couldn't be the one to stand in her way, I owed her that much. The happiness she had given me over our time together, in some strange messed up relationship had been enough to do me for a lifetime. It was for that reason alone, I wouldn't stop her. I would stand back and watch as she left my life for all eternity, hoping that maybe she would turn around and come back to me. But if she didn't, I would have to do my best to move on.
I held my breath while I watched with the last amount of hope I had left for her to turn around and come running to me, like she had when I had gone to leave her two years ago.
Renesmee pulled out of Jacob's hug. He brushed her face with his hand, his mouth moving as he spoke to her. She broke a smile and nodded her head towards him. With her nod, Jacob leant down and pressed a kiss to her head and opened the car door for her to slide in. She did, and he closed it behind her.
It was then I noticed that everyone else had gotten into their own cars, and were waiting for the first one to drive off. Jacob slid in the other side of Renesmee's car; the pack being in the one two in front from hers.
The lights flashed, a car horn sounded, and like a train they began to take off.
From the fear window, I could see Renesmee looking back up at the castle. I wasn't sure whether she could see me or not, but I liked to hope she had. That she was taking one last look at what she was leaving behind. That she was seeing me as I was currently one last time. For it wasn't only her saying goodbye to me, but myself.
The instant her car began to move off into the distance, my entire body went numb. I had lost all feeling, all sense of empathy, all sense of actually giving a crap. Jane had once wanted her brother back, and now she had him. This was the price it had come at. Losing the girl I loved had set me back to how I was before. No. Not how I was before. Worse.
Just like that.. She left me.
The breath I had been holding left my body, and my jaw clenched tightly. The stinging I had felt in my eyes faded until it was completely gone. I glanced down at the necklace in my hand, unclasping it from the tight hold I had on it; and stared down at the ruby fixture in the middle.
The Volturi.
This is where I would never feel rejection. This was where I was respected, and never allowed myself to get hurt. There was no fear of being hurt here. There was no fear of anything here. This was the place that I belonged.
Taking the chain, I seperated it and pulled it back over my head. The pendant fell to my chest and stood proudly where it once had.
—xXx—
Three hours had past.
She'll be boarding the plane now. She could still turn back, if she wanted too.
Now four.
The plane would have taken off by now. There is still a chance she could turn back. Get on another plane back as soon as she lands...
Now five.
She's truly gone now. She wasn't coming back.
The morning light had begun to shine in, removing the darkness that had lingered as I sat motionless in Renesmee's room for hours on end, just waiting. Necklace around my throat, sitting there, half convinced it was better this way and the other half still holding onto the possibility that she would return. It was now a full twenty four hours since I had seen Renesmee last, and now I knew for sure how it was. We were truly done. It was actually over. And now, it was finally time for me to face my problems head on. Let everyone know that I was back, and I was not going to be taken as a fool anymore. I had been blinded by what I had thought was love, and I had it all thrown back in my face. Love wasn't worth the trouble; not if this was the result.
It was time for the Volturi, the world, to know Alec was no longer under any distractions. He was back and more fierce than ever. I truly didn't care nor feel for anything anymore. All that burned inside me was rage and hate; just as it should be. Just as it always should have been. I had been stupid, and foolish to even fall under her spell. I didn't regret it, but I shouldn't have done it. It was unprofessional. It was a teenage boy mistake. One that I wouldn't have happening again anytime soon. Not for as long as I lived.
I had made my way back to my own room a number of hours ago. Perhaps around the twenty first hour she had left me. I showered, for her scent still lingered on me like a depressing drug. I refused to be one of those heartbroken teenage girls who surrounded themselves in things that reminded them of the loved one. I wouldn't let it phase me. I wouldn't let anyone know just how badly I had been hurt, for I didn't care anymore. I dressed in my usual clad black shirt, trousers and cloak.
And lastly, I secured the Volturi necklace around my throat.
Full uniform in check. Alec of the Volturi... In check.
Strolling down the corridors, I stopped a maid on her travels. Practically ordering her and a few others to go to my room and clean it out; then for someone to come and remove that blasted bed. What use was it to me now? I didn't need it, nor did I want it.
I wanted my own space back. With books, and chairs and nothing else but my own surroundings. The first thing that would have to go would be that bed, that would remove most of her scent from that room. Secondly, a thorough cleaning. If the room smelt like bleach for a number of weeks then so be it. I would learn to live with it. And thirdly, I would retake my post at Aro's side. No more of the boy in love crap.
Things would go back to how they were. I had been reluctant when I had first returned, because all I had wanted was to be with her; because I knew she had wanted me as well. Now... Now that was gone, and there was nothing holding me back. There was nothing stopping me from being whom I truly was, and whom I had always been.
The heartless monster who people feared. Jane's brother. The paralyzing mist of the Volturi who's very name and gift brought terror into peoples lives. That would return, and it would be more terrifying than ever. I would show no remorse. I would show know feeling. I would show no mercy. It was going to be Jane and I, the witch twins, together forever. The Volturi were the only people I needed. Jane was the only person I needed.
With that order now in place, I didn't have to dwell on entering that room and being reminded of her addictive scent. Making my way down the stairs, I came head on with what I knew I would. They were there. They were always there, standing at the doors waiting on Aro.
It was funny to remember I had once come down these stairs and practically lied to my sister about having a moment of weakness with Renesmee. Pleaded for her to take me back, and yet now... Now I didn't care whether any of them took me back as the way I had once been. I was going to be who I wanted, acceptance or not.
Jane's eyes were the first to land on mine. Demetri and Felix followed her sight. I wasn't sure what it was that flashed in Jane's eyes first. Awe, or pity. Because all it took was one look at me, one small look to notice the symbol now around my throat, to realize it was over; and I was back to where I belonged.
The thoughts that must've been going through their head. I was thankful I didn't have Edward's gift, for I would no doubt be stampeded with a whirlwind of thoughts questioning me. I didn't care for those looks, nor those thoughts. All I cared for was doing my duty as a Volturi guard, and getting the job done.
"Alec?" Jane questioned me, her voice still firm and stern; yet it was her softer one. Used only for me. I finished my descent down the remaining two steps and stood at her side.
"Good morning." I replied absently and rather boredly.
Felix and Demetri exchanged a look with one another. I caught it through the corner of my eye.
"Is everything alright?" Jane finally spoke what she must've been thinking.
Oh, little sister. Always worrying about me. I wasn't a foolish little boy anymore. I could take care of myself. I didn't need her worry, nor her pitiful eyes on me. All I needed was were things to return to as they were, and be surrounded in things that were normal to me. That was all I needed, and wanted.
"Perfectly." I quipped back, sending her the smallest of glances. "I trust the rest of the guests have finally left?"
Jane parted her lips, as if about to continue questioning me and my seemingly strange behaviour. But whatever it was that had spurred her on to say something stopped her for her lips closed again, and her face returned to that of the once I often stood beside.
"They have," she nodded her head. "It is just our coven here now."
"The way it should be." I simply rounded off, my hands sliding to rest behind my back.
The soldier stance.
"Alec," Jane's voice continued on; even though I had made it evident I wished to close to subject completely. I had made idle chitchat with her, like I often did, but it wasn't up for a full blown conversation. Especially since I could tell where it was going by the tone of her voice. "If you wish to talk about this... I am here for you."
"There is nothing to talk about." I said blandly while I continued to look at the large doors in front of me.
"There is much to talk about," Jane slid back, eyes quirked up in watching my every move. Not that it was any movements. I stood stone like, with no intention of moving until the doors opened and we could enter to receive our orders for the day. "I had thought Renesmee's coven was staying a few days longer."
"She chose otherwise. She's a smart girl and left while she could." I could feel the ice coming from my words. So if I could feel it, Jane would without a doubt also. "It's best that she left. She didn't belong here. None of them did."
There was a small pause, so I took the liberty in filling it out. Honestly, I was curious as to how exactly she found out the Cullen's had left. Nothing got past Jane, but it was still interesting to know how she knew. "How exactly did you find out?"
"The wolf boy," Jane pursed her lips, making a small face of disgust yet amusement at the same time. "The smaller one... Seth, I'm sure he said his name was; not that I care to remember. He took the liberty in saying goodbye to me. Utterly pointless move, but it was charming none the less."
Charming. Pft. From the eye roll that Demetri had given, I don't believe he was too fond on the fact Seth had said farewell to my sister. Jealousy, perhaps? Whatever the reason be, I wasn't all that interested. They were gone now, meaning the smell would be ten times better in the castle.
"How nice of him." Was all I responded with.
With that, the doors were pulled to an open and I was the first to enter. Aro sat on his throne beside Marcus and Caius. Marcus stilled had the bored expression; which I could relate too. Caius was still as furious looking, which I could also relate too. And Aro?
Well, Aro seemed oddly off. He was frowning at me as I entered the grand room and made my way to them. Being the first of the 'team' as Demetri had once called it. The ring leader, so to speak. It was usually Jane who was the first to enter, with us following her in toe.
I knelt down onto my knee, bowing my head to the three of my masters in respect and letting my eyes move to a close.
Aro let out a deep, long and meaningful sigh.
"Alec, Alec, Alec," He said through his sigh, his hands moving to clasp together on his lap. "My dear, dear Alec."
I rose my head to look at him; finding the look of sympathy lingering in his milky red eyes. Out of all the people within the guard, Aro was the last person I wished to gain pity from. I was not someone to feel sorry for. This was my own doing, and so I was paying the consequences. I didn't want for anyone, especially Aro, to look down at me like I was some lost little child.
"How are you keeping, my boy?"
I nodded my head in response, clearing my throat automatically; finding that a lump had formed. See, this was what happened when someone pitied me! I almost began to start pitying myself also!
"Well." I stated simply, wishing to be free of this topic all together.
Aro had other idea's, however.
"Why the sudden departure? Carlisle had previously come to me requesting you return with them... What happened?"
Couldn't he see that I didn't wish to talk about this? That I was doing my best to put it behind me, and no longer wanted to reflect on any of it. But, I supposed I had to get it out of the way in order to finally let it go. That was the only way to move forward, was it not? To finally let it become a thing of the past; and that I would try every day of the rest of my existence in forgetting? If that was what it took; then so be it.
"We realized we were too different for it ever to work out, master." I bowed my head. "And came to the decision it was best if we stopped pretending. To wake up... And face reality," I used her own words; trying them out for myself. I might as well, I would have to continue to tell myself that for the rest of my life. The sooner I started to believe them myself, the better it would be for me and my coven. "It is better this way, sir."
Aro seemed deeply saddened by the news. Honestly, the look upon his face gave me chills. Beside me, I could feel Jane looking at me also. I could feel her gaze, taking in all I had said. Now she had it. The information she had no doubt been looking for, wondering about due to my absence when Renesmee had departed. I was surprised she hadn't come looking for me earlier; but Jane must've realized I needed space, and pestering me when I was dealing with something myself wasn't a wise move to make.
"Come here, my boy." He held out both his hands, as if beckoning me to come take them.
I might be uncaring to those around me. I might have returned to my former state. I might be worse than before. But I was still a man of my word, and no matter how much I hated Lilianna and her coven; I still had a promise. They hadn't so much betrayed me. I wasn't so sure as to how Renesmee had found out; but the only explanation was that either Lilianna had told her, or Delilah had. I could be wrong. Renesmee could have found out on her own. She was a sneaky little shit sometimes. But it was that uncertainty as to how she found out that kept me to my promise.
They had left, as far as I was aware. They could be anywhere, believing me to keep to my end of the bargain.
I rose to my feet, but kept my head bowed.
"All due respect, master;" I mused, lifting my eyes to look at him through my lashes. "I'd like to keep this to myself for the time being. Allow me to adjust to it myself before anyone else knows. You understand, don't you?"
It was probably a bold move. Not going along with one of Aro's orders, but in this moment in time I didn't care. I had to keep the promise, and truth be told... I didn't want Aro to know just how much Renesmee had broken me. I would not be made out to look weak; because I wasn't.
Aro's hands fell to his lap once more, his face keeping the sympathetic look and showing no signs of removing it at all.
"But of course, Alec." He half smiled, nodding his head with his words. "My deepest condolences. I much liked the both of you together. I had hopes that it would tie our covens together in an eternal bond."
So did I.
Aro gave another sigh and turned his head to look at Marcus. Surprisingly, he had looked up from his bored stare off into the distance to look at me. Studying me, from what I could tell. I wasn't entirely sure what it was; but I could put my finger on the fact he saw something in me that reminded him of himself. When he had lost his wife and his soul mate.
The only difference there was that Dydime hadn't left Marcus willingly, from what I was told. She had died loving him, and wanting him. He hadn't left him out of choice; where as Renesmee had.
Marcus nodded his head, to which I presumed was a silent talk going on between the two masters. I had often seen this. Their way of communicating through their eyes. I did it with Jane often. It was something you picked up after spending so long with one another. I could do it with Jane, because I knew her better than anyone else, and vise versa. Because she was my sister. The three masters were all basically brothers, thus putting them in the same situation.
The then turned to Caius, who also nodded his head briefly.
With this somewhat silent conversation over, Aro returned his eyes to me; and flicked them other the other three two steps behind myself.
"With this unpleasant turn of events," Aro voiced, addressing each of us. "There are not duties for today. You may pick up again in the morning."
Great. Another day to be spent sitting feeling sorry for myself. Hating the world, hating humanity. Hating love. But I couldn't question Aro's verdict. I had already made a brass move in refusing his window into what exactly happened. All he had to go on was my word, which as of this moment, didn't really mean much.
I bowed my head in somewhat of a thanks and backed away slowly from the three males sitting in their thrones. Reaching a reasonable four steps away from them, I about turned and began for the door again.
"I had such high hopes for those two," I heard Aro muse quietly towards Caius and Marcus. "Such a pity. Such a pity indeed."
The throne room doors were closed, and I was left in the corridor alone. Jane, nor Felix or Demetri had followed me out. Presumably they had something they wished to talk to Aro about without me, or they merely wished to give me some space.
I didn't need space. I needed normality. I needed distractions to keep me sane, and my thoughts off of her. Distractions...
I looked to my left. Natalia sat typing away at her desk. The longest running receptionist we had to date. I wondered if Aro was ever actually planning on turning her. She had been loyal, after all; and she was exceptionally good at her job. I doubt there would be another like her when her time was over.
Making my way over, I propped myself against it. Her eyes looked up, back to the screen and then jolted up again in surprise. A double take? Well, I hadn't gotten that reaction in a while. At least, not that I had noticed anyhow.
Her lips parted into a welcoming smile, and her head tilted to the side.
"Good morning mister Alec, sir," she greeted in her usual Italian chirpy voice. "Is there something I can do for you today?"
I peered into her eyes, and it was then I noticed the color. Brown. Dark, warm, welcoming.
My chest made an involuntary pang of pain.
I suddenly found that I hated that color. The deep shade of brown eyes I had once adored was now something I despised and never wished to look into again; because no matter whom the eyes belonged too, I would see her.
If I wanted to forget her, I had to stop reminding myself of her.
"If I am sent for, inform Aro I have gone out hunting. Outside the city walls, of course."
She flashed me yet another smile, which only spurred on more hatred towards her. It wasn't the fact I disliked Natalia. Because I didn't. I really didn't. I found Natalia to be surprisingly good company, and good at her job. I believed she would make a rather splendid immortal. Young, beautiful, talented. It was because the more she smiled, the more she looked at me through her doe brown eyes, the more I could see Renesmee.
And the more I just wanted to scream.
The more I just wanted to... Well, kill her; just for having some features the girl who didn't want me had.
"But of course, sir." She nodded her head, picking up a pen and writing down the information; a little post it note memo. "I will let them know if asked sir."
"Thank you,"
I couldn't stand to look at her anymore. I wanted to rip her throat out. The only way I believed I could settle this urge was indeed hunting, and come to think of it; it had been a while since I had eaten a true meal. Rigglets and brown eyes were on the menu. Any girl that reminded me of her would pay the price.
With nothing else holding me back; I took off down the corridor and left the castle.
The streets weren't as crowded as I would have suspected. They were surprisingly quiet, but that was probably due to the fact the weather was taking a small sour turn. The grey skies above, which the previous day had been bright and blue, held clouds promised to pour down heavily. The temperature, annoyingly humid and warm, also contributed to the fact it wasn't just going to be any rainy day.
We were in for a storm.
One that would clear the air and return it to it's warm, clean and elegant state. It happened every now and then; and we were always welcome to it. It meant we were able to do our duties around the city earlier than sundown. Not that we had any duties for tonight, since Aro had taken it upon himself to give us the day off all due to my heartbreak.
At least something good came out of it, huh?
A little rain didn't bother me. I'd endured enough of that in Fork's to last me a lifetime. So a storm would be a welcome difference. I didn't plan on going back anytime soon. Not when I had hours to kill.
And people to feed from.
I couldn't feast in the city walls. Hell, it was rare I even went out hunting. I was usually able to wait until our next feeding time, but I was far too... Wound up, to say the least, to wait. I knew these stages. I had gone through them once before. These were the steps I took before turning it all off completely.
In my newborn years, I'd gone from confused and in denial as to what had happened to angry and hateful. I slaughtered practically any meal thrown my way without a second hesitation. I went from angry and hateful to wound up and easily frustrated.
And finally, I went from frustrated and wound up to accepting and uncaring.
I didn't hate Renesmee. I never could hate her. I had loved her, after all. I still did, but I had to detach myself from her. I had to move on, just like she was doing - or had already done. It would take me a while to come to grips with it, I knew. In some ways, I was still in the denial part of it all. But what was there to deny? She had left me, and she had no intention of ever coming back. But in others ways; I was in the anger stages of it all. Mainly angry at myself for allowing this to happen, for allowing myself to be put in the position where I could be hurt.
I didn't care. I let things slide now. But in order to be truly free of emotion, to be truly free of any sense at all, I had to pass through each of the stages. I just prayed they would come quickly, and allow me to return too how I had once been. I would be more wise, I would be less interested in things, and I would ultimately not question anything unless I saw the utmost necessary too.
I knew what I had come out to find. I had known it from the moment I had looked into Natalia's eyes and felt that spewing anger running through me. I wanted someone who looked like Renesmee. Brown eyes, ringlet hair, pale complexion, blushed cheeks, an addictive smile and laugh. I wanted someone that resembled her so that I could end their life; because in a way... It would be like I was ending any ties I had with her.
I wouldn't say that it would remind me of killing Renesmee, because that was the last thing I would want to happen. No matter what, I knew I would never wish to harm her - despite what she had done to me. It was the emotional bond I had with her I wanted to kill; because without this bond, I would be free.
At least, that's what I kept telling myself as I picked off girls on my travels to the outside villages of our city. I thought it may have made me feel better; if anything it just continued to make me feel numb. Alone. Cold.
I continued to try and find some release, but it didn't seem to be working. Even when the skies above began to pour down on me. Nothing, and no one helped. It wasn't until I had finished my fourth victim that I came to the conclusion... Nothing would help. Nothing would help me get over this; besides coming to accept it myself. It was then I found myself in the mountains. Surrounded by countryside, ferns, trees, and shrubs. Nothing but myself holding me together. I wouldn't break. I couldn't break anymore than what I already was. I wouldn't allow it. I couldn't allow it. No matter how much I wanted too, or might've needed too.
I would stand strong, I would stand proud and take this like a man. Like the Volturi guard I was. The Volturi didn't accept weakness. I would not be weak.
It was time to face the facts. She was gone, and she was never coming back. She finally realized that she deserved better, and wanted to live her life freely. She was eighteen years old, and she wanted to live her life as it should have been. With no interference with the Volturi. With no ties to the Volturi. Meaning... With no me.
I had to accept that Renesmee didn't want me. She didn't love me, if she ever had.
That was a lie. Of course she had, she must've. Why else would she have waited for two years; not even looking at another male? She was bound to have loved me at some point; it just faded.
Lilianna had won.
My jaw clenched tightly, and suddenly I was very aware I was not alone. I had grown very well known to when I had eyes on me. Of course I would, I was the one who could remove sight. I'd know what it was like when someone was looking at me, for I'd taken away sight a number amount of times in my existence.
I turned my head to the right of me, surveying my surroundings. Forest land. Or... Woods, as I might've once called it. As we would have once called it. I slid my hands behind my back, ignoring the droplets of water frantically falling against my body and dripping down my face.
One foot after the other, I began walking. A rustling above me made my feet come to a stop, and my eyes to slowly avert upward. As I had expected, nothing.
"I thought we'd covered this. I'm not interested in games anymore, Lilianna."
There was a silence, but I knew she was there. Somewhere. Lurking in shadows, or high up in the tree's. Wherever it was she was hiding, she was there. She had always been good at hiding herself, especially from me. So it was only natural she would still be in this life.
At least I was no longer immune to one of her usual tactical attacks. If she were to come at me, it would be from above. That was always how it went; and I knew that she knew I had figured that out now. That I knew what to look for, and what to listen for when she was going to pounce.
But would that stop her? I certainly didn't hope so. I wanted her to pounce, and land right into my clutches. I wanted to find out exactly what had happened. How Renesmee had found out, and if it was indeed her... What she had said to her that would be enough for Renesmee to leave me. All in all, I wanted to know if I could kill her or not; because if I found that she had indeed took the one person I believed who I ever truly loved from me... I would kill her.
"Come out so we can chat, Lilianna." I spoke aloud and sharply. "I'd prefer to speak to your face rather than your ghost."
"How do I know that you will not attack?"
"You don't." I replied, my feature's becoming more hard at the sound of her voice. She was indeed there, like I had presumed. And here I had thought she'd vanished, leaving me alone having taken the deal I had offered her. "That's what makes this more fun for me. You'll just have to trust me."
"I wish to trust you, but I don't."
That made the both of us then. Because in that moment, I wasn't sure what I would actually do upon seeing her face. Lash out, maybe? For it was her actions that had broken the one thing I thought was forever.
"I'm only here for one thing, Aleczander." Her voice echoed down to me from all angles. I presumed for her to be shifting about, trying to keep me from pinpointing a location on her. Smart girl, clearly. She knew what she was doing.
"And what is that?" I rolled my eyes, already predicting the answer.
"Not you, if that is what you're thinking; which you are because of that eye roll."
I scoffed.
"I'm here because of our deal." She continued after realizing I had no intention of replying back to her words. "I understand that Renesmee has left?"
"Of course you would understand that. I presume you are the reason behind that."
There was a brief silence while I frowned at the empty space around me.
"Not necessarily. You see I know why she left, and what pushed her to do so... But it was not me."
"Then what was it?" She had all of my attention now. Finally I was getting the answer I craved most. I would finally know what had forced Renesmee to leave my life, what had happened to make her mind up in leaving me. If I knew the reason, the true reason and what had happened, then perhaps I would be able to understand more and then finally be able to move on.
I prepared myself for the answer, for I knew no matter what it came too; it would be hard to hear.
"Delilah." Was all she spoke, causing me to frown. The purple haired girl who had seen something she shouldn't? The girl who I had seen true terror in her large eyes?
"Go on," I urged, my interest spiked by this point.
"You scared her, Alec." Lilianna went on to explaining. "Threatening our family like that. She wanted you to feel the pain she did when all we wanted was for you to join us. I was too preoccupied in arranging our departure to realize what she was doing... I didn't know what she was capable of... But whatever she has done, I've punished her for it."
Delilah had done this to me? All because I had threatened them? It wasn't so much of a threat for christ sake! I had just stated the facts. If Lilianna and her coven didn't leave, I would have been forced to eliminate them. No questions asked. I had been doing them all a favor. Allowing them to live. It wasn't everyday that a Volturi member gave you a second chance! Especially one of the twins!
"You should have let me punish her," I hissed back, turning around to try and find her. To no prevail, of course.
"I know you are angry, and what she has done is wrong... But she is still my sister. I won't let harm come to her."
"Harm?" I snapped, spinning around once again. "If I ever come across her, Lilianna... I will destroy her. Mark my words. She is a dead girl walking."
"Can you not see she did this for us? She wishes for you to be with me, like it was supposed to be."
Wait... What? She ruined my life because she was angry I didn't wish to join them? Was she blind? I had no intentions of ever leaving the Volturi. Not for anyone, not even the coven that Renesmee belonged too. There was more of a chance of me joining the Cullen's than there ever was of me being with Lilianna, and I hated the Cullen's! They were a constant nuisance to the Volturi. Always getting in trouble, testing the laws, doing as they pleased.
"Us?" I spat with a harsh laugh. "There will never be an us Lilianna! I will never wish to be with you. Can't you see that I only wanted her? That I will only ever want her? And even then, I had no intention of ever joining her coven. I will never leave the Volturi. Not for you, and certainly not to be a part of a coven where the girl who ruined my life resides."
"You don't mean that." She snapped back from behind me. I spun, and only managed to see a flutter of her white dress. She was still wearing that thing? I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes.
"Oh, but I do." My hands fell to my side, my tone dead serious and calm. Despite the anger rushing through me, I was done with this conversation. "I will never join you, Lilianna. I will keep to my word on not informing Aro, for you have not done anything. But if I ever see her... I will end her life, and anyone who steps in my way to stop it. You have been warned."
A deadly silence overtook the surrounding area. The only sound that creeped was that of the rain hammering against me and the ground. She was no longer moving, for that sound had stopped. The only thing that I had that made me know she was still there; was the sense I was being watched. Her eyes were still on me, and I knew she could see the seriousness upon my face.
"If that is how it is going to be... Then so be it." Was what followed after several seconds of the silence. "But have this warning in response. If I cannot have you,"
A sound of a gentle swoop erupted around me; and the shivering words that finished her statement whispered into my ear. "No one will."
I spun around, hoping to catch her but she had vanished. But the feeling of being watched didn't vanish, even after I was convinced she was gone. Slowly, that feeling dispersed also and I was returned to the sense of being alone and frozen on the spot. The only thing that I could feel rushing through me was anger. Not towards Lilianna. Not towards Renesmee. But towards the purple haired girl who had caused all this trouble for me. She was Lilianna's sister, she was part of the coven I had promised to help if they kept to their side. If Lilianna kept to her side, and so far Lilianna had. Lilianna had been preparing to leave, to take my deal and never return. So despite what Delilah has done, what pain she had ultimately forced me to feel, I would keep to my word. I would not go in search of them. I would ignore their existence, but if I was ever lucky enough to find her again... I would kill her. I made that a promise to myself.
With everything now cleared up, an understanding as to what had happened, as to how Renesmee had found out; I felt the final stages of anger draining out of me. Acceptance as to the fact it was finally over, that there was nothing more of Renesmee Cullen and Alec of the Volturi. I had thought I didn't care to begin the day, but now... Now I truly knew what it meant not to care.
Renesmee was gone, and I didn't care.
I was finally completely numb once again. I rose my hand to the pendant on my chest, and let my fingers curl around it. I had my heart back. But it was as cold, and dark as ever; and I was not giving it to anyone ever again. Love did exist. I knew that now. But it only existed for those to get hurt, and realize that you are better of on your own.
I was better off on my own, and that was how it was going to be. Always... And forever.
A/N:
Well guys! Sorry about the day-delay. I've been super busy!
Sadly, this is the end of the story! Next week, we get the final chapter - though it's not much of a chapter. More so of a teaser for the next instalment.
I am currently writing the last story as we speak; however I'm not going to upload the first chapter until after I've returned from my holiday. Gotta' get a break every now and then! But don't fret, you won't be waiting long. And this is not the end of Reneslec. I promise you that. Sometime after the 19th of July will be when the first chapter of Kismet will be uploaded - so be sure to keep an eye out!
This has been fun, and you guys are the best.
I'll see you next week.
I love you all.
-C.H
PS: if anyone has any questions, please don't hesitate in PMing me. I reply to all messages. Also, once the third story is complete; I will be open to co-writing a story with anyone once again. If any of you are interested; do message me and we can discuss ideas!