Fading Grace

Dean found out when they had to pull over, not only to get gas but because angels can apparently get nauseous.

"I didn't know angels could get nauseous." Cas pointed out, as surprised as the rest of them as he stepped out of the car and walked over to the pump.

"I just need a moment." Hannah stepped out too, her face still tinged slightly green. Maybe it had been a good thing that she had stolen the front seat.

The others also took a moment to stretch. Sam actually decided to run to the bathroom at the station to answer the call of the wild. Bobby decided to get some snacks, or more likely beer. Meanwhile, Cas and Hannah continued to talk. Dean tried to make it look like he wasn't eavesdropping from where he was leaning against the bumper of the car.

"It's my fault. I'll take the curves faster." Castiel easily got everything set and started pumping gas into his Pimpmobile. It was odd for Dean to see him doing such mundane tasks.

"And you, Castiel? You're feeling well?"

Dean felt his ears perk up a bit despite himself. This was what he really needed to know.

Cas turned around and faced Hannah from the other side of the car. "Oh, yes. Like a million dollars."

Cas used similes and metaphors now? What the hell?

Hannah tilted her head a bit in confusion. Dean wondered if that was an angel thing. "That's not true."

Castiel leaned against the car and folded his hands. "It's my truth."

Hannah pursed her lips, clearly not believing him. "When you left Heaven, your borrowed Grace was failing." His what? That did not sound good. Hannah took a moment to study Cas, seeing more than what was on the surface. "By the looks of you, you've only gotten worse."

This did not sound good at all. Dean thought back to what Cas had said. He was an angel, but he hadn't gotten his Grace back. So, he must have gotten someone else's. Still, what did she mean failing?

"I'm fine." That was a Winchester response if Dean had ever heard one.

"You're dying, Castiel. You need more Grace." Hannah almost seemed to be pleading.

Dean's heart froze. Cas was dying? Cas was dying?! He put a hand behind him to grip the car and stop himself from falling over.

It seemed like this place really wasn't very different. Cas was still dying. That at least hadn't changed. And he was more human, hurt, and broken than the Cas they had left behind, even with the whole working with Crowley thing.

How could the him of this time let things get so bad?

"There are more important things going on right now, and they supersede my own needs." Castiel seemed to relent a bit. "You're a good soldier, Hannah… and one of the best. Metatron certainly could not have been brought to heel without your bravery."

Dean blinked. Was that Cas's attempt at complimenting someone? At least he still sucked at interacting with other people.

"Or yours." Hannah replied. "You must take care of yourself, Castiel."

"And another angel should die so that I can be saved?!" Castiel snapped at her, clearly fed up with this conversation. "Is this really that hard to understand?"

Hannah flinched a bit, and Cas seemed to realize he had gone a bit too far.

"Hannah." He reached out, but Hannah pursed her lips and walked towards the restroom.

"I just need to freshen up a bit." She said quickly. She seemed to forget that angels don't need to freshen up.

Cas sighed and ran a hand down his face. "I know you were listening, Dean." He said quietly.

Dean jumped a bit and turned toward him. "What?" He tried to infuse some innocence into his voice, but the revelations he had heard made him incapable of it.

Castiel gave him a look. It was similar to one of Sam's bitch faces that said, "Do you think I'm an idiot?" with him needing to say anything at all.

Dean's shoulders slumped and he sighed. "Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I really am fine." Cas said as he turned back to the pump. "It's not your problem anyway."

"Yes, it is." He walked over and caught Cas's gaze. "You're dying." He pointed an accusing finger at him. "And you weren't even going to tell us, huh?"

Cas glared at him. "This isn't your time. Dean and Sam both know about this. Besides," he turned away from him, which surprised Dean. He couldn't remember a time when Castiel had been the one to break their staredowns. "There isn't anything to be done."

"But Hannah said – "

"I am not," Cas turned back and got right into Dean's face, "going to sacrifice someone else just so I can live." He stepped back and put the pump back as the car was done filling up. "I don't deserve it." Cas finished quietly. He walked into the store in order to pay for the gas and whatever Bobby had picked up.

Dean stared after him, shocked. And that's when he realized:

Cas didn't care if he lived or died. He didn't think that he deserved to be saved.

Things were worse than Dean had thought.

Unfortunately, Dean didn't get a chance to confront his friend further on this.

When they had finally left the gas station, Cas had said it was only a few hours more until they got to the Bunker (which seemed kind of important, but Dean didn't particularly care.). However, they had to take a detour when Cas got a call.

He quickly pulled over. "It's Sam." Cas offered as an explanation as he got out of the car to have a bit more privacy.

The moment he was gone, Dean turned to Hannah. "Tell me more about this Grace business."

Sam and Bobby blinked at him, having no idea what he was talking about as he hadn't had a minute alone to explain what was up.

Hannah turned and frowned at him. "He didn't tell you?"

"When we asked about how he was an angel if his Grace was stolen, he said it wasn't important." Dean gruffly explained to her.

Worry lines appeared on her forehead. "He would say that, wouldn't he?" She mused. "I guess you heard our earlier conversation.

"Woah, what do you mean 'Grace business?'" Sam asked.

Hannah's eyes saddened. "As he seems to have told you, his Grace was stolen." She looked down. "I don't know the exact circumstances, though I'm sure it had something to do with you," she threw a slight glare at Dean, "but at some point, he found that he could not stay human."

They all exchanged a glance at that. "Cas? Human?" Bobby asked, incredulous.

Hannah looked at him, confused. "If you take away an angel's Grace, it becomes human." She explained. "Whether this means that they are reborn or remain in the vessel that they already have depends."

"So Cas was human." Dean couldn't help but feel a shudder run down his back. He had seen what Cas had been like as a human. It seems that that wasn't how things turned out in this future, since he had only slept with someone once, but still.

"Indeed." Hannah continued her story. "In any case, he felt the need to become an angel once more. It probably was also to fight against Metatron in the end." She pursed her lips. "In any case, he took another angel's Grace and absorbed it. He became an angel again."

Her eyes looked out the window and followed Cas, who was now pacing and shaking his head at something that Sam was saying. The next part came quietly. "An angel's Grace belongs to each individual angel. It's not meant to be used by any other than the angel it was created for. Grace knows this. That's why…" Her voice trailed off and she looked away.

"Why what?" Bobby finally asked, the silence stifling.

"It's finite." She simply looked straight ahead. "It doesn't work as well and it eventually runs out." Her voice grew even quieter and the hunters had to lean forward to hear her final words. "And when the Grace burns out, it takes the angel that had dared to absorb it with it."

It took a moment for that to sink in. Dean felt his heart sink.

Castiel was really dying, and there was nothing he could do about. Not only that, but from the sound of it, the Big Man wouldn't be bringing him back this time.

"But you were saying that if he had more Grace, he could live?" Dean tried to not sound as hopeful as he knew he sounded.

Hannah pursed her lips and looked at him. "At most, it would be a temporary solution. If he took another angel's Grace, it would buy him some time, but it would eventually run out again, and…"

"He's back in square one." Sam finished, sadness filling his stupid, girly, puppy-dog eyes.

The hunters fell silent at that news. Even though they were angry that Cas was obviously working with Crowley, none of them really wanted the angel to die. And if working with Crowley somehow had gotten Cas to this point…

Wow, they could see what Gabriel meant by saying that Cas's fate was depressing.

They all were quiet, lost in their own thoughts, when Dean happened to glance out the window at Castiel. He was the only one who saw it.

The phone call had ended, but Cas hadn't returned to the car just yet. Instead, he was hunched over a bit, and it looked like he was coughing into his hand, hard. Dean's heart twisted at how pained Cas looked. As the angel straightened when the fit had passed, he glanced down at his hand and then wiped it off on a handkerchief he pulled from the pocket of his trenchcoat. Cas quickly stuffed it away, but not before Dean saw a quick flash of red. The angel then straightened and he looked normal as he walked back to the car and got back in.

"Well, Sam thinks I've found another liquor store." Castiel grumbled as he pulled his seatbelt on. "And he doesn't want you in the Bunker without him there."

Sam looked a bit shocked. "He doesn't trust you?"

"He's being cautious." Cas defended Sam's future self. "And he seems on edge as he's following up that lead he told me was nothing." He seemed a bit peeved about that.

"So now what?" Bobby asked, at a loss.

Cas looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he turned to Hannah. "What was it you wished me to help with?"

Hannah perked up a bit, but Dean found himself tuning out the conversation. All he could see was that splash of red that Cas had coughed up.

Cas was dying.

The thought hurt Dean more than it should have.

AN: I'm trying to match this up as best as I can to the timeline within the actual episodes, but it's hard when there aren't many indicators of when things are happening or where exactly they're going (so I can calculate driving time with Google maps). Still, I've done my best here to make it match up. Also, anyone else find it weird that when Sam called Cas was practically hacking up a lung, then once Hannah shows up he's totally fine? I did. Cas was totally hiding how bad things were from Hannah, such as suppressing the urge to cough, so he could try to be useful before he died. That's all Cas really wants: to love Dean and be useful.