Blackadder's Naval larks, Chapter 5.

The final part of this Blackadder story. Captain B. is in trouble with insane commands, idiot subordinates, surrounding Germans and worse of all this is at Sea. His ship is now crippled and nearly sinking, they are out of cunning plans and as George, for once with a bit of perception says are in need of a really spiffing bloke. But will one be found, out here in the cold, very cold, and dangerous north sea. Hope you enjoy this, leave a review if you want to, Ham.

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There was a bang and a flash of light. Quite were someone managed to get a light from was open to debate, or possibly it was a flash of lightning. Anyway, the person that Blackadder had previously chucked out of the cabin made a reappearance. A dramatic one as well. He was clad in slightly long hair, a ratings uniform, but one which was slightly different to the others and a beard with a interesting moustache. 'Did someone say a rather spiffing bloke? Well, how about me? Lord Flashart to the rescue, hurrah!' this shout was repeated by everyone save possibly Blackadder. 'And what a rescue! Well, you guys seems to be having a spot of bother with some Kraut ships, well, I suggest that you let me deal with them. I am more Super than Superman, have more Iron than Ironman more of a Spider than Spiderman, more er, Batty than Batman.'

'Fine, so what are you going to do,' asked Blackadder.

'Just you watch. I will swim over there. I am a champion swimmer to boot. I can swim faster than any of those American or Australian swimmers that will win all of those gold medals in the Olympics in future years. Thorpe, eat your heart out. Anyway over I go,' and with that, Lord Flashart jumped over the ship, splashed into the sea and swam over to the German destroyer. He climbed over the metal side and jumped quietly onto the vessel. As it happened his gun had been rendered useless in the swimming, but no matter. He sneaked over to one armed German seaman. 'Eat this, Fritzzy,' he cried and punched the seaman out cold and took his gun. Then he used it to shot German after German, not missing with one shot.

The German were unsure about what to do about this. Flashart was only one man as the German captain kept saying, but he rolled over, dived, jumped and avoided any of the German bullets. At one stage one bullet looked to get him, but he jumped and opened his legs and let the bullet pass just under him.

Watching, those on the Richard 4th cheered enthusiastically. That Flashart was certainly something. It was all going so well. Until Blackadder made a little but crucial mistake. And it was Blackadder, he couldn't deny, later he wondered how he could have been so stupid. All he did was order for covering fire. But he forget that George was in earshot and would be doing some, the worse shot in all of the British armed forces as Blackadder himself had said. It did take a major effort from George to get his shot onto the German ship.

But sadly, it hit Lord Flashart right in the shoulder. Just as Flashart was getting to the German bridge. Brilliant as he was, even Lord Flashart could not take on a German destroyer by himself with a wounded shoulder. He did however, fall into the sea and was able to swim back to shore, but took not further part in this adventure. And the destroyer began to attack the Richard 4th with full power. Blackadder began to have that sinking feeling. Which, ironically enough, the rest of the ship was about to be doing. There was no choice now but to head for the lifeboats, as explosions ripped through the ship.

It was not an easy trip back to France on those lifeboats. No food but some gulls, bad weather, cold and still many German vessels to dodge. But after many days, a wet, hungry, cold, tired and miserable Blackadder made it back to shore. Himself, George and Baldrick were still alive, but many were not. On the way down, a deadly fire had started on the Richard killing many. The 3 silly sods died, but Blackadder did not mourn them overmuch, but Dave also had died on a leaky lifeboat on the way back. Blackadder had gone the wrong way for a while, not been an expert on North Sea currents, had not much food apart from the odd smelly gull, had to endure quite a few cunning plan suggestions from Baldrick and some rather inconsistent philosophy from George. Then, at the end, there was a tidal surge and the 3 of them were knocked out of their lifeboat and had to swim the remainder of the way to the French shoreline, only just making it before Blackadder's legs gave way.

Anyway, Blackadder made it right back to General Melchitt's mansion. It had not chanced much in his absence, soldiers were still drilling outside, maybe Melchitt had given his large, bushy, moustache a little did think that Melchitt would have been annoyed with him as, after all, the mission had not been the greatest of success but strangely, Melchitt was in a good mood. He even laughed, 'I think that I will send you back to the trenches. You know, I thought that the Navy would not be quite your cup of tea. You can even have a week's leave if you like,' Blackadder wondered why Melchitt was been suspiciously reasonable. He soon found out.

Blackadder bumped into Bob, short for Kate, on the way back. She said, 'Hello, Captain B. I hear that your time in the Navy was interesting to say the least.' Blackadder had to agree. 'However, do not be too overjoyed by the General's generosity. The only reason that he is sending you back to the trenches is that he needs every man and every officer in particular that he can get.' She lowered her voice and spoke into Blackadder's ear softly. 'Big push. In two weeks. You will be leading the charge. I think it only fair that you know about it,'

Blackadder was pleased with the information. 'So, we will be attacking the Jerries at last,' said George.

'Not if I can think of a very cunning plan to get out of it,' replied Blackadder.

THE END