Chapter 27: Dark soul of the world

When I woke up, my heart was jumping about in anticipation as to what I would see when I open my eyes. Last night, Christian had come home. But it did not make any sense. He had said that he was not returning, that he was unable to. I was only sure of one thing; That Luke had stayed and held my hand until I had fallen asleep. For all I knew, the alcohol had rewired my brain and made me think that Luke was Christian.

That was possible and there was only one way to find out.

With the flutter of my eyelids, I sighed in relief as Christian's still body lay by my side. He was in deep sleep, his face relaxed and his chest dropping and rising in sync to his breathing. I could have stayed there watching him all day. In the sunlight, I could see his exhaustion clearly and my heart pained for him. It was evident that he had been working late and long to clear the issue before him.

At that moment, I felt guilty for drawing him home. Even though I had really desired him to, it was selfish on my part too. It was not as if he did not want to be with me, he would always want to be by my side. But it was just too difficult to convince myself of this fact with his absence, it gave my brain a huge leeway to spin me about and shake my security. I was tempted to touch him, to reach out and cradle his face in my palms. But I resisted, Christian needed his rest.

Sliding out of bed, I was careful not to move the bed too much in order not to wake my sleeping prince. Quietly, I pulled the covers over him and leaned in to plant a kiss against his forehead. He stirred but did not wake, so I let myself out of the room.

Luke, Gail and Taylor were seated around the kitchen area, having breakfast together. "Anything for me?" I teased, announcing my arrival.

The spotlight fell upon me and the three of them looked up and smiled at me. Luke waved his sausage in the air, "We're having pancakes and bratwurst."

I licked my lips the same time my stomach growled at the idea. I have deprived my food body for far too long. "Could I have some?"

Gail rose, "Of course, dear. Right away."

"Oh no, I was thinking maybe I should cook." My idea was silenced by Gail's shake of her head as she took out freshly cooked pancakes and bratwurst sausages. Laughing, Luke pulled out a chair for me an beckoned me to sit down.

"Thanks, Gail." I said with a smile and then dug into my scrumptious breakfast. There was a moment of knives against plates and the sound of chewing as we all savored Gail's cooking. "So Taylor, how was the trip?"

He peeked up at me and increased his chewing speed then swallowed loudly. "Oh, it was busy. Frantic." He sighed as he recalled it for me. "Christian was up almost every night and into the morning, so I couldn't exactly turn in without him."

Gail cooed at him and stroked his back, as if soothing him and encouraging him at the same time. That made me smile. I realized that this was who Christian needed me to be to him at this point of time. "Thank you for taking care of him."

Taylor beamed at me as he held onto Gail's hand. "It's my pleasure. I'm just glad to be home with Gail."

"Awwww, quit it the two of you." Luke teased, angling his fork at Taylor.

Taylor scoffed, "You're just jealous." Luke shrugged, not disagreeing. "Why aren't you seeing anyone anyway?"

Luke's lips pulled up at the right corner. "I'm so busy keeping Anastasia here out of trouble."

The sausages were good, but not good enough for me to ignore that. "I'm not that much of a nuisance!" Immediately, my claim was Met with questioning gazes around the table. I conceded.

"I was suggesting yesterday that she gets a hobby." Luke finished up his food as he filled Taylor in. "Something to distract her mind and subdue her."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I cannot be subdued!"

"Good point though." Taylor was in agreement. "Ana, maybe you should try..." He thought long and hard, as if matching my personality to the list of activities he had in mind.

"Cooking? Knitting? Sewing?" Luke tried to help.

Gail almost choked. She reached over and smacked him across his head. "What horrible stereotype."

"I already have work and boxing." I pointed out, folding my arms across my chest.

Taylor smiled meekly at me, "I highly doubt Christian would let you pursue your boxing dreams after what happened with that nose of yours."

"It was an accident." I defended myself, blatantly sticking my injury in the air.

"That's the thing, Ana." Luke waved his hands in the air frantically. "You're accident prone!" Taylor affirmed it with a grunt.

"Maybe I'll just fly about with Christian, since he's going to be away more often." I suggested to myself, not meant for them to hear. But they did.

"He'd hardly get any work done with you around." Taylor disagreed, shaking his head at me in disapproval.

Luke chuckled sarcastically. "As if he could get any work done with her not around." Both men shared a common look and sighed in unison.

"Speaking of which," my drowsiness was clearing up and I recalled a missing piece to my puzzle. "I thought you couldn't make it home last night."

Taylor smirked. "We didn't. We made it home this early morning."

Luke jabbed Taylor in the bicep, "Since Christian's knocked out, you should get some rest too."

Taylor yawned in affirmation then glanced at me with a judgmental gaze. "He scrambled the last few hours and pushed through, made a deal with those Japanese and came home." Taylor pursed his lips. "He was running on three hours of sleep over two and a half days, Ana."

My cheeks heated at his partial accusation. I had no idea that things had gotten that bad and my childish behavior was starting to manifest into guilt. I dropped my eyes to the floor to avoid his glare. "The thought of you leaving him is daunting, Ana. I don't think it's nice of you to threaten him with it." There was a low growl in his voice. There was no doubt that Taylor was faithful to Christian.

"She was having a hard time too, sweetheart." Gail interceded on my behalf and I observed as she placed her palms on his biceps to calm him down. Before Taylor could protest, she added, "Just as I was when you were gone."

A look of defeat crossed his face. "It's just that you boys have left us too long and too frequently, we begin to wonder if you'd ever get back to us."

Taylor contemplated her words and then took both her hands in his, rubbing the back of her palms with his thumbs. Gazing deeply into her eyes, he was apologetic. "It's not like either of us Wants to leave you girls. We love you." At a much softer tone, he whispered. "I love you."

My heart melted at his words. Both Luke and I shuddered from the romanticism unfolding before us. Taylor finally broke the intense interaction to arrow a question at me, "So are you an alcoholic now?"

Oh hell. Did Christian know about it too?

Taylor smirked. "Christian's in the dark about this until he's awake."

"No wonder he was so peaceful when he came in to sleep!" I piped up and that warranted a table of laughter. I turned serious. "I don't think so... It's just that alcohol is promoted to be some magic drink that will solve your problems, but I don't enjoy anything about it."

"It won't solve your problems." Luke stated.

"No shit, Sherlock." I silenced him with a glare. "It's just hard to think clearly when Christian's not around." Taylor nodded at me supportively, encouraging me to go on. "It's as if I can't be truly sure that he loves me. Even with this." I lifted my banded finger in the air.

Taylor pursed his lips. "It's pretty much the same way he feels about you, Ana."

I had not expected that. "What?"

Taylor shot me a sympathetic smile. "Even with that ring, when he's away from you, he's not entirely sure that you love him either. There's always a chance that you'd leave him."

"It's not like I would."

"There's nothing stopping you, Anastasia." Which was true to a large extent.

Except for one small part. "But he's Christian, my Christian."

Gail gave me a weak smile, as if moved by my words. "He doesn't know that."

It was hard to think of Christian as insecure. He was always so sure about himself, so certain of his place and so confident in everything he did. I supposed part of the reason I never knew the seriousness of the situation was because he never showed that he needed any help. He always appeared so strong.

"Thanks for the breakfast, Gail." I flashed her a toothy one as I rose from my seat. "I think I'll go check on Christian."

"No problem, dear." She said sweetly and Taylor began helping her keep the dishes. It gave me such joy to watch the both of them interact together, I had envisioned my marriage life to be like them.

Smiling to myself, I walked towards our bedroom. Part of me was still angsty, but the larger part of me was thankful that Christian had dropped his work to come back to me. Silently, I vowed that this would be my final time luring him back home with such uncouth measures.

As I neared the bedroom, I could hear his muffled cries from behind the mahogany door. My heart jumped as I rushed in to find him trashing against the mattress, he was sweating and tears were rolling down his face. "Why!" He flipped over and howled.

"Christian!" I leaped onto the bed and tried to hold him, but his struggling got increasingly violent.

"Ana, don't leave me." He gushed, tears spilling harder and flowing faster as his fists balled the material tightly.

My heart cracked and shattered into a million pieces, I reached for his head and rested it against the soft sport of my chest. "I'm not leaving you, baby."

That seemed to soothe him a little. I wrapped my hands around his clenched fists and pried them from the fabric. This was Christian, my Christian, when he was truly vulnerable. He would let his guard down only when he was sleeping, where he had been alone for the majority of his life.

It was comforting to know that I was the only person who knew this side of Christian, to see this side of Christian and be able to do something. He was broken and dark, hurt and tortured in places unimaginable to others. By some sort of miracle, he had shared that wrangled side of him with me.

"Christian, I love you." I chanted into his ear, watching his body relax and coil closer into mine.

I was aware that his mother and the pimp had been in his dreams, had played the lead characters in his nightmares. Christian had needed me there in his bed to chase them away. But it hurt to know that I was starting to manifest in his nightmares too, that the prospect of me leaving him would be equivalent to the pain he had experienced from the other two.

My own tears began to slip from my face as I kissed the back of Christian's head. "I'm never leaving you, Christian Grey." I kissed him again, pressing a little harder. "Never."

Gingerly, my thumbs dashed away the streaks of tears that had danced themselves down his high cheekbones. Just as much as I needed him to stay by my side, he needed me by his too. I stayed there rocking my broken little boy back to sleep, stroking him into a good dream and away from a bad one.

As the sun's power began to wane, I felt him stir in my arms. A smile played across my face as I watched his lusciously long and thick lashes flutter and open. Christian breathed in a huge breath, as if to displace the exhaustion within his system. It was almost the late afternoon and he had been sleeping for more than half a day already.

I waited patiently for him to accustom himself to the surroundings and remind himself of where he was. Then, he was aware of my arms around him and his position against my chest. "Anastasia?"

"Hey there, stranger." I said quietly.

Christian slowly rolled himself out of my reach and sat up, his grey eyes holding mine in his. My heart softened as he broke into a cherubic, longing, smile. "Hey baby." Christian's arms reached for me and we exchanged positions, this time, I was against the pad of his chest. "I missed you, Ana." And then, he chuckled privately. "I know how much you missed me."

"I truly did." I pouted, nuzzling my nose into his chest and relishing at the fact that he did not flinch.

Instead, coaxed my chin up so I could meet his gaze. "I love you, Anastasia Steele." Wasting no time, he crushed his lips to mine in a passionate thirst, which I returned.

He raided me. His hands skimmed my body hungrily, down my sides and up again. His lips were urgent and they cracked mine open, wide enough for his tongue to slip into my mouth. I felt him shiver in delight at the sensation and his hands caressed my breasts. Christian began to shift me and soon, I was directly under him.

He broke our connection to let me catch a glimpse of the storm within his eyes. "You called me Luke, Ana."

I gulped. So he remembered. "Accident."

Christian threw his head back in a coyote laughter, "Accident." He mimicked sarcastically as his hand flew to my underwear. "Accident." He repeated to himself and shook his head. His fingers lingered at the wetness in my underwear, stroking me seductively and sending shivers through my libido.

I tried to focus. "I was having a rough night." I tried to explain.

"Accident." Christian's fingers slipped themselves into me and I let out a gasp, they were slightly cold and very long.

"He was helping me get to bed." I clarified, Christian free hand jerked my right thigh away from my left, exposing me as he invaded me deeper.

"Oh no, Ana, it was an accident." He said sourly as his thumb made contact with my clitoris. I jolted and squeezed my eyes shut.

"He never came onto the bed, Christian." I was panting. "He sat on the floor."

His fingers moved faster and faster, rapidly gliding in and out of me. I groaned as three members made their home within me and called his name over and over. "Accident." He told me in an angry tone and increased the speed. The train of thought I was holding onto disappeared and my mouth dropped open as I let the pleasure take over me. My head was a complete blank, lost to ecstasy.

He took me over the edge.

I lay there panting, recovering from the intense cardio he had just put my body through. I observed as Christian pulled out his fingers and put them into his mouth. With a cheeky smile, he winked at me. "Accident."

My naughty boy.

As my heart began to climb back down, I noticed a tent in his boxer shorts. "Mr Grey." I bit my lips and he let out a quiet moan. Christian began to shift himself over me again. Then, I had an idea.

As violently as I could, I pushed him on his back and seized him. I watched in satisfaction as a look of surprise painted his face. "You've been exhausted lately, let me." I bit down on my lip harder to torture him.

My fingers were fast as I began to unbutton him. Ripping his shirt apart, I ran my fingers down and through his chest hair. Christian's eyes rolled back into his head at the feeling and I dropped my head to kiss his sensitive spots. It had taken us such a long time to get to this, but I was triumphant that I now had the access to do this.

Slowly, I kissed him downward. When I reached his happy trail, I let my tongue slide out and over it to tease him. In response, his member jerked up and pressed against my throat. I heard him moan my name and I released the beast. Smiling to myself, I took him in my mouth. Whole. He groaned and I shielded my teeth with my lips and then increased pace, taking him in and out.

"AN-A" Christian was losing control. Exactly how I wanted him. My right hand came around the bottom and my left hand clasped his balls firmly. Twisting my right hand and sucking his tip, I made sure that my left hand teased him as well. I felt him tense under me as his member became rock hard. "I'm going to cum, baby."

Then, I stopped. Standing up on the bed, I dropped my knickers for him to watch and threw them to the chairs. A spark of hunger filled his eyes and he put his hands behind his head, knowing exactly what I was about to do. Just as he expected, I slammed down on him.

Christian gasped. I rose up once more and positioned him at my entrance. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused." I told him and let him fill me once more.

"I-it's ok-ay." He breathed heavily, clearing close to his climax.

"I love you, Christian." I said as I increased the speed, pressing my hands against his chest to stabilize me. Christian's hands came around my waist.

"I love you, Ana." His voice was so tender and that was why I had not expected what was to come next.

Christian's hands gripped my waist tightly and lifted me off him and then dropped me back down upon him. He did this repeatedly and increased the pace, my insides began to quiver and I dropped my head back to relish in the feeling. "Faster." I panted and he conceded.

Suddenly, he exploded within me and I let go. The moment it was over, Christian reached for me and pulled me into a tight embrace. He showered me with a feather of kisses. "I love you." He said. "I love you."

In moments like this, the probability of him not loving me was slimmer than the chances of a meteorite blowing up the world.