Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews!

December, 9th:

She kissed me and I don't know why. It just happened. She was about to leave and for whatever reason, she bent over then kissed me. It didn't last very long. As a matter of fact, I think it can pass for an innocent goodbye one but... It took me aback. Maura took me aback.

And hurt me.

She has no idea what she is doing to me. It makes me angry. Perhaps it is stupid and I am the one to blame but damn, it is a torture. A pure torture. Her lips brushed mine for a few seconds only to dare and remind me afterwards that nothing will ever happen between us.

I watched her leave and all of a sudden, I burst into tears. I didn't get up of the whole day. I stayed in bed and cried away what I now see as unfair cruelty. Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend?

Why can't I live – for once – a beautiful and peaceful story?

I have never been lucky in love. Always falling for the wrong guy, always feeling some sort of latent attraction for the only girl in the room who wouldn't even look at me. I suffered a lot and did force myself in many relations I should have avoided. I guess I simply wanted to fit in, to do what people expected from me. I have been wrong, haven't I? From the beginning to the end.

I don't mind if I end up single. Ma' won't like it. She will be the one who will suffer from it, not me. It seems logical, now. Too clear. I am stubborn but not stupid. Why should I keep on suffering and a bit out of nowhere hurt myself pretending to be someone I am not? I don't want to look in the mirror and face a stranger anymore. I am tired of it.

Yet what to do? Take my distance with Maura? No way. She might hurt me, it isn't voluntary. And I need her, to go on; with or without unexpected kisses on my lips. So what is left out of this mess?

The truth?

I would never dare. This isn't possible. How would it solve my problem, anyway? I am certain that it would only make everything worse. She kissed me innocently, without any double-thinking. Why should I let her know that it meant a lot more to me? She would feel embarrassed, and ridiculous.

I love you, Maura. I am in love with you. And I apologize for it because you have never asked for anything. You have been thrown in this mess without even knowing it. You aren't responsible of the pain that is currently tightening my heart; the one your kiss stirred up. You are only the victim.

The victim of my ridiculous and selfish feelings.

8pm

"I'm sorry I'm late! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Jane rushed up the main staircase and headed straight to Maura who was waiting by the balcony. She smiled - adjusted the dress that she was wearing for the occasion - and straightened up.

"I should be the one apologizing."

The brunette abandoned the contemplation of what looked like mayonnaise on her black dress and looked up at her friend; astonished.

"Why? You forgot the tickets?"

Maura burst out laughing and shook her head. She grabbed Jane's arm to lead her towards the main door opened right in front of them. People were already walking inside. The opera should start any minute now.

"No... I just assume that you would prefer to be anywhere else, tonight. Probably watching a game. Accompanying a friend to the opera house is certainly not on your wish list, is it? I shouldn't have asked you, not the way I did... I basically forced you to accept. I am sorry."

The smile that began to light up Jane's lips highlighted her sweet timidity. She waited for Maura to show the tickets to the usher who took them to their respective seats to give a honest answer.

"Actually, I've always wanted to see a ballet during the Christmas season." But as the honey blonde widened her eyes in shock, Jane raised her index finger to stop her immediately. "Once. Once in a lifetime." She cleared her voice, a bit worried. "And there's no need for you to say it to anyone like at work and all."

"If I had known... I would have taken you to Swan Lake or The Nutcracker. These are the classic ones for the holidays."

Looking all around – admiring the auditorium she had visited once as a child with her school of music – Jane shrugged away her friend's comment. The truth was that she had been ecstatic when Maura had invited her; not because of what they would see but because they would be together. It had sounded reassuring after the uncertainty following their awkward Sunday kiss.

Maura had given a sign. She had turned the page and wanted to go on. Jane felt relieved, somehow. Yet deep inside, she had the unpleasant feeling that – perhaps – she had missed the biggest occasion of her life.

But they were on a date, right now. The medical examiner might not see it the same way but secretly, that was how Jane had defined their evening.

"Tristan and Isolde isn't really contemporary as far as I know..."

Maura smiled and closed her eyes before taking a deep breath. Her murmur rose in the air, softly; bitterly.

"Fold your arms round me close and strain me so that our hearts may break and our souls go free at last. Take me to that happy place of which you told me long ago. The fields whence none return, but where great singers sing their songs forever."

Jane frowned and looked up from the programme she had been leafing through. She raised a rather confused eyebrow at Maura who had squinted her eyes – as if observing something in the distance – and was now focused on the heavy curtains.

"What?"

Peacefully, Maura turned her head and smiled at the Italian. She pressed her hand tightly, softly.

"I was just quoting the novel. Haven't you read it?"

Jane frowned and bit her lips. She did know the synopsis – the story of an impossible love – but she didn't think that she had actually read it. Not that she was in the mood for it, anyway. She knew way too much already about impossible love stories by experience.

"I don't think so, no."

The auditorium turned dark, preventing thus Maura from adding anything. But the smile that played on her lips turned out to be worth a thousand sentences.

...

11pm

"I can't believe it..." Jane rolled her eyes and sobbed, looking desperately for a handkerchief. "And don't say that to anyone either, okay? Nobody needs to know that this opera made me cry like a baby."

Maura repressed a laugh and took a Kleenex out of her bag. She held it out to her friend and cast a glance at the cafe on her right. It was late but she didn't feel like going home. Not yet. The evening had been perfect and she wanted to make it last. As she opened her mouth to speak, a snow drop – light and cold – landed on her upper lip. She let it melt quietly.

"Would you like to have a drink?"

"I have the eyes of a rabbit, Maura. People are gonna stare at me!" Trying to control the mess such tears had probably caused on her mascara, Jane pressed the Kleenex just under her eyes. "I must be looking like some crazy cat lady."

The scientist pushed the door of the cafe and invited Jane to come in.

"You own a dog. You can't be a cat lady."

"Not yet..." Jane looked around and motioned at the bathroom door. "Now if you'll excuse me. I so need to get rid of what's left of my non-waterproof mascara."

Maura nodded – amused – and went to sit down at a table while the detective rushed to the bottom of the room. She hadn't expected Jane to react so strongly to the opera. It was a beautiful one – she had to recognize it – but it was the first time that she saw her friend cry before a fiction. Yet she loved it. She loved it when Jane showed her vulnerability. She had the sentiment to be trusted, by then. The Italian was being herself and didn't try to hide anything.

"Good evening. May I take your order?"

She looked up and smiled at the waitress.

"A glass of Brouilly, please."

The woman nodded before motioning at the seat next to hers; the one on which Jane had abandoned her coat in a hurry.

"Do you know what your lady wants?"

Taken aback, Maura remained silent for long seconds; uncertain of whether she had heard right. The room was crowded and noisy, she might have mistaken the waitress' words. The meaning hiding not so subtly behind the use of 'yours'.

"Excuse me?"

The waitress smiled warmly.

"Your... Partner? The brunette whom arm you were holding when walking in, the one who rushed to the bathroom with a handkerchief against her eyes. Do you know what she wants to drink?"

Maura giggled nervously. What was it that everyone lately assumed that she and Jane were a couple, exactly? Although at the same time, she hadn't even realized that she had been holding Jane's arm. Blushing - yet secretly delighted - she nodded at the employee.

"A beer. She will have a beer. And a portion of French fries."

The waitress nodded and turned around but Maura stopped her immediately.

"No! Wait! Make it two. Two portions of French fries, please. A beer and a glass of Brouilly."