Chapter 31: The one that got away
Author's Note!
I'd like to say that in my version, Jack's a good man! I find it tragic that EL James made him the bad guy. If you think about it, he's been nice to Ana from the start and I'd fancy he has a soft spot for her. So, I have decided how my posting will be. If I have a chapter, I will post it. If I don't, I won't. So brave yourselves for inconsistent uploading. Remember to check your notifications and leave a review, I love reading them.
"I don't think Ana should get that." Ethan halted me in my footsteps and started towards the door.
Memories of Ethan getting pounced on upon opening the door played through my head and I grabbed his arm as he passed me. "I don't think you should get it either."
Kate let out an exasperated sigh, "You two love birds sicken me, I'll get it."
The fire burned my cheeks as I stowed away my palm before Mia could dislocate my shoulder. Kate never failed to put me in a spot when it came to Ethan and I, Mia was going to put me on a restraining order. It saddened me to know that Ethan and I might have trouble keeping up our relationship.
Stepping in between us, Mia snaked her arms around Ethan. I cleared my throat and helped her by stepping away from the two of them. Ethan clenched his jaw and let out a breath through his nose.
The door clicked as Kate opened it slightly. My breath caught and struggled to release itself from my chest. Flicking her head back to us, Kate narrowed her eyes at me. "It's for you."
Ethan's eyes widened and he shook his head at me, as if telling me not to to forward. Kate did not miss our exchange, "Look, it's just Sawyer."
Oh. "ANA." Luke called from behind the door.
Kate opened it more to give him a view of me. Luke had not changed out of his attire from earlier today, his face contorted into worry as his hands were balled up at the sides.
Christian must have sent him. "I don't want to hear it, Sawyer." I said, stepping back with my palms faced towards him.
His eyes tightened upon the informal greeting. "I know you think I'm working with Grey and that I hid things from you, but Ana." He persuaded me to look at him. "I was always only faithful to you."
I shook my head at him and back away more. "Screw you, Sawyer."
"Look at me!" He begged. "Think about it, thoroughly. Sweetheart, think."
Mia, Kate and Ethan tensed at the pet name he had for me. Without a doubt, Christian was going to find out about it. "Ana, I'm here on my own, Christian doesn't know." Definitely.
"You should go back." I stated, turning my back on him.
"Ana, how can you think I'm part of any of this!" Luke groaned, frustrated.
I decided to tell him the truth. "I don't know anything anymore, Luke." It warmed my heart that he had personally come down to try and reassure me of our friendship, but it may be a strategic move by Christian to put him in my life as a spy. Our friendship had been real, but now it was a mess.
"Please, Ana. I don't wanna lose what we have, sweetheart." His tone dropped to a constricted edge, as if he was about to cry. My bravado was beginning to be eroded by his sincerity, but this just confused me even more.
How would Christian have kept Leila a secret from Luke? It was impossible. So that either meant that Christian was never cheating on me until today or that he was just a bloody good liar and deceiver.
"Ana, please." The room was quiet as they waited for my response.
"I'm sorry, Luke." I choked, the tears rising up in my system. "I just can't be sure of anything now, please, leave."
"I think it's best if you go." I heard Kate advise him softly, then I heard the door close shut.
Luke was now out of my life. Someone Christian had brought into my life was now ripped out of it. It tortured my heart and the pain constricted my throat. A realization crossed my mind. Ethan and Kate were part of Christian's life too, what if they chose him over me? Oh god, who would I have left in my life?
My knees shook and my arms came to wrap around my torso as I fell to the floor, letting the tears wash over me. What if Elliott asked Kate to choose him over me? I know Mia has probably asked Ethan the same thing, repeatedly even.
"Ana." Ethan's gentle voice complemented his soft arms as they came to cover my heaving chest. He pulled me close into him, resting his head on my shoulder blade and chanting little coos to calm me down. It only made me cry harder and soon I was wailing.
"Don't leave me, Ethan." I muttered, the words came out stifled by the tears.
"Never, baby." Ethan's palm patted my back rhythmically and another pair of hands I recognized as Kate's began to smooth me over.
"I'm going to lose the both of you." I sobbed, gripping onto my own arms tightly.
"No you're not, Ana." Kate said, "You're just a little insecure right now."
I wished that was true. I wished it hard. But the reality was that love changed people. My friends in high school had eventually drifted away when they got boyfriends and girlfriends, this was just a matter of seasoned experience. I knew the hand book, I knew what was going to happen. My fingernails dug into my flesh and I tried to force the memory out.
Ethan's hands seized mine and he gripped onto them securely, trying to pull them out of hurting myself. "Don't." He whispered into my ear. "Release." He instructed and I obeyed. He redirected them to his upper arms as his arms came to hold me around my waist, my back into his chest. "You can grip onto me, sweetheart. Just don't hurt yourself."
I hated this so much. I hated how Ethan was being so sacrificial and sweet to me while I was just falling apart in his hands. He did not have to do this for me. I had rejected him cold and hard and he was with Mia now, yet, he was still coming to my rescue. I felt him press his lips into the base of my jaw, "Go ahead. I know it will make you feel better."
"Ethan.." Kate cautioned, her voice in front of me but my eyes were too blurry to make anything out.
My body took on a life of its own and my nails pressed into his fleshy arms. I kept control on the pressure, ensuring that it was hard enough to keep me sound but not hard enough to injure Ethan. I heard him gasp as I did, but he pulled me closer into him.
Just then, the front door slammed. "MIA!" Kate called out. My eyes fell shut as I heard her run after Mia. All I was doing today was hurting people.
"I'm sorry, Ethan." I whimpered.
Ethan kissed my lower jaw. "If she's the one for me, she will need to know how much you mean to me, Ana." His kisses were soothing in a way. "It hurts me to see you like this, it makes my feelings for you unbearable."
Ethan had assured me constantly that he was over me. But the same way that there was always a small part of me that desired to be with him, there was a part of him that belonged to me too. "But Mia..." I trailed.
"I'll have to deal with her later. But right now, I want to take care of you." He said quietly, as he began to release his grip on me and he held my hands in his. I opened my eyes to see him kneel in front of me. "Anastasia," His eyes blazed. "Despite your insecurities, I am going no where." As if to prove it, he placed my palm against his chest and held it there.
The moment was so intimate as our breathing synced, my heart falling in pace with the rhythm of his beating heart. "I will always to respond to your pain, sweetheart."
Ethan began to lean in and I remained still. Instead of kissing me on my lips, he began to brush away my tears from my face with his feather-like kisses. My heart ached in response. I wanted to be treated like this, I wanted to feel like I was loved. I wanted to be with someone who was tender, soft and kind to me. But Ethan was with Mia now and I had lost my chance.
"Ethan, you have to go." I croaked and his lips remained against my cheek bone. "You have to chase after Mia."
His hands came to caress my jaw as he tilted my gaze to meet his. "I want to be with you, Ana."
If only this scene would have casted Christian as my male interest. "You can't, you're with Mia now."
"I could be with you, baby." He tempted me with his sweet words. "I can make you happy."
Promises. It took a huge effort within me to resist this. "We both chose." I said slowly. "And I chose Christian, Ethan. You don't deserve to be my second choice."
His lips fell into a sullen pout as he registered what I was saying. No matter how much I loved him, the larger part of my affections would always belong to Christian. "I'll have to learn to stand on my own feet now, Ethan." My tears began to slow. "Thank you for being a great friend." A soft smile tugged at Ethan's lips. "I love you enough to let you go."
"Anastasia Rose Steele, I love you." He said firmly and he brought our lips together. Once more, he was gentle, softly parting my lips to slip his tongue into my mouth. I did not pull away because I knew what was running through his mind. This was him saying goodbye to me. I had to seize this moment and treasure it one last time.
With a fierceness, I returning the kiss, deepening it. I fastened my arms around his neck and slid my tongue over his. It shocked him momentarily, but then he upped his skill. I never knew he could be rough, but he forced my mouth wider as he entered me deeper.
After a heated moment, we pulled away from each other, panting. My arms fell from his neck as he cradled my jaw. He pressed his lips against mine one last time. "I always will."
Giving him a crooked grin, I nodded at him. "Go get her."
Ethan returned the smile and he leaped to his feet, sprinting out of the door and effectively ending the little bits of romance we had been cultivating ever since we were younger. He belonged to Mia now and I knew that she was going to bring him the happiness that I will never be able to.
Even if Christian and I never got back together again, I would be secure in the fact that Ethan would always be my best friend. Kneeling in the middle of my apartment right there and then, I felt more secure than I have ever felt over the past few weeks of my place in my friendship with the Kavanaghs.
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