The Ghosts of the Past

by purpleu

That which haunts us doesn't exist only in our minds. As an image on a screen preys on House's psyche, he learns that some who have touched upon his life are in pain, too. When they come knocking, seeking his help, will he slam the door on them, or will he relent and let in "The Ghosts of the Past."

16. Chapter 16

"Ghosts of the Past"

Chapter Sixteen – "Banished to a Darkened Corner"

By: purpleu

"I'm sorry, James," Lydia said as she picked her head up from his shoulder, and brushed away her tears. She managed to pull herself together in time as the elevator arrived at the lobby.

"Are… you sure you're OK?" Wilson asked gently as they stepped off the car.

"I'm… I'm confused. Last evening when Greg stopped at the house, we had a good talk out in the driveway; we even were kissing a bit… well, quite a bit," she admitted with a laugh. "But then when Thomas went to see him… " Wilson held his hand up to stop her and looked around. They had taken a few steps away from the elevators, but if House was leaving early as he had said, he would be passing by within a few feet of them.

"Come on, let's head down toward the east entrance to the building. It's the least used, and we can stand in the vestibule and talk," he suggested.

"We could always go to my office if you want," Lydia offered.

"Too much of a chance of him stopping in there; although after the way he was just acting… " Lydia said nothing, but started walking down the corridor with Wilson. "So… what did Thomas say to you when he got home?"

"Just that Greg had almost finished a bottle of whiskey in the time that he was there, and that while he understood where some of Greg's concerns were coming from, he tried to point out that the majority were irrational. Thomas tried to reassure him that things he was afraid of, were never going to happen. He thought that appealing to the concept of logic and reason, he'd get through to Greg, but he was too drunk." Lydia started to tear up again. "When I asked Thomas if he, himself was OK, he said no; his heart was broken, and he confessed that he cried for his son." Lydia swallowed hard to stop herself from losing it. "Like I said, last night, he was acting the way he normally would with me; now today, he barely looked at me. But when he did, he said that very sweet thing about thinking of how Ben and Elise would react to me being gone from their lives. And then when he leaves the elevator, he makes that comment about preferring to be alone. I feel like I'm dealing with Jekyll and Hyde." She shook her head as Wilson pushed opened the door at the end of the hallway, and the two stepped into the vestibule.

"Welcome to the world of dealing with House," Wilson said sarcastically, leaning against the wall. "He has always been the most self-destructive person I have ever met. He doesn't want to be, but he doesn't know of any other way to handle things. House is the master of alienating people… even people he cares about. I was… thrilled beyond belief when he introduced me to you, when I saw the way you got along with each other, complemented each other's personalities. I thought," Wilson looked away from Lydia. "I really hoped and prayed he'd finally found some happiness that wouldn't be fleeting, something that he could really hold onto. I don't know what's prompting this, except… he's scared. He's happy, he's enjoying his life… he knows he loves you; there's no doubt about that. But I don't think he's ever been in a relationship that had this… this kind of potential; the type that he thinks is really going to last." Lydia looked thoughtful.

"I know you have next to no knowledge about Sarah," she began. Wilson shook his head.

"I didn't even know she existed until a few days ago," he admitted.

"What can you tell me about Greg and Stacy? Did he act like this with her all of the time? Hot and cold?" Wilson winced.

"Well, I was a witness to the many times Stacy would make a dinner date for them with friends, or some sort of other social obligation… and House simply didn't show up. Sometimes, he'd call and say he got caught up at work… but that wasn't the truth."

"Where was he?"

"Sitting on a bar stool, with me right next to him… which needless to say, never thrilled my now ex-wives. But don't worry," Wilson said quickly seeing the look Lydia was giving him. "I am not going to let him drag me into that sort of thing again. Back then, I could give him sympathy when he screwed up with someone I knew, but wasn't close to. He messes this up… he's hurting my fiancée, my fiancée's best friend… and my friend," Wilson said giving Lydia an encouraging smile. "But… let's hope it doesn't come to that." He let out a sigh. "I really… wish there was something I could say to him."

"You can't," Lydia said shaking her head. "You know as well as I do that if you try and push Greg in a certain direction, he'll do the exact opposite. Besides that, I want it to be his decision and his alone if he wants to come back home." Wilson nodded, knowing she was right.

"Is Thomas still with you? Or did he go home this morning?" he asked.

"He went home. He's coming back Friday night for the soccer awards. I told him Greg was going to stay at the house that night, and then we were going to talk to the children on Saturday. He said he'll leave early enough so that we have the whole day with them." Lydia started to tear up again. "I… I may need you and Annie to come by and help distract Ben and Elise after Greg and I talk to them. I know they're not going to take this well. Elise has asked me when they could start calling him 'daddy' on more than one occasion, and I know how close Ben feels to him. It's not that they've just been looking for a substitute father figure. They've formed a true relationship, a real bond with Greg. And he with them." Lydia sighed. "This is going to be tough."

"You know you have Annie's support no matter what… and I'm there for you, too." Lydia smiled.

"I know; I'm not losing a best friend when you two get married, I'm gaining another one. Thank you, James." She walked over, and gave him a hug.

"He'd better not blow this," Wilson said. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to him. I really mean that." Lydia bit her bottom lip.

"Let's hope Greg thinks so….."

House rolled over from his left side onto his back. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep, but however long it was, it felt good. The further away he was from the hangover he woke up with, the better he was going to be. House rubbed his eyes and picked up his cell phone from the coffee table; it was nearly seven-thirty. He had arrived at the apartment around two after stopping at the deli to pick up a roast beef hero. With the sick headache and queasy stomach he had when he got to his place, he was in no mood to eat; he simply placed the sandwich in the refrigerator. Now, he was hungry, and very glad he didn't have to venture out to get anything. House stared at the ceiling, trying to gear himself up to go down the hall to the bathroom, and then into the kitchen. He had really hoped with the volume of alcohol he had consumed last night, that today he wouldn't remember what was said; instead, he clearly recalled every word. You've spent a good portion of your time healing and saving other people's lives. Don't you think it's time to put some effort into healing and saving your own? House scowled; why should he waste his time with that crappy idea? He'd only wind up shooting himself in the foot again… the only way it won't work is if you give up. I know you love Lydia too much to give up on her; I certainly know she'd never give up on you. Before House let anything else from last night invade his brain, he pulled himself off the couch, and went to empty his bladder. Returning to the living room, he decided to get his sandwich and eat now, before he lost his appetite. House went to the kitchen, retrieved his hero, a can of Coke, and a small bag of potato chips he picked up. He had just unwrapped the sandwich, when his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and rolled his eyes; it was Wilson.

"Yes, I'm still alive, yes, I'm OK, and yes, I still want to be alone," House said after answering the call.

"Good to know," Wilson said hesitantly. "I was calling to remind you that a week from today we have to get measured for our tuxes." House winced; that meant Ben would be there to get measured, too.

"I have it noted in my phone," he said. There was a prolonged silence between the two men.

"House… you're still going to do this, aren't you? I know what you said in your office the other day, but… if you're feeling uncomfortable with the situation now that you and Lydia have actually separated… "

"I said I'd do it no matter what. Besides, I know how your intended can be; I like my testicles where they are." House took a deep breath. "The least I can do is stand by and watch you finally get it right." Wilson sighed.

"You're getting it right, too… and you damn well know it. I can't understand what you're thinking that would make you believe differently."

"If you knew what I was thinking, you'd understand," House said quietly. "See you tomorrow." House ended the call and tossed his phone onto the coffee table. He stared off into space, trying to figure out if there really was a way he could move forward with the life he had started with Lydia, and be sure he'd never hurt her. There was no guarantee he could remove the chance of him becoming the bastard he had been in the past; the kind of man that John House had raised him to be. His head spun with thoughts; why was he continuing to let that man so influence his life? He wasn't John House's son, really; he was Thomas Bell's son. There's no doubt Flyboy held sway over him big time, but John would have never made the video that he did for Arlene and Rachel. That was the action of a caring person, a person who saw someone hurting, and didn't want them to continue that way; he knew all too well how destructive and painful those feelings can be. That was Thomas Bell coming out in him. House knew how much Thomas loved his mother; how much the man loved his son. The only way it won't work, is if you give up. House knew Bell was right, but he just didn't know if he had it in him to try again. He leaned over, popped open his can of Coke and took a drink; it was the only way to chase down the lump that had formed in his throat. House's stomach was feeling empty and he knew he had to eat. He decided to watch a little TV, and return to his thoughts later.

He flipped around the channels, not sure of what was on, but badly needing a distraction. On one of the cable stations, he found a rerun of "Criminal Minds," a show House didn't watch regularly, but that he did enjoy when he caught an episode. The computer nerd on the show, Garcia, cracked him up, and they almost always had an interesting quote to open and close the show. The particular episode airing was good, but House figured it out in the first ten minutes, and not because he had seen it before. When the show was over, he rose from the couch, about to toss out the remnants of his meal; he waited to hear the ending quote.

A person often meets his destiny on the road he chose to avoid it- Jean de la Fontaine

Great, more deep words to rattle around in his brain. House continued into the kitchen. Taking inventory of the shelves and refrigerator, he realized he would soon have to do some shopping if he intended on staying here. Going back out to the living room and grabbing his cell phone, he made a brief list of items, having to stop himself several times from listing things that only Lydia and the kids liked. He left the room in disgust, wondering how long it would be before he stopped automatically including them in every aspect of his life… or if such a thing was even possible. Looking around the living room, he spotted the few DVDs and video games that were left unboxed; after a quick glance, none interested him at the moment. House put the radio on; it was still set to the college station he was listening to yesterday. They had a very wide variety of music that they played on their Wednesday night show, sometimes good, sometimes not. House was willing to take a chance. Wandering over to the bookcase, he was tempted by the bottle of Macallan's, but he knew he still felt too rocky from last night's indulgence. He spotted a carton on the floor that contained books from the shelves. Sliding the box over to the couch, House sat down and began to pull some of them out; his Sherlock Holmes volumes, books by Stephen Hawking and Carl Sagan, and two copies of Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." One was his, the other Lydia's. As he pulled more and more out, he began to consider whether to put the books back in the box, or back on the shelf. The implications of what he was facing started to turn his stomach again. He needed a break. House leaned back against the sofa and began to focus in on the sound of the DJ's voice.

"Have something now from the world of the movies," the radio announcer said. "This is a beautiful song that was used in both 'The Notebook' and 'My Sister's Keeper.' It's been covered by many artists… here is Edwina Hayes' version of 'Feels Like Home.'" House closed his eyes; he was unfamiliar with the song, but the mellow guitar work at the beginning of it was soothing to him. However, as the lyrics began, the comforting feeling was not to last.

Something in your eyes, makes me want to lose myself, makes me want to lose myself in your arms.

There's something in your voice, makes my heart beat fast, hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life.

Ifyou knew how lonely my life has been, and long I've been so alone.

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along and change my life the way you've done.

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me, feels like I'm all the way back where I come from...

House lurched forward on the couch; he began to move things around roughly on the coffee table in a vain attempt to find the controller. He didn't want to hear any more of this song; he heard too much already. As he tossed things onto the floor in his desperate search, he realized it was too late; the female singer's voice had started again. House stood up, and began to take steps toward the radio; but his leg found the most inopportune time to give out on him. In an instant, he was sprawled on the floor.

… I'm alright cause I have you here with me, and I can almost see through the dark there is light.

Well if you knew how much this moment means to me and long I've waited for your touch.

And if you knew how happy you are making me, I never thought I'd love anyone so much.

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me. Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong*…..

House pushed himself onto his knees; he placed both hands flat down on the floor, with the intention of getting back on his feet. It was only as he looked down, and saw that the back of his hands were moist, that he realized that he had tears rolling down his cheeks. House fell over onto his left side, and sat on the floor; it was at that moment, as he tried to pull himself together, that he knew what he had to do…

The next morning was a good one around PPTH. The man from the CDC was gone, and Cuddy had been accepted at a more reputable care facility, Crestwood Manor. It was a forty-five minute drive from Arlene's house, but she was willing to make the sacrifice. House and the team met with the Wound Care group, who felt that Cuddy was ready to be moved out with their team following her at the new residence. It was mutually agreed that her discharge would be tomorrow. After everyone had left, House remained behind to talk to Arlene.

"I may not be here tomorrow; I have some personal business to take care of and depending on how it goes…: House's voice trailed off. "I wanted to wish you and Rachel good luck with everything." He looked over at Cuddy. "I can't give you any kind of a time frame of how long it will be before she dies, but as long as you can accept it, the better off you and your granddaughter will be. Honestly, she would have been better off if she never made it out of the collapse. There would have been far less pain… for everyone." Arlene came over to him.

"Dr. House, I don't know you very well, but I get the feeling that you think you should have done something more to save Lisa that night. I'm sure you don't know this, but you saved her in a way that you can't imagine." House looked at her, puzzled. "Lisa came to the conclusion she was not ever going to find the right person to share her life with. Forgive me, but she said she didn't want to end up alone… like House. That's when she made the decision to adopt." House was shocked that he in any way could have influenced Cuddy's decision on the matter.

"What about Lucas?" he asked. Arlene waved her hand.

"Oh, please. I think after she adopted Rachel, she realized she wanted 'the package;' a father figure on the scene, too. To me, he was a desperation move… I never liked the guy from day one." Arlene noticed movement by the door, and looked to see who it was.

"Mrs. Cuddy? Could I talk to you for a moment?" It was Marcia, the social worker who had helped arrange Cuddy's admission to the new care facility.

"Excuse me for a second," Arlene said as she left the room. House walked over to Cuddy's bed. He looked up at the monitor; her vitals were good.

"Of all the ways I imagined that we could've parted company, this was definitely not on the list. I always thought I'd be the one lying in the bed." His eyes took in the gaunt, hollowed features of her face, and the frail state of her body. She was a shell of the person he had known for years. No… no this most certainly not the way House thought it would end. Before his feelings got the better of him, he decided to get out of the room. "Goodbye, Cuddy," he simply said, and turned toward the doorway.

"Just had to sign some papers," Arlene said, meeting House at the door of the room.

"If you ever have any trouble with the video, or want to add anything to it, let me know. I'll see what I can do," he said looking away from Cuddy's mom. He knew she was about to get emotional, something he couldn't deal with right now.

"I'll be in contact," she replied. "Rachel has Lydia's e-mail address so she can contact Ben and Elise." House nodded.

"For the kids, that's fine, but it would probably be easier if you just contacted me here," he said starting to rap his cane on the floor.

"I'll do that. Thank you again for everything," Arlene said giving House a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He accepted them awkwardly, then was able to extract himself from the scene as the social worker came back over. House's next stop was Alvie's room. The team had told him that Alvie was asking why he hadn't seen him; his rapper buddy was just thing he needed right now.

"Hey! House is back on the scene and for once he don't look mean. Bet I can get him to smile, ain't seen that in a while," Alvie said in a raspy voice. House frowned as he came over to the bedside.

"You actually finished that one," he said as he looked up at the IV fluids Alvie was receiving. "What did they put in here that I didn't order?"

"I do it only when Carmen is around," he said smiling at his girlfriend. "She's my inspiration. That's why she always comes to watch me perform at open mic nights. It's the only way I don't get booed off the stage."

"Alvie tells me the two of you were a good team at Mayfield," Carmen said. "Maybe you should come down for a vacation and team up with him again." House shook his head.

"Not normally my thing. I was having a rare moment of pity and decided to save his ass that day." He took a pair of exam gloves from the box on the wall and returned to the bedside. "Since you two obviously have nothing to hide from each other," House said referring to Carmen's pregnancy. "You can stay put while I check your boyfriend out. Medically speaking, of course." House lifted the sheet up and inspected Alvie's legs and abdomen; the rash was noticeably clearing as it was on his pal's arms and back. The gums were no longer bleeding, and the nose bleeds had stopped. "Big question now is how do you feel? Your body was put through the ringer, but as long as your next set of blood work comes back good, we can talk about letting you get out of here."

"How long before I can go to work?" Alvie asked anxiously.

"That's putting the cart out front before the horse is even born," House said. "Depending on your condition when you leave here, I'd say a week, more likely two." Carmen and Alvie exchanged worried looks; it was then House remembered that Alvie was paid off the books. No work, no pay.

"Alvie's boss was considering giving him a promotion," Carmen began. "Alvie spotted an error in the ordering of the construction material for this project he's working on now. If he didn't see it, it would have cost the company a ton of extra money. And this isn't the first time Alvie's been at a job site and spotted problems."

"Yeah, it's pretty cool how you do stuff you never thought you could when you got the right meds… and the right lady." Alvie reached over and took Carmen's hand. "I got a great life, cause she's gonna be my wife. Havin' bambino joy, don't care if it's a girl or a boy." House looked at the couple; he could see how happy they were, and didn't need anything to screw it up.

"Would this job be on the books?" he asked.

"Yeah, with benefits and everything." The rapper laughed. "Never thought that this is where I'd be with things, man. I thought I'd be a rap star just kinda hangin' out and drifting, but… but this is good. It's not what I expected, but it's what I wanted." House thought for a moment.

"Would you be working indoors?" he asked.

"Part of the time. I'd be the office down in Florida when I gotta order up the stuff, and then I would go to the job sites and make sure they got what they need. And the best part, is I would still have my nights free to do my creative stuff." Alvie sounded like a giddy kid.

"Somehow I don't know I'd want to step foot into a building where you decided what it would be made of," House noted. "Engineers tell you what to order?"

"Yeah, yeah, and then everything gets doubled checked. I'd be doing like… triple checking inventory stuff." House looked back and forth between Carmen and Alvie. He always had a soft spot for his ex-roomie; his antics at Mayfield did more than the guy probably realized to keep House sane.

"Make you a deal; stay out of work for one week. You can go back part-time the following week if you're up to it, then full time a week after that. If you need any kind of letter for the new position, attesting to your character, I'll find a way to word one that won't let them know we met in the nuthouse. And that you're still crazy." Alvie smiled at the arrangement.

"He's a brick… ba-da-da… House… ba-da…" House banged his cane across the bedrails, stopping the rapper in his tracks.

"Sing that in front of me again, and I will surgically remove your tongue with a pocket knife," he threatened. House looked at Carmen. "You sure you know what you're getting into?"

"Yep. And I wouldn't want him any other way," she said squeezing her boyfriend's hand.

"So if I check out OK tomorrow, maybe I can go home on Saturday?" Alvie asked.

"Possibility. I may or may not be in tomorrow, but I'll have my team run it past me either way. And you're not going anywhere until she checks out OK, too," House said indicating Carmen.

"House… you saved my life, man. And took care of my lady when I couldn't… I don't know how I can repay you…"

"Give me naming rights when the kid is born," House replied.

"We could name the baby Gregory if it's a boy," Carmen said.

"Yeah it'd be sort of weird if you named the baby that and it was a girl. You didn't hear me, though; I don't want the kid named after me, I want to pick the name." House looked at Alvie. "Think of it as payback for the time you invaded my apartment; the child paying for the sins of the father."

"Aw, come on House… "

"How about you're the first person Alvie calls after the baby is born?" Carmen suggested. House smiled.

"Not torturous enough for him, but I'll take it." House looked at his cell phone. "Got some things to take care of, but I'll check on you tomorrow and figure out your escape plan then."

"Thank you, Dr. House," Carmen said.

"Thanks, man," Alvie said holding his hand up for a fist bump. House obliged by returning the gesture, then left the room. As he walked back to the elevators, his stomach began to turn over the thought of his next two tasks. One was a call to Wilson, the other, a stop in at Lydia's office. They hadn't seen or spoken to each other since yesterday, and he was dreading the reception he might receive. He got the reaction he expected from Wilson.

"House, I… I hope you know what you're doing," his friend said.

"Me, too," House replied. He next snaked through the hallways to Lydia's office. He took a deep breath as he paused before the glass wall of her office. Taking a few steps, he reached her door, and tapped on it lightly. Lydia turned away from her computer to see who it was; her surprise at seeing her boyfriend was quite evident.

"Hi, there," she said. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah," he said. "The dancing elephants have left the building."

"Good," she said with a laugh. "What's up?"

"I need a favor. Can I borrow the keys to the van?" Lydia looked puzzled. "The brakes on my car haven't felt right and yesterday they started making a grinding sound. Stopped by the garage this morning; he took it out for a quick test drive and said to try and use it as little as possible."

"Why didn't you just leave the car there?" Lydia asked. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of him driving around in an unsafe vehicle. "I could have picked you up… or James if you preferred."

"The guy's swamped right now," House said. "He literally didn't have room to keep the car. Told me to bring it back Saturday morning, and he'd take care of it. I thought you could follow me down there with the van, maybe take the kids out to breakfast… and then go back to the house so we could talk." Lydia nodded as she pulled out her pocketbook to retrieve the keys.

"We can do that," she said. She took out the keys and looked at House. "You don't have your keys?"

"I… I took the keys for the van and the house off my key ring." Lydia looked down at her desk.

"Greg, the van is yours just as much as it is mine. You may have registered it in my name, but you paid for it."

"That's something we'll deal with when the time comes," he said. "I'm heading to the supermarket; need a few basics at the apartment. Want anything?"

"Some paper towels. Ben spilled his juice this morning and used half a roll to clean it up. I'd run out and get it myself, but I have a negotiation call to deal with in about forty-five minutes, and I want to be ready for this. Let me give you the money," Lydia said reaching back into her bag.

"I think I can spring for paper towels," House said making a face. "Won't break the bank." Lydia smiled.

"Thanks." He took the keys from her, and left to hit the stores. In a little while, he returned, carrying a bag that contained a three-pack of paper towels. Lydia did a double take.

"In case there's any more spillage," he said setting the bag behind her on the floor.

"There probably will be," she said. "Are you sure you don't want the money?" House rolled his eyes.

"No," he replied. "Well… thanks for the use of the van." He was about to leave Lydia's office, when she stopped him.

"Greg?" House turned. "The keys?"

"Right," he said. He reached into his pocket and began to fish around. "Damn lining in the pocket has ripped on this jacket."

"Oh, I hate when that happens; everything falls in along the hem." House began to empty the pocket so he could extract the keys. He laid his cell phone, his pill case, a pen, and a candy bar on Lydia's desk. As he was fiddling with the lining, her office phone began to ring. "Wish me luck," she said shaking her head. Lydia picked up her phone and began the call. House was finally able to get his hands on the keys, and laid them in front of Lydia on her desk. She acknowledged them without missing a beat of her conversation. Gathering up the things he took from his pocket, House had to smile as he listened to how Lydia handled what was obviously going to be a contentious bargaining session. Rather than interrupt her, he quietly left her office and went to do other things.

Around five o'clock, Lydia was packing things up to take home. There was a lot more work to do, but she just didn't feel like staying there to work on it. She could use her computer at home to log on to the hospital billing system and handle things that way. Placing things in her messenger bag, she was surprised when she picked up one report; underneath it, was House's pill case. She realized that he must have missed picking it up when returning items to his pocket earlier. Lydia knew House hadn't taken his pill bottles with him when he left the house, so any meds he had to take were in the case. As much as she hated to bother him, she knew she had to give him a call.

"Yeah," House said when he answered the phone.

"Hi. You left your pill case on my desk. You must have forgotten it when you were picking your things up. Are you in your office?"

"No, I'm at the apartment. The car sounded like crap on the way back here; going to have to ask Wilson for a ride tomorrow. Would you mind stopping by on your way home?"

"No problem; I'm leaving now," Lydia said. "See you in about fifteen minutes." She ended the call and sighed. It was going to be very strange visiting House at his old/new living space. There were so many good memories that she had from there, but now… Lydia shook off the feeling, and left to head over to House. When she arrived, she let herself into the building; she had kept the keys for the place on her keychain. Closing the door behind her, she was startled to see that the door to House's apartment was ajar. He knew she still had keys; there was no need to leave it open. She knocked on the door, and pushed it open further, not knowing what to expect.

"Greg?"

"Come in." Lydia entered, and pushed the door closed. She took several steps forward until she was in the living room. House was sitting in the middle of the couch; he stood as Lydia approached the end of the sofa. Lydia didn't know if it was her imagination or not, but she felt a tension between them.

"The case was underneath one of the stacks of papers on my desk," she said holding the container out to him. House nodded, took the pills from her, and tossed the case on the coffee table. He raised his eyes up to meet hers; she felt herself starting to shake. No… NO! Please don't let him say what I think he's going to say… Please no…

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about things, despite all the craziness of the past few days," House began. "And I've certainly have had enough opinions and other influences thrown at me. But this isn't about anyone else other than the two of us… and I'm hoping you'll understand that I have to do what I think is right." Lydia tried her best, but before House could say another word, she had already begun to cry. "So, I was wondering…I was hoping… that I could come back home, and reclaim my side of the bed." It took a second to process what he said, but as soon as she did, Lydia smiled broadly and threw her arms around House's neck. She began kissing him over and over; on his neck, his cheek, his lips… and he responded in kind.

"Oh my… oh my God… you had me so scared! I thought you were going to tell me you wanted to make the split permanent," said Lydia looking up at her boyfriend.

"I may be crazy and off the grid as far as normal, but I love you and the kids too much to walk away from this. If you're willing to keep it going, so am I. So I take it that was a 'yes' to me reclaiming my side of the bed?"

"Of course," Lydia said. "I want you back there tonight. I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since you've been gone."

"Me neither. You sure I can come back tonight? You don't need any time to move out the current occupant?" Lydia gave House a look as she took off her jacket.

"What current occupant?" she demanded. House pulled out his phone and fiddled with it for a second.

"This one," he said turning it around to face her. Lydia put her hands up to her mouth in shock. There on the screen, was a picture of her lying across both sides of the bed; she was cuddling House's pillow in her arms. "You shouldn't leave your cell phone laying around where your eight-year-old son can get his hands on it," House said with a smile.

"Oh no! Who else did he send that out to?"

"Just me. And there was a message with it." Lydia took the phone; she smiled as she read what her son had written. How long will it be until you don't have to stay and work so late? Mom really misses you and so do we. Please come home soon. Love, Ben and Elise.

"Got that last night. Needless to say, it was one of the things that influenced my decision. Oh, and I was holding your pillow on the bed here the same way." Lydia smiled as she handed the phone back to House.

"Nowhere near as good as the real thing," she said placing her hands on his arms and running them up and down. House put the phone down and put his arms around Lydia, drawing her to him.

"No, it is not," he said moving his hands around on her back. He bent his head down to kiss her. "I love you, Lydia," he said just before their lips met.

"I love you, too, Greg." As he kissed her again, House knew he was just avoiding the inevitable.

"There are some things we need to talk about," he said reluctantly.

"I know. Right now, the problem is I have to pick up the kids from a birthday party in about an hour," Lydia replied.

"Actually, you don't. I spoke to Wilson earlier, told him I needed to talk to you tonight. I didn't say one way or another which way I was hoping it would go. He and Songbird are picking them up. I told Wilson that they would be picked up between eight-thirty and nine."

"You had this all planned rather well. Let me guess; you deliberately left your pill case on my desk."

"Yep. And my jacket pocket doesn't have the lining ripped."

"How did you know I find the case?" Lydia asked suspiciously.

"Because when you pack up for the night, you never leave files you're working on out on your desk. You either bring them home, or lock them in your drawer." House smiled. "See, I do pay attention to things. Just like I have your favorite iced tea, a box of tissues and a wastebasket to toss them in waiting for you here," he said pointing to the coffee table.

"I didn't even notice," she said as she sat down. "Thank you." House nodded and sat down next to her. "I suppose there's nothing wrong with your car either."

"No, that part unfortunately is true. Started on Monday when I was driving over here. Pedal feels squishy and there's a grinding sound. The garage really was jammed up, so I have to bring it in on Saturday."

"Why don't you leave it here tonight rather than taking any more chances with it? We can swing by Saturday morning and take it over." House nodded. He picked up the bottle that sat in front of him. Lydia was relieved to see he was drinking water. "That's a much better choice than the bottle of whiskey you drank the other night."

"Almost a full bottle," House corrected. "See?" He pointed to the bookshelf. Lydia wrinkled up her nose.

"There's not even two fingers worth left in there. You might as well have finished it." House shook his head.

"No, that wasn't option at that point or Bell would have been carrying me down the hall. He's pretty damn strong for his age, but I wasn't taking any chances." He picked up the bottle of water and took a drink. "I figure if I have enough of this, I can flush the demon alcohol out of my system."

"You know that doesn't work," Lydia scolded.

"Shhh! I'm trying to psyche myself into thinking that it does." Lydia opened her iced tea and took a drink; she then turned to House.

"So, do you want to start? Or should I?" House sighed.

"Ladies first," he said. Lydia looked at House, and took his hand in hers; she could tell he was going to need some encouragement.

"Why did you feel the need to move out, to… get away from the kids and me in order to deal with this?"

"Because when I'm around you and the kids, I can put most of my negative thoughts on the back burner. My fear was that at some point, it was all going to explode, and I'd turn and run. I didn't want to do that to you. Hell, I didn't even want to do that to me. I just wanted to deal with it head on." He took his hand from Lydia, leaned forward and started tapping his fingers on the table. "It all doesn't feel real to me; I'm not supposed to have this kind of life. I don't deserve it." Lydia looked at House sympathetically, but she was also angry.

"I don't believe in spirit possession, but that was John House talking just now. He's hovering over you to this day and making a mess of things for you. I wish I could tell you a way to… just block him and his vicious, damning talk from your mind."

"A little hard to do, but it would be a neat trick. When you're told your life is a pile of crap and you're the maggot crawling around on it…" House grabbed the water and took a drink. "Bell said to me that Flyboy took the woman he loved and his son from him. He didn't want me to let the bastard ruin things for us." He looked at Lydia. "That's not going to happen. The people and opinions I give a damn about are you and the kids. And Songbird and Wilson as long as they're not yelling at me." House dropped his head down and took a deep breath. "A few weeks back, when I was helping Bell close things out at the house, I found a box that was labeled 'John's Papers.' I was just going to toss it, but then I decided to take a look, see if there was anything important in there. What I found, was the answer to why Sarah called off the wedding." Lydia looked puzzled as House handed her the envelope that he had shown to Bell the other night. Her eyes popped out of her head as she read the contents and House could see her hands were shaking.

"He BRIBED her to cancel the wedding?" she yelled. "And she TOOK IT?" The only time Lydia spoke in her native language around House was either in the throes of passion, or when she was really pissed; she was REALLY pissed. "Dieses Drecksschwein! So ein Arschloch! Er soll zum Teufel gehen!"**

"Slow down!" House said moving over and putting his arm around his girlfriend. "Wouldn't want to take your blood pressure right now." Lydia shook her head.

"He didn't want you to be happy. He couldn't stand it, plain and simple!" she said continuing with her rant. "And as for that bitch… to put money above love?" House explained Sarah's background, and that despite his reassurances, money was just too big of an issue for her. "Greg, I don't give a damn what her background was. You don't do this to someone you love! When I moved back here and was afraid that my ex was going to take my money from me, you told me not to worry, that you would take care of me and the kids. I had no doubt that was true. And at that point, we didn't know each other as long as you knew Sarah." Lydia looked at the papers again. "You know, you told me that I sort of reminded you of her. I'm beginning to resent that comparison." House managed to smile.

"Only in intellect and attractiveness. Never said anything about her moral character."

"Well, I don't think a lack of moral character is very attractive," Lydia said.

"You'd be surprised," he said sarcastically. "But obviously I didn't know her well enough to judge that properly. Oh, yeah, and the redhead thing." Lydia still looked bothered.

"At least my color is natural," she said indignantly.

"Yeah, I know," House said running his hand along her thigh. Lydia managed to smile for a moment, but then her face turned serious again.

"That son-of-a-bitch has ruined any trust you had in people. No wonder you hold everyone at arm's length. And now I understand why you tried to keep from becoming emotionally intimate with Stacy."

"Yeah, but in the long run, I failed miserably at that." Lydia reached up and ran her hand down the back of House's head. She stroked it gently, still feeling the scar he had from the crane collapse. House closed his eyes at her touch. "Bell had asked me if I had wanted to marry her. I did." House leaned back against the couch. "I couldn't undo everything I had done, and then this happened," he said grabbing his leg. "And then everything fell apart."

"Hon, I'm so sorry that things didn't work out with you and Stacy. I don't like to see you hurting like this, even if it's over another woman. At least you can take some solace in that you know how much she loved you."

"I don't take any comfort in that fact," he said bitterly. "It just reminds me of what I threw away." He looked at Lydia. "Don't take that to mean I'm not happy now. I'm trying to let you know what I've been dealing with during my 'Me Time.'" Lydia hesitated, but then decided to ask her boyfriend some more questions.

"Why would you think that you'd ever start acting toward me the way you acted with Stacy? You never have from the beginning. You've always been caring, loving, supportive… "

"Because you were next in line; the next woman to fill in and keep me from being alone. I really had settled in my mind that I wanted to be alone; have no constraints, no one to answer to... no way of getting hurt. Then you came along. You've brought me all the things that deep down, I really wanted, but could never admit to anyone; not Stacy, not even Wilson. And things have been great. I've loved being with you; the kids… are their own unique, miniature versions of you. What's not to love about them?" he asked as he looked at Lydia. "But then I found that," he said indicating the envelope Lydia had placed back on the coffee table. "And all sorts of things started rattling me. Cuddy showed up, Cameron walked in, Alvie made an appearance. All reminders of my past mistakes. Even Mama Cuddy mentioning that Cuddy had Stacy's number in her phone book." House shook his head. "Never had the heebie-jeebies before, never thought they were real… but after all that… I was afraid I was just going to let myself get sucked back down into the cesspool my life had been before, and I'd pull you and the kids down with me. I wasn't willing to let that happen." Lydia reached over and cupped House's face in her hands. He saw her look at him which such love and compassion, that after everything they had been talking about, he was almost ready to lose it.

"You're not going back down into that cesspool; I won't let you. You are worth more than what anyone from the past has led you to believe. I've said it to you before, but I'll say it again and as many times as I have to. I can't erase all the hurt and pain you've gone through in your life; as much as I want to, I can't block it from your mind. But I can promise you, that I will do everything I can to try and help you deal with things, and make sure that you are never hurt like that again." Lydia was stroking the side of House's face. He took her hand and pulled her in for a hug.

"I had to be an idiot to think I could have walked away from you," he said as he ran his hands over her back, and nuzzled her neck. He pulled back away to look at her face. "I meant it when I said I would take care of you and the kids. You three have been through enough. Between your father telling you you're nothing more than arm candy, and your ex- Dick-For-Brains terrorizing you the way he did… " House scowled. "Even Songbird got her feathers ruffled by the jerk." He shook his head. "It might seem hard to believe after my disappearing act, but you're not going to get hurt again, either."

"Can you promise me one thing?" House gave her a look.

"That's a bit of a big request. Promises were never my thing." Lydia laughed, and held House's hand.

"The next time something is bothering you, talk to me. One of the strong points of our relationship, besides the fact that we have a lot of common interests, is the fact that we understand each other. We know the way each other thinks. And we don't let differences of opinion create a problem. We respect each other too much." House knew she was right, but he also knew that it would be difficult to put into practice.

"How about I'll promise to try; it's about the best I can do. I'm afraid there'll just be that one day when I'll hit a subject you can't deal with, and everything will blow up."

"Greg, you've made me an accessory to murder when you told me about what Chase did to that dictator and you did nothing about it. My not reporting what you told me puts me in a very precarious position if anyone should ever decide to dig into that again. I've heard that you made fun of a woman in Mayfield who tried to commit suicide. I believe you asked her how much of a failure did she feel she was when she woke up in the ER still alive. You took one man who was paranoid about being watched, and another who was bulimic and made them feel even worse. And you tried to start a riot over Ping-Pong paddles. Yet, here I am… I'm still sitting here. What could you possibly say to me that we couldn't work through?" House looked thoughtful.

"I rarely wipe my feet before coming into the house. I put the roll of toilet paper in backwards… deliberately. And I drink the milk and the juice straight out of the carton." Lydia sat with her arms folded.

"Keep going… you haven't told me anything I didn't already know. Oh, you forgot that you lick the butter off the knife when you make toast in the morning." Lydia and House were both trying not to laugh, but it was no use. She fell against him, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm glad you can laugh about those things; they used to drive Stacy crazy," House said, still chuckling. Lydia sat up and turned to him.

"Let's get one thing straight between us, Dr. House… "

"Anytime you want," House said with a wicked grin. Lydia put her hands on her hips.

"I am not Sarah… I am not Stacy… I am not Cuddy… I am Fraulein Lydia and don't you ever forget it," she said playfully waving a finger in front of him. House leaned forward with his head and grabbed the finger in his mouth. Lydia pulled it out with a pop, and settled back in against him. "You are such a brat," she said poking him in the ribs and making him jump.

"You sure you're up to having three kids to handle?" he asked.

"Maybe… maybe I'm will to give four a try." House looked confused as Lydia sat forward. She put her hands together and looked at him. "You are such a wonder father to Ben and Elise. They love you, they respect you… you make them so happy. And I just love you all the more for what you've given to the kids, that you've shared yourself with them. But, I have a suspicion, based on what you told me about always wanting to be a husband and father, that you wouldn't mind having a child of your own." House was shocked.

"Last I checked the factory had been shut down," he said, still amazed at what his girlfriend was saying.

"I had to wait a while after Elise was born because she was such a difficult delivery. So, it's only been about three years or so since I had my tubes tied. I've heard about the procedure being reversed all the time. Greg, if this is something that would make you happy, I'm willing to try. It would make me happy, too." House slowly shook his head.

"I'd never put you through that," he said pulling her back against him. "You and Elise both almost died. I'm not going to take the chance of losing something right after I find it. If it's alright with you… and you're willing to share, I'd like to just concentrate on the two we already have." Lydia started to tear up as she smiled. The two that we already have, she thought to herself. Lydia leaned over and gave House a kiss.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"There you go, doing that laughing and crying thing at the same time again," he said grabbing a tissue and handing it to her. "You've got to explain it to me one of these days." Lydia laughed as she wiped her eyes. Suddenly, they both heard a grumbling sound. "Someone's hungry."

"That was your stomach," Lydia said.

"It probably was. Haven't had much of an appetite the past few days. Why don't we go have something to eat, and then pick up the kids? I'm sure they're still hyped up from the party. Let Wilson and Songbird deal with it for now. Give them a preview of what lies ahead for them."

"The mom said they'd be serving food as well as cake. If they're still hungry when they get home, I have food in the fridge," Lydia said as she stood up and put her jacket on.

"You always do," House said as he put his jacket on as well. Lydia came and put her arms around him.

"I'm so glad we were able to work things out. I…I just couldn't imagine my life without you it."

"I tried to think about what it would be like," House said. "Gave myself a migraine." Lydia laughed as he leaned over to kiss her.

"I love you, Greg."

"Ich liebe dich, auch, Fraulein."***

Author's Notes

*The song, "Feels Like Home", struck me as having lyrics so appropriate for what House was feeling in this scene. I found that Edwina Hays' version had a haunting quality about it, that works well, if you play it while reading the passage. It can be found here:

watch?v=iJe3osgk8Vc

** Translation: This dirty pig! Such an asshole! He should go to the devil! (Yeah, Lydia was MAD!)

*** Translation: I love you, too, Fraulein.