Author's Note: Finally back to Kairi! It's been so long . . .

Hope you're all having a good week. Thanksgiving is just around the corner, no? Hopefully we can all survive until then.

But for now, enjoy the new chapter!

Most people by this point would have given up.

Most people think you're unworthy.

Most people think your ability is the only reason for your existence.

But you are more than that.

You're not just a princess of light. You're not just the damsel in distress. You can fight, right?

You still have people counting on you. You still have people who miss you. You're still a part of his light.

Therefore you can't die yet.

Kairi? Kairi, can you hear me?

You can't die yet.

~N~

Don't Be a Gentleman: Languid and Lost

"Roxas" is eating right now. He looks at ease. Peaceful. Unafraid.

I should be following his lead. I should be eating right now. But my hand trembles. I can't properly hold my fork, I can't even see what I'm about to put in my mouth. My lips won't open and my nose isn't catching any of the scents layering the air in front of me. It's just one dull, sensory overload with barely any trace of an aftertaste. I bite down hard on my bottom lip, wincing briefly as I feel the unnatural pull of thread on my cheeks (I don't remember the fight very well. All I know is that my injuries required a lot of stitches).

There really isn't any reason for me to be uncomfortable. After all, whatever fight we had is over and Aqua and Terra handled our wounds well. Is it the name change that's bothering me?

Namine. My name is Namine now . . . or at least that's what they insist on calling me. I don't know why that is so important to them. My Nobody . . . how did they even find out about her? The thought struck me out of nowhere and I frowned as I thought of the way Terra and Aqua had treated us over the past few days (had it been days? I can't keep track of time here).

Focus. I gasp and nearly drop the fork. That voice again. So similar to mine yet . . . also different. When the other voice, the other me, speaks my vision darkens and I'm left in a sea of nothingness for a few tantalizing seconds. Then, as quickly as the blindness will come, it will go away and I see everything through strained eyes. Inside, somewhere deep down, I know I'm fighting something. A sickness of sorts . . . slowly stealing away my energy, my life. It's scary to think of slipping when I just found the strength to wake up, to start anew (or at least, that's what Aqua told me).

And still . . . I find myself dozing off, falling asleep when I shouldn't. I can't even tell how long I've been up, what time it is. When I concentrate it feels like my head is splitting open and when the pain passes I forget what I was doing in the first place. I'm limited now. There's no option left except to sit at this table and eat what's in front of me.

Again, my fingers twist around the fork, movements as careful as if I were carrying a gun. Twirling the mass of pasta uneasily, I glance at Aqua, wishing from the bottom of my core that she missed my mistake earlier. Relentless yellow eyes bore into me. The tension alone threatens to burn my skin and I look away from her mocking expression, shaking with apprehension as I feel the blood rush into my cheeks.

"Something you want to share, Namine?" I can hear the smile in her voice, imagine a perfect Cheshire cat grin that would shift even her beguiling features into an ugly mask of corruption.

My bottom lip trembles. For some reason I can't hold her gaze, can't stand seeing her face for more than five seconds. What happened to me? Why can't I look anyone in the eye anymore? Questions ensnare my brain in an onerous battle and I close my eyes, seeing the energy slowly pull away from me internally, from somewhere close to my heart.

Focus. Focus, Kairi.

I open my eyes. Kairi. Yes, Kairi is my true name. "Nothing. I have nothing to share," I mumble. We're the only ones in the room. Our voices echo and bounce off the walls in disjointed circles of sound. Yet, my response is barely above a whisper.

Silence reigns for a good five minutes before "Roxas" drops his fork. "I'm done," he says in a neutral tone.

"Good." Out of the corner of my eyes I see Aqua's smile widen. I shiver once and her eyes instantly zero in on my face again. "You can leave now, Roxas."

That's not his name. I want to say that to her, but the desire to talk back easily crumbles the longer she stares at me. I swallow away the lump in my throat and then pick at my plate. "Roxas's" feet produce an unnerving squeaking sound as he grinds them against the floor. He hasn't left yet.

What does he think he's doing? This will just make her angry. As if he were reading my thoughts, he says, "Can I stay? I'll get her to eat." Just like earlier, his tone is apathetic. Aghast, my head turns towards him and my mouth opens wide, allowing a gasp. He avoids my eyes, he's looking at her.

The wait for her response feels endless and awkward, and since I'm looking away from her face I can't tell if she approves of this suggestion. I can't deny the relief that washes over me, however, when she says, "Alright."

My heart beats erratically as the chair next to me screeches at the floor, the rough wood skidding against smooth tile as he sits next to me. It doesn't stop until I feel cold, smooth fingers rubbing my back, massaging my sore muscles in rhythmic circles. My breath catches as "Roxas" leans a little closer, mouth parted slightly. "You're going to have to eat it all, okay? Don't worry, I'm right here. Nothing is going to happen to you."

His voice, smooth as honey, enters one ear and out the other. I blink a few times as my face grows hotter the longer I stare at his lips. "I . . . I don't want to," I whisper, finally able to answer him only after a round of contemplation nearly sends me into another daze.

Kairi, pay attention. Follow his lead, everything will be explained later.

I wince before touching my forehead. It's starting to hurt. Roxas lifts his free hand, bringing my hand down, running his thumb along my palm. "Relax. Just eat. You'll be done before you know it."

My eyes shift from him to my full plate then back to him. "You won't leave? You'll stay with me until I finish it?"

He nods wordlessly before slowly moving my hand over to the fork. I sigh and quickly force a good amount of pasta into my mouth. I regret it the moment the stuff hits my tongue. It takes all of my willpower not to spit it out, the taste is nothing but bitterness. The closest thing I can think of that compares to this taste would be unseasoned spinach gone bad. I have a mini-coughing fit and only his hands, moving lightly against my back, keeps me from running away from the table. "I know, it's very . . . different. But you can do it, Namine."

The name sounds odd coming from him, like he was fighting off the urge to say something different. Stop worrying about that. Just finish the meal, then she'll leave you alone for now. With "Roxas's" support and the extra voice urging me on, I keep eating mouthful after mouthful until the strange pasta is gone and I'm left to sip at a strong beverage that dulls the senses. Then "Roxas" helps me stand and supports me as I walk out of the room.

"Kairi? Kairi, wake up!"

I moan and turn over, muttering incoherently and reaching for my pillow. When my fingers scrape against a rough surface I open my eyes. The wall next to me is purple and cracked in several places, signs of weather abuse and decay. I move my hands over soft dirt, then I push them against the wall in order to stand. Next to me is a teal bucket filled up to the brim with something that's nearly as black as tar. I wrinkle my nose as the smell of it hits me and I turn my face away.

The moment I do that I meet yellow eyes inches away from my face. I scream.

"Shhhh!" He covers my mouth, blinking several times and I see his eyes flash between yellow and blue. "It's me, Kairi. It's me."

The smell of his skin calms me down and I inhale deeply before closing my eyes. Calm down. When his hand leaves I've gained control. "Right. Sorry. But," I tilt my head, pursing my lips, "are you Roxas or Sora?"

He shrugs. "Both."

"I . . . I don't understand."

He blinks once before leaning in a little closer. I watch his eyes change again. Blue, yellow, blue, yellow, blue, yellow . . . the longer I stare the more I see that there are two different blue colors, two different shades of it. Before I can say anything, he moves back, rubbing his eyes. "Do you . . . remember anything before or during our battle with Aqua?"

I frown. "We were fighting her?" That explains why I felt so on edge around her earlier, but that doesn't explain the missing details. How did the fight start? Why did she even attack us in the first place? "I . . . I don't remember much."

"Me neither. I can't . . . " He took in a deep breath, eyes narrowing to slits. He grumbles incoherently, staring in my direction but not at me. He's trying to see his own past. "I can't even tell who I am right now. The boundary . . . the wall between Sora and Roxas . . . I don't know, something has changed. I don't like it, I have a really bad feeling about it." He looks away from my face and back towards the teal bucket.

I follow his gaze, trying to express my confusion in words. "We . . . we fought, right? We were training and then . . . things fell apart."

"No. Things fell apart the moment Riku decided to leave us."

"Oh, that's right." I lean against the wall. "I think . . . I think Namine is speaking to me."

He blinks before grabbing the bucket and pouring whatever dark stuff was in it out on the ground. The strange substance mixes feverishly with the dirt, reminding me of asphalt. "That's good. I'm the one who called her."

"What?" I try to wrap my head around that as he sets the bucket in front of me. My thoughts converge too slowly and it takes me longer than I want to respond. "So . . . Namine is separate from me too? Like Roxas?"

"I'm not sure." He crosses his arms, giving me a sharp look. "All I remember is that things were looking really bad for you. You almost died. Calling on Namine was his . . . was my final option."

The knowledge of death should have shocked me more, but instead I just nod, trying to fight off the effects of another headache. "You always find a way to save me," I say, more to hear myself talk so that I know I'm still here. Still awake.

"No." His hands hold my face in place and I gasp when his mouth meets mine. The kiss is quick and harmless in nature but the moment his mouth leaves mine my hands are shaking and my cheeks burn in testament to my scrambled emotions. His smile is sad and resigned. "No, I've done a horrible job protecting you. But . . . I can always do better. I can start over, it's not the end yet." He squeezes my fingers then gently pushes me into a sitting position. "But first I need you to be fully aware."

My mind is still stuck between trying to stay awake and the kiss. I struggle to remember the words, recall the sentence that just left his wet lips. My mind runs in circles before focusing on such a random detail that even I'm surprised by it. His mouth . . . he tasted like . . . like . . . "Darkness," I mutter once with a shudder.

"What?" He had been maneuvering the bucket in front of me but at the mention of darkness his eyes flash yellow for a second. "What did you just say?"

My eyes widen slowly and I scoot away from him, but with the wall behind me and him in front I realize I'm already trapped. "You . . . you taste like darkness." The sentence is so bad and wrong . . . I frown, mulling over what I just said.

Instead of looking at me like I was insane, like I expected, "Roxas" gives me a knowing smile. "Good. You get it." He gives me the bucket. "You recognized what was in the food she gave us."

I swallow, fighting to retain another memory, another instance that feels too far away from me. Too surreal in my dazed state to be real. "Like the cake and the ice cream we had . . . it's the same, right?"

"Right. And it's messing us up." He sighs, rubbing his own stomach absently. I notice that the tips of his fingers are black. Why didn't I see that earlier? "They think the darkness is supposed to help us. They think only Riku can handle it out there without restraints." He frowns. "But they don't know us. They're not seeing the signs, Kairi. This food . . . this atmosphere, this place . . . " He shivers violently. "It's breaking us, Kairi."

I stare inside the bucket. Half of me feels gone, I can barely feel my hands, my legs . . . "Sora . . . "

"No. Don't call me that. Just say 'Roxas' for now while we stay here so that they don't suspect anything. I'm willing to give Riku two more days cause that's the time he said he would be back. Until then . . . we need to get rid of the darkness they're feeding us." He gestures again at the bucket, expression pained and wary.

"R-Roxas . . . I think I'm fading." My hands shake as I try to keep the bucket steady. "Help me. I can't . . . I don't know if I can stay awake . . . "

"That's okay." I feel his hand tussle with my hair, tangling it up into messy curls. "Just think of the darkness. Thank of how bad the food was . . . then get rid of it."

"I can barely . . . keep my eyes open . . . "

Stay awake. You're too weak to sleep yet. Get the darkness out first.

I frown. Is it possible for me to extract something like that when I've already eaten it? What if the darkness stays with me, molds into me as the food digests? What if I can't get rid of it?

Don't question yourself. Just keep trying.

Get it out . . . how should I get it out?

I end up staring for a good thirty seconds before one idea surfaces. A stupid idea, an unpleasant idea, but if I don't use it immediately it will disappear and I'll lose my chance. With shaking fingers I shove my own hand into my mouth, using my first two fingers to work up my gag reflex. A second later I'm puking into the bucket, body writhing as the acidic fluids torture my throat and my tongue is trashed with the bitter taste of darkness and decay. I cough repeatedly long after I'm done, spraying my fingers and the sides of the bucket with a rich, black paste that nearly makes me throw up again.

Afterwards I push the bucket away, wiping my mouth roughly with my clean palms, eyes wide open. Feeling returns painfully to my hands and feet, burning vibrantly as my chest bobs up and down with my frantic breaths. It takes forever for the agony to turn into dull aches, but throughout it all So-Roxas was there, holding my shoulders and keeping me steady. I can't remember a single time in my life when I felt both extremely grateful and scared at the same time.

I look up into his face, watching his eyes change colors every few minutes. Subtle, like the coming of a large wave at shore. He moves my hair out of my face and away from my mouth. "Now you can sleep."

Okay, this is a shorter chapter. Heh, it's actually based more off of my own experiences as I'm fighting off a cold. And . . . yeah, it sucks (not the chapter, me being sick. Though if you do think the chapter sucks I'd like to know why so feel free to comment). The important thing is that I updated. I thought this was a good way to show how . . . twisted and messed up Kairi and Sora are at this point after the battle (who doesn't like identity complexes?).

I hope you enjoyed reading, I may try to make the next one a little longer but since I'm still trying to get back into the groove with Kairi I'm not sure if that will be a given. We'll see.

Until next time guys! Thank you so much for all the support and critiques!

Justice T.