"He's closing in, jetting past Brown...just a little bit more and – THERE YOU GO! ASHWOOD HAS THE SNITCH! THAT MAKES THE SCORE 580 - 410! GRYFFINDOR WINS THEIR FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON!"
The commentator, a seventh year Hufflepuff, booms her voice in conclusion. The end of the match is deafeningly punctuated with the earsplitting, proud roars from the Gryffindor stands and the faint groans from the Ravenclaws and Slytherins.
I clap and cheer, trying to ignore Sirius and Peter – faces painted with crimson and gold, jumping up and down in a fit of shouts – next to me. If they act like this during the first game with James as captain, I can't even begin to imagine how I am going to endure sitting next to them during the finals. And with James leading the team, there's sure to be a finals.
Down the pitch, James is all giddy and proud, congratulating his team and pulling Ashwood into a longer-than-necessary hug that made the Seeker's cheeks burn red. James pulls away, laughing happily.
I chuckle, amused. I've never really gotten everyone else's fascination with Quidditch.
That's a sentiment I share with the redhead on my other side.
"Did you get any of that?" she mutters, although her eyes are still glued to the pitch.
"James scored a lot. Your friend – Anthony, was it? – got the snitch. And they won," I enumerate in monotone.
She laughs. "Looks like you got as much I did."
"You never go to Quidditch matches, other than the finals," I state, smirking at her. "Why are you suddenly here?"
Her face turns scarlet – almost enough to compensate for her lack of face paint – but she recovers quickly. "Anthony and I are close."
"He's been Seeker since last year," I point out.
"Well... some things change, Lupin," she settles.
"Okay." I resist wondering out loud why her eyes are lighting up as James takes one more triumphant lap around the pitch. "Well," I start, as Peter starts to tug on my sleeve, trying to steer me away so we can meet James down the field, "I should get going now."
"Yeah, me too. Gotta congratulate Anthony on his score. I mean catch. Whatever. Besides, I need to catch up with Frank and Alice before they take advantage of my absence, if you know what I mean."
I chuckle. "See ya, Lils."
"Bye." She grins at me before taking off in the opposite direction. "We're patrolling tonight, remember!" she calls over her shoulder.
"Yeah, okay," I call back.
"Moony, come on, let's go! James is waving us over!" Peter complains from behind me.
I turn to face him and find that Sirius is already hurrying off the stands. Some part of me wills myself to believe that he's just excited to talk to James about the game.
I have stared at the ceiling of my four-poster bed long enough to memorize the coordinates of the stains and the lengths of the cracks by the time I hear the sound of the door being violently yanked open. The sudden noise penetrates my thoughts and I jolt, sitting up.
Lily storms up to me, her eyebrows narrowed. "Spill it, Lupin."
Her eyes scan my confused look and she throws up her arms in frustration.
"Shouldn't you be at dinner?" I ask, ignoring the angry look on her face.
"Remus John Lupin, you have ditched every one of our patrolling shifts in weeks to come up here and sulk. You have not helped me at all for our pair report for Transfiguration. And we're supposed to be facilitating the list of students staying over the break. Since your daft friends aren't doing anything about it, I thought I'd set things straight. So spill."
I look up at her, doing my best not to cower under the weight of her glare. "There really is nothing to spill, Lils."
Except there is. But I can hardly talk to her about Sirius, right?
It's been weeks since the full moon and Sirius and I have been – to understate it – edgy towards each other. It isn't surprising for anyone, Lily especially, to notice.
In addition to me passing up all the homework and prefect duties, she has probably been informed by Alice, who Sirius and I have been using as a buffer in Muggle Studies, of our strange behavior. Or maybe by Frank, about the frighteningly polite tension the situation flooded the dormitory with. She's even friends with Kerrigan, who I've been bitter to in response to Sirius deciding to go steady with her merely hours after the Quidditch game three weeks ago.
This silent war, or whatever it is, is definitely more obvious than I thought it would be.
James, of course, noticed before anyone else. To his credit, he did his best to help, whether it was by trying to trigger a natural conversation between me and Sirius or just cheering me up. (In the back of my mind, I think of how endearing it is that Lily has probably noticed also because of how James has been leaving her alone lately, with him being preoccupied with us.) But, as much as it should have been, it wasn't enough to pull me out of my rut.
It feels like hell to be like this with Sirius. We act like borderline strangers – and that's if we're lucky. We must have established an implied agreement that we are not not friends, but definitely, it would be toooptimistic to call us best mates.
Because best mates don't compromise bathroom schedules just to avoid each other. Best mates don't observe five-star-restaurant manners with each other during meals. Best mates don't have a limit of thirty words per day in their conversations. Best mates would not have let one kiss ruin everything. But then again, best mates don't kiss.
"Are you even listening to me?"
Lily infiltrates my train of thoughts, leaving me a bit dazed before being able to answer. "Yes."
She cocks an eyebrow up doubtfully.
"Okay, no, I wasn't."
"Look," she says, attempting to rid her tone of irritation,"I know better than to meddle into your sacred tight-knit group. But we're friends. I care about you, Rem." Then, as an afterthought, she adds, "And you're leaving me alone with all the work and prefect agendas."
Before I can help it, my mouth twitches into a smile that shows her that I'm sorry, but not sorry enough to help myself.
She catches on and shakes her head. "Scoot."
I move to make way for her in my bed. She sits next to me, cross legged, making her pleated skirt hitch higher up her thighs. Then she shrugs off her robes and relaxes against the headboard, resting her head on the crook of my shoulder. It's either she knows I'm gay or I really just have the sexual availability of a carpet for her to be comfortable with this. I find myself hoping it is the former.
She folds up her robes and places them neatly on her lap before continuing. "Talk to me. What's wrong, Rem?"
"It's nothing. I've just been a bit drained lately."
"Let me rephrase," she quips without missing a beat. "What's wrong with you and Sirius?"
Lily Evans is not one to beat around the bush.
"That obvious, huh?"
"Frank said that you guys have been acting like an old married couple."
I've heard that phrase thrown at us so much over the past few weeks that I have mastered the art of not flinching.
"I guess things have just been rough between us," I say in half-truth.
"You guys barely even talked on his birthday, Rem," she remarks.
I sigh at the reminder.
Sirius' birthday was a week ago. Although the occasion called for a friendlier mood, the feel between us was still strained and apprehensive. I still cringe at the memory of giving him my present – a photography book on muggle motorcycles – that morning. His eyes lit up and I could see that he was beyond enthusiastic which made me happy. However, when we were caught into a spur of the moment hug, we broke apart awkwardly, both blushing furiously.
I can't forget how the only faces that looked relieved when Sirius announced that he didn't have any alcohol lined up for the party he always threw were mine and James'.
The party was still a fun gathering though, since Sirius and I had taken it upon ourselves to just ignore each other and have a good time. Music, food, dancing – Anthony and Frank even sneaked in some rum into some students' butterbeer. (I was thankful that Sirius and I noticed before we could drink any more.) Other than the Marauders, there was Frank's group of friends – Alice, Anthony, and Lily. The redhead was just physically dragged to celebrate with us, but her protests didn't seem as sincere as usual. Seventh years and the Quidditch team started pouring in too. It wasn't long until some sixth and seventh years from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw started to arrive, being ushered in by their Gryffindor friends.
The problem however, was that one of the Ravenclaws Lily ushered in was no other than Margaret Kerrigan. To Sirius' delight.
An hour later, only James didn't complain when I told my friends I was gonna hit the hay. Sixty minutes of the lovely new couple huddled up and kissing so close that not even a breeze could pass betweenthem was more than I could handle for one night.
I feel a hand on my thigh and I plummet back into the present.
"You keep zoning out," Lily reprimands.
"Sorry."
"I'm worried okay? You're the first friend I made other than Severus. And that didn't go well. So you can imagine how much I care about you."
That much is true. Lily and I have been friends since first year, mostly because of our study sessions, how we sit next to each other during Transfiguration because our competitiveness makes us improve in that dreadful subject, and the fact we're the only ones in our year in Gryffindor who get Muggle lifestyle. Dumbledore's decision to make us prefects last year brought us closer together and it's safe to say that other than the Marauders, she's the person I love being around the most.
I try to smile at her reassuringly. "I'll figure it out, Lils. For now, go get some rest, okay? I'll cover the shift for you later. I owe you."
She opens her mouth to protest but I beat her to it.
"Lily, I'll be fine."
"You know you can talk to me, right? Whenever."
I nod, giving her a warm smile.
She nudges me in a way that means she gives up, but just for now.
"Fine, Rem. But this isn't over."
"I figured."
She chuckles lightly and ruffles my hair. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah," I assure her as she stands up. But as she gets off my bed, her folded up robes fall to the floor. She curses under her breath as she bends over to pick it up.
I expect her to get back up, but instead she drops to her knees and with a curious look on her face. Something catching her eye and she reaches under my bed. I sit up straighter and look down at her, only to see the wooden box held tightly in her hands.
My face pales immediately and I reach out for it. But she's too quick, snatching it away and raising her eyebrows at me. "What's this?"
"Nothing, Lily, just give it back," I whine.
She stands up and backs away from me, studying it carefully. For a girl who has spent the last few years complaining about James' persistence, she sure had a thing or two to learn about personal space.
"Is it important?"
"No! Just... Come on, hand it back, Lils!" I groan, sliding off the bed and making my way towards her.
She turns around, shielding the box from me. "Then why can't I peek? Does this have something to do with your behavior lately? I told you, I'm not letting it go, you should have just told me."
I stop in my tracks, remembering that she won't be able to open it without the password anyway. "It's just... Look, Lily, I don't have time for –"
"Why is there a tiny star engraved onto it?" she suddenly asks. From the sound of the rustling, I can tell she's turning the box over, trying to pry it open.
"I... I like Astronomy."
"Sure," she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm, facing me once more. "How do you open it? Is there some sort of password? Is it a muggle term? A book title? A song? A... I don't know…" Trailing off, she shakes out her wand tucked into her sweater sleeve and jabs the box with it. Taps it. Waves it over. Encircles it. Trying everything, muttering various words softly.
Chocolate
Dark Chocolate
White Chocolate?
Sweets
O.W.L.S.
Catcher In The Rye
The Bell Jar
To Kill A Mocking Bird
Merchant of Venice
Simon & Garfunkel
Hey Jude
Blackbird
In My Life?
...Lennon! (She gives an impatient cry after this attempt, thinking she finally got it.)
T.S. Elliot
E.E. Cummings
Charms
Honeydukes
I shake my head, chuckling at her useless determination and sit back down on my bed, her still-discarded robes tangling over my feet. I watch her in amusement, but also in awe, as she continues listing down all my favorite things and people. I didn't exactly think that she would register everything I talked about. She continues, after scowling at the smug look on my face.
Hogsmeade
Hogwarts
Gryffindor
Quiddi- "Oh wait never mind," she laughs out, earning a glare from me.
Marauders
Peter
James
Sirius
My heart gives a jolt and my eyes flicker to the box, even with the knowledge she still hasn't got the password. And, to my dismay, this doesn't go unnoticed by the redhead. A gleam appears in her eyes – a mix of slight comprehension and hope. I clutch at my blankets, trying to act nonchalant. I can see her thumb running across the engraved star and she continues, only with a malicious look on her face.
Sirius Black
Oh god.
Black
I should take it away from her now.
Sirius Orion Black
Sirius
Sirius
Sirius
The box's lid doesn't give way, but I stand up anyway. But before I can walk to her, she looks at me in a epiphanic gaze. I can practically see the idea shining from her beaming face. "You know Latin," she states.
That's it, I think as I move to her, reaching for the box, but before I do, she's already tapping her wand, saying a word clearly.
"Canicula."
The box snaps open and she takes a look inside, fiddling with the contents with one hand, dodging me as I come at her.
"LILY FUCKING EVANS!" I try to relieve it from her hands, but for a tiny girl, she's got a grip. With one last pull, however, I managed to retrieve it, glaring at her.
But she doesn't fight to get it back. And it's only then that I realize she's got something in her hands. A torn half of a photograph. I know what that is.
I want to move fast. I need to move fast. But instead, I freeze in panic, my feet rooted to the floor as I watch her.
Her eyes widen. "I bloody knew it," she mumbles, a triumphant smile on her face.
I choke. "Wha- What?"
"You're in love with Sirius." It isn't even a question, it's a statement. A confirmation.
"What the fuck are you talking about?! Sirius? No, Lily, come on, that's..." my million-words-per-second speed fades as I see her, cut it out, it's useless look on her face. I sigh in defeat. "Is it obvious?"
She chuckles. "Oh, Remus, sweetie. The way you look at him, how you blush when he touches you, how he seems to be the only one allowed to interrupt your sacred study sessions...You're hooked. Besides, next time you patrol the school with me, look for something else to talk about other than 'how annoying Sirius is'," she air quotes.
I groan, walking towards my bed, falling face first and letting the box drop to the floor.
Before I know it, I end up telling her everything there is to tell and she ends up perched on my bed, hanging on every word. Gasping and squealing and cursing as I recount the events that lead me up to here.
When I finally finish, she shakes her head in disbelief. "Wow that's... a lot to take in."
"Tell me about it," I say, rubbing my eyes. Sleep deprivation has been my body's trend for the last few weeks. "I don't know why I told you all of that, honestly," I add, sitting up to face her.
"Because you need someone to talk to. I can't imagine someone keeping in all that angst and drama."
"I've talked to James," I correct her.
"Yeah, but I bet you filter it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that," she starts emphatically, as if what she was about to say was the most obvious thing in the world, "you have just given me the most angry storytelling session I've experienced, and I can tell it felt good to let all that frustration caused by the bastard out. Meanwhile, James and Sirius are inseparable. I bet you have to sugarcoat everything because, let's face it, you'd think that Potter is the one in love with the prat."
I laugh. "Nah. He's too busy being in love with you, Lily."
She keeps a straight face but that doesn't stop the blush the creeps onto her cheeks. "That's not my point."
"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, defeated. "I guess talking to you makes me feel a bit lighter. I just don't want to affect their friendship too, that's all."
She nods, understanding. "Well, what do you plan on doing about this?"
"Do I look like I have any idea? Did you not see me staring off into space when you came in?"
"I think you guys will be okay. It'll take time, but you will be. You four always patch things up, no matter how complicated. Things could be worse, and you should be glad to work with what you have. Not all hope is lost, Rem. And if things ever go downhill and you hit rock bottom, there won't be any other way than up. No matter how things play out, if this friendship – or more – of yours really is important enough, then there'll be a way. For now, you both just need to think things through, figure things out. You four are the poster boys for everlasting friendship, and I think that you guys will live up to it, no matter how things end. And for the mean time, I'll be here, okay?"
I breathe heavily. "Yeah, okay."
She sighs, relieved at my acceptance of her optimism. "Just hang in there, yeah? I know you've got it in you."
I smile at her gratefully.
Then she stands up and puts her robes on. "Okay, I need a break from all this drama. Dinner?"
I look down at my watch. "It must be over by now."
She rolls her eyes. "Do you honestly think that you guys are the only ones who know how to get into the kitchen?" she asks, tugging on my wrists. "Come on, with all of this going on, I bet you haven't been able to eat properly.
Smirking, I let her pull me up. "Fine."
We walk out of the room and I suddenly have to be reassured. "You won't tell anyone right?"
"Of course not," she says sincerely as we make our way down the stairs.
"Good, because I think I'd have to kill you if you did."
"As if you could duel me, Lupin," she replies smugly.
"True, attempting to kill you won't do much," I say in a mock-contemplating tone. "Maybe I'll just tell James about how you couldn't take your eyes off him during the last game. You think I'm the only obvious one here?"
She glares at me, punching me playfully.
"You bloody poof," she mutters, although she cracks a guilty smile.
I laugh as we reach the Common Room. "I love you too, Lils."
A/N: This chapter is kinda sloppy. Sorry. I don't really like this one, but I hope you do :) I'll post the next chapter soon!