Prongs,
Are you sure you can't arrive earlier? I miss you very very much.
Padfoot
Blithering Idiot,
I am going to be there in two days. Calm down.
And no you don't. You're just being a coward who can't handle a couple more days being cooped up in that little dormitory with Remus. Deal with it, mate. Actually, no, FIX it.
Prongs
You Fucking Git,
Why is it easier for you to believe that I can't handle things than the fact that I miss my bestest mate? That hurts you know. I might just go to Lily for some comfort if you know what I mean.
Love oh so dearly,
The Blithering Idiot
P.S. Happy New Year, you asshole
SIRIUS I JUST GOT YOUR LETTER THIS MORNING AND I SWEAR IF YOU KEEP BUGGING ME I WON'T GET ON THE TRAIN TOMORROW AND YOU AND REMUS WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR RUBBISH WITHOUT ME.
Love,
Lily's Future Boyfriend
Prongs,
Lily's Future Boyfriend? I don't know, mate, I think you might have to fight Moony for that title. They've been inseparable lately. Can't even get to talk to him lately. That redhead has him all the bloody time.
Your Lonely Best Friend Who Really Does Miss You, You Prat
Padfoot,
As if you two would talk even with her out of her picture. Jealous, Siri? No worries, sweetie. Trust me, Lily isn't exactly Moony's type. Anyway, I'm writing this from the train station. This'll be my last letter because I need a break from you and your - pardon my language, dear - bitching before I see you in eight hours. Thank Merlin I left my Two-Way Mirror at school or else you'd have sent me bonkers by now.
See you later,
Prongs
P.S. I miss you too
Sitting upright, I smile weakly at James' last letter and feel considerably better that, at this rate, he'll be back in a few hours. At least I'll actually have someone to talk to. Tossing the note into my bedside drawer, I read my watch and see that I've been lazing around on my bed for several uninterrupted hours. Very lonely hours.
You'd think that being forced to stay in the same dorm room and the holiday atmosphere would somehow rekindle my friendship with Remus, but no such luck. We've been back and forth for the past couple weeks. We've had those moments when we are all easygoing with each other – especially when I thanked him for the Christmas gift – but then we immediately relapse into the constriction of the heavily stressed atmosphere we've created.
The tension has gotten so unbearable that Evans had to sit between us during the Christmas Feast. Even she notices how totally stupid Remus and I have been acting.
James was right; I do need to fix this. But how?
And as if on cue, the dormitory door opens and I see Remus and Lily leaning into each other and laughing. There are snowflakes in their hair and they both look pale and glowing. I don't know why but I feel like I have to look away. Before I do though, he stops, straightening up at the sight of me and waves politely. Lily does the same, although it's obvious that her cold-induced bluish lips are clamped in an attempt to stifle more giggles. She raises her eyebrows at Remus and he nudges her, giving her some sort of warning look.
"Hey there, Black!" Lily chimes merrily and leans on the door frame as Remus takes a seat on his bed, taking his feet out of his snow-tortured boots.
"Evans," I reply, smiling. As much as it takes a lot to not get annoyed at their secretive behavior, it is nice to note the fact that she's been finally warming up to me, after all these years.
Remus then pipes up, getting on his feet, "Hey, Lils, uh...You know, I think we should be down at the library. Our pair work for Transfiguration is due next week, so I thought that –"
"We're done with that, aren't we?" she interrupts without hesitance.
Remus, now looking flustered, eyes her pointedly. "But don't you think we should go over it again?"
He really is crap at making excuses. I just know he's itching to get out of here.
Lily waves his insistence off, rolling her eyes. "I'd rather not; besides, I'm sure we'll receive top marks."
Before I can help it, I remark, "Well, someone's annoyingly confident."
"That's because that someone is annoyingly smart as well," she retorts, planting a hand on her hip and grinning.
I snort. "But you're talking about the subject you're absolutely rubbish at."
"What can I say? I'm improving," she replies, beaming.
"You know, sometimes you and James are incredibly alike," I point out, standing up and leaning on one of my bed's post. "It's very unnerving."
I catch Remus' mouth twitch into a smirk as he pretends to still be very preoccupied with brushing snow off his coat and I know he's silently agreeing with me.
Another thing I notice, is Lily's cheeks donning a pinkish tint, a defiant gleam in her eyes. She crosses her arms. "I know you and I joke around, but that insult is a bit too much, don't you think?"
Laughing, I nod slowly. "I'll make sure to tell him that."
She shakes her head at me. "Whatever, Black," she mumbles, although I can see a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "Anyway," she changes the subject, turning to Remus, "I'm going down to help Anthony with his Potions. He's almost as rubbish as you, Rem."
Remus grins at her and obviously too tired to acknowledge her (very accurate) rib at his potion making, asks, "Can I come?"
Her eyes dart to me and back to Remus, in a suspiciously knowing manner. "We're going to meet up with Frank and Alice in a while to catch up, so I think you should stay. Besides, you guys, a little roomie bonding time can't hurt, right?"
It was my turn for my cheeks to burn, matching Remus'. Before either of us can protest, she's already shutting the door behind her and we hear her footsteps descend the stairwell outside.
Our eyes meet for second, then we tear away. He sits back down and shrugs off his coat. My heart does little flip when I see that he's wearing the Beatles sweater I gave him – along with a good supply of dark chocolate, of course – for Christmas.
The gears in my head start to fire away, searching for something to say, as I clutch the post I'm leaning on. I clear my throat, as if the act will filter my words as well, before speaking up. "So, what have you guys been doing?"
He faces me, looking off guard. "Nothing much. We just strolled around. The snow's nice."
"That's good," I mutter helplessly. "Heard from James and Peter?"
He nods. "Pete sent me an owl this morning saying that they'll arrive a bit before dinner. Probably around a couple hours. There are some students who just arrived through a Portkey to Hogsmeade though."
"Oh, okay," I reply, being void of anything else to say.
"How about you? What have you been up to?"
"Just been up here, I guess. Not exactly a fan of the cold."
He smiles, probably remembering all of the times I've transformed into Padfoot just to have my fur to keep me warm. "I know."
I feel like kicking something in anguish. Last time we were stuck in a rut of bland conversations was last year when I messed up. Cringing at the thought, I try to push the memory away. It recedes, but leaves one thought in my head.
I promised myself last year that I wouldn't take advantage of our friendship anymore. I need to do something about this.
"Put on those boots again. Let's go outside," I suggest suddenly, surprising the both of us.
He narrows his eyebrows in confusion. "You just said you didn't like the cold. It's freezing out there."
"Dogs like to be walked, remember?" I joke, earning another smile from him. "Besides, I wanna talk to you about something."
And just like that, panic flashes in his green eyes. His expression, however, calms eventually. "Talk about what?" he questions, but he's already shoving his feet into his boots and putting on his coat.
"Just things. I just wanna talk," I say, probably frustrating him further. But, frustrated or not, it doesn't seem to matter because he's already buttoning his coat.
"Okay then," he agrees, a confused smile on his face. Lately, getting a genuine smile from the boy has been rare, so I feel a little fazed as I take my black beanie and coat from my trunk.
Glancing at him, I see that he's putting his head down and shaking it. His hands going through in his hair, trying to rid it of all the snowflakes.
I take out my wand that I just stuffed in my coat again and point it at him. "Scourgify." The snowflakes disappear from his light brown locks.
He looks up at me. "Oh. Right. Thanks Padf – Sirius," he corrects himself, but it's obvious.
"No problem, Moony," I stress his nickname, like a screaming message that if we wanted to be best friends again, we shouldn't be terrified of using the stupid nicknames like I have been. "I don't get the point though, you're still gonna get snow all over you when you go out."
"Yeah," he frowns, looking up at his fringe that fallen in a disarray right above his eyes.
Chuckling, I walk over to where he's leaning on his four-poster, looking miserably at his hair. "Here, you little ray of sunshine, take this if you're so concerned about your precious hair." I put the beanie I had in my hand over his head, pulling it down over his eyes.
He laughs, tugging it up so he can see, and pushes me away playfully. "You're still ruining my hair," he complains, but without any real agitation.
I'm smiling and he's laughing and we're touching and we're standing so close without scrambling for an excuse to leave and it feels like it's going to be alright.
Crossing my arms, I adapt a dramatic tone. "I never receive the gratitude I deserve."
He smirks again, and punches my lightly on the shoulder. "Thanks for beanie... Padfoot."
That's more like it.
"Let's go then!" I announce, still ignoring the thoughts at the back of my head that're trying to figure out how I'm suddenly brave enough to act like this with him. I drape an arm around his shoulders and he blushes, but I don't care because he looks happy and this is how best mates act.
He shoves his gloved hands in his coat pockets. "Let's go," he agrees and we walk out the door.
"Yeah, before we have to deal with James and his schemes to get your new girlfriend again," I say as we walk down the stairs.
He looks at me incredulously and he starts laughing, ducking out of my arm. "Lily? Trust me, she isn't exactly my type," he says, echoing James's words in the letter.
I raise an eyebrow but he ignores my questioning look and continues walking.
"Well, I think she is, Moons. You're very alike. Obsessed with school, short temper, incredibly defensive, willing to pitch up a tent in the library and spend the rest of your lives with Madam Pince... I can see it happening."
He glares me, but I know he's suppressing an amused smile.
"Although," I continue, "that also means you'd have to suffer James' wrath. Do you want to be buried or cremated?"
He shoves me, snickering, and I almost trip over the last step as we arrive in the Common Room, where Ashwood and Lily are on the couch, actually going over Potions notes. At the sound of our laughter, they turn around and face us.
"What are you guys up to now?" she asks nonchalantly, but I can see the glimmer of surprise on her face brought on by our restored behavior.
"Sirius thinks you and I would make a cute couple," he deadpans.
Lily, unfazed, blows a kiss at him. "I do too, sweet pea."
"Now, now, Lily, keep it to yourself," I chide, "Loyal little Ashwood over here might go telling his Quidditch captain about you two, and I'd never hear the end of it."
Ashwood looks up, looking nervous at me mentioning him. Probably because James is the only one of us four he's actually hung out with and being a year younger, still hasn't fully been reassured that my bullying days are over. He smiles, color draining his cheeks, but recovers immediately. "Don't worry, Black, I can keep a secret."
"Yeah, trust me, Anthony definitely can," Lily supplies, reaching over to ruffle his neat, gelled up blond tresses. He shoots daggers at her and blushes at the state of his hair before returning to the text book in his hands. Reminding me again of Remus. "So, where are you guys off to?"
Remus shrugs. "Sirius needs a walk," he says plainly, like it is the most obvious thing in the world.
"Right, okay then," Lily replies slowly, confused. "Have fun. Don't freeze over, Rem. Black, I don't mind if you do."
"Ha-ha, very funny, Evans," I say sarcastically.
She sticks her tongue in a very childlike – and now that I think about it, James-like – manner and returns her attention to tutoring Ashwood.
I face Remus. "D'you think we can stop by the kitchens first? I'm hungry."
"That's because you skipped lunch. Again."
"The whole point of the holidays is getting to sleep in late, Moony."
"You're an idiot," he says simply, but he's already making his way to the portrait hole, swinging the portrait open.
We leave the kitchens, feeling full as ever and bidding the house elves goodbye. They wave back frantically with pleased faces as we close the portrait closes behind us. Before discovering the kitchens, I used to think that all house elves were as horrible as Kreacher back at home.
Wait, no, not home. Back at The Noble and Most Ancient House Of Black. Not home. I correct myself silently, but Remus sees the look on my face.
"You okay?" he looks concerned, biting the inside of his cheek and absentmindedly playing with the sleeves of his coat.
I smile at him. "Yeah." I'm surprised that that's actually the truth.
Looking relieved, his look of worry disappears. "Okay then, let's go for that walk you suddenly wanted." He starts to walk.
I follow. "Okay."
We talk the whole way going to the Entrance Hall, joking around. The newfound ease between us is strange, but nice. I can't, however, stop wondering whether this will last. As much as I hope that it is this easy, it's hard to believe that almost two whole months of unceasing tension can be this quick to evaporate.
I shake my head, as if I can physically throw off the doubts. But as we arrive at the hall, a figure walking towards us causes Remus to halt, looking displeased, but trying to hide it. Just like that, I feel my troubled thoughts being confirmed.
"Maggie!" I practically choke out in an anxious squawk. I hastily try to compose myself, not wanting her to hear the tone that suggests I forgot about her arriving through Portkey as well for a while there. Thankfully, she doesn't notice
"Siri!" she breaks into a run towards me and gives me a hug. I squeeze her back. She pulls away, although still keeping her hands on my shoulders, and plants a kiss on my nose.
I tuck her snow-flaked hair beneath her ear. "Hey there."
"I missed you, you know," she coos, bright lights in her eyes.
"Missed you too," I mutter, smiling at her.
From my side, I hear a cough, and I break apart from Maggie, spinning to face Remus.
"Oh...um..." my ability to speak falters, but he's the one to talk.
"It's okay, I can leave you guys."
"No, you can –" Maggie starts, but he cuts her off gently and I don't why, but I can see hostility in his usually kind eyes, even with a smile plastered on his face.
"It's fine, you guys need some time together," he sends another forced grin to Maggie. "Welcome back, Maggo – er, Margaret."
She nods at him, looking lovely in the winter light. "Thanks Remus, hope you had a fantastic holiday," she says gleefully. But I still can't shake off the nagging feeling that letting him go back upstairs might fracture something I'm trying to rebuild.
"You too," he replies, almost mechanically. "Well, I should head back to –"
"Wait, Rem-" I attempt again.
"It's fine," he repeats. "See you later," he says in a way that lets me know that he doesn't really mean it.
Maggie interlaces her manicured hand with mine, stroking my skin with her thumb. Her hands are warm but I still feel like shivering. There's a longing look in her eyes and she bites her pink lip as she thinks. "Let him go, Siri," she finally suggests, "don't be a burden to Remus, he looks like he wants to be alone."
No he doesn't.
Remus' lips upturn into another smile – or an attempt of it, at least. His eyes looked robbed of the elation he was displaying just a few moments ago and he's crossing his arms, looking ready as if he has to defend himself. "Listen to your girlfriend, Sirius," he says, evidently trying to pass off his tone as something of a lighthearted joke. "You should go off and spend time with her. You haven't seen each other in a while."
Maggie lets go of my hand, and clutches at my arm. "He has point, Sirius," she points out lightly. Then she turns to Remus, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here, and frowns a little. "Are you sure you're fine with me intruding? I'm sorry, I just –"
Remus cuts her off. "No, no, you're not intruding. It's okay."
She smiles warmly at him, a thankful look in her blue eyes. "Oh, well okay… I'll return him before dinner," she jokes.
He forces out a laugh. "Yeah... well, you guys have fun, okay?"
"Yeah, thanks," Maggie replies with a huge genuine smile that I wish was on Remus' face as well.
"Bye mate," I mutter, giving him a tiny wave.
He nods, shoves his hands in his coat pockets again and turns his heel, walking away.
Maggie turns to me and settles her hands on my on my hips. "That Remus... He's a really sweet guy. How does he put up with you and Potter, exactly?" she says cheekily.
I chuckle, "That's what Evans said." I give her a kiss on top of her scarlet-haired head, and as I pull away, I see Remus walking towards us again.
"I almost forgot..." he trails off. He then takes off my beanie, and places it on Maggie, the black material making her flaming hair look even more vibrant. He adjusts it gingerly so that it'll fit well on her. "It's cold out there... And it looks better on you," he adds, gesturing to her black coat that matched it.
"Oh, thank you!" she replies and gives him a kiss on the cheek before taking my hand again.
He gives her a tight smile in return. "No problem, Margaret," and he walks off again. Maggie and I stand there for a bit, thinking he might come back again, but as he ascends the stairs rather begrudgingly, it's clear he won't be returning anytime soon.
"Such a sweet guy," she repeats, shaking her head disbelievingly. Before dragging me outside the hall, the bitter cold hitting me full force, she turns to me. "You can do absolutely anything and still not deserve that friend of yours," she jokes.
I know.