A/N: This is actually from Michaela's POV so it probably doesn't belong in this collection, but humor me. Let me know what you think.
Michaela takes a deep breath and holds it in until it's uncomfortable. There's an audible woosh as she exhales. She's trying not to look at Jared. If she looks at Jared, she'll cry and she's already spent the first 3 hours crying so it's time for a change. She tries to count in French but it's pretty pathetic considering she's using her vague recollection of her high school French which she wasn't even good at while it was being spoon-fed to her.
Her thoughts glide to Lourdes without any logical progression. She wants to say she remembered to call Lourdes but the truth is that by the time it occurred to her someone at the police station had beaten her to it. Thirty minutes ago she was on her way, so Michaela imagines her busting through the door at any moment. There's nothing wrong with this picture. Michael's not even holding his hand. She's a couple feet away in a visiting chair, facing away from him. She's not sure why if she's honest. It's not because of Lourdes, she knows that. No one would hold it against her if she were by his side, holding his hand. That's what you do when people you love are in the hospital.
She's still flip-flopping back and forth between reasons to hold his hand and reasons to just stay where she is when she hears him groan. If she thought her mind was racing before, then it kicked into overdrive then. She hovers over him anxiously and waits. The scratchy "Hi," is everything. She thought he was never going to wake up. That he'd die just like Vance and it would be her fault. But then his eyes flicker around her face and he's wearing a small smile. She registers in the back of her head that she's actually said "hi" at least three times, but it's not important enough to garner her attention.
Common sense kicks in and she thinks of Lourdes on her way here, probably worried out of her mind. As she tries to pull her hand free, she feels him tug her back. It feels so faint that she might think she imagined it except his raspy, "No, please," convinces her it's real. She knows what his request to stay means in the moment. She's not oblivious but it doesn't really matter because that's what she wants too. She doesn't want to share him with Lourdes and, more importantly, she doesn't want to leave him seconds after he woke up, so she sits down and doesn't let go of his hand. He falls asleep within minutes and she vaguely wonders if she should have called a doctor before dismissing the thought as having watched too many medical dramas.
As she watches him sleep, she can feel a sense of comfortability wash over her. Yes, her mind is racing with the implications of Jared asking her to stay instead of getting his wife to sit with him, but she also remembers this feeling from when she was with Jared. It feels like home and she's really, really missed it. The only other time she's felt at home since coming back was with her dad last week and even then something felt incomplete without her mom there to give her advice. That's what she'd really wanted that day. She wanted her mom to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay and that it was okay to still be in love with Jared even if she never told him. That she'd find her footing and it would all work out the way it was supposed to.
Her eyes dart to his face as he shifts. He doesn't look peaceful but she can't imagine he's very comfortable hooked up to all these wires while also injured. As he settles, she lets the thoughts about Lourdes take front and center. What did it mean that Jared would rather her be by his side than his wife? Did it mean anything? That was a stupid question. Of course it meant something, but did it change anything? Or was this just another awkward moment to sweep under the rug as if there wasn't something from their past still lingering between them? Nothing romantic had happened. Nothing even that friendly had happened between them, but there was something she couldn't put her finger on that felt inappropriate. Maybe it was Jared's protectiveness or her festering feelings but there was always another layer to their interactions. He was too protective. She was pushing him away too much. Really, they were trying too hard to act normal but that was natural. It would take them time to adjust. Unless Jared asking her to stay changed something. She feels guilty for the thought immediately. Jared and Lourdes were starting a family and the last thing she wanted to do was cause any more pain to the people she loved. And she did love Lourdes. She wanted their friendship back the same way she wanted Jared back because she loved them both. But they had each other now and regardless of how many dinners they hosted she didn't fit into their lives anymore.
There's a beautiful irony that Lourdes rushes into the room at that moment. Michaela finds herself jumping up and dropping Jared's hand as if it burned her, but Lourdes doesn't comment. She walks over and pulls Michaela into a big hug and asks if she's alright because Lourdes is an amazing friend. That's who she is at her core. Michaela tries to brush her concern off by filling her in on Jared's condition. She only lasts a couple of minutes before the excuses to leave start bubbling out of her. Lourdes tries to convince her to stay, that she has every right to be there, but Michaela can't do it. She can't watch Lourdes be a loving wife to the man she's in love with. It hurts too much so she insists that she has to check on her brother and that she'll check in later. Lourdes lets her go with a sad, knowing smile.