A/N: Hey guys, I just want to continue thanking you for all the support and the reviews. Your thoughts are helpful and fun to read. Expect me to be posting slower than usual though, because I've been so busy, but I hope you stick with me.Your words motivate me to keep writing, so keep 'em coming :)

The title of this chapter is lyrics from a song I listened to while writing this.

Also, another shout out to my amazing beta who has been very patient and fueling me with her critiscisms and support. Thank you, Michy :)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this(very very very angsty) chapter!

It's been a few days since his little Maggie outburst that I still don't understand, and we haven't talked since. He's been treating my presence like a bad case of Dragon Pox. He's either at the library or muttering excuses that I can't even hear, before storming out of the dormitory whenever we're together. I want to just cover my ears whenever he makes up reasons to leave, but I can't bring myself to. Because those excuses are the only things he has said to me in the past four days.

Over a week has passed. He has run out of excuses and now simply resorts to walking away when I'm in the room. Last week, I joked about him being perfectly okay with living in the library, but that's practically reality now. He's there first thing in the morning, last thing at night and during every fraction of his free time in between. He eats breakfast in silence, buried in the textbook of whatever the first class of the dayis. He eats lunch as if time is running out, always just mumbling a hasty goodbye – directed at James and Peter, of course, not me – before running off. He skips dinner altogether and just stops by the kitchen on his way back to the dorm after the library closes.

He's isolating himself, and not just from me. Peter has been coming to me, whimpering out loud about not knowing what's happening to Remus. Lily has been shooting him glares during classes for not talking to her about things that they apparently talk a lot about. Even James had a fit after the third time Remus skipped dinner.

Suddenly, that one hour I spent with Maggie, rather than Remus, feels like a bigger mistake than the kiss.

All three of us walk quickly and surely through the passage from the Whomping Willow to the Shrieking Shack. We talk in hushed voices, arguing about what to deal with first. Our fists are clenched in frustration because he has gone without even telling us when he was planning to take off. He ditched our last class and – surprise, surprise – skipped dinner again. He even took the bloody Map and James' Invisibility Cloak with him, as if that could stop us. But we walk anyway, not caring if a teacher has spotted us or if we run into Madam Pomfrey. We get to him as fast as we can, our large strides breaking into desperate runs as we hear the first scream that signals the start of his transformation.

It's the full moon, and if he thinks that we're going to let him avoid us tonight too, then he's wrong.

"H-he's hurt. I mean... I mean of course he's hurt but...It's been a while since he's been this hurt. Gods, Prongs, I'm... scared of touching him. I might make it worse."

"He'll be okay, Pads. He always gets through this. It's been a rough couple of weeks."

"V-vulnera Sanentur. Vul...Vulnera Sanen-"

"Stop trying that spell, it's too advanced for us to use by ourselves, especially while you're too shaken up. You might worsen it if anything goes wrong."

"Okay, okay. Brackium Emendo. Ferula. Episkey."

"Okay, that's enough, you might tamper with the more serious wounds."

"This is my fault, I should have –"

"No, this is not your fault. You weren't the one who shut him out from everyone."

"But, James –"

"Sirius, shut up. Don't make things worse by blaming yourself."

"I need to heal him. I need to. If I could just –"

"Sirius. No. Those wounds, they're...They're too much. Even for you."

"Let go of me James, let me just –"

"We've already minimized his blood loss and healed the minor broken bones without interfering with the more serious wounds and that is the best we can do."

"No it's not, James."

"Well, it's the best we can do for now."

"...G-guys?"

"Peter, don't let Sirius get to you. Remus'll be fine."

"No, it's not that. I can hear Pomfrey coming."

"Sirius, grab the Cloak. Peter, transform and hide."

"Okay."

"Okay."

My eyes are stinging with the lack of sleep and exhaustion in my bones as I sit on a chair next to Remus' bed, closed off by curtains, in Pomfrey's office. I look out the window and the blue of the sky is already fading into an orange tint, promising a sunset that will end this listless Sunday any moment now. But it doesn't matter, because I'm sure I don't have the appetite or the energy to even think about going to dinner. I lean back and close my eyes, in a torturous state between being unbearably drowsy and not being bothered about getting any shuteye. The concern is just wearing me out even more, of course.

Last night's full moon really drained Remus. More than usual.

Moony was louder and more uncontrollable, giving every bit of breath in his lungs to each howl and growl. He thrashed, unyielding, against the barriers Prongs and I made, snarled at every sound he heard, dug his claws deep into anything he could get his paws on, and ricocheted around the shack like an unstoppable force that promised no mercy to anyone that got in the way of his damage.

His eyes were wilder and looked empty. His movement was more savage and formidable. Every move was a ferocious slash or a deadly pounce at us, and he stopped his attempts to keep us away when he was too busy lashing out on himself. He had left his body with an array of bruises, cuts and wounds that made me scared to even try patching him up.

I open my eyes, cringing at the memory, and my gaze flickers to him.

His breathing is slow and ragged. There are deep gashes on his arms, and the huge cut that I patched up a couple months ago is reopened, leaving a trail of pulsing red from his wrist to his collarbone again. The blanket is covering the rest of his body, but I know that beneath the sheets is an abundance of injuries that will take more than a day to heal. I know that his chest alone already looks like a color palette of different shades of blue, purple, and red.

But the thing that I can't stand to look at the most is his swollen eye, blackened and twitching. And it's not even because of the state of it, because I've seen worse. It's because I know it came from Prongs slamming his antlers into Moony's face in defense. Defense from the wolf that would have been a centimeter from biting him if he had not taken action. Now that's definitely something none of us will be telling Remus.

I sit up straight again – well, at least I try to – and wince. I almost forgot about the bruises plastered all over my back from being thrown against – and sometimes through – a variety of walls. It's been a while since Moony has injured Padfoot this much, but I can't say that it came as a surprise. So I just sit there, helpless.

The curtains surrounding me and Remus shift as James appears. He has a bandage around his wrist and across his cheeks. He can actually get treated because he can use Quidditch practice as an excuse for all the injuries. As he walks slowly towards the side of the bed, I'm reminded that he still has bruises as bad as mine. He decided to keep those from Pomfrey, fearing that they would push his being-a-Chaser-is-dangerous alibi a bit too far.

He looks down at Remus, looking as clueless and angry and devastated as I feel.

"All patched up?" I mumble, stifling a yawn.

"For the most part," he says tiredly, conjuring up another chair for himself, and sitting down.

"Pomfrey?"

"She went to inform Dumbledore about Remus because... well, Remus hasn't been this wrecked in a while."

I nod slowly. "Where's Peter, didn't he go with you?"

"Yeah, he's returning Remus' things to the dorm though."

"Yeah...okay," I say simply as I continue to watch Remus. A very beaten up Remus.

"Hasn't woken up at all?"

I shake my head. "He's stirred and mumble a bit but no…"

"Did Pomfrey say anything about –" he starts, but I cut him off.

"Says it'll be a dozen more hours... Give or take."

He sighs, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. "Okay...Will she let us –"

"No," I say bitterly. "Says that it's better for less people to be around and that he won't be waking up until tomorrow morning anyway so we shouldn't bother to... yeah..." I trail off.

"Okay."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "Okay? Don't tell me we're really going to leave him like this for the rest of the –"

James' snort interrupts me. "'Okay' means that Peter will be transformed all night to hide and look after Remus while we take shifts under the Cloak."

I grin at him, despite my exhaustion. "That's more like it."

He smiles back at me, but our faces fall at the same time as Remus moves around, rustling his blankets and grunting something.

"I think he's talking in his sleep," James says as he leans over, placing his crossed arms at the edge of the bed. "Moony? Moony, you awake?"

I grab his hand, watching him, waiting for a sign that he's conscious. "Rem, we're here."

I let go and James and I just stare at him, afraid.

Surely enough, he starts mumbling again. Fractions of sentences and whispered shouts turning more frantic. "N-no...don't it's the...th-there's no…" he stutters. "No please...don't...Step back...NO!" he shouts, his eyes still shut.

James and I both shoot up from our seats, flinching in pain from our injuries, but that doesn't slow us down from trying to hold down his now-shaking body. James holds his unbandaged arm over Remus' kicking legs as I take both of his hands and pin them down to either side of his unconscious body. It wasn't just the wolf side of Remus that hurt himself without knowing it.

I grip on his hands tighter. James and I hold him in place until he calms down, reduced into little shudders and whispered sleep talk. We let go of him, and James sits back down, but as he does, his hand stays on Remus', his hazel eyes drowned in fear and concern.

Reaching over to Remus' face, I push away the locks that have fallen to his eyes. I let my hand linger a bit more, as I comb his light brown hair over his head to keep it from his face, and whisper, "It's okay, we're here...I'm here. You're okay. It's okay."

And as if I said some incantation, in an instant, his lips close, not letting any more sounds slip through, and his body relaxes into nothing but deep, steady breaths. I smile at him weakly. "It's okay," I repeat,before backing away.

James takes notice and leans back into his chair and I follow. He looks at me from the other side of the bed, impressed and curious.

"What did you do? How'd you calm him down?"

I shrug. "I don't know..." I say.

And I wish I did know.

After a whole night of switching shifts with James, alternating between watching over Remus and sleeping, it goes without saying that my biological clock is no longer working.

I yawn as I stand over Remus, leaning against the window. James is still sitting next to Remus' bed, his head buried in his crossed arms on the mattress. Remus is still tossing and turning, but the nightmares haven't come back for the whole night.

It's ten in the morning and I've been awake since sunrise when we pretended to have just arrived in the hospital wing when in fact, we've been sneaking around all night in line with our agreed schedules on who watches over Remus under the Invisibility Cloak. We changed shifts every three hours after Pomfrey kicked us out at sunset, taking turns on who went back up to the tower for some sleep. Pomfrey couldn't stop us from both being here in the morning however.

Pulling me out of my thoughts, James raises his head, stretching and leaning back. He grabs his glasses and puts them on as he blinks to adjust his vision to the bright daylight.

"Morning, Prongs," I mutter, giving him a weary smile.

He yawns, rubbing his eyes from beneath his glasses, leaving them askew on his nose again. "Good morning. Where's Peter?" he asks, looking around the floor for any sign of Wormtail.

"Well, he was transformed and up most of the night, so I told him to go up and rest."

Nodding, he dully mumbles, "Okay...What time is it?"

"Around ten..."

He narrows his eyebrows, looking in disbelief at me. "Why didn't you wake me?! We agreed we'd take hourly shifts when we got here at sunrise, Padfoot. You've been awake for four hours and let me sleep?"

I rub my temples, avoiding his reprimanding glare, and take a seat on my chair again. "I couldn't get back to sleep anyway, Prongs."

He shakes his head. "Whatever you say, Sirius. Why hasn't Pomfrey kicked us out to go to classes though?"

"She's out there tending to some first years in the Hospital Wing. I've cast a silencing spell around the curtains so that she doesn't hear us talk. Besides, Dumbledore sent her a note saying we could stay here until after lunch," I answer as I lean closer to Remus, thinking that I just saw his eyes flutter a bit.

His head moves, tilting from left to right, and he straightens out his legs slowly. James and I freeze a bit, thinking that he's going to be in another fit of nightmares. But as he brings up his hands to his face to rub his eyes before opening them, James and I relax in relief.

"Finally," James says, grinning at Remus, who is still taking everything in.

He eventually stops blinking rapidly and turns his head to James. "Hey."

"I'm severely mad at you for the past couple weeks. It was your not letting anyone in that caused this," James states, his hands sweeping over Remus' scarred and heavily wounded body, "But for now, I'm just glad you're okay, you fucking asshole." He then helps Remus to sit up, the latter wincing in pain.

It is only when Remus is propped up, leaning against the headboard, that I realize that he's only noticing me now.

I try to hide my disappointment at his uneasy face and just smile at him. "Uh, hey there... James, the bottle of Girding Potion is next to you, I made a new batch while you guys were asleep. You should...yeah,"I finish helplessly.

James takes the bottle and unscrews it, handing it to Remus. He takes a swig and wipes his mouth, settling the bottle back on the bedside table.

"T-thanks," he stammers to no one in particular but I know he's thanking me as well, so I nod curtly.

"How are you?" James asks, clearly sensing the tension resurfacing.

"The bruises are bad, obviously, and I feel knackered. My head is still pounding and all... But I feel okay, considering the situation. The cuts look like they've been healed up well, at least," he adds, looking down his arms and torso.

Madam Pomfrey really did a good job. The only traces left of his deep gashes now are shallow cuts which are already crusting over. The bruising is taking longer to fade, however.

"That's good," James says. "So you're okay overall?"

"Yeah," Remus replies, smiling. "I think I might even be able to go to classes this afternoon if Pomfrey lets me."

James nods. "No bad bruises on your right shoulder? It's perfectly fine?"

"Yeah," Remus repeats slowly.

"And if someone, say, punched your shoulder right now, you'd be okay?"

"Well, yeah, I mean – OUCH! WHAT THE FUCK, JAMES?!"

I stand up so fast that my chair falls backward. "What was that?!" I demand.

James shakes his fist, and then, leaning over Remus, launches it at my shoulder too. A jolt of pain envelopes me and I barely manage to shout at him, "You're barking mad! What the bloody was that for, you arse?! Remus is-"

"Fine," Remus supplies before I can go off into a rant. "Remus is fine," he repeats.

I stare at him. "He just punched you and you're okay?" I ask, incredulously.

"And I deserved it," he mutters, rubbing his afflicted shoulder. "James, I'm sorry. I've been so lost the past couple weeks... I shouldn't have strayed away from you, it was wrong of me."

James crosses his arms and squints at him. "Strayed away? Mate, that's quite an understatement. You shut everyone out. You haven't even talked to any of us for the last two weeks."

Remus sighs, rubbing his temples. "Look, I know you've felt neglected and –"

"Neglected? You reckon this is about me feeling neglected," he states, frustrated. "As much as I hate the fact that you're treating me – along with everyone else – like someone who can't help you and that you've pretty much given up on our efforts to be there for you, I'm more angry about the fact that you know your behavior is going to get you hurt! I've seen this before, Remus. When you have fights with your dad, when you let your mom's worries get to you too much, when... when The Prank happened last year – " I flinch and my face drains but they don't notice – "You basically drown yourself in negative energy when you feel like shutting out your feelings and just waiting for the full moon to let them out for you. In that way you feel physical pain rather than actually dealing with your emotions. And you end up getting beaten up and close to fucking dead."

James runs out of breath for a while as he ends his rant and I just look down. Once again, I'm left not knowing what to do, say, think or feel.

I look up as Remus speaks.

"...You're right, James," he says meekly.

James raises his eyebrows at him, clearly not expecting an admission that fast.

"I'm sorry for putting you guys through that," he continues. "That was so fucking stupid of me and... Merlin, I don't know how I'm going to make up for this. I'm such an arse."

James expression fades into a kinder one, toning down his defiant gaze. He gives him a small smile and nods, "Yeah, you are."

Finally clearing the knot that has formed in my throat, I say, "Oh come on, it's not all his fault. He was-"

James' head snaps in my direction. "Yeah, because it's your fault too, you prat. Why do you think I hit you too? But I've pretty much badgered and yelled at you so much this week, that I feel that it's a lost cause until both of you – " his eyes travel back and forth pointedly between me and Remus - "talk about it."

Remus and I both stiffen, glancing at each other without actually maintaining eye contact. This is the first time James mentioned the situation between us while Remus and I are both present.

He stares at us, picking up the fact we can't even look at each other. "Well, looks like you guys have a lot to talk about, so I'm going to head out now," he says with a tone of finality, clapping his hands together.

He moves to leave, but I panic, taking a step towards him. "James, wait! Come on, stay," I beg.

James opens his mouth to protest, but before he can, Remus – surprising me – says, "Let him leave, Sirius."

James smirks. "That's more like it."

With a swish of the curtains aside, he walks off, closing the door behind him.

I turn to Remus cautiously.

"Hi."

"Hey," I manage. "Look, I know things have been weird between us lately and I know that it's my fault more than yours, but I think if we really..."

He shakes his head. "No. Don't...I'm tired of getting my hopes up."

I look at him, searching for what he means in his emerald eyes. "What do you mean? Look, I think we should just try talking about it."

"We did," he says firmly. "Or at least, I tried to talk to you about it. Shrieking Shack, just the two of us, remember?"

How can I forget?

"Y-yeah... I'm sorry about that, I thought that ignoring it would just make it go away."

"Well, it doesn't matter. Because you're right. It didn't mean anything, so why bother?"

"Remus..." I start, although I don't even know how to continue. But he continues for me.

"Look, we snogged once while we were drunk, and somehow, we've let that come between us. A meaningless bunch of kisses. If we can't even get through that..." he sighs trailing off. "Well, what does that even say about our friendship?"

The knot in my throat appears again, robbing me of air and the ability to speak. Eventually, I choke out, "What do you mean?"

He takes a deep breath. "I mean that...We don't have to force this."

I look at him questioningly because I can't even speak at all right now.

"Look, I'm going to stop pulling myself out of everyone's lives, I promise," he continues. "But I don't think we have to force ourselves into how our friendship was before this whole mess. I think we should just let it blow over."

I stare at him. "And you think that that will actually work?"

"If it doesn't, I don't see how confrontation will either," he says with a shrug. "I'm just saying, I don't want to have sudden playful conversations and banter only to have our friendship pulled out from under me like a rug again. So I think we should just see where things go..."

Frustration starts rising within me and I open my mouth in disbelief, but it takes a while before I actually say something.

"So...You're just giving up?"

"No," he replies without skipping a beat.

"Then what are you bloody saying?" I practically spit out, impatience and confusion growing within me.

"I'm saying that we don't have to force ourselves be around each other. It's stupid to try to fix something with methods that we can't even cope with," he says carefully.

"Force? Who says I force myself to be with you? I've been trying to catch up with you for the last two weeks, if you haven't noticed. You're the one who can't handle me, Remus, and it's not reciprocated. So don't drag me into your excuse too. Why can't you just tell me why you can't even be around me? Or at least try? What emotion are you possibly feeling that you reckon I can't deal with?!"

Remus seems caught off guard and it looks like he's considering telling me something, but the expression fades. "I just need more time to think, that's all."

Before I can counter him, I hear the curtains rustle and I turn to see Peter.

"You're awake! Finally!" he exclaims, beaming at Remus. But he suddenly senses the tension between me and Remus. "I'm interrupting something, aren't I?

Remus nods slowly, "Yeah, actually we're in the middle of –"

But I cut him off, feeling every ounce of guilt as I do, "No, you're not interrupting anything."

I leave, ignoring the hear a "Sirius, wait!" from Remus as I slam the door behind me.