Hey! I just keep rambling about Tobias not wanting to say anything to Zeke and Hana, please forgive me for this. This is the last chapter about that. School's a bitch(sorry school!), because I'm like doing junior and senior year in one year. Like I do four subjects this year and three next year due to my illness. So the pile of homework is enormous, because I'm doing two years in one. Still trying to write, though, just wanted to let you guys know, because you've been waiting for this chapter.
TOBIAS
'Tris, go get a doctor!' I nearly screamed. Uriah was blinking slowly and tried to open his eyes. How could this happen? How was this even possible? The doctors said he had a small chance to wake up. He was too far gone, according to them. They kept saying it. Eventually I started believing it.
The doctor rushed in, moved me away and started doing tests. I just stood there, trying to let everything sink in, trying to stay calm, not to scream out of happiness because Uriah was awake.
Tris was right beside me and squeezed my hand. I squeezed back, trying not to crush her hand of out excitement. I was so happy right now. Every little thing that had to do with Uriah shifted of my shoulder and fell on the ground. It felt like rocks were falling off my shoulders, because I felt so much lighter, so much more me. My skin felt more like skin.
'I can't believe this has happened,' the doctor mumbled. Well, we shared the same thought.
'Is he really awake?' I asked. Uriah looked so tired and pale, but still, he looked like Uriah. He was here and awake.
'Yes, yes he is, I just don't know how this has happened,' the doctor said. That made me smile, because I always thought that doctors knew everything, but they were humans, too. People didn't know everything, something I understood now, because if we knew everything, there wouldn't be any adventures to be explored.
(Author's note: getting to the point here, I don't know much about comas. Being honest, I did research and it's difficult to add it in the story, but I'm gonna try my hardest!)
'I need to do more tests,' the doctor said. 'If you would be so kind to leave the room.'
Tris and I left without asking or saying anything. We understood it. Uriah was in good hands, I supposed.
After about an hour, which seemed like ages, the doctor came back to us. Because Zeke and Hana weren't here, I was responsible for Uriah, so the doctor spook to me directly. He just nodded toward Tris.
'I'm gonna get straight to the point,' he started. 'Uriah has a hard time ahead of him. He has to learn to walk again, it would be possible if he had concentration problems, because that happens a lot. It will be very hard for him and he really needs the support. He needs people who are there for him, who respect him and who will help him. It won't be easy.'
I swallowed really hard. Of course I could expect this, Uriah's been in a coma for weeks. But it hadn't occurred to me that it would hit me this hard.
Uriah was like a brother to me and full of life. He didn't deserve this. He was supposed to run around and to train in the Dauntless headquarters because he loved it so much. He loved to run around, he loved to train, to get better. Uriah wasn't a person that sat around all day, he couldn't sit still. He just couldn't because he had so much energy. I was hoping he would still be the same person, so full of positive energy, because he needed it. He needed it so badly.
'I understand,' I said.
'Do you know if he has any family?' the doctor asked. 'He needs them in this process and they need to know, too.'
'Yes… Yes he has. I was planning on informing them today about his situation, but then he woke up,' I said. I sounded weird, so surreal. Somehow lame, too. 'But then he woke up.' Like that was my excuse to not tell Zeke and Hana. But still, I had to tell them. It was my fault. If I hadn't set off the explosions, Uriah wouldn't be hurt. I had made a promise to Zeke to protect Uriah and I failed. I failed as a friend.
There was no right way to tell Zeke and Hana. I didn't even know how to tell them. They would probably hate me for doing this to Uriah, because somehow I did this. I didn't matter we did this with a group, it mattered because I was part of that group.
'You should let them know immediately,' the doctor told me. I knew he was right, because I thought about it every day. It crossed my mind every second. The guilt never got usual.
'I know, I really do,' I said. I didn't want to let the doctor know I was terrified, because I was. I had to act casual and be Four, the cold instructor everyone feared. But right now it was way too hard to be Four, because I kept going back to Tobias. Tobias was easier, suitable for Tris. Tris reminded me to be Tobias and every time I was around her I forgot Four. It was as simple as that. Tris made me want to be Tobias, she made me want to be my true self instead of acting like nothing hurt me and that I didn't care. Deep down inside I cared way too much.
'Thank you, doctor,' Tris said instead of me. 'Let's go,' she said to me while she squeezed my hand.
I wasn't ready to do this, I definitely wasn't.
'I'm not ready, Tris,' I said when we were back in our room. 'Like, I don't know how they're gonna react and I don't even know what to say.'
'Tobias, we have to do this. I'm gonna be there for you, you know that. But we have to do this. Zeke and Hana especially need to know this,' Tris said. And she was right, she was so right. Hana was his mother for god-sake. I could teach a class of initiates and be cold and heartless, but I wasn't capable of telling such news. I mean, who was? Every time this topic came up, I just thought the same: I wasn't ready and capable of doing this. But I had to.
'We have to go,' Tris said. 'Right now.'
All though Tris was right in every aspect, I didn't want to. I really, really did not want to go. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to lose Zeke and Hana. Hana treated me like her own child, Hana knew what I've been through, same things could be said about Zeke. Zeke was my best friend and I failed him in the most important thing: Uriah. Protecting and taking care of Uriah. Uriah was his brother for god sake.
'I know,' I said. I didn't even know what to say. I needed more words to express myself, more letters to make the words I wanted to say. But the alphabet wasn't large enough to express my apology. No word could ever make this right. No expression, no emotion, no explanation was good enough. There was simply nothing to say that could ever make this right.
Tris grabbed our bags and put some clothes in it, because we still had to pack clothes. I thought about all the things me and Uriah and Zeke had done when I was in initiation. Uriah was fourteen, me and Zeke sixteen.
Uriah running after Zeke in the Pit, throwing water balloons at him and laughing harder than anyone ever could. I remember how much his face beamed. Uriah loved to tease Zeke and invented everything he could to keep going with it. Or the time Uriah first hit the target after missing hundreds of times. He first sucked at shooting with a gun, but he learned fast. Uriah's always been a fast learner.
All though Zeke showed the rest of the world he hated the teasing, deep down inside he loved it. Their father died when they were both little, so Zeke was the oldest boy in their family. Zeke cared so much for Uriah and loved him so much. It would break his heart when he heard this.
'I just don't know what to do, Tris,' I said. I didn't even sound like Tobias nor Four. I sounded like a person who's lost their mind. I didn't even feel like me, because I didn't know who was 'me'. If there even was a 'me'.
'I just, I was so happy, you know? When Uriah woke up. But now I feel lost, like someone took a piece of me and didn't give it back. It'll break their hearts, Tris. I can't just say it. All the words in this world could never make this right.'
'I know,' Tris said. 'But without saying anything you give them more pain and I will be right there.'
Tris was right. What am I saying? Tris was always right. Well, most of the time. I needed to do this, the sooner I did it, the sooner it was over and the sooner Uriah could see his family, which was the priority right now.