This chapter is all in Shizuo's POV, since he didn't get much of a spotlight last time!
Enjoy!
Shizuo
The day had been a long and tiring one. Aside from the snowball incident, it wasn't anymore eventful. The habitual mocking from the flea still had me feeling extremely awkward, but I could sense he felt a little off himself — or at least more than he usually was — and kept more than a little distance, if for the sake of our other friends noticing something was up.
As the sun began to set, we went back inside the resort. The warm air welcomed us, and the ever-relaxing scent of candles burning, made me realize just how tired I really was from the long day outside.
We headed for the rooms, and when everyone had showered and changed into regular clothes, the four of us, as well as Togusa and Yumasaki, went to one of our favourite restaurants in the hotel for dinner. I had stayed mostly silent the whole time, more or less focusing on staying awake and not face-planting into my steak.
To my dismay, sleep was further procrastinated. Instead of going straight back to our rooms, we decided to wander aimlessly around the inside of the resort. The group of guys talked among ourselves — well except me — as we journeyed through the halls and various other rooms, exploring as much as we could, of the facility. I walked and listened to the chatter, only rarely putting in a few words of opinion when asked, but I didn't mind. Sleepy or not, I was more of a listener anyway. Something felt missing, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what, exactly. It seemed, despite all the talking, more quiet than usual in our little gang.
Eventually, after we had almost circled around the entire expanse of the first floor, we settled down in the foyer where sofas surrounded the huge, lit, fireplace that had grabbed everyone's attention upon the day of our arrival, when we first stepped inside the lobby. Everyone was still talking randomly, topics fluctuating from movie stars, to anime and manga, to what blend of coffee was better, and why a cancer-fighting fundraiser had anything to do with skiing, and so on. My mind and eyes began to wander, as they usually did when I wasn't being spoken to directly — nor was it mandatory for me to respond-and forgot to pay attention to the conversation. I don't know what brought me to it, but one more, I found myself watching Izaya as a new contingent subject had drifted into conversation.
I studied his facial features and expressions as he talked among his friends. When he wasn't smirking, his eyes softened, crinkling in the corners as he wore a smile that could be mistaken for almost genuine, if you didn't truly know him. They were warmer, mahogany and inviting, than what I was used to; cold, dark and distant. Nonetheless, there was an brilliant fire burning within them, full of character and intellect that could only be identified unique to him alone.
I managed to set aside my original feelings towards him, if for only a moment, as I concentrated on his movements in the dim-lit lounge. His flawless skin dazzled from the illumination of the light of the fireplace that bounced around the room. His pale, slender hands made gestures as he spoke about what to others would seem like nothingness. However, with him, there was always a purpose that came with what he said. He was a very theatrical person when he talked, his manner of speaking captured his audience, and he knew exactly how to keep people entertained.
In school, it wasn't a surprise to see him hanging around the drama department. He was actually very active when school plays rolled around each season. He skipped his classes regularly, I knew, but never seemed to miss a day of theater. I supposed it was probably one of the only things that didn't "bore" him, that is, when he wasn't causing his own mischief at Rajin. He loved being the center of attention, and he was a good enough actor to get the lead roles in every one of the school plays if he felt like it. He was a completely extroverted person.
This made us opposites in every way. I couldn't stand having any kind of attention directed at me, but he thrived on it. This was another reason of the many I was sure he targeted me for; for his personal entertainment, of course. I never knew how to put my thoughts into words, I usually put them into all the wrong kinds of actions by accident instead. He on the other hand, always knew exactly what to say, and always sounded highly sophisticated and intelligent when he did it.
Yes, I was nothing like Orihara Izaya. Never have been, and never will be. Our personalities clash in every way possible, that was why it was so hard to breathe the same air as him. Yet recently, I hadn't minded it. For some reason he had, in his own sickening kind of way, grown on me. I had somehow formed a mental bond with him against my will; a bond that I hadn't felt with him, or anyone else before.
Well, anyone except Kasuka, maybe, but it was slightly different than with the flea.
Seeing him in a way no one else had, made me realize he wasn't everything I had once thought he was, and I felt stupid for not opening my eyes sooner. I was never afraid of him before, by any means, but being around him like this had changed my view of him ever so slightly.
I stared at him as the conversation had now shifted to someone else. His garnet eyes wandered over to lock our gazes. He had caught me admiring him and now I was too afraid to even blink. He smirked, cocking an eyebrow, and I felt my face warm, but I told myself it was heat radiating from the fireplace.
Lowering his half-lidded eyes to my feet, ever so slowly, then creeping back up the length of my body to my now scorching face, his gaze alone was taunting enough for me to stiffen reflexively. I knew how much he loved to torment me when I was in situations like these, but I held my breath hoping he wouldn't push it further. Of course he did, biting his lip as he checked me out once again. I felt my face flush bright red as I looked away from him, but at a sideways glance, I saw him snicker quietly to himself in the corner of my eye.
With that, I got up and excused myself from the group to go for a smoke. When I stepped out of the automatic front doors, a cool gust of wind had picked up, ruffling my hair and shooting straight through the thin material of my lightweight jacket. I stood there, shielding the end of my cigarette as I lit it. I took a deep breath in, feeling the smoke warm the inside of my lungs. Exhaling, I watched the cloud of smoke disperse into the clean air. Thankfully tonight wasn't nearly as frigid as the previous one. It was tolerable, but breezy. My cheeks were no longer feeling the heat of embarrassment, but were burning from the crisp winter air. As much as I had hated my newly acquired bad habit, it was one of the few things that helped clear my head from things like a certain bothersome insect who knew exactly how to push my buttons.
I started recollecting memories of the day and my lack of self-obedience as far as my impulsive behavior goes. I couldn't say that I necessarily regretted any of the nurturing actions I've shown towards the flea within the past 24 hours, but it sure did make me feel strange. I do care about my friends — even though Izaya and I usually weren't on good terms — but as I said earlier, the only real person I've felt so protective of is my younger brother. Perhaps being so far away from him has gone to my head, and now I was feeling the need to ensure someone else's safety.
I was so lost in thought, I hadn't realized my cigarette had burned entirely to ash. I pressed it into the ashtray I was standing by and turned to head back inside, but I stopped when I saw a familiar face heading my way.
"Good evening, Heiwajima-senpai." The short blonde girl came to a halt a couple meters away from me. Her platinum hair was blowing in the wind, her unusual violet eyes emotionless as she spoke.
"Oh. Hey, Vorona...You know you can just call me Shizuo, right?"
"Very well, Shizuo-senpai," she said in a monotone voice.
"What's up?" I said trying to start a normal conversation.
"I saw you were alone. I thought to myself, you needed company," her voice hadn't changed pitch at all.
My heart seemed to flutter in embarrassment at her bluntness. "Oh, well, thanks, I guess," I shrugged, rubbing the back of my neck. "I was just about to head inside though...You should too, aren't you cold?" I noticed she wasn't wearing a jacket over her long sleeve shirt. I began to take off my jacket to give to her, but she held up a hand.
"It is no problem. The weather is similar to my home country," she said unphased by the freezing temperature.
"I guess it is pretty cold in Russia, huh?" Despite her decline, shrugged the jacket off. She stared at it for a moment as I held it out to her, but accepted it hesitantly, wrapping it around her shoulders.
"I express gratitude for your act of chivalry, however, problematic. You are without protection from below freezing temperature. Surely your native Japanese ancestry is not accustom to such weather."
"Ah, don't worry about me. I've got pretty thick skin." I shrugged again. "'Sides, it wouldn't be cool to let you sit and freeze out here."
"Confusion. Skin is two to three millimeters thick on average. How is senpai's different from other humans?" For the first time, her eyebrows narrowed in question, and I wondered if they had sayings like that from where she was from.
I chuckled, "nah, it's just an expression. I guess I just don't get as cold as some people do."
"Abnormality in nervous system?"
"Somethin' like that." I couldn't help but smile at the innocence of her question. "Either way we should probably both head inside."
"Indoor temperature is ideal."
We walked back inside, side by side, and I would look down every couple seconds to see my jacket draped around her shoulders. I felt a sense of pride swell in my chest that the girl next to me had not only approached me on multiple occasions, but had been thoughtful when doing so. I never expected anyone to sit outside with me in the cold while I smoked, but there was a unique charm that came with the blonde girl when she kept me company. I smiled inwardly when we were inside the lobby, my friends were still occupying the same spot by the fireplace. It looked as though they were getting ready to leave.
Izaya glanced over at me but just as his usual smug look carried it's way over in my direction, a small frown formed on his lips. For a moment I was confused, wondering what had possibly set him off and what I would have to deal with when we went back to our room.
Something tapped my shoulder and I looked down to see Vorona was returning my jacket.
"Senpai will need this. Appreciation of gratitude in the future is necessary."
"Heiwajima-kun," a familiar, but not expected male voice called my name making me stop in my tracks.
Vorona and I looked over to see our teacher approaching us.
Shit...
"I hope you're aware that your curfew is still ongoing?" he said stopping before us. Vorona looked up at me from the side, confused.
Why? Why now?
"Oh, uh, yeah, I know." It felt like I was being punished yet again, for having this talk with me in front of a girl I had only recently acquainted.
"Well, then, I hope you realize it's 8:58."
I checked my watch, and sure enough I had exactly a minute and 36 seconds to be back in my room.
"I was just heading back, actually..." I murmured.
"Excellent," he gave me a fake smile, knowing that he was doing this on purpose. "Then goodnight to the both of you," he said, acknowledging the girl next to me as he left.
"I'll uh...explain later," I said awkwardly, looking at her.
"It is no problem. Explanation not necessary if not desired option," she said without any further questions.
"I'll er...be going now then...g'night," I said hesitantly as I stepped away.
She simply nodded in agreement as I turned on my heel.
I met up with the group, telling them I would be back in my room before our teacher scolded me again. Izaya surprisingly complied, trailing behind me as we bid farewell to our friends. They were remotely aware of the little incident that got us this curfew in the first place. That is, without the small detail that I had flashed the whole lobby...
"So, Shizu-chan~," the raven cooed as soon as the elevator began to go up.
"What d'ya want?" I asked flatly, not at all in the mood for whatever game he wanted to play.
He took a step closer with that signature wicked grin. I slumped back into one of the elevator's corners and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I thought it was very manly of you today, to be so protective over me~." In the side of my vision, I watched him take another step closer, sliding himself against the back of the elevator wall, now invading my personal space.
"Che. I'm sure that was the last thing you were thinking, louse." I sulked further into my corner as he approached me, slinking his way like the sly snake he was.
"Usually you act like an animal..." I flinched when the tips of his fingers brushed up the sleeve of my jacket. "Needless to say, I was very surprised to see you act so chivalrous," he teased.
I turned to glare at him, but he was leaning in closer than what I had anticipated and I felt my throat tighten at the proximity. Our faces were mere centimeters apart, due to my slouching posture, we were almost eye level. The paranoia of people on the ground floor watching through the clear glass of the elevator walls peaked, and I felt my heart begin to beat rapidly in my ears. I wanted to look down through the window; down several floors to the lobby where people were watching, looking up at us and laughing, I was sure of it. However, that mental image was enough for me to break into a cold sweat as we continued to ascend to the twelfth floor, all the while I held an unblinking gaze matched with his bright, crimson one.
"—but that's just who you are, ne, Shizu-chan?" he tiptoed his fingers up my arm to my shoulder. My heart started beating faster as he did so. "You're just one, big, unpredictable, surprise~," he purred seductively into my ear as he leaned in; the heat of his breath against the shell of my ear had me stiffening on the spot.
Just like that, the elevator had come to a halt with a 'ding', and the doors opened to show a familiar face. Erika was standing at the entrance with her mouth wide open, dropping the convenience store bag in her hand, spilling it's contents.
I quickly pushed Izaya off and pressed the 'close door' button as fast as I could, shutting the stunned girl out, we began to move once again.
"Dammit, flea!" I grabbed him by the collar of his knitted black shirt, and he simply chuckled when I shook him singlehandedly. "You're a little prick, ya know that?" I growled, but I knew it would get me nowhere to give into his antics so easily. I dropped him on the floor just as the elevator stopped again, and stepped out, leaving the flea to help himself up.
I stalked down the hall to our room, quickly swiping the key to unlock the door. I opened it exclusively for myself, expecting it to slam behind me.
Only...it didn't quite slam as I had predicted. In its place was a loud thud and yelp. I quickly turned around unthinking, as I opened the door to see the flea sprawled on his side, lying unconscious.
"Shit!" I knelt down on the ground next to him, taking his upper body in my arms. "Flea, don't play games with me," I shook his limp body, and fear dawned on me that I might have taken things too far yet again. "Wake up!" I leaned down to listen to his chest. His breathing was faint and shaky, but he was breathing nonetheless. I looked up at the large red mark across his forehead. I guess it hit the same spot as the night before.
Well this is just great, the stupid flea's blacked out.
I let out an irritated sigh, looking around for some kind of answer to my new problem.
He's definitely going to need some medical attention now...
I thought about taking him to the resort's infirmary, but then remembered the previous conversation when our teacher had stopped me down in the lobby. If we got caught outside of our room again we would probably be in a lot of trouble, not to mention if flea is lights out like this.
I reached a hand into my pants pocket and grabbed my bulky, orange phone. Without looking, I pressed the send button to the most dialed number on the device.
"Hello?" As expected, a cheerful voice chirped in my ear.
"Shinra, I need you to come to our floor right now."
"What fo—"
"It's...Izaya," I cut him off.
There was a pause on the other line, and I heard the brunette let go a suppressed sigh. "I'm on my way up."
Not even five minutes had passed before Shinra was running down the hall.
"What the hell did you do?!" he scolded, kneeling down alongside with me.
"He ran into the door..."
"Let me guess, and by that you mean slammed it in his face?" he said knowingly, as if it were written on my face. "Bring him into my room, I have my medical supplies with me."
I picked the weightless flea up into my arms and carried him through the door Shinra was holding for us.
"Set him down on my bed, it's the one on the left," he directed, as he entered the bathroom.
I set the body down gently and rested his head on the pillow, fluffing it some, so it was comfortable under his neck.
"Dammit, flea," I cursed under my breath.
Shinra entered the room again with a large black bag in his arms. He set it down at the foot of the bed and began to rummage through it.
"First things first, we need to get that swelling down." He picked up a hand size blue bag and bent it in half with a popping sound. "Put this ice pack on the bump," he said handing it to me without looking up. I took it obediently and placed the slowly cooling bag on his forehead.
"Move," Shinra pushed me aside and held his stethoscope on the raven's chest. I was taken back at first by his curtness, but then realized that I wouldn't be much of any help anymore, so I walked towards the couch on the other side of the luxurious room. I watched Shinra perform a basic check-up routine as he looked into Izaya's eyes, checked his reflexes, and took his pulse and blood pressure. Once he was finished, he came over and assured me the flea was going to be okay.
"He'll be fine, he doesn't have a concussion...although, that bump looks bigger than someone who just 'ran into a door'. If I recall, I noted he had a little swelling there earlier today." He eyed me expectantly.
"Okay, so I accidentally head-butted him last night...but it was a total accident, I swear!" I confessed, helpless at this point.
"Calm down, Shizuo," he chuckled. "It was an accident, it happens...I don't know how exactly it was an accident, but I'm not going to ask. The only reason he passed out was probably because of the already made trauma. It was just sensitive. He'll wake up in a little while with a headache, but I have some pain killers."
"That's good, I guess..." I let out a sigh of relief I didn't realize I had been holding.
"Is there...something else the matter?" his voice lowered, more serious now, as if Izaya could hear us.
"N-No, I just...didn't know what else to do. Sorry I called," I said irritably, trying to cover up my guilt.
"No, you did the right thing, but now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back out." He was putting his sweater back out when he turned to me. "He'll need someone here when he wakes up. Call again if you need anything," he called as he headed out of the room. "His medicine is on the nightstand, make sure he only takes one, they're pretty powerful." With the soft click of the door shutting behind him, I was left with the unsettling thought of being in a foreign room with nothing but an unconscious flea.
I exhaled long and hard as I stood up from the couch. I walked over to the small circular table sitting in the kitchenette, picking up one of the chairs, and taking it with me to the bedside. I sat down and looked at the man lying motionlessly, give for the slow rise and fall of his chest. "Stupid louse..." I leaned my head back against the chair and closed my eyes.
Guess there's nothing more to do then wait and sleep.
It didn't take me long to give into the tiredness that had numbed me from another restless night before.
When I came to, I was back in the cozy, candle lit room I had grown so familiar with over the past week or so. This time I wasn't completely immobilized, and my senses were working as they normally would. I sat up in the king size bed I always woke up in and looked around for the fellow the individual who always seemed to accompany me on nights like this. However, for the first time, there was no one to be found.
I swung my legs over the side of the mattress and let my feet touch the cool, wooden floor I had never once set foot on. Pushing myself up, I walked across the room and out the door to a dark blue hallway, lit only by the moon that shone through the pane of windows. It was very different than the room I had just left. Where shadows of small flames had once danced on walls, here were cool tones of blue and small trails of tears sliding down the glass to the outside, where there was a consistent rain cascading from the nocturnal heavens.
Ignoring the weather, I walked down the hall that led to an empty kitchen. It was modern and simple looking, but it had to be one of the largest home kitchens I had ever seen. The appliances were a sleek titanium, granite counters, similar to the ones of the resort, and everything was kept spotless. The aroma coming from the instant coffee maker brewing a fresh cup of coffee filled the room.
So he is here, I thought to myself.
I approached the scalding liquid dripping into a ceramic mug. Next to it, was a letter addressed to me:
Shizu-chan,
There is milk in the fridge. Take as much as you want~
-Izaya
Confused, I scratched the back of my neck, setting the letter back down. It was unmistakably his handwriting...But wasn't adding the heart a little...much?
The aroma coming from the mug captured my attention once again, making my mouth water. I supposed since it was for me, it would be rude to let it to go to waste.
I went over to the fridge, opening the door and to my surprise, every shelf were rows and rows of milk.
"Is this some kind of joke…?"
A whimsical laugh sounded from behind me, and I turned abruptly. Izaya was standing in the doorway with his own steaming mug covering a smirk.
"Don't be shy, now. It's all for you."
I relaxed awkwardly. "Thanks...I 'spose."
Taking a carton from the fridge, I walked back over to my coffee cup and popped it open. I watched the contents turn slowly from a deep umber to a creamy beige as I carefully poured in the milk. It smelled absolutely delicious. Probably expensive too, by the unique fragrance. I blew at the steam a couple times before taking a cautious sip.
"Holy shit, this is good!"
Another chuckle from around the corner, as the raven sauntered over to me.
"'Dulsao do Brasil'. I'm glad you like it."
"Mmm…"
The coffee was relaxing, at least, but confusion remained as to how my dreams had evolved from some sadistic shit to sharing a cup of joe with the flea? It just didn't make sense.
"Come," I felt a warm hand close around my own, "let's sit". And so, he escorted me into the next room; the living area, which dipped down into a conversation pit. Alongside one of the walls was a fireplace crackling, warming up the air. Another, was a wall of windows, where I was once again reminded of the dreary weather outside. He let go of my hand, and suddenly the lights dimmed. I turned around to see him lower the lighting, leaving the mood lights and fireplace to do most of the work. He smiled up at me, and it looked oddly genuine.
"It's more relaxing this way, ne?"
"Uh...sure."
He escorted me once again, down the couple of stairs to the conversation pit that was boxed in by lush couches; a coffee table installed in the center. We each took a seat, and he sat next to me, crossing his legs.
"Tell me, what's gotten into you, Shizu-chan?"
I was a little taken aback by the question? What's gotten into me?
"What's gotten into you seems like the better question."
"Ah, but this isn't about me, now is it? You're the one dreaming, silly brute." He took a sip of coffee.
I sat there for a moment in thought. The snapping sound of the fireplace and the rain pelting against the glass behind me were the only noises filling the room.
"I...don't know what you mean…"
He offered another open mouthed laugh. "Shizu-chan, you're the one who started feeling something, didn't you? You went and meddled with something that wasn't meant to be meddled with…"
"Huh?" I had absolutely no idea where he was going on about.
"His heart, Shizuo."
My own heart skipped a beat.
"Eh?!"
"You started caring, that was your first mistake. Now look at you...you're a mess." The raven gazed down at the black liquid in his cup, then back up at me. His eyes were a deep crimson, dazzling in the light from the fire. "What good is it to hold back your feelings now? You're already in too deep."
"W-What are you—"
"Well, you started looking after him, protecting him, showing concern and compassion for him, showing affection," The dark haired man was smirking back up at me. "Need I continue?"
Izaya set his coffee cup down and slid closer to me until our thighs were touching. He leaned into me, our eyes interlocking, as I leaned back. He was nearly on top of me, and my heart rate spiked. I swallowed dryly, and he snickered by my ear.
"See, even having an apparition from your imagination this close to you has you feeling this way, ne?"
He sat back in his seat, but remained closer than before. I could feel my cheeks and ears burning as I looked away.
"F-Fine, okay. Point proven," I huffed, crossing my arms. "Did you just summon me here to tease me, or what?"
"Summon you? This is your dream, remember? You summoned me, or had you forgotten?"
Oh…
"Anyway...what's with all the dreams before this? All the weird sadistic shit?!"
"..."
Wait.
"You...don't mean to tell me…?"
"Congratulations, you've mastered the art of lucid dreaming..." He said under his breath, and sipped his coffee once more.
"Meaning?" I prompted, because I definitely heard him.
"Well," he sighed, "seeing as before, you never had very much control of your dreams and they were more like fantasies...And here you are now, calmly conversing...I'd say that's quite the evolution, don't you think?" He smirked back at me, teasingly. "Just remember, you're the creative genius here-"
"Nevermind," I interrupted. "I don't need any more explanations..."
Ugh, damn it all, for Izaya calling them 'wet dreams' in the first place…
"Ah, well, I can't blame you, he is charming, isn't he?" he said with a chuckle.
"Wait if I made you up, why are you saying that?"
He simply shrugged, still smirking.
"Ugh, would you stop that! I don't want to actually hear the things my subconscious has to say…" I said, agitatedly.
"Why not? Isn't now the best time? With the way things are between you two right - or rather - he and us, it doesn't look like you'll be telling him any time soon, ne?" He clapped his hands together. "It's time to be honest with yourself, Shizu-chan. Your denial is the thing prolonging this whole ordeal, right? It's obvious that he feels the same way~."
"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled.
"Oh, please, don't play dumb with your subconscious. You and I both know he more than likes you, ne? He's totally fallen for you."
The heat rose to my face once again. "Y-Ya know, it's hard to take you seriously when you look just like him. It's like I'm actually talking to the flea…"
"Ah, would you prefer I change into you?"
In that instance, he does just that, and it's like I'm looking in a mirror. No, seriously, he had the humiliating blush and everything working for him.
"How's this?"
I was expecting to hear Izaya's nasally voice again, but the drastic change to hearing my own, gave me goosebumps. I closed my eyes and waved my hands frantically. "No! That's even weirder, change back!"
Slowly, I opened one eye at a time, and thankfully, it was Izaya sitting in front of me. Or rather, the spitting image, as a figment of my imagination. And he wore a smug expression.
"Better?"
I relaxed my shoulders a bit, slumping back into my chair. "Yeah...I guess. This whole thing is weirding me out."
"Truly a protozoan mentality…"
I felt my eye twitch at how exactly alike the two are. From appearance, to speech patterns, to insults, this guy had it all down to a tee.
"Anyway, since you've got it so bad for him, and the feeling from him is mutual, why don't you get this show on the road, ne? Even if you do disagree most of the time, deep down, you both feel like you can actually connect with someone when you're together."
It was a little eye-opening, what he was saying (I refused to acknowledge that we are the same person). But I did feel a little relieved that part of me had already accepted my...possible feelings.
"You should wake up now, I'm sure he'll be waking up soon too, if he isn't already," he said, creeping closer to me again.
"And how do I do that, exactly? I haven't exactly left a dream about you, without...y'know..."
A smirk grew on his face. "Ah well, even if this is your subconscious talking to you, this is still a dream about confessing to Izaya~"
"H-Huh?! Confess—"
"Ah-ah-ah~," He said placing his fingertip to my lips. His cheshire grin widened as he leaned in, pushing me down onto the couch. My heart was beating out of my chest as I looked up at him with an expression that could swallow me whole, if he wanted to. Before I could give any last words, he closed in, tilting my chin toward him.
Some part of me consciously knew to close my eyes, so I let my natural instincts take over. When our lips finally pressed together, he didn't hesitate to deepen it. His hands on my shoulders squeezed tighter, as he crawled on top of me. I slipped my tongue between his lips, testing the waters, and he graciously accepted. I can't remember how long it lasted, as my heart started to beat faster and faster, when everything started turning fuzzy and distant in my mind. I began to lose my sense of the dream world, and slowly came back into reality.