I am so sorry for taking so long! It has been three(?) months since I uploaded and I swear, I'm ashamed. Things got complicated back home and with school, kinda with everything. And of course I had a writers-block, still have, so suggestions, ideas, AU ideas, anything, is very welcome. I love to do AU's if you'd like. Also, I got addicted to Arrow. Love to write about Olicity or someone else. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and I promise to update more frequently! Merry Christmas!

TOBIAS

How was he? God, I didn't even know how to respond to that question. Well, he obviously wasn't okay. I expected them to be more upset, to yell at me or something, but they didn't. Somehow I could have known this, since they were Dauntless. Perhaps I wanted them to be angry. To feel the pain I caused them. I knew how much pain they've been through, because of Uriah and Zeke's father. I didn't want them to feel more pain. Yes, they were Dauntless, but that didn't mean they deserved this. Hana and Zeke were such strong people, I always envied them.

'He's in the hospital right now,' I said. 'He needs to learn to walk again due to his coma.'

It sounded ridiculous. Of course it sounded ridiculous because I couldn't sugar-coat it. I couldn't make it better. I couldn't turn back time and do it all over again. How much I wanted to take Uriah's place.

Hana gasped for air and Zeke looked devastated.

'Uriah needs you.'

The words and their faces kept echoing in my head. They were too Dauntless for this subject, especially for Uriah. I expected more emotions, more screaming, more 'Tobias we never want to see you again', but I guess I was wrong about them. But somehow I was right, too. Yes, they were Dauntless and yes Uriah was family, but somehow they showed emotion. Somehow they showed me they cared for him. By being strong. By staying strong.

'We don't blame you,' Hana her voice keeps echoing in my mind. Still, I blame myself the most. This should not have happened. If I just knew Uriah was there at that time or if I knew it was a bomb, I wouldn't have done it. But that's afterwards. I can't change the past, even though I would love to do it, it's impossible. And somehow I don't want to change the past, because if I did, I would have changed myself, too. I'm proud of who I am, well, sometimes. I'm Dauntless, I'm strong, but that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. It means I'm human. And sadly, humans make mistakes. Someone once told me when all is done, there's nothing more to say. He was right.

Hana and Zeke went to the Compound to take care of Uriah and to support him. Tris and I stayed. We still needed to take care of Marcus and Evelyn. I just didn't know how. The city was a mess and no one took the courage to do something about it. It drove me mad. My parents, the only two parents I despised and still needed at the same time, were fighting over something stupid: power.

Of course I could expect this. Evelyn wanted to take Marcus down and Marcus Evelyn. Marcus was a self-centred, narcissistic, unhuman being. I always thought Evelyn would be my mother again, but the second I saw her on that train I knew I was wrong. My mother died that night, too. I don't know what happened to her or what kind of things she had to overcome, but I can guess it was all because of Marcus. Marcus ruined us. But still, I couldn't pick Evelyn her side, nor Marcus'. I didn't believe in them, I believed in the city. Well, I wanted to believe in the city. In many ways.

The person who broke you, can't always be the person to fix you. Most of the time you have to fix yourself or find a way to deal with it or just find peace in someone else. I realize that Evelyn or Marcus or whoever I can lay my finger on, can't be the one to fix me. I mean, I'm already broken. But broken doesn't mean I'm not capable of something. Broken certainly doesn't mean that I'm gone or something. It just means that I have to put my pieces back together and fight for the things I want to fight for. It doesn't have to be perfect to be exactly what I need. It just has to be there. I mean, it's my home. I want to fight for my home and what's left of it.

'Tobias?' Someone called. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked around, finding Tris looking at me with worried eyes. Her face softened when I looked at her and did my very best to smile. I wasn't really a person that smiled a lot. Well, I actually didn't smile or laugh or pushed the sides of my mouth a little bit higher. I did it sometimes. When it was necessary and when I was with Tris, because Tris made me smile and made me want to. Tris always lightened my days even when I didn't even felt like it.

'You okay? I called your name for like three times,' She said. 'You look like you could use some sleep.'

She was right. I hadn't slept in days, which wasn't weird because everything kept me up at night. But still, I craved for a full night of sleep with Tris next to me.

'I could, actually,' I said. 'Haven't slept in days.' I didn't even know what time it was. Mostly I found my bed around 4 in the morning, if I even got to it. But I knew that Tris was right and besides, I craved sleep. I craved much more right now. Peace, love, family. I always compared those things with Tris, because Tris was that for me. The words 'I'm your family know' still crossed my mind. I knew I had said them because Tris didn't have a family anymore and because she felt like home, but I also said them because I needed a home. I needed a family. I just needed someone to return to and someone to love and be loved. It sounded so easy, but was so hard to actually fulfil. But right now, even though everything was a mess and everything would be a mess for a while, right now it felt easy. It felt easy to be myself when I was with Tris, to be Tobias instead of Four, to let everything go and just enjoy the moment. Everyone knew that Four was this cold instructor, but people actually didn't know that Tobias could be a warm person. Tris knew, thankfully.

'Come on,' Tris said. 'I could use some sleep, too.'

It didn't take long before I felt Tris cuddled up against me and before I could feel myself drifting of. Sleep never felt so good.

'TOBIAS!' Someone shouted. I couldn't make up whose voice it was. Everything seemed blurry, vague. I tried to open my eyes, but they didn't listen to me. They felt so heavy, so unreal, so not mine. The universe seemed nothing compared to this. Fire was everywhere, licking my ankles and tickling my waist.

'Get away from there!' The person shouted. Until then it didn't even occur to me that these flames licking at me ankles were dangerous. I kind of liked the feeling. I didn't bother to escape until I saw what person belonged to the screams. Tris. Always Tris.

'Get away from there, Tris!' I screamed. My voice didn't even sound like my voice. It felt like Tris didn't even hear me. She kept screaming at me and the more she screamed, the higher the flames became. They surrounded me and her. The more I tried to fight mine, the more the licked at me ankles. I felt like losing my own fear landscape, but this was reality. If it was reality. It felt so real.

'TRIS!' I screamed. I felt tears burning in my eyes and I wasn't a crier. I mean, I never cried. It's like after all those years of pushing every emotion aside, someone finally tuned on my switch.

Before I knew it I saw Tris jumping off of the building. I suppose it was a building because the wind was blowing so hard I couldn't even hear my own thoughts and I felt a fear running through my body. Heights.

'NO!' I screamed.