A/N: Don't worry, this chapter isn't as ruthless as the last one. Sorry for that (not really). Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter, it's angsty but not hurtful. Just a lot of spiteful humor.

Hope you guys are having a lovely holiday! :)

My knees give way and for the nth time tonight, I can feel my walls crashing down on me, suffocating me. I'm on my knees, my palms shivering on the floor, as the tormenting mix of numbness and agony starts to take over me, as if I can feel the shards of the pieces that were once my heart slice me open in a million different ways. My fingers start to curl, my nails clawing at the wood. I'm shaking and rapid breaths consume me as tears continue to cascade my pale face.

I don't even move when I hear the door swing open.

"Remus!"

Lily rushes to my side and pulls me up to my feet. She grabs me by the shoulders, but my head continues to hang and her hands fail to stop my quavering. Pushing me against one of my bed post, she presses one hand on my heaving chest to steady me, her other hand titling my head up to face her.

"Oh, Rem," she cries, wiping my tears and tiptoeing to kiss my forehead. "What happened? I saw him storming out. James followed him, but Sirius just kept yelling at him to stay away…"

My sobs cease as I try to compose myself for her. "I… I told him. Everything."

Her eyes widened. "Oh, honey," she sighs, then drags me to sit on my bed. She settles next to me, an arm around my shoulder, then reaches for her pocket, retrieving a vial of cloudy liquid. "Here, take some of this first…"

I take the Veritaserum antidote from her hands and down it in one gulp. Heaven knows that I have had enough of honesty for tonight. Or for a lifetime.

She takes the empty vial from me and sets it aside on my nightstand. Then she pulls me closer, holds my hand and lays her head on my shoulder. I rest my head on hers and murmur, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replies.

We sit like that for a while, but as the minutes continue to tick away, she pipes up. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. "I don't know where to start."

She lifts her head to face me and asks, "But do you want to talk about it?"

I consider this for a moment, although the answer should already be obvious to me. Do I want to recount all the misery? Do I want to the dissect everything I said and heard? Do I want to risk breaking down again?

"No," I finally say firmly. "I'd rather not… Not now anyway."

She nods. "Okay… But you know I'm here when you're ready to talk, right?"

I give her a barely-there smile. "Of course."

"Or if you just need someone to hex Black's prick off," she adds as an afterthought.

Despite myself, I chuckle at that, gripping her hand tighter. "I'll let you know when I need to take up that offer."

She laughs, rolling her eyes. Her face grows serious eventually though, and she smiles sadly, "Really though, I'm always here for you."

"I know, Lils."

"Peter and Frank fell asleep downstairs and James is...well, probably still trying to get Sirius to talk. Want me to stay up here or do you want to be alone?" she asks, rubbing my back.

"I don't want to be a bother –"

She breaks me off, "Do you want me here or not?"

"Look, I just… Oh sod it, yes I do."

She grins at me, before flopping down my bed and patting the space next to her. I crawl up next to her.

Simultaneously, we turn to lie on our sides, propped up by the elbow. We smirk at our synchronised movement. It is strange how there's this void in my chest and Lily still has the ability to make me smile. I amcarrying a million pieces of my heart, pointed shards practically rattling against my ribcage, but here she is, numbing that. It is nice to have a friend like her, someone who doesn't force me to sugarcoat things. Someone who's capable of warming me up – even if just for a little bit – without making me forget the problem at hand. Someone whose advice isn't clouded with attachments or prior judgment.

I can see why James is obsessed with her. Yes, she is beautiful, but it is more than that.

Lily Evans has this unique, witty light in her. The kind that can mitigate any pain and provide you with the power to stand back up even from the hardest blows. It is this kind of brightening kindness that knew how to tend to anything within her reach. Her smile fades a little before she speaks again.

"You'll be okay, Rem. You know that, right?"

I sigh. "I don't know about that, Lils. I mean… I really thought I lost him months ago, but turns out that was just a start. Now he's completely out of my reach. I've lost him forever."

"I think that you two will make it through this rubbish."

I scoff. "I doubt it. You weren't there, Lils. You didn't see how repulsed and angry he was."

She shrugs, her sympathetic eyes glued on me. "Maybe he's just dealing with a lot right now and another surprise on his plate is a bit too much for him to handle. Maybe he just needs time to get used to it."

I shake my head. "No, you don't understand. If only you could have seen his cold eyes… full of repulsion."

"Well," she starts, "I don't know how to argue seeing as I wasn't there, but I doubt that he meant whatever he said that's making you think that it's impossible for things to be okay." She then drops her head to my pillow and winces.

I raise my eyebrows at her. "What?"

"There's something underneath…" she trails off, shoving her hand underneath my pillow and taking out a rectangular package, wrapped in blue paper. "What's this?"

Squinting in confusion, I shrug. "I- I don't know…"

She turns it over, and there is a messy, familiar scrawl across the package. Your real birthday present, Moony. Happy Birthday. - Sirius

Groaning, I lay my head on my pillow, facing the ceiling of my four-poster bed. "You can have it," I mutter.

"You don't even know what it is," Lily protests, placing the package on my chest.

Rolling my eyes, I pick it up, tearing off the wrapping.

Before I can help it, I gasp.

"…Blimey."

"Jesus Christ," Lily mutters, sitting up and grabbing my present. "Is this the first edition of Catcher In The Rye?!"

I bolt up too, to snatch the beautiful, hardbound book from her. "Yeah… He soaked my copy back in fourth year when he tackled me by the lake," I say, trying not to flinch, as the statement brings backfragments of the fight that happened mere minutes ago.

She reaches to touch the smooth, hardbound cover. "It's really thoughtful of him to do this."

I smile sadly. "Yeah, I guess… Here," I say, placing the book on her lap.

Looking at me questioningly, she picks it up. "What?"

"You can have it," I say nonchalantly as I lie back down, returning my gaze above. Staring but not really seeing anything.

She stares down at me, a disbelieving look on her face. "You're kidding, right?"

I shake my head. "Just take it. I don't want it."

"What?! But it's beautiful!" she whines, clutching the book to her chest.

"Which is why you should have it," I counter.

"Rem…" she starts, but I cut her off.

"Look, I really just don't want anything around that reminds me of him, okay?"

"That's kind of stupid," she mutters.

I look at her, raising an eyebrow. "How is not wanting to think about him stupid? That prat –"

"No," she interrupts. "I meant, how do you expect to not be reminded of him when first of all, your Magnificent Black Box things are all over your bed" - I'm going to kill James - " and second, in case you haven't noticed, you live with the bloke."

I close my eyes and mumble, "Minor detail. Just keep it, okay?"

Lily gives an indignant huff, but then mutters, "Fine, but you're getting this back when all of this blows over."

"Huh, right," I yawn.

"You sleepy? You've had a rough night…" I feel her brush my hair off my face.

I snort, still keeping my eyes shut, trying to drift to sleep. "Tell me about it…"

Then I hear nothing but a rustle of sheets and soon enough, I feel a blanket pull over me. I open my eyes to see that Lily has taken the liberty to tuck herself in with me, curling up against me with her head on my chest.

Chuckling, I rest my chin on the top of her head. "Hey there, Lils."

"Hi," she mumbles back.

I feel her warmth as I hold her there, feeling a bit terrified that she is the only person left that I can be myself around. Sirius is definitely not an option anymore. Peter is too worried and scared already, and that's without even knowing anything. And James is too much of Sirius' brother. Yes, he is fair and to-the-point with dealing with us, but at the end of the day, he can always understand Sirius better and ismore attached to him. So having Lily is good for me, but it's also terrifying to get too used to being this close to someone.

Regardless of my concerns, I still find myself saying, "Stay for a while?"

I can't see her face, but I hear the smile in her voice. "Of course. But I think James will kill you when he sees us in this position."

I laugh. "Oh, I don't think that'll be a problem."

"And why's that?" she asks, in mock curiosity.

"Well apparently, I'm gay," I deadpan.

She lets out a fake gasp. "Well damn, and here I was, thinking I was going to score tonight."

I smile. "Not my type, Lils."

"My loss," she declares dramatically. "If only Black knew how lucky he was."

My grin fades and I raise my wrist to my face to look at my watch. "Lily, I have six minutes left of my birthday."

"So?"

"So can my last six minutes please not include any mention of that arse?"

"Sorry," she mutters. "...You deserve better, you know that, right?"

I groan. "That counts as mentioning it."

She sighs. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I say, and kiss her on top of her head. "Thanks for staying."

"Anytime, Rem," he says, nestling closer. "Happy Birthday, hot stuff."

"Still gay, Lils."

She laughs. "Damn."

"You two seriously need to talk this out, Moony," James says from where he's sitting cross-legged on his bed as soon as soon as Sirius leaves the room.

Not looking up from my Charms essay, I just scratch my chin with the end of my quill and give a noncommittal, "mhmm".

"I mean, it's been over a week," he continues, as he takes off his Quidditch gloves. He has just arrived from practice and it is one of those rare afternoons that he hasn't lingered by the grounds to show off his windblown hair to Lily. "I thought that you two ignoring each other was bad, but now that you bicker over everything… Merlin's beard…"

I roll my eyes and peer at him. "We don't bicker over everything."

"Really? Then I'm guessing you don't remember how both of you were late to classes two days ago because you were fighting over who got to use the bathroom first," he counters. "Which, honestly, wouldn't be as aggravating as it was, if our bathroom didn't have five stalls, or if you didn't have access to the prefect's bathroom."

"Just leave it, James," I mutter. "There's really nothing to talk about."

"Months ago you two were so touchy-feely and nice and all that. Now, you can't even stay in the same room together without biting each other's head off," he quill down. He obviously isn't going to let me work today. "Someone's exaggerating again."

He scoffs at me and stands up, pointing to the door. "Exaggerating? Moony, Sirius just left because you guys were arguing about where you prefer to do your homework."

I shrug. "I'd rather be alone and it's not like he's actually going to write his essay, anyway."

James groans, sitting back down on his bed. "Then why are you fine with doing homework with me in the same room?"

"Because you aren't a total prick, that's why," I answer immediately.

"You guys should just fix this, Remus. I'm sure that the both of you didn't really take much offence and just started to make a bigger mess out of things because of your anger."

"Didn't take much offence?" I snort. "James, I told him he belonged to the family he ran away from and pressured him because he wants to do something I also did to him."

James opens his mouth, but I raise a hand to signal for him to wait before I continue.

"And he called me a monster after acting like a total git about my confession. So this is beyond repair, okay?"

James shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe this is happening. So you're just going to give up on each other?"

"Already have. Followed his lead," I practically spit out.

"You do know nothing is irrecoverable? You two can actually fix this, if you wanted to try."

I nod my head in fake enthusiasm. "Oh, of course, that belief has really proved itself the past few months."

He sighs. "So this is it? Really? Six years of friendship down the drain just like that?"

I feel my heart drop to my stomach when he puts it like that, but I can't show sorrow. I can't show weakness. I can't make it obvious that my anger doesn't eradicate the fact that I still want Sirius. And not even because I'm in love with him, but because he's my best friend. Every stupid fight we have and every dagger stare we shoot at each other stabs at my heart like a relentless sting. I want him back so much it hurts. But I can't let James know that or he'll have more ammunition to add to his argument that Sirius and I should just confront this. So instead of tearing up like I want to, I just turn to him with a blank face and a tiny nod.

"Yeah. Just like that."

"I know this new lesson is trickier than our technical ones. So for this essay, since it's pretty lengthy at three feet and there are limited references about it in the library, I think it would only be fair to pair you off for it," Professor Quirrell announces, eliciting a chorus of relieved cheers from the students.

Alice, who is seated next to me, raises her hand. As soon as Quirrell nods at her, she asks, "Can we pick our partners, Sir?"

Quirrell shakes his head. "Oh, I think it would be easier for me to track your progress in this class if you stick to your partners from your first paper during the start of the first term. But you chose your partners then, so I don't think that will cause much of a problem, right?"

No. Not right at all.

My heart picks up speed and I cast a wary glance a few rows behind me. Sirius, too, has his jaw dropped and is staring at Professor Quirrell with irritation. Then his gaze transfers to me and he frowns. I roll my eyes and return my attention to the front of the class.

"Sir?" I pipe up.

He raises his eyebrows at me, "Yes, Mr. Lupin?"

"Since the essay is more opinionated, I'm sure there won't be any conflict if I choose to work alone, right?"

"It's a comparative study on the different religions of the muggle world and the topic requires more than one opinion, so that you can cover more perspectives, Mr. Lupin," he answers. "Besides, there is an even number of students in the class so I don't think it would be fair for others to work solo."

I sigh. "Yeah, okay, alright," I mutter, sinking into my chair.

I tap my quill impatiently on the library table a week later. Glancing at my watch, I get even more I hear footsteps behind me and I swivel around. There he is, with his hair in its usual attractive mess, his robes hanging on his shoulder over his messenger bag strap, and his tie and top buttons undone.

"Where have you been?" I ask in irritation, as he sits across me.

"None of your business," he mumbles, as he retrieves his books from his bag and places them on the table.

"None of my business? You're an hour late and you know I don't have the Marauder's Map on me right now."

He shrugs, flipping a book open and skimming through the pages. "I was busy. Got caught up in something."

I spot a hickey on his collarbone and my stomach gives a lurch. "Caught up in what? Kerrigan's pants?"

His hand flies to the red blotch and he hurriedly does his top buttons, glaring at me. "Whatever, can we just start with this essay already?"

"I have started. I've done half of it already," I retort. "Meanwhile, you're off shagging and getting your face and every other part of your body sucked on by The Maggo- by her."

He glares at me. "We aren't shagging."

I try to hide the relief in my face.

Then he adds, "And she has a name, you know."

"Why should I bother learning it? It's not like girls are permanent with you," I counter, returning my attention to my messy draft.

Slamming his book shut, he says in a voice that he's straining to keep composed, "What is wrong with you? She's not just some girl I'm messing with. I really like her and we've been together for over four months, if you haven't noticed."

I clench my fist in the process of trying to ignore the fact that he has a point. She really isn't one of the slags that Sirius likes to tease and leave. She's smart, kind, and funny – to my utter dismay. Usually, with girls, he just flirts around and brags about. If you look past all the exasperation I cause, there's a new light in his eyes and the way he looks at her is painful because for the first time since his first girlfriend in fourth year, he really cares about her. Completely enamored and happy with her. To the point that I catch myself wishing that he would return to his player-extraordinaire ways.

Not looking up from my work, I mumble back, "Can't argue with that. That's definitely a record for you."

"I'm trying to be civil here," he says through gritted teeth. "Just let it go, will you?"

I shrug, "Sorry for being concerned, it's just that I don't exactly appreciate being left to work alone."

He sighs. "I apologize for being late, okay? It won't happen again. I want this paper done as much as you do, I swear," he says, starting to jot down his own notes. "Just a bit busy lately."

I scoff, "Yeah, I'm sure you're so busy, especially with your precious Maggie draped around you all day. Hope you didn't catch anything that'll stick around."

With his grip tightening on his quill, he looks at me, frustration sparking in his eyes.

"But then again," I continue. "You wouldn't know anything about sticking around."

His jaw drops, an afflicted expression flickering on his face. "Fuck you."

Standing up, he sweeps all of his things into his bag in a single motion, not caring about the quills and pieces of parchments that get dropped to the floor. With a parting look of hatred, he storms out of the library.

Sitting next to Peter in the Great Hall, my eye catches Sirius and The Maggot in fits of laughter at the Ravenclaw table. Now, he has her arm around her, leaning in, and she makes a feigned disgusted face, before giggling at his grumpy expression and kissing his nose. He gives her a warm smile, making me melt inside. Both because of how irresistibly gorgeous it looks and because of how it isn't for me.

He looks up and catches me looking. His elated face immediately turns into a frown – that is, until The Maggot pulls him back into another snogging session.

I groan, turning back to the Potions book I have set in front of me. "He hates me."

Peter, not looking up from his Ancient Runes homework, just replies with, "I can neither confirm nor deny that, seeing as I have absolutely no knowledge about this whole stupid fight you're having and have already given up on finding out due to your stubbornness."

Sighing, I flip through the pages of my book, without actually knowing what I'm looking for. "Trust me, you don't want to know. It's all so… stupid. He's being…all stupid."

Peter rolls his eyes. "Wow, haven't heard that much of an impressive argument since we were eleven," he mutters sarcastically.

"Whatever, Wormtail," I mumble, propping my head up with my hand to keep myself from banging my head on the table in frustration.

"You guys really need to talk," he whines.

"We do talk, Wormy," I insist, staring at the pages of my book without taking anything in.

"Oh, yeah? When?" he challenges, raising his eyebrows.

"This morning."

"Oh, you mean when you asked where your orange scarf was and Sirius threw it at you, and you guys bickered for the next ten minutes about whether he borrowed it or not, only stopping when James stormed out and Frank hexed your mouths shut?"

"Shut up," I grumble. "It's all too complicated to just talk about it."

He gives a noncommittal grunt, returning to his Ancient Runes translations.

"Really, it is. If it wasn't, I'd be talking to him right now," I persist, trying to break through his doubtful expression. Although, to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince Peter or myself.

"Mhmm."

"Come on, please say something," I say, poking his shoulder. "I can't just walk up and confront him, you know? He's being a complete arse." And so am I.

Peter calmly looks at me. "You know what I have to say about that?"

"Please, anything," I beg.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that, seeing as I have absolutely..."

"Ughhhh, shut up." I let my head drop, my forehead lying on my textbook, as I try to drown out Peter and the distant sound of Sirius and The Maggot's laughter ringing throughout the Great Hall.

"So…" James starts as he folds up his coat and stows it into his drawer

"So," I echo him, as I walk into the room. I plop down on his bed and he sits next to me, one foot tucked underneath him.

"Full moon's coming up."

"Really, I didn't notice," I mutter, picking at the loose thread of my denim jacket.

He rolls his eyes. "Hey, no need to get all sarcastic on me."

I sigh. "Sorry… Just with the full moon and… everything else…"

He gives me a grim smile. "That's what I was going to say… Sirius is… Well, he's…"

I cut him off, knowing where this is going. "He's not coming with us, I get it."

"No, actually… he wants to. He wants to help out."

"…Really?" He still wants to come? Why would he even voluntarily be around me? He can't even stand me when I'm just in the same room, not talking. How much more when I'm going to be a vicious animal who doesn't have his own mind that's trying to rip his throat out?

He nods slowly. "It's not like he doesn't care about you anymore. Of course he's still going to be there."

"I just didn't expect him to… you know…"

"Seriously?" he mutters sadly. "When are you gonna get it in your head that he will never miss a full moon unless you forbid him from coming?"

Taking a deep breath, I rub my eyes. "You sure about that?"

"Definitely sure."

I stand up and say bitterly, "Well in that case, tell him to stay the fuck away."

Preview: "You're gay?!"
"Yeah."
"What?!...I mean not that it's - what?"
"I'm gay."
"You never said..."
"You never asked."