A/N: This was hard to write and it's the longest chapter so far, so I hope you like it!
Trigger warning: Anxiety. Just thought I'd give you a heads up :)

Remus POV

The moment we arrive back at Hogwarts, we head up to Gryffindor Tower, with Lily still unconscious in James' arms. By the time we left the castle earlier, the staff, Head Boy, Head Girl, and the prefects were already being informed of the rumors of the attack. Stepping into the Common Room, it becomes evident that they had succeeded in relaying the news because at nine thirty on a Saturday, the room is usually loud and packed, not empty. When we arrive at our dorm, I immediately collapse onto my bed, facing the ceiling.

"Did that really just happen?" I mutter, rubbing my temples.

"Apparently," I hear Frank reply from across the room.

I prop myself up on my elbows and look around.

James is tucking Lily into his bed. Sirius is sitting on the edge of his, looking down at the floor. Peter is curled up in his sheets, facing away from me, but somehow, I know he isn't asleep. Frank is pulling off his bloodstained coat and shirt, tugging on a fresh hoodie, before heading to the door.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asks him, looking up.

Frank, whose hand was already on the door knob, turns around. "Alice. Anthony kind of caught us sneaking out and Lily sorta sent a body-bind curse at him. No doubt he's told Alice by now. I've got to find her. She wanders around the castle when she gets all anxious."

"Oh," Sirius says, looking guilty. "Good luck with that."

Frank smiles weakly. "It's okay, worst scenario is I won't get a 'Thank God You're Alive' shag," he says simply, but the concern in his voice is evident. Alice means the whole world to him.

Sirius laughs and throws a pillow at him. "Get out of here, you tosser."

It's only when the door closes behind Frank, that something he's said reminds me. Anthony.

I sit up and rub my eyes. "Will you lot be okay here?"

James looks up from brushing Lily's hair away from her face. "Why? Where are you off to?"

"Check up on Anthony," I mutter nonchalantly as I get up.

"Why? I bet he's fine, just –" James stops midsentence, a knowing grin spreading over his face. "Oh, yeah, okay."

I glare at him as he stifles a chuckle.

Sirius raises his eyebrows. "Am I missing something?"

"No," James says immediately, composing himself. "I just know that Anthony is pretty good with hexing and, after we left him paralyzed on the floor, I can only imagine he won't be in a good mood."

Sirius must buy James' excuse because he just smirks and looks at me, amused.

I make a show of rolling my eyes at Sirius, hiding the fact that him smiling through his bloodied face like that is making me feel things I shouldn't be feeling when I'm on my way to go see my boyfriend.

I leave the room, but before I can even take a step down the stairs, I hear the door close and open behind me. Turning around, I see Sirius.

"Hey," I mutter, smiling at him.

"Yeah, hey, I..." he mumbles, trailing off.

"Spit it out, Pads," I say, laughing.

"I just... I know you said you forgive me, but... Merlin, the things I said..." he stammers, looking at his shoes.

Warmth fills my chest as I feel assured that I wasn't lying when I said that I forgave him. He's done worse things, and he did act like a total git. But so did I. The whole gigantic mess can't be reversed now, regardless of who's at fault. So, we need to just suck it up and realize that the best we can do is move past it. A part of me is still in love with him, and I'm trying to shake that. However, I still need Sirius Black in my life, and I always will.

"Sirius, look at me," I say firmly.

He raises his head, looking me in the eye.

I take a deep breath and say, "Know that I say this with all the care in the world..."

He frowns, confused. "Yeah?"

"Stop being such a fucking drama queen, Black."

His face breaks into a grin and he punches me lightly. "I'm trying to be serious here!"

"But you are Sir-mmph!"

He clamps his hand onto my mouth. "Real mature, Lupin."

I smile behind his hand and he smirks back. His smile reaches his silver eyes and I feel like melting inside. He's got blood and grime on his face, cuts all over, and a bruised cheek, but he still manages to look beautiful. I expect him to take his hand off, but he doesn't. The feel of the skin on my lips is growing more unbearable by the time I clear my throat and we realize we haven't done anything but look into each other's eyes in the last few seconds.

He pulls his hand back, apprehensively grinning at me. "So, really? You don't hate me anymore and all that?"

I shake my head. "I never hated you."

He nods. "Okay... Sorry, I just... Oh, I don't know. You go ahead."

"Huh?"

"Weren't you gonna go check on Anthony or something?" he asks.

A rush of guilt fills me. Right. Boyfriend. "Oh, yeah. You and James take care of Lils, yeah? And Peter's still shaking, that head injury might be worse than it looks."

He mockingly salutes me. "Aye aye, captain."

I chuckle, rolling my eyes at him, and turn away. I take a couple of steps down the stairs when he calls me again.

"Hey, Moony?"

I face him, knowing what's on his mind. "Yeah, Sirius, you can come next full moon."

He smiles, in a way that can only be described as thankful, and nods, before returning to the room.

I ease myself into Anthony's room quietly, relieved that his roommates are asleep and I won't have to answer any awkward questions. There's a light coming from behind Anthony's bed curtains, so I tiptoe to him. From the look of his silhouette, he's just fumbling with his lit wand between his fingers, staring at the space in front of him. I feel my heart sink.

Drawing his curtains apart in a too-sudden motion, he gets on his knees and points his wand at me in shock, wide-eyed and breathing heavily.

When he registers that it's just me, he lowers his wand and drops down to sit at the edge of his bed, hissing, "Dammit, Lupin! Fuck!"

"I-I'm sorry. I couldn't risk –" but he cuts me off. Not by punching me, or hexing me, or yelling over me, like what I expected. He tugs me down by the collar of my shirt until I'm straddling him. He kisses me and I sigh against his lips, running my hands through his hair.

But he pulls away, holding me by the shoulders. "Are you okay?" he asks frantically, practically choking out the question. "Are the others okay? Frank? Lily? Merlin, I should go tell Ali-"

I grab his face, interrupting him. "Woah, slow down there. Everyone's okay, I promise. I'm okay. Frank's on his way to look for Alice right now. Nothing to worry about."

He looks at me uncertainly and pulls me into a hug. I hold him tight, resting my chin atop his head, and rub his back.

"Shit, Remus," he mumbles into my shirt. "I was fucking terrified, you fucking wanker. Oh gods, I can't believe you lot... Shit."

I kiss the top of his head as I let him bury it into the crook of my neck. I can feel him trembling in my hands and my chest feels heavy with the anxiety we caused him. "Hey, hey, I'm here. Everything's okay. I promise."

"You're an idiot you know that?" he asks, still not lifting his head, but his voice grows steadier and lighter. "Of all the blokes I've dated, you are the stupidest fucking arse of a bloody fucking wank-"

I pull away, laughing. "Okay, Ashwood, I get it!"

He chuckles, smiling weakly. "Don't ever do that again, Rem."

I nod. "I won't. You have my word."

He wraps his arms around my neck. "Or you'll have to find someone else to shag."

I push him playfully, willing myself to not follow the train of thought that stems from 'someone else to shag' because there are certain people that need to be kept at the back of my mind. "Very funny."

"Speaking of..." he trails off, smirking and raising an eyebrow. "I've been practicing Silencing Charms for the Defense practical. Wanna test them out?"

I laugh, and a part of me wants to say yes, but I know that I'll end up spending the night. That wouldn't be such a bad idea if it was any other night. "You know I'd love to, but I think I need to be with my friends tonight," I say, especially thinking of Sirius, who has gone through a lot today. I bring my hand up to his face, trying not to pay attention to the silver flecks in his eyes. "That okay with you?"

He smiles understandingly and it's the kind of smile that reminds me of how good he is. The kind that makes me feel guilty for not having Sirius-free thoughts whenever I'm with him.

"Of course it's okay, as long as you're okay."

I smile. "See you tomorrow?"

He nods. "Of course. Breakfast?"

"Sounds good." I plant a quick peck on his lips before hugging him again and he squeezes back.

"Don't do anything else stupid tonight, okay?"

I chuckle, still holding him. "Promise."

When I leave the room, the magnitude of what could have happened tonight dawns on me.

Wanting a few moments to myself, I sit on the steps for a while, trying to process the night we just went through. Everything seems so unreal and my memories easily blur into one another in a vague recollection of green lights and wounds. My head pounds with the realization I was mere centimeters off being killed. I almost died.

I've always thought that if put in that situation, I wouldn't think much of it, given that I've been facing a monthly dose of near-death experiences since I was a child. But now I realize that I barely have any recollections of my transformations and I have always been unconscious through the really bad blood losses. Tonight, that curse could have hit me.

My heart beats wildly as the thought resounds in my head and I feel a sudden fullness in my throat. I try to take deep breaths, but they all end up hitched and ragged. Starting to get lightheaded, I squeeze my eyes and try to force the images in my mind away. But the throbbing and the memories don't cease, and instead trigger a migraine. Hyperventilating, I rub my temples with my suddenly clammy hands, which I soon bury my face in, letting my stinging eyes see nothing but total darkness.

It takes me about an hour for the anxiety attack to ebb away, and by then, my legs are still numb and feel limp. I put a hand against the wall for balance and push myself up, feeling woozy and exhausted. Deciding that my clogged up head won't let me sleep anyway, I trudge down the stairs.

I go down to the Common Room and, expecting it to still be empty and dark, take out my wand for light. However, I'm wrong. Frank and Alice are fast asleep, curling into each other by the burning fireplace and Sirius is seated on one of the windowsills, shivering and holding a cigarette between his fingers. He has a chunky sweater on and a coat over it as he looked out the open window, his hair billowing in the night breeze. Just the sight of him clears up my head pretty nicely.

"Now that we're friends again," I say loudly, making him face me with a start. "Can I start reprimanding you about those again?"

He chuckles weakly. "Guess so. Let me just fini-"

"Aguamenti," I mutter, putting out the cigarette.

Sirius glares at me and drops it, murmuring, "Rude."

Half-shrugging, I don't argue and sit next to him, despite the biting cold. I cross my arms, and look up at him. "How are you holding up?"

"Well, I found out from my brother five minutes ago that he's still breathing so..." he trails off, patting at his pocket where a letter is peeking out. "Maybe I'm not that fucked after all. Just anxious that Slughorn noticed he was missing tonight too. "

I shake my head, looking out at the grounds. "I doubt it. Probably only the prefects will get questioned. They don't check on the others."

"Oh, why?" he asks, in a tone that I know realize is mocking. "Prefects like you are special little snowflakes?"

I laugh and roll my eyes. "Piss off, Padfoot, you know what I mean."

"I know," he says, nodding slowly with a smile on his face. "I missed you, you know."

It's a completely harmless thing to say, but my heart still insists on beating faster. "Missed you, too."

"So, what have you been up to? What have I been missing from Remus Lupin's life?" he asks dramatically, with sweeping hands.

Dating a bloke who I really like, but if I'm being completely honest, the reason I'm with him in the first place is because I need to get over you. "Nothing much, really," I say instead. "You? How are things with...Maggie?" I ask as politely as I can, doing my best not to let my own nickname for her slip.

He doesn't answer, and just looks out the window, fumbling with his sleeves. He takes a breath, like he's going to say something, but he just sighs.

"Pads?"

He snaps out of it, facing me. "Ah, yeah. We're doing great. Really. We are."

I narrow my eyebrows at him. "Sure?"

"Yeah, things are getting fantastic, really."

Still not convinced, but not wanting to let my hope clutch onto anything, I let it slide.

The wind gets a bit chillier, as we sit there for a bit longer. I tuck my fingers into the sleeves of my shirt, and cross my arms.

Apparently noticing, Sirius takes off his coat.

"Don't," I say.

Sirius scoffs. "Remus Lupin, you are a skinny little thing who gets pissed off when we open the windows during summer. Let me give you the fucking coat."

I sigh and try to take the coat from him, but he isn't giving it to me. He's inching closer to me and holding the coat over my shoulders, waiting for me to put it on. I shove my arms into the sleeves and feel significantly warmer.

"See, you don't have to be so bloody stubborn all the time," he mutters jokingly. "Don't want you freezing your arse off."

I'm about to thank him, but his hands are still on me, fixing the collar of the coat. He's even closer now and our faces are barely a couple inches apart.

He looks up and our eyes meet. He leans in and I expect him to say something. To whisper a joke or a remark about the state we're in. But he doesn't.

He's so achingly close that it takes all the control I have to not kiss him right then and there. Kiss him and ruin everything.

"Y-you...You still have a bit of dirt on your face, you know," I say helplessly.

He takes one of his hands off the coat, and tries to wipe at his face, completely missing the smudge of grime. Before I know what I'm doing, I bring my hand up to his face, cleaning off the dirt from his cheek.

"There," I murmur simply, as if a million thoughts aren't cramming into my head. He's acting differently.

"Yeah," is all he says. "Thanks."

My hand is still on his cheek and his is still by the crook of my neck. It's hard to say if there's even an inch to separate us. At the moment, however, it fails to matter because he's looking at me like he's seeing me for the first time and I'm probably looking at him in a manner that gives away the fact that I'm still in love with him, and it feels so right. We're stuck in a trance and I don't know whether I want to break it by pulling away or by taking advantage of being in the perfect position to kiss him.

Before I can make a decision, the trance is broken, not by either of those, but instead by Lily clearing her throat.

Something changes in Sirius' eyes, and we both tear apart, taking our hands off each other.

I stumble off the windowsill and, not even chancing a glance at Sirius, stand in front of Lily like a guilty criminal. For someone who was unconscious and limp in James' arms only a couple of hours ago, Lily looks terrifying. Her eyes are narrowed, her lips are pursed, and she's clutching her wand by her side so tight, her knuckles are whitening.

"Hello there, Remus," she says in a honeyed voice, with a plastic smile that makes me want to run for my life. "What are you up to, sweetie?"

"N-nothing. Talking to Sirius... we were... yeah. We were talking," I stammer. "Are you feeling better?" I add, trying to smile innocently.

She steps forward and I almost want to put a shield charm up, but she just lowers her voice to a whisper so Sirius can't hear. "I got out of bed here to check up on Anthony and take Alice back to our dorm and, now, I have too many questions I'm not even gonna start. So I'm gonna deal with you tomorrow morning."

I sigh, feeling like a toddler being talked down to. "Yes, Lily."

"Good," she simply says and heads to coax Frank and Alice awake.

I turn around to face Sirius, who's looking out the window again. "Ah, Sirius?"

He looks up at me, and I expect to see a look of horror or dread of whatever might have happened if Lily hadn't interrupted. But instead, he just raises his eyebrows, looking as confused as I feel. "Going to bed?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah. You?"

"Nah, I'll stay here for bit," he says. "I'll head up there in a while."

"You okay here?"

He smiles, and it actually looks genuine. "Yeah. I'm fine. Goodnight."

I smile back. "Goodnight."

Starting up the stairs, I can practically feel Lily's warning eyes at me, but I don't need that to induce guilt. Suddenly, all I can think of is Anthony – and how my last words to him were promising that I wouldn't do anything stupid tonight – and I already feel horrible.

I walk into the room feeling all sorts of emotions I can't understand and, without much of a second thought, I block them all out. I was just in a middle of a bloody attack and had no time to figure out feelings and had all the time for sleep. So I just let myself fall onto my bed and curl into my sheets. Falling asleep doesn't seem so difficult after all. The exhaustion of the night drags me into slumber almost immediately.

The last barely-conscious thought I have is remembering that I'm still wearing Sirius' coat.

"...and, on top of all that, you still owe me for that Muggle Studies essay I practically did all by myself," I conclude, as Sirius and I walk to the Great Hall with James and Peter following silently. Sirius and I have been urging them to say something since we woke up, but all we got was Peter's claim that, James and I would rather stay quiet and observe this new rarity at a safe distance while we accept the fact that it took a near death experience for you two to make up.

Sirius raises his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay, I get it, I was an arse. We established that. So, what, do you want me to your homework for the remaining month?"

"And fail?" I scoff. "No thanks, Padfoot."

He clutches at his heart with an expression of mock pain. "Oh, Moony, how your words sting."

I knew that as soon as we woke up, Sirius and I would be playing the Pretend Nothing Weird Happened In The Common Room Last Night game again, but I didn't expect it to be like this. I didn't expect that there would be a lack of forced smiles, lame joke attempts, and overly polite conversations. I didn't expect that it would be easy to talk to him. I didn't expect that it would feel like, for the first time in months, we weren't pretending at all.

When we arrive at the Great Hall, however, the four of us freeze at the entrance, looking at each other warily. The hall is buzzing in a way that rarely happens on a Sunday morning. Students are talking loudly, peering suspiciously at the half-empty Slytherin tables, and huddled in groups, sharing newspapers. Of course, you can't expect a peaceful breakfast the morning after the Hogsmeade attack.

"You don't think that anyone noticed we were gone last night, right?" Peter murmurs.

Sirius shakes his head. "Nah, McGonagall would have had our heads the minute we returned if that was the case."

"Sirius, is Reg-" James starts, only to be interrupted.

"He's fine," Sirius mutters bitterly. "I got another letter from him this morning saying Avery was the only one caught out of bed. But the seventh years are being called into questioning, too."

Before I can think of something comforting to say, I see Lily stand up from her place with Frank and Alice as she sees me.

"I know someone else who's gonna be called into questioning," I mumble to myself, as she approaches me.

"What?" James asks, but he's just looking at Lily with a new kind of fondness, not really waiting for an answer.

Lily grabs my wrist and smiles at them. Something flickers in her green eyes, as her glance passes over James, which makes me think that something else happened between me leaving the dorm room to Lily going down to the Common Room.

"Excuse me, boys, can I borrow Remus for a while?"

Sirius smirks. "Do we have a choice?"

"Not really," she answers immediately.

He makes a show of rolling his eyes before James tugs him and Peter towards the Gryffindor table to sit with Frank and Alice.

"Lily, let me –"

"Tell me exactly what happened last night that led you two from not talking to each other to looking like a cover for a romance novel? I had just come back from visiting Anthony, who talked about you like you were some Disney prince who had come back from battle, only to see you making heart eyes at Sirius."

"It just happened out of nowhere, I don't know! It… it was unavoidable!" I cry, not very convincingly.

She crosses her arms, cocking her head to the side. "I'll be the judge of that. What happened?"

I sigh. "Okay, okay. After we got out of the attack and went into the passageways, we were fighting about –"

She waves a hand dismissively. "Yeah, I know about you two making up. Just, what was going on in the Common Room?"

"Well," I start cautiously, "we were just sitting there, talking about the attack and Regulus. Then, he suddenly says he missed me –"

"Well, then…"

"– and he got all weird when I asked about Maggie –"

"Why were you asking about her?" she asks in an accusatory voice.

Still ignoring her, I continue, "– then, he noticed I was cold and gave me his coat. He kept fixing the collar and keeping his hands on me, and I was wiping dirt off his face, and he leaned in closer and just… I don't know, okay?"

She narrows her eyes at me. "First of all, ever heard of warming charms? Second, pretty sure you know how to put on your clothes on your own. Third, we were all covered in grime, Rem. I didn't see you romantically brushing your fingers against my cheek."

I groan. "Lily, I don't see the problem. Nothing happened, we're okay."

"You were gonna kiss him, Rem!" she exclaims, stomping a foot childishly.

"I… I wasn't going –" I cut myself off, not having enough energy to lie to myself. "Well… I didn't, so there's nothing to worry about."

She raises an eyebrow. "Don't think so. Worry Number One is approaching right now," she mumbles, looking over my shoulder.

I turn around to see Anthony, hair gelled to perfection and smile wide as ever, walking up to us. Guilt nags in my head again.

Lily waves at him and murmurs in my ear, "Better behave, lover boy." She then turns around to rejoin our friends at the table, as Anthony reaches me.

"What was that about?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing. Bugging me about my Potions homework," I lie, smiling at him.

He chuckles and throws an arm around me – the gesture making me cautious, even though it would look friendly to an outsider's eye. "You and I both, Rem."

We sit at the other end of the table, away from our other friends, seeing as I haven't spent that much time with him lately.

We talk and laugh throughout breakfast which makes me feel more at ease, knowing that I really do have feelings for him that are not within the realm of my need to forget certain people. But the ease quickly disappears when I suddenly zone out, becoming focused on the barking laughter coming from farther down the table, to the point that I barely even notice Anthony's foot brushing up my leg.

"Well then, I guess that covers our lecture for today, class," Professor Vector says with a clap. "For the remaining time, I'd like all of you to please review the next two chapters to get a head start for the essay I assigned earlier."

Slumping back against my chair, I sigh. Panic attacks and mixed emotions kept me up all night, so now, I'm not particularly in the mood to read about numerical theory. A week has passed since the attack, but I still can't seem to keep out the anxiety and nightmares, which are like heavy weights on my shoulders. To make things worse, the past week, I haven't exactly taken Lily's warnings to heart. It's hard when Sirius has been so affectionate and playful – even more so than before we started fighting. Plus, while Anthony hasn't really been anywhere other than the Quidditch pitch and the library, Sirius and I have been spending so much time together. Though it's hard to complain about Sirius being next to me all the time, I've been earning glares from Lily and migraines from the confusion it's causing me. In addition, he isn't like himself. Not in a particularly bad way, just in a way that makes me worry that there's more to this new walking-on-sunshine attitude. Like he's doing it in an attempt to suppress or hide something.

I prop the book open and groan. Just seeing words makes my head hurt. I yawn, shutting the book.

"Bad night?"

I turn to my right to face Margaret Kerrigan smiling at me sympathetically.

"Yeah," I mutter. "Sorta."

"Here," she mutters, pulling a thermos out of her bag and handing it to me. "It's coffee with a bit of Girding Potion in it. It'll keep you from falling apart for the rest of the day."

I take the lid of and sip, not even checking if Professor Vector is looking. I swallow a mouthful, wincing a bit. In a matter of seconds, it feels like my senses are at their peak and then I can no longer feel the exhaustion. I blink rapidly, trying to get used to the sensation, and I hand it back to Margaret.

"And if that doesn't work, I have a flask of vodka in here too…" she says with a smirk, but there's heaviness in her eyes.

I shake my head. "Nah, that hit the spot. Thanks."

She stuffs the thermos back into her bag, and I take a good look at her. Her red hair, which is usually neatly in place, is ruffled and a bit messy in her loose ponytail. There's a hint of dark crescents under her blue eyes.

"You okay?"

She raises her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"You have spiked coffee and vodka in your bag on a Monday," I deadpan.

She chuckles. "I swear I'm not this pathetic everyday."

"You and Sirius okay?" I ask before I can even think about it. Do I really want an answer?

Sighing, she leans back. "There is no 'Me and Sirius' anymore."

A jolt passes through me and suddenly, I don't think it's the drink that's keeping me awake. "W-what?"

Shrugging, her eyes suddenly fixate on her textbook again. "He broke up with me last night. Didn't he say?"

I shake my head. "No, he didn't mention it. I'm sorry to hear that."

As much as I want to comfort her, I can't completely say that without lying. That much is enough to tell me that I'm a horrible person who doesn't deserve Anthony. Or Sirius, for that matter.

"What happened?" I ask instead.

She shrugs again, her eyes still on her book. "He's having a hard time and he says that he can't really handle a relationship right now. I kinda get it, I guess. I mean with his family stuff, especially with Regulus…"

I raise an eyebrow. "You… you know about…?"

She smiles tightly. "Well, I sorta picked up on it. Didn't show up after the attack, hangs out with Snape's lot, never shows his arm. Plus, he and Sirius are more distant than ever. And the way Sirius kept avoiding me the night of the attack… it kinda gave it away. I get it. He's too caught up in all of this to deal with anything other than studies and his best mates right now. Obviously, I wish things could have worked out, but he needs this so… Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm babbling. Sorry."

I look into her frantic eyes and I am reminded that this girl isn't just another number on Sirius' list. None of his other relationships lasted this long, with a sensible girl, no less. This girl has dealt with Sirius well at his lowest point, and to be honest, I'm impressed. Impressed and, well, ashamed that I've been unreasonably hating her. It's amazing how much guilt can fill me up today.

I put a hand over hers. "Hey, it's okay. You meant a great deal to him, I swear. It's not your fault that he needs time to himself right now. If anything, you cheered him up when none of us could."

She smiles at me. "Thanks. That's sweet of you, Remus."

I nod, returning her smile.

Then, she continues, "So I take it you guys are okay now?"

Feigning a look of confusion, I don't reply.

She scoffs. "I'm not blind, Remus. He always paled and got this sad look on his face whenever I asked about you. I hadn't actually seen you guys bond before last week. Unless you count that time I got back from Christmas break and you guys got all dramatic about whether I could steal him away from you. Sorry about that, by the way. I didn't realize it at the time," she adds kindly.

I chuckle at the memory; it all seems so stupid and childish now. "Really, it's no big deal."

And that should have been it. We both return to scanning through our books without interest. But she turns to me again.

"Is there anything going on between you two?"

I straighten, feeling a lump in my throat. "What?"

"Lupin, Kerrigan," Professor Vector drawls from her desk. "Please focus on the material."

"Sorry," we mutter in unison, without much conviction.

I look back at her. "What do you mean?"

Her cheeks flame. "Nothing, sorry, I didn't mean to be nosy or come off as jealous, I really was just wondering if that factor played into him breaking up with me."

"I'm not gay," I say firmly, ignoring her tilting her head skeptically. "And even if I was, Sirius isn't queer or anything. Why would you even think that?"

She shrugs. "I don't know, you two just seem more affectionate and inseparable the past week. Plus, the way he was he was staring at you today at breakfast."

"He doesn't –"

"Okay, class, I think that's enough for now," Professor Vector suddenly announces, standing up, as the rest of the class sighs in relief. "Don't forget. Eleven inches on your insights on chapters 32 and 33. Due this Friday."

The class gets up, gathering their things, including Margaret.

"Margaret, wait," I say, my tone more panicked than I want it to be. "It's really not like that –"

She turns around, chuckling. "Your defensive denial is another factor I'm weighing in."

I feel my face drain of any color. "That's not… I mean… You can't just… It's not what you think it is, I swear…" I stammer helplessly.

Placing a hand on my shoulder, she just smiles sadly. "Hey, I really like Sirius, and god, last night was awful. But ever since you two made up, he's been smiling more which is impressive considering what he's going through right now. I know it's the whole best mates thing too, but his eyes don't exactly light up in a certain way when Potter or Pettigrew walks into the room."

"You're mad, I –"

"Besides," she talks over me. "There's something different about him lately. He's at ease. He's not all jittery and anxious. I mean, we had a great time, but he always tended to zone out or have days where he could barely bring himself to talk. But this past week… Oh, I don't know. You're making him happy, Remus, and with all the crap going on, he needs that."

I nod slowly, my head not quite wrapping around the idea of all this.

"Good luck," she finally says, grabbing her bag and smiling at me. Her eyes are heavy and bloodshot, but sincere.

"On what?"

She smirks. "I think you know what."

With that, she turns around and walks away.

Sighing, I stand up and head to Potions, thinking about how there really are some Ravenclaws who live up to the always-right stereotype.

"You two coming? Dinner will be over in a while," Peter says, holding the door open.

Sirius looks up from his Potions book. Our lesson an hour ago was a practical on Amortentia and, while I practically failed and accidentally spilt a cauldron's worth of James' work on me, Sirius got really interested in the lesson. He's been reading more on it since we got here.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a while."

"Moony?"

I nod. "I'll catch up with you two as well."

James and Peter leave the room, and I look over at Sirius. He's on his bed, lying on his stomach, with the book propped open in front of him. I try to look for signs indicating the break up. There are bags under his eyes and he looks exhausted, but other than that, he seems calm and at ease.

"Pads? You okay there, mate?"

He looks up from his book and smiles. "Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be?"

"You've been acting different," I say instead. He wouldn't like that I found out about the break up through Margaret.

For a second there, I swear I can see panic flash through his eyes, like he's hiding something. But it disappears and he shrugs. "Well… something's changed."

I squint at him, leaning back against on one of my bed posts. "What's changed?"

He looks at me thoughtfully and then shakes his head. "Nothing. Never mind."

I raise my eyebrows skeptically, but let it slide. "Okay then. Come on, let's head down to dinner."

He nods, bookmarking a page using an envelope with a letter peeking out of it. "Sure."

He gets up and we walk to the door. Then he stops abruptly.

I sigh. "What now, Pads?"

"You smell like leather and motor oil."

Looking at him weirdly, I let out a laugh. "What are you talking about?"

He shrugs. "I'm just saying."

I'm about to protest and then, suddenly remembering, I roll my eyes. The Amortentia, I spilled some on myself.

For a second there, I'm about to smack him on the head, tell him about the potion, and make fun of him for being so predictable, considering what he smells. Then, a thought occurs to me. What if Margaret wasn't just seeing things?

"What else do I smell like?" I blurt out, feeling my cheeks burn.

He snorts. "Excuse me?" When I don't respond, he just shakes his head with an (adorable) amused smile on his face. "I don't know, like chocolate and paperbacks and what you always smell like. But now that you mention it, the scent's stronger."

Suddenly, I feel like I'm choking and I freeze, staring at him.

He frowns at me. "You're acting weird, Moony. Come on, let's go."

Soundlessly, I nod and let him take my hand as he drags me down to the Common Room. My hand burns from his touch and there's cold sweat all over me.

Preview: "So, what do you say?"

"Really? You sure about this, Moony?"

"Gods, Sirius, I wouldn't be asking you if wasn't, now would I? So is that a yes?"

"I...uh...Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that."

"Brilliant."