SIRIUS POV

The whole Common Room is a big ball of energy.

There are glittering streamers hanging from the ceilings, a huge banner with the flashing words BACK TO BACK CHAMPS hangs above the fireplace, some of the Muggleborns are playing my favorite rock songs at anvalarmingly loud volume, and everyone is either dancing, or drinking.

Naturally, I'm one of the latter.

I lean back against the sofa and catch James' eye. He's on top of the coffee table, spinning a very intoxicated Lily Evans as they dance. I raise my bottle of Firewhiskey to him and he nods, winking at me. At the back of my mind, I'm wondering what exactly the status is between those two, but with a hefty amount of alcohol – which feels like it's slushing around in my head – it's hard to wonder about those things, when my main problem right now is sitting next to me.

"Moony, will you please put down the book? It's a party!" I exclaim, tugging on his paperback. Okay, so maybe not everyone is either dancing or drinking.

He pulls it out of my reach, glowering. "You're sitting here with me, staring at people dance. The fact that you're drinking doesn't make you less pathetic, mate."

I smirk, being careful not to give him a wide smile that looks idiotic. There's something different about him and I can't put my finger on it. He seems more confident and tactless, but in a good way. This Remus, the one I haven't paid close attention to for a while, is more sure of himself. He looks happier and it pulls on my heartstrings, making me feel a rush of emotions I don't understand. I can't say what it is, but whatever it is, just draws me to him all the time. Even if he's sitting out a marvelous victory party.

Of course, it's probably nothing more than pure admiration of the person who saved my life. It has to be that, right?

"Gods, I hate you," I mutter, laughing, as I take another swig of my drink.

To my surprise, instead of a blank face and sarcastic quip, he grins smugly and shrugs. "Trust me, you don't."

I scoff and open my mouth. However, before I can even ask what he meant, Ashwood plops down next him. James had written Gryffindor's #1 Babe on the Seeker's forehead in red paint and his blond hair is – for the first time since last year's victory party – all messed up and ruffled. He puts an arm around Remus and Remus grins at him – which is weird because Remus is usually indifferent about people being affectionate. He's holding what I'm sure isn't his first bottle for tonight.

"Heyyyy, sweet cheeks," Ashwood coos at Remus as he sways to the pounding music.

I raise my eyebrows at Remus, feeling a little annoyed. Remus just rolls his eyes and pushes him away a bit. "Well someone's drunk."

"I'm not drunk, Rem!" he exclaims.

"Right," Remus mutters, sitting Ashwood up straight. "Just because you won the house another Quidditch Cup, doesn't mean you can get totally wasted the weekend before your review week. It'll mess you up."

"But that was an amazing catch, Rem! Were you paying attention?"

Remus just laughs fondly and nods. "Yeah, Anthony, it was a great catch. I mean, you almost fell off your broom again, but –"

"But it was amazing!" Ashwood cuts off, making a sweeping gesture, right before downing the remaining contents of his drink.

"Yeah, we heard you the first time," I say before I can resist. It comes out sounding bitter and I smile kindly to pass it off as a joke.

Ashwood stares me for a bit, before bursting into laughter. He then leans closer to me, over Remus. "You're funny. And pretty." He looks to Remus. "Isn't he pretty?"

Remus just smirks, and straightens the wasted boy again. "You're drunk."

I scoff. "Excuse me, are you implying that I'm only attractive to drunk people?" I put on an exaggerated look of distress and take another swig of Firewhiskey.

Remus chuckles and cocks his head to the side. "Obviously not. I had a huge crush on you for three years, didn't I?"

I choke. Coughing out, I wipe my mouth, staring at him. He grins and turns to Anthony, with his back to me, now nagging the poor boy about O.W.L. reviews.

I stare at the back of his head, gaping. That was the first time he ever mentioned anything even closely related to the huge fight we had in our room. And he offhandedly said it without blinking. I shake my head in disbelief, my head suddenly hurting a lot more.

Feeling a shift of weight next to me, I look up to see Remus standing, Ashwood's arm draped over his shoulders for balance. The boy is all limp and swaying, his eyelids fluttering and fighting to stay open.

"Hey, Pads, I'm gonna help him up his dorm and stay with him for a bit, okay?"

"Why?" I ask, feeling disappointed.

"He's minutes away from passing out and none of his usual babysitters are in any state to make sure he'll be okay," he says, chuckling and nodding to the other end of the room, where Lily and Alice are now throwing their heads back while Marlene McKinnon pours shots of rum into their mouths.

I laugh and nod. "Fine, leave me alone with nothing to do," I say, passing it off as a joke.

He rolls his eyes. "Go make sure Peter and James don't set the Common Room in flames."

I turn around to see the tipsy pair cross-legged by the fireplace, magicking the fire into different swirling patterns. How was I dubbed as the immature one again?

Looking back to where Remus was, I feel my heart drop. He's already guiding Ashwood to the stairs. It's obvious that Ashwood is definitely the affectionate kind of drunk; he's nuzzling his head into Remus' neck and holding his hand.

Then, as I watch them stumble up the stairs, another thought catches me off guard.

What does he mean he had a huge crush on me? Past tense. Had.

And why the fuck do I care if he isn't in love with me anymore? Isn't that what I wanted?

I groan and finish up my drink, before giving up on figuring anything out about that boy, and join James and Peter.

I hear a squeak and suddenly I'm awake. It's amazing how I'm only a light sleeper when I'm hungover and actually need rest. Groaning, I sit up, rubbing my eyes. When I open them, I see Remus, only in his jeans and undershirt, closing the door behind him. He's carrying his jumper and shoes in one hand, looking like he's been run over. Except for that smile on his face. Have his eyes always lit up that way when he smiles or is it just the light coming from the window?

"Shit," he murmurs and his smile fades as he sees me awake, pausing before sitting on his bed. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I always wake up at six in the morning. On a Sunday. After getting drunk," I say in monotone.

"And I don't appreciate sarcasm at six in the morning," he says, matching my voice, but smirking. What's with him? He's never in a good mood early in the morning.

"Where have you been?" I ask, eyeing his made bed. He hasn't been in it all night.

"Oh," he murmurs before, running a hand through his light brown hair, almost blonde in the sunlight. "Fell asleep at Anthony's."

I frown. "What do you mean? All of his roommates went up earlier than you two did. Where did you sleep?"

Suddenly fixated on taking his socks off, he doesn't answer. Then, as he lies down and stares up as the ceiling of his four-poster, he just says, "One of them was pretty wasted too... and fell asleep on the floor, so I took his bed."

Peering at him, I nod slowly, not in the mood to argue. What is he keeping from me?

I rub my face again, as if that will take care of all the grogginess, but for some reason, I can't find enough calmness to fall asleep again. Leaning over to the side of my bed, I reach for my bag on the floor, taking out my Potions book. I bring it to my lap and flip it open. As I do so, I see Remus at the corner of my eyes, propping himself up by his elbows.

"Okay, I've ignored that since Monday, what's that?"

I shrug. "I like Potions?"

He rolls his eyes. "That bookmark. The envelope. You've been taking it out, staring at it, and then just putting it back between the pages."

"It's just the deed to my Uncle's old place, the one Andromeda sent me before school started, remember?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Then what's the problem? Aren't you happy to get your own place? Or will you miss your boyfriend too much?"

"What?" I ask, my head snapping up from the pages. Then I realize he's nodding to James's sleeping form. "Oh," I mutter, smirking, "Yeah, I guess. I don't know, I just have so much stuff to prepare and Uncle Alphard left me a good amount of money to cover things for the first couple years after I leave school, but actually having to deal with being an adult is just too stressful."

"You can stay with me for a bit while everything gets settled in."

I narrow my eyes at him, not sure I heard that right. "What?"

He shrugs. "Mom's been asking about you, James is going on that vacation to Spain with his parents for first few weeks of the holidays, and you've been banned from Peter's house since fourth year –"

"I never anticipated that the dungbomb would go off in the vents, okay?"

"– so," he talks over me, ignoring my defense, "why don't you just stay with me for a few weeks? I mean, we passed our Apparition exams last weekend, so we can just Apparate into your place whenever so that I can help you settle in and all that."

My heart starts beating wildly in my chest and I try to play deaf to it. "Really, it's no trouble –"

"Don't go all polite on me, Black," he interrupts, rolling his eyes. "Come on, it's been a while since we've had a sleepover," he adds mockingly.

I laugh and throw a pillow at him, which he dodges, giggling. There is a certain light to him these days I just can't place.

Before he can retaliate with the pillow, we hear Peter shuffle in his bed. Then, he groans, without opening his eyes. "Will you two shut up it's six in the fucking morning and you're already acting like a bloody married couple again."

I am about to retort in defense, suddenly unnerved by his comment, when Remus interrupts. "You're just jealous, we'd make a lovely couple," he drawls, smirking.

My cheeks flame, but I refocus my attention back to the open potions book in my lap. Well, at least I pretend to.

I hear Peter snort and grumble, before falling back asleep. I attempt to look fixated on the pages when, really, all I'm thinking about is how exactly Remus turned into this sure, unreadable person. As much as it suits him, it's unnerving me and I can't even tell why.

"So," Remus pipes up, making me look up from the book. "What do you say?"

Trying not to think about why my heart is hammering, I sigh. "Really? You sure about this, Moony?"

He chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief. "Gods, Sirius, I wouldn't be asking you if I wasn't, now would I? So is that a yes?"

It baffles me why I'm making such a big deal out of this. A year ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity. Remus and I always had a great time back at his place. The wide open fields, the small town, his angel of a mother. It was refreshing. My hesitation is completely unjustified, but I stubbornly feel like staying with him after we're fresh from a six month war with each other is a bad idea.

But apparently, I'm not as stubborn as I think I am, because as his face starts to fall, I immediately start nodding. "I...uh...Yeah."

He raises his eyebrows, his mouth twitching into another smile.

"Yeah, I'd love that," I say more surely, grinning as well.

"Brilliant," he says.

I'm still nodding, as if I am convincing myself of something. That it will be harmless. But with my luck, I can't quite count on it.

A stabbing pain in my shoulder blades and my uncomfortable position wakes me up an hour after I fall asleep in this chair. I'm sinking against it with my legs propped up on Remus' hospital bed. I rub my eyes, but then wince as I remember that I have bad bruises there. Slowly, I open my eyes and check my watch. It's seven-thirty in the morning. Peter will be down any minute to take my place and look after Remus. A part of me wants to stay, but my bones are aching for a proper bed.

"You okay there, Pads?"

I look up with a start, straightening up. Remus is sitting up against the headboard, with an open paperback in his hands. There are dark sunken crescents underneath his green eyes – a little bit golden in the sunlight, I'm only noticing now – and there are cuts all over his face. His shoulder is bandaged and, judging by the way his chest is moving, his breathing is ragged.

But he doesn't look terrible. It's barely been two hours since he's arrived in the Hospital Wing, and he's already awake again. Usually, once he sleeps, he's out for the whole day. However, here he is. Eyes bright and with a tiny smile on his face. He's even reading.

"Bloody hell, Moony," I mutter before yawning. "Get some rest."

He shrugs, returning to his book. "I feel fine. Wrecked, but fine. Besides, I can't sleep."

Concerned, I groan and stand up. I make my way around his bed to his nightstand, where a few bottles and potions ingredients are arranged.

"Want me to whip up something for you? To help you sleep?" I ask, holding up one of the vials.

He looks back at me and shakes his head. "No, it's okay. Madam Pomfrey says it's better to avoid taking too much potion, especially since I'll probably fall asleep again naturally in a while."

I nod slowly, putting the vial down. "What's keeping you awake?"

"Just... thinking," he says, with a small smile on his face.

"About?" I prompt, peering at him.

"Things," he says with an air of finality. I wait for him to expound, but he doesn't.

I look at him, drawing my eyebrows together. It's hard to say whether he's gotten more closed off to the point where I can't read him anymore, or if this openness isn't fake, and I'm just missing a big piece of what he's thinking.

He tries to pick his book up, but apparently he uses the wrong hand because he flinches, dropping the paperback. When he withdraws his hand, there's a long cut – that was a deep red gash a couple hours ago – on his palm.

I take his hand immediately and he winces. "Hey, it's okay," I murmur, sitting next to him on the bed. "Why does it still sting, though? Shouldn't it have healed by now?"

He shrugs it off. "It already healed, but I accidentally opened it up when I got up. Stumbled a bit. It's fine, it'll start healing again soon so –"

"Wait, no," I say, cutting him off. "You've been up? What do you mean?"

"Nothing," he mutters, but he's avoiding eye contact. "Madam Pomfrey just mentioned that Anthony was looking for me last night, and I saw him passing outside the door, so I thought I'd just talk to him for a while. Explain to him where I was... well, lie to him, more like," he adds, sighing. "I was up for like five minutes, no need to worry."

I squint at him. "You're fucking wrecked, mate. Since when have you ever felt like running around with the need to explain yourself?"

There's a flash of shame in his face, but he recovers, shaking his head dismissively. "It's nothing, okay? It's his review week and I've been helping him out. It's nothing, he just thought I was going to tutor him last night."

"Lily's tutoring him in Potions," I say, almost accusingly.

"Well..." he says, a look of panic in his eyes. "I...I'm helping him out with other subjects."

"He's the top of his class, I think he'll manage quite fine, Rem."

I don't realize what I said until he blurts out, "Don't call me that."

Taken aback, I just nod curtly, "Yeah, I don't know, just got used to heari-"

He shakes his head, and interrupts, his face blushing. "No, blimey, I don't know what's gotten into me," he laughs, but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. He looks more bewildered than amused. "Rem is just what he calls me, so..."

"Who?"

Then, as if snapping back to his senses, he immediately replies, "Lily."

I raise my eyebrows. He never acts this strange. Even after the moon. "He?"

He laughs again, nervously. "I meant she. I... I'm so out of it. You're right, I need... I need to rest."

I nod slowly, realizing his hand is still in mine. Brushing my thumb lightly against the uninjured portion of his palm, I feel his warm, rough skin. A part of me is saying that I should probably let go, but I can't.

He looks at me, smiling softly. "Mind passing the Dittany?"

Snapping out of my trance, I grab a small, open bottle of clear liquid. I bring it over his wound, slightly tipping it over. As soon as the remedy hits the cut, Remus flinches. However, it starts to heal immediately. So I force myself to let go of his hand.

"Thanks," he murmurs.

"No problem," I reply, getting up. I take his book, and set it on his nightstand. Then I pull his blankets up to his chest as he eases himself to lie flat on his back. "Sleep, okay? Peter will be here any moment now, so if you need anything –"

"I'll be fine, Pads."

I sigh, smiling. "If you say so. See you later, Moonshine."

He snorts. "... Moonshine? Really?"

I chuckle. "If I'm not allowed to call you Rem, you're gonna have to deal with Moonshine."

"That's horrible. And tacky."

"Good, it'll match your jumpers," I retort, grinning. The way he's rolling his eyes, but suppressing a smile makes me want to melt. His stubborn 'No, you're not funny' look is probably one of the things I missed the most when we were fighting.

"I thought you wanted me to rest, you git."

Grinning, I cross my arms. "Fine. But really rest this time, okay?"

"I'm not a child, Pads. Leave," he says in annoyed tone, but he's smiling.

I sigh and pat his head, before turning to walk away. "So dramatic, Moonshine."

A week later, I stand at the edge of the Astronomy Tower, leaning over the railing. Astronomy exams just finished and I can't quite bring myself to go back to the Gryffindor Tower. It would be hard to sleep anyway, because lately, I've been thinking too much. About Regulus, Maggie... Remus. But I can't quite identify what exactly is bugging me about him. I can't quite tell if something's up with him, or with me. Or maybe I just haven't been around him for so long before the night of the attack that I'm reading too much into all of this.

The night of the attack. So many seemingly unfathomable things about that night have become more understandable to me. Regulus giving in to my parents, me and my friends in the middle of a war, barely dodging a killing curse. But one thing I can't quite rationalize is what happened after all the danger. Remus and I were just talking, and one thing lead to another. How did I go from talking to holding a hand to his face, barely an inch separating us? The last time I was in that situation, it took a lot of Firewhiskey.

Alcohol. But weeks ago, by that window, I was sober. He was sober. What was our excuse - my excuse - now?

I think back to James telling me that it's perfectly fine to like Remus in that way. But I don't. I mean, I'm not supposed to, right?

I groan rubbing my face in frustration.

I'm Sirius Black. Everything I have ever cared for are my brother, my friends, motorcycles... and girls. Always girls. I love their long hair and their demure laughs and their plump lips. I love their curves, soft skin, alluring voices. I liked listening to them, holding them, laughing with them, shagging them. Especially Maggie. Maggie was special. She made me laugh, she comforted me, she distracted me. I cared for her so much. But suddenly, I just felt detached.

Granted, it has something to do with all the rubbish about my brother. But now... is it really such a stretch to consider that Remus might have had a part in me breaking up with her?

Shaking my head, I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes. No. I can't be... I don't fancy blokes. I don't fancy Remus.

Leaning forward against the railings, I let the cold air numb my face, as if it could still my thoughts as well. It's been a long time since I removed myself from my family, but one Black trait still claims me. The need to suppress emotion. But what emotion am I trying to suppress exactly?

"Padfoot?"

Without turning around, I just reply. "Hey, Prongs."

"What are you doing still up here?" I hear his footsteps and, no later, he's next to me, looking out at the sky as well.

"Can't sleep," I mutter, not looking him in the eye.

"Why?"

"Because life is cruel."

He chuckles. "You realize that's how I know the problem isn't too fatal, right? When you're being a drama queen."

I smirk. "Shut up, you git, I'm just saying that –"

He starts counting off on his fingers. "So that means it's not about Regulus, or your parents, or the war, or your hair product –"

"You're useless, really," I groan.

"- so what is it about?" he continues, ignoring me. "Remus?"

My stomach lurches. I look at him, confused. "Why'd you think that?"

"Well, it just seems like the last few times I've confronted you here, it's always been about Remus," he says, shrugging. "Sensing a pattern, I guess."

I shake my head, hoping it's dark enough to conceal my paling face. "Whatever, mate. It's not about Remus."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure," I lie.

"It's not about him?"

"Not about him."

"Not about Moonshine at all?" he asks, his face cracking into a grin.

I nudge him with my elbow. "I was just kidding around, you know that."

He shakes his head in disbelief, smiling. "Sure. And when you agreed to shack up with the bloke this summer, were you kidding too, or...?"

I can practically feel my cheeks flame. "What are you... Merlin, you were awake when Remus and I were talking?"

Laughing, he punches me playfully. "Hey there, there's nothing wrong with you staying with him. Don't be so touchy."

I roll my eyes, ignoring him.

"Nothing wrong at all," he repeats. "Even if you do have a massive crush on him."

Feeling all color drain my face, I stare at him. "What?"

He smirks. "You do, don't you?"

"I... I'm just," I stammer, trying to catch words. "You're mad."

He places a palm over his heart and sighs dramatically. "Oh, how hurtful," he drawls sarcastically. "Blimey, I'm glad I found you here, I haven't gotten you alone lately. I've been dying to ask about this since the party."

I glare at him. "Where is this even coming from, Potter?"

"Yikes," he says, making a hissing noise. "Last name basis. You're really committing to this whole aggressive denial thing, huh?"

Not answering him, I turn away, focusing on the sky and pretending like he isn't voicing out what I may have been constantly considering for the past couple of weeks. Instead, I repeat myself. "Where is this coming from?"

"Well," he starts off thoughtfully. "Lily told me about the whole Romance Novel Window Scene back at the Common Room –"

"That bitch," I mutter under my breath.

He continues. "And – yes I'm going to pretend you didn't say that or I'll have to fling you off this tower – you're always staring at him. During meals. When we're studying. In class. It's obscene, really."

"I do not stare at –"

Cutting me off, he goes on. "Then, at the Quidditch victory party, when Peter and I were very busy by the fireplace –"

"You were trying to make a miniature fire stag," I deadpan, glowering at him.

"-you sat with us, all tipsy too, whining about how Anthony stole your Remus. Exact words. 'Your Remus.'"

"I do not remember that."

He scoffs, but then his eyes light up. "Plus, there's also the fact that when I was sobering up before going to sleep that night, and you were still drinking, you were stressing over why Remus isn't in love with you anymore."

"He really isn't?" I blurt out, regretting it as soon as I see James' cocky smirk. "Oh, shut up."

Bless his soul, he presses his lips together and actually keeps himself from laughing. He then pats my back. "I don't know, mate."

I can feel walls of denial starting to crumble down. Like all of my thoughts about Remus are suddenly becoming clearer. But this is new territory for me. I've never fancied a bloke. And do I really like him that way? What if I'm just not used to being around him after that huge fight? What if my feelings for Maggie are just rebounding onto him?

"But the real question is," he adds, "does it matter if he isn't anymore?"

Before I can respond – and I don't know what the answer is, anyway – a voice pipes up from behind us, making us turn with a start.

"Seriously? If someone catches you gits out of bed while I'm on Prefect duty, I'm getting in trouble." Then,, Remus adds with a grin, "You two can sneak off snogging some other time, okay?"

Has his smile always been that gorgeous?

James' accusations resound in my head. I can almost believe that whatever I'm feeling towards him is misread. Almost believe that whatever I'm trying to figure out will pass. Almost believe that I'm just romanticizing our friendship because it feels so good to be friends with him after more than half a year of fighting. Almost believe that the only reason I'm investing myself into every little thing he does, every gesture, word, touch, is because I'm scared of losing him again. Almost.

However, as I watch him, standing there with crossed arms and head tilted like it always is when he's being snarky, with emerald eyes beaming, with a smug grin that makes my heart beat faster, with...with everything...As I watch him, 'almost' isn't enough anymore.

"Well?" he asks again. "Will you two get your arses back in bed, please?"

James rolls his eyes, "Yes, sir."

"Tosser," Remus murmurs, turning around and walking away.

As we start to follow him, I nudge James lightly.

"What?"

"Yes," I finally answer James' question. "It does matter."

Preview: "Fuck, your eyes are beautiful," I blurt out.

Remus raises his eyebrows. "What?"

"...That's a line...From a Beatles song."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"Which Beatles song?"

"The one where they were singing about...beautiful eyes," I stammer, feeling stupid. "And love. And happiness... And...yeah, I think your mom is calling me, I should go."