A/N: Hi there! Okay so I've been getting messages about my fancasts and what i think certain places look like, etc etc etc. And I don't really know how to answer because I believe that those ideas belong to the readers? Like I put minimum description unless otherwise is needed because I think that stories belong to you guys and however you interpret them. I just have these ideas on how I imagine certain things are and I put them on pinterest because i have an obsession with mood boards and shit (the link is on my profile) so you can check that out for like...a general feel of how I picture things I guess?

But anyway, this chapter is the longest one so far and it's the first time there are both Remus and Sirius POVs in a certain scene, so I hope you'll like it. Enjoy :)

-Sam

Seconds - that felt more like eternities - later, Sirius pulls away, scrambling into a sitting position. He pants, staring at me.

"Remus. What the fuck are you doing? You taste like...You're drunk. Are you kidding me?"

I roll over and bury my face into my pillow again, mumbling profanities to myself. What am I doing? I wish I knew. All I'm sure of is that I should not be kissing anyone right after a rather large bottle of Firewhiskey and that I am so full of vulnerability and hurt that I can hardly bring myself to care.

"Moony, will you look at me?" I can hear the frustration in his voice, but don't budge.

" m'sorry," I murmur, not expecting him to even hear it.

He sighs, and nudges at me. I look at him and see his impatient face. Not wanting to argue, I sit up and face him. He looks me up and down, shaking his head in disbelief. "Remus. You have a boyfriend."

I snort. "Barely."

Frowning, he asks, "What does that mean?"

"Fight. He got...yeah...Not good," I mumble incomprehensibly, my head starting to hurt and my vision starting to blur. Sirius still looks beautiful, though. I put my hand against his cheek.

Swatting my hand away, he groans. "The fact that you fought and that you're drunk doesn't make this okay."

"m'not drunk," I protest, falling back down to lie on my bed. Sirius' bed, I remind myself.

Sirius rubs at his face, his face unreadable. Still beautiful. So very beautiful.

"Sure you aren't," he mumbles, brushing my hair out of my eyes again. "You don't get this drunk this easily, Remus. You didn't eat or drink anything all day other than your dad's Firewhiskey, did you?"

"Didn't eat. Was with him. "

He rolls his eyes as he takes my shoes and socks off, before proceeding to vanish the tissues on the bed with his wand. "Merlin, the things I'd do for an instant-sober spell."

I laugh. I don't know what's funny, but I laugh.

He smiles sadly at me. "Oh, Moony. What am I gonna do with you?"

Taking hold of the blankets, he tucks me in. With a flourish of his wand, he conjures a drink of water onto the bedside table. He bends over to wipe the sweat on my forehead. Then, with his hand against my cheek, he leans in closer. Suddenly, he stops, looking hesitant. But he continues anyway, and proceeds to kiss me on the forehead. My heart flutters, but then sinks as he mutters, "You won't remember this in the morning anyway." Because I know he's right.

I stare at him longingly as he gets up to shut the window, then proceeds to leave the room. I hear him making some excuse to my mom outside about how I'm not hungry right now and will probably skip dinner. When he comes back, I only stay awake long enough to see his expression of disdain as I mumble, "'Night, Anthony."

Before I can correct myself, sleep takes over.

"Good morning!"

"Jesus Christ, don't fucking scream at me in seven in the morning."

"Oh god, you're hung-over, aren't you?

"That's none of your business, Lils."

"Right," she mutters sarcastically. "What happened?"

I rack my brain for an answer, but come up with nothing. Screwing things up with Anthony is the last thing I remember and I certainly am not in the mood to talk about that yet. "God, I don't know."

She sighs, then, as it sounds like she's settling the phone down for a bit, yells, "James! Did you and Sirius get Remus drunk last night? Poor bloke can't remember anything."

From the background, I hear James retorting. "Your trust in me really fuels this relationship."

"Oh shut up, you arse," she chides, but I can hear the endearment in her voice.

James laughs, and normally the sound of it would make me feel happy that he's finally got the girl of his dreams in his arms. But at seven in the morning with a hangover, it just makes me want to punch something.

"Lily!" I yell into the phone.

"Oh… wait, James, I'm on the phone...Hey Remus, sorry about that," she says, sounding flustered.

"You two are nauseating," I groan.

"You're just jealous," she replies.

"Jealous of a very stable relationship with nothing in your way? Of course I'm not!" I exclaim sarcastically.

"You are so bitter early in the morning, I regret calling."

"Yeah, you should," I mumble. "Why did you call anyway?"

"Nothing, it's just that Anthony and I were supposed to hang out after you two met up for lunch, but he hasn't been picking up since yesterday. Someone else just picks up and says that 'Mr. Ashwood is not in the state to take any calls as of the moment. You may leave a message or you may opt to contact him later'," she mimics in a posh accent. "What's up with that?"

"I...I don't know, Lils," I lie. "But I'll check on him, soon, yeah? I'm sure he's fine."

She sighs. "Yeah...yeah, okay. Sorry for waking you up. Take care of that hangover."

"Yeah," I mumble. "Bye Lils. Say hi to James for me."

When we hang up, I go back to the room with every intention to just collapse back onto the bed. However, when I get there, I find Sirius awake and on his feet, stretching.

"G'morning Pads," I mumble, sitting down on my bed.

He peers at me curiously.

"What?" I ask.

"Ah...nothing," he mumbles and he puts a sweater on.

"Hey, Sirius..."

He snaps to me, his eyes full of anticipation. What's with him?

"Yeah?"

"What happened last night? I'm hung-over as fuck and I don't even know how?"

His face kind of falls. "Oh, ah, yeah. You drank some of your dad's liquor. You didn't eat all day, so it took quite a toll on you. When I got home you were asleep though. Slept through the whole night. Totally knackered."

I frown, trying to piece together my memories. "Oh. Right...yeah."

Remus,

When I call, your mom picks up all the time and tells me you aren't there. Please talk to me.

Anthony

P.S. I sorta, kinda bought an owl just to write to you. I may or may not have named him Snitch. You were right, I do have a Quidditch problem.

Remus,

It's been a week. You can't just keep ignoring me. We need to talk. We are not over, okay? Please, I need to see you.

Anthony

Remus,

I'll be honest, if I wasn't hesitant to invade your personal space or something, I would have just Apparated onto your doorstep again. I'm getting desperate, Remus. I know I acted horrible. I'm so sorry. Merlin, I honestly don't care, it just took me by surprise, okay? I freaked out. I shouldn't have. Please hear me out. Let's talk, please?

Anthony

Rem,

I don't want to give up on you but I feel like you want me to and I can't accept that unless you're sure I have no place to make up for it anymore. The thing is, the moment you left my room, I instantly felt guilty. Merlin, I honestly don't know why I reacted the way I did. All I know is that I was shocked - I mean, obviously. But please understand that I needed time for it all to sink in. Well, at least I thought I did. Because I don't. All I need is you and for you to know that, no matter what, you are absolutely perfect to me.

When I was growing up, the stories I heard from my parents about werewolves were all horror and action. The werewolves were always the bad guys. But now, looking back on it, it's stupid that a curious child like me never questioned why they only talked about one kind. The kind with scary eyes and the evil grin and all that storybook villain crap. Maybe the reason I was so surprised is because they never told me some werewolves had beautiful green eyes and dorky smiles and big hearts. They didn't tell me how human they can be. They didn't tell me how beautiful they can be. They didn't tell me how they are perfectly capable of turning an asshole with commitment issues into a big sap.

I respect that you need your space and time and all that. I'm willing to wait because I know this is my fault. I shouldn't have kept pushing the issue and I should've been supportive instead of acting like a total prick. You deserve more than that. And when you can trust me to be what you deserve - and I swear that I can be - just say the word and I'll be there.

Rem, it's gonna take a whole lot more than that to scare me away and I'm sorry I didn't show you that sooner.

love,

Anthony

I sigh and stuff the letter into my pocket. Patting the Tawny Owl perched on my window, I smile a little. "God, he's really persistent, isn't he?"

Snitch hoots in what I interpret as frustrated agreement.

I stroke his feathers, mumbling, "Sorry, little guy. Maybe next time. Just not ready..." I trail off, feeling a bit silly explaining myself to an owl. Before I can continue, however, he spreads his wings and flies away.

"Still Anthony?" someone asks.

Turning around, I find James.

"Yeah," I mutter. "How about you? Gave up on helping Sirius with the bike?"

Laughing, he nods. "You're right. That thing is a death trap. Told him I heard you calling me."

I snort. "You arse."

Grinning, he shrugs. "So, what's going on, on the Anthony front?"

"He keeps asking for forgiveness and all that. But I don't even know what he's apologizing about. For reacting the way any normal human being should react? I mean, for fuck's sake, it took you lot months before you could admit to me that you knew. Hell, even Lily hasn't talked to me about any of it. Sirius almost got us all killed because of a fucking prank and I actually forgave him. I mean, based on past experiences, how Anthony's dealing with this is impressive. It only took him two days until he started trying to talk to me again. That's a bloody record."

He raises his eyebrows. "Then why are you avoiding him?"

"Because I'm a horrible human being, that's why," I deadpan.

"You're spending too much time with Sirius. You're being far too dramatic," he accuses. Then, he looks at me with narrowed his eyes, a look of comprehension dawning on his face. "Sirius. That's why you're avoiding Anthony."

I sit on my bed, glaring at him. "Shut up."

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Moony, mate, you've got to make up your mind. Anthony or Sirius?"

"The bloke who just found out I have a rather intense time of the month or the bloke who can't even say that he fancies me without cringing and freaking out..." I trail off, tapping on my chin in mock-contemplation. "Well, both choices are just so appealing."

He rolls his eyes and smacks my head, before sitting next to me. "You get more and more sarcastic every time I see you, for Merlin's sake."

I sigh, rubbing my temples. "I'm sorry...I just...Oh, I don't know. After years of pathetic pining and whining to you, you'd think the answer'd be obvious..."

"But?" James prompts.

"But," I start, "I also like Anthony. He's smart and nice and cool and all that shit..."

"'Cool and all that shit,'" James repeats in an amused voice. "Bollocks, if this is the kind of romance Sirius is missing out on, I hardly feel sorry for him."

I snort and kick his shin. "You wanker. Just because you're suddenly Model Boyfriend of the Year," I counter.

He laughs, kicking me back. "Seriously, though. I'm not urging you to break up with the bloke or anything, I know he's a great person...But it's just hard to imagine that, after all this time, you can manage staying in this relationship when you're so obviously still so in love-"

"I'm not in love with-"

"-with Sirius. I'm not saying I know what you're supposed to do or anything...But...I don't know, mate, I'm just confused."

"How do you think I feel?" I ask, smiling sadly. "I don't know...I guess it's just the fact that if I don't go with whatever feelings I have for Sirius, it won't make a difference. We'll still be best mates. We can still have fun and do things together. But if I break up with Anthony for a chance with Sirius, odds are, I get disappointed."

James frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Like I said, he can't even tell me he likes me without cringing. He acts so impulsively and everything, but the moment I need answers he freezes up and freaks out. It's not like I can force them out of him, I know that. But I'm honestly not willing to risk our friendship for something he can't even face. And there's something going on with him. Something he's not telling me, which is making all this all the more confusing."

"Have you tried talking to him again? I mean, it's been...what, over a month since the incident?"

"I don't know..."

"Stop being so bloody scared and fucking face it, Lupin!" James groans. "I mean, I love him, but Sirius is a bloody coward when it comes to feelings and being vulnerable...He needs you to step up. And I know that isn't fair, but if you want answers, then you're going to have to force it out of that idiot. He's been staring at you like a lovesick idiot these past few weeks. He doesn't shut up about you. When I ask him about it, he shrugs and days 'It's nothing.' but I'm suddenly not allowed to mention Anthony. He has it bad, Moony."

My heart does a slow flip at the thought of the effect I have on Sirius and how, years ago, I would have killed for this kind attention. But now I just want to go back to bed and sleep forever. The only way to never confront anyone ever again. "Ugh. Fine...I'll talk to him."

"Level with me, yeah?" I say that afternoon, as soon as James and Peter leave and Sirius is alone with me in the living room. "What's going on with you the past few weeks?" I ask, despite the fact that I know the answer.

He cocks his head to the side, crossing his arms. "Um…what are you going on about?"

"You've been acting strange around me."

"No, I haven't."

"I feel like you're keeping something from me, Pads," I mutter, running my hands through my hair in frustration. "You stare at me like you're anticipating me to say something and when you aren't, you're avoiding me. Like you don't trust yourself to not set off a bomb when we're alone. What's up with that?"

Shaking his head, he forces a smile. Does he honestly think, that even after all these months of shit, I can still be fooled with that?

"Moony, you're overreacting," he insists. "I've just been tired from all the work we're doing for the flat, okay? The lack of sleep is making me all jumpy and everything. No big deal, Remus."

I frown. "Sirius..."

"What?"

"We both know what I really mean, yeah?"

He looks away. "Look, Remus, I just...I don't know, Moony."

"You and I both know that we are incapable of just ignoring this for a long time without it all exploding in our faces. Might as well just talk about it, yeah? I mean, I know we kind of have, but you...I don't know where you stand on this and I can't just let what happened slip."

Looking up, his eyes look hopeful. "You remember?"

I frown. "Of course I remember. I mean, I know it was over a month ago and everything, but of course I remember being a total arse not telling you about him before...yeah."

"Oh. That kiss," he mumbles so softly I almost don't hear him.

"What other kiss would I be talking about? Because the Common Room one doesn't count. Drunk snogging never does..." I trail off.

He leans back and puts up his feet on the coffee table, staring fixedly at his shoes. "Oh...Yeah, right, of course not..."

"So anyway," I mumble. "When I asked you weeks ago and you asked me if I knew how you about felt me...Yeah, I know. But not completely."

"What are you talking about, Remus?" he asks, his gaze away from me still steady.

"I'm talking about how I don't know how to deal with all this when you can't even say it to my face. Because no matter what, a part of me will always be wondering whether I'm just making an idiot out of myself, assuming someone as amazing as you could ever want me."

That breaks through Sirius's blank expression for a bit, before he just looks away completely. "Why do I need to acknowledge this, Remus?"

Because I want you so bad, but I know I can't be with someone who isn't even willing to acknowledge our relationship to himself without flinching or drowning in insecurity over it.

"Hey, Pads, look at me," I mumble. "Please."

He looks at me, looking impatient. "Remus...I'm really just-"

"How'd you feel about me, Sirius? And don't give me 'We're best mates' again."

Frowning, he scoffs. "Confused. Bloody fucking confused..."

Well, that's sorta progress, I think to myself.

"That's normal," I mumble. "I mean, when I first realized I was que-"

"'m'not queer," he mutters. "All this is just...different. Somekind of bizarre chink in the armor," he mutters bitterly. I can practically feel his defensive walls surrounding him again.

I laugh humorlessly, shaking my head in disbelief. "Chink in the armor. Right. You're kidding, right?"

"Look, does it matter? You have a boyfriend," he retorts.

My heart sinks at his cutthroat tone. Sighing, I look at him again. "Fine, if it doesn't matter, can I ask you something?"

He doesn't meet my gaze. "What is it, Moony?" he whines.

"What do you want?"

Finally, he looks up, his eyes searching mine for some kind of sign that this is some stupid test. Guiltily, I think of how it really is a test.

He shakes his head in frustration, before standing up. "Moony...can we not do this today?"

I sigh. "Sirius..."

"I...I'm gonna go work on my bike and spend the night at James', yeah?"

"Pads, just-"

"Remus. Don't. I don't want anything, okay? I...don't want to want anything."

Then, he mumbles something I can't quite make out.

"What?"

But before I can even expect an answer, he turns around and in a blur, and with a crack, he's gone.

Trying to contain my anger, I bury my face into the cushions. Then, I scream into them, a ball of irritation and frustration and confusion boiling in my chest. When I sit up, I immediately reach for the stationery and the fountain pen on the coffee table and start to write.

Anthony,

D'you reckon you could come over right now?

Rem

P.S. Snitch is a horrible name.

SIRIUS POV

I'm about to get up and work on my bike some more as soon as James and Peter leave, but then Remus suddenly says, "Sirius, level with me..."

My heart starts beating like mad, my hopes running high. But then, before I can respond, he beats me to it.

"What's going on with you the past few weeks?"

I keep myself from snorting. Is he honestly asking that? Taking a long, patient breath, I just cross my arms and ask, "Um...what are you going on about?"

"You've been acting strange around me."

"No, I haven't," I reply, feeling stupid.

"I feel like you're keeping something from me, Pads," he says, running his hands through his hair. It's almost unfair how beautiful he is. Even more unfair that it took me so long to realize. "You stare at me like you're anticipating me to say something and when you aren't, you're avoiding me. Like you don't trust yourself to not set off a bomb when we're alone. What's up with that?"

I'm anticipating you to remember how you begged me to snog you and damn right I can't trust myself. I can't trust myself to not kiss you again, you bloody wanker.

"Moony, you're overreacting," I assure with a forced smile. "I've just been tired from all the work we're doing for the flat, okay? The lack of sleep is making me all jumpy and everything. No big deal, Remus."

Not buying any of it, he just frowns. "Sirius..."

"What?"

"We both know what I really mean, yeah?"

I feel my heart drop to my stomach, feeling uneasy with my thoughts again and unable to look at him. "Look, Remus, I just...I don't know, Moony."

"You and I both know that we are incapable of just ignoring this for a long time without it all exploding in our faces. Might as well just talk about it, yeah? I mean, I know we kind of have, but you...I don't know where you stand on this and I can't just let what happened slip."

I look up hopefully, but try to steady my voice, trying not to give away my expectations. "You remember?"

Looking confused, he frowns again. "Of course I remember. I mean, I know it was over a month ago and everything, but of course I remember being a total arse not telling you about him before...yeah."

My face falls and the frustration grows. "Oh. That kiss."

"What other kiss would I be talking about? Because the Common Room one doesn't count. Drunk kisses never do..."

It takes all I can to not just grab his face and scream and that it bloody fucking counted to me. It's been over a week and it still does.

I stretch out my legs, leaning back and feeling defeated. Feeling like giving up. "Oh...Yeah, right, of course not..."

"So anyway," he continues. "When I asked you weeks ago and you asked me if I knew how you felt about me...Yeah, I know. But not completely."

"What are you talking about, Remus?" I ask, looking away from him so the panic isn't obvious in my eyes.

"I'm talking about how I don't know how to deal with all this when you can't even say it to my face. Because no matter what, a part of me will always be wondering whether I'm just making an idiot out of myself, assuming someone as amazing as you could ever want me."

My mouth opens, feeling caught off guard. My eyes flicker to him as I consider just telling him anyone in their right mind would want him. But, I can barely outright admit that I like him, much less tell him how anyone would be stupid to not want him. So I just look away completely again. "Why do I need to acknowledge this, Remus?"

"Hey, Pads, look at me," I hear him say. "Please."

I turn to him, exasperated. "Remus...I'm really just-"

"How'd you feel about me, Sirius? And don't give me 'We're best mates' again."

How I feel about you? Gods, how do I even begin to explain that, Remus?

"Confused. Bloody fucking confused..."

"That's normal. I mean, when I first realized I was que-"

"'m'not queer," I blurt out, before I can help myself. "All this is just...different. Some kind of bizarre chink in the armor," I finish, fully aware of how ridiculous I sound when my defence mechanism kicks in. But it's true isn't it? He's one bloke. That doesn't immediately make me a bloody poof.

But he's not just any bloke.

He laughs humorlessly, looking offended. "Chink in the armor. Right. You're kidding, right?"

"Look, does it matter? You have a boyfriend," I retort bitterly. Regretting it at once, I find myself wanting to crawl into bed and not show my face again. This is about us, not about my jealousy issues. I mean, not that I'm jealous.

Taken aback, he sighs. "Fine, if it doesn't matter, can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Moony?"

"What do you want?"

You.

With my head in an overdrive and my temper and patience and sanity all over the place, I just stand up. "Moony...can we not do this today?"

"Sirius..."

"I...I'm gonna go work on my bike and spend the night at James', yeah?"

"Pads, just-"

"Remus. Don't. I don't want anything, okay? I...don't want to want anything..." I mutter. "...that I can't have," I add under my breath.

"What?"

Before I can answer him - not that I was planning to - I'm spinning and I feel myself plant firmly on the carpeted floor of James' room.

"I don't get it, mate," James says an hour later, as he flops back down on his bed next to me, both of us staring at the ceiling. It's masked with posters of bands Lily and Remus introduced to us, pictures of him, me, Remus, and Peter throughout the years, Gryffindor banners, and, the most recent addition, a muggle picture of him and Lily. "He already knows how much you bloody want him, you wanker. Might as well tell him."

"I want him, yeah, but so what? What does that even mean? I don't want a bloody boyfriend or anything. Or at least I don't think I do..." I groan. "This was supposed to be a fun, happy group. The Marauders. Now I feel like a bad soap opera. It's terrible."

"Tell me about it," James agrees as he twirls his wand between his fingers. "Not very punk of you."

Letting out an exaggerated gasp, I tug on my leather jacket. "Excuse you, liking Remus Lupin is very punk."

James laughs, shaking his head. "See, if you told him that, you two would be riding into the sunset on your bike by now, you tosser."

"Oh, yeah, definitely," I exclaim sarcastically. "Ride into the sunset. Hope Blondie won't mind, yeah?"

James snorts, rolling his eyes. "He has a name, you know."

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter. "Sorry."

James turns to me with a smirk. "Ah, screw it. Blondie is so much better than The Maggot."

I raise my eyebrows, facing him. "...What? The Ma-...Maggie?" I ask incredulously. "He's been calling Maggie that?"

He nods, chuckling. "If you think you're feeling anything he hasn't yet, you're wrong. Bloke's been mad about 'ya since third year. He's been through all that. Bitter jealousy, pining, constant relapses into denial, and, my personal favorite," he adds with sarcasm, "annoying complaining instead of actually doing something about it. That was always fun for me."

I roll my eyes. "Oh shut up."

"Seriously though," he starts, "what do you want?"

"For Blondie to keep his hands off Moony."

James sighs. "And suppose he does, huh? Suppose they break up or something. What exactly would you do?"

"Celebrate?"

"Wrong answer," James deadpans. "You know what I mean, Pads."

"Honestly, I don't know...I mean...he's..." I trail off, failing at my attempt to form actual sentences. "James," I start again, "I can't even talk about how I feel about girls and you expect me to suddenly say the right thing about Moony?"

James pulls a face. "Mate, please, I don't expect you to say the right thing about anything -"

"You wanker."

"-but I could always count on you to say something."

"I don't know how I feel, okay, Prongs? I don't know how I feel and it's utter shit."

James sighs and ruffles my hair. "I know, Pads. I get it. But if you want Moony, you have to realize that that is ultimately what sets Anthony apart, yeah? He is not perfect-"

"Remus seems to think so."

James rolls his eyes and starts again. "He isn't perfect, but ultimately, Remus just needs affirmation that whatever he has with a person isn't just all in his head. And Anthony gives him exactly that. If you want our Moony, you better step up your game, Pads."

"Comforting," I reply dryly, trying not to think of how right he is.

He shrugs. "Sorry, mate. Just stating the obvious. I mean you don't need some huge gesture or a big banner with I'M SUPER GAY FOR YOU written on it or anything. But the thing is, if you had no chance, Moony wouldn't be so hell-bent on getting you to tell him. If he's so sure about being with Anthony, he wouldn't have pushed it the moment he found out. You two would still be mates and he'd be okay with however you dealt with your feelings. But it's not like that, is it? He wants to hear - to know - that you like him the way he's fancied you all these years. Sirius, mate, you have a chance, you're bloody stupid if you think otherwise. Even stupider if you're not going to do anything about it."

I try to feel unfazed by the truth in all of that. It isn't something I can fathom, even if it has been some sort of an unspoken fact. Even after everything, I still can't get it through my thick skull that he actually does fancy me. And that alone is too much for me to handle. Doing something about it would mean admitting to him that I could be...like him.

"Do I have to do something about it? Can't I just grow old living on your couch or something? Would Lily mind that? "

"I'm sure she will. Maybe she'll take in Padfoot, though. No one can shoo away a stray dog."

"Now we're thinking."

James chuckles. "That's your final plan, yeah? Be miserable and live on my on my couch while Anthony shags Remus?"

Getting a sick feeling to my stomach, I nudge him sharply in the ribs. "Thanks for the mental picture, mate. Real helpful."

"Really though," James insists, "you really aren't planning to do anything now?"

"Does staying with you for a bit while I get things straight count as a plan?"

He snorts. "Well, I don't think you're exactly capable of getting things straight."

"Ha. Ha-ha. Funny."

Grinning, he rolls his eyes. "Oh, lighten up, princess. Of course you can stay."

I roll over, and put an arm over him, hugging him close. "Thank you."

James laughs, trying to push me off. "Fuck's sake, Sirius, I'm taken, remember?"

"Well apparently that's my type."

"You wanker. At least let Remus know you're staying here."

Groaning, push myself away from him. "Fine. Lemme borrow Tabby."

"Can't," James replies. "Mum just let her go to deliver some of her letters to Dad while he's away for work."

"Then how do I-"

I cut myself off when I notice, for the first time, that contraption on his bedside table.

"Merlin," I mumble, "you have one of those things too now?"

"They're called telephones, Padfoot, in case you forgot," he retorts, picking it up and dialling. "It's easier to talk to Lily like this since she doesn't want to have an owl around her sister. Took me a while to get a hang of, but yeah...Here," he says, handing it to me.

I eye it warily and eventually take it. "So...I just...talk into it?"

"Yes, Sirius."

Placing it against my ear like how I see Remus does, I hear ringing.

"It's just ringing, Prongs! Is that even nor-"

"Hello?"

"Oh...hi," I managed, embarrassingly with a cracked voice. "Hello Moony."

"...Sirius?"

"Yeah, hey...um..."

Suddenly, I hear his laughter. Before I know it, I'm smiling.

"What is it?"

"You know how to use a phone?"

"Oh shut up," I mumble, ignoring James' side comments. ("Sirius, you know what I realize? When you talk to Moony, your face literally looks like those Muggle cartoons where the characters have hearts for eyes.")

"Just surprised," Remus mumbles. "Are you at James'?"

"Yeah...I mean, for a couple of days."

"Okay, yeah," he says, sounding awkward and uneasy. "So...hey, about that...whole thing a while ago..."

"Yeah," I cut him off. "I'm sorry. I mean...I just don't have things figured out and...I don't want to mess things up. But I want you to know that-"

"No, no," he hastily cuts me off. "I...I took it too far. It's my fault. I'm sorry. Won't happen again. I've just been really confused about what to feel about all of this. But it's all cool. I realize now how much of a prat I sounded."

The ease in his voice puts me off. Like he's willing to just put the subject to rest. That would have made me relieved hours ago, but now that James pointed out that the only reason he never left things as they are was because he cares. Because he still had feelings for me. I can't help but feel like he sounds like he's giving up...And that he has every reason to.

"No, Moony, look, we can still talk about it some other time if-"

I cut myself off, hearing another voice on his end. I can't quite make out who it is, though.

"Who's that?"

"Oh, um, it's nothing, just my dad talking to my mom," he mutters. "But uh...no, it's alright. You're right. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. I respect that. We're good, Padfoot. We're always going to be best mates, so don't worry."

My heart sinks, trying to keep my thoughts in place. "Ah...right. Yeah. So...um...I'll be back there in a couple days before James and I finish up on the flat, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure. Tell James I said hi."

"Yeah, yeah...Bye Moony, you take care over there, yeah?"

"I can survive without you, Pads," he jokes. "Bye."

His voice disappears and there's just this steady tone coming out of the phone. I toss it back to James.

He hangs up as well and looks at me curiously. "You okay?"

I shake my head. "You're right. I have to do something."

He raises his eyebrows. "Well that came out of nowhere. What are you planning to say?"

"I don't know..." I mumble. "The truth, I guess."

"Which is?"

"...I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"I don't," I repeat. "But I should probably go over there tomorrow and try to talk about it again before he decides for good the conversation is over. Like...stalling until...I can figure all this out."

James looks at me, almost with pity. "Whatever you say, Padfoot."

As I walk up to the house, I spot Mrs. Lupin at the garage working on Mr. Lupin's old truck. She peers around the hood, and smiles politely at me. Even covered in grime and sweat, she manages to look motherly and radiant. "Hello there, sweetheart."

"Hey," I call back, waving. I walk up to her and lean against the truck. "I always thought this was Mr. Lupin's truck."

Snorting, she puts down the hood. "Well, technically he drives it more. But you wizards are useless when it comes to handling vehicles. The reason I have to work on this things is because he tried to fix it once. Made it worse," she says, grinning. "However, I do love how your bike is coming along. Pretty impressive, the whole flying thing. Isn't that illegal in your Magic Law Government or whatever?"

I grin. "What they don't know won't hurt 'em, yeah?"

She rolls her eyes. "Such an amazing influence to have around my son," she jokes, although with a kind smile.

"Speaking of," I suddenly remember, "is he here? Or is he with Lily or something?"

"Oh, he's here alright. He's been up in his room though. Hasn't come down since breakfast. Don't know what's with him this time 'round."

Getting a bit worried, I frown and suddenly look at my bike next to her.

Catching my gaze, Mrs. Lupin puts a hand on the bike. "Hey, don't think about dashing off. He's just being a teenager. I can't get through him, but I'm sure you can. You were always better at that."

I laugh. "Doubt that."

She takes the towel off her shoulder to wipe the sweat on her forehead. "Oh come on, remember when he had that horrid haircut - my fault, I know - and he stayed indoors for days until you convinced him to go outside?"

Smirking at the memory, I nod. "That's because I threatened to hex him if he didn't."

"He knew you two were underage, Sirius," she points out." Besides, even if you weren't, that wouldn't scare my kid. I mean, no offense, but he could take any of you in a duel."

Laughing, I put up my hands. "Not gonna argue with that."

Smiling, she shakes her head fondly. "Good. Now can you please go up there and find out what he's moping on about?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay," I mumble, turning around and jogging to the house.

"Make sure he's not doing any drugs or anything!" she calls.

I turn around. "What are drugs?"

She rolls her eyes. "Never mind, sweetie, go get him, yeah?"

Confused, I just shrug it off and turn to continue up the house, hearing her mutter something like, "Christ, wizards don't know anything."

I jog up to Remus, with my heart going faster than my feet. The idea that I am just going to plan to barge into his room and tell him that that I'm mad about him sounds absolutely bonkers and even more than that, terrifying. But if that's what he wants, then fine. At least then, my end of it all is sealed, and all his decision making will be up to him. Whether he wants me or not, that's in his hands now. It's up to him.

However, as I open the door and feel the sudden shallowness of my chest and heaviness of my being, it's clear he has already made a choice.

"Fuck," Remus mutters, his eyes widening. Only in his jeans, he pushes himself off a half-naked and equally surprised Ashwood. However, when he finally stumbles out of bed, facing me, he's at loss for words like me.

Ashwood tugs on his jumper - no, Moony's jumper - and sits up. His face is pale and his eyes are darting back and forth towards me and Remus.

Panicking, I force out a laugh. "Oh…um...well, someone's busy. Is this what prefects are up to these days? Impressive. And I thought you were all a bunch of nerds."

The fake teasing tone was enough to fool Ashwood. He just shakes his head and rolls his eyes, with a defeated smile.

But Remus, who has his back to him and is facing me, maintains his apologetic expression. Big green eyes pleading and teeth chewing onto his lower lip nervously. I want to punch him and his stupid full lips and gorgeous shining eyes. Fuck.

Ashwood clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. He stands up, mumbling, "God, okay, I should get going-"

I wave him off, shaking my head. "No, no, don't be daft, mate," I say hastily. Mate. Yeah, mate, don't be daft. Keep your hands off Remus. "I'm the one who barged in. It's all good, yeah? I'll just...talk to Remus tomorrow."

"Sirius…" Remus mutters.

"Yeah, Moony?"

"I…"

"Save it, Remus," I say, maintaining my smile. "See you tomorrow."

Before he can respond - which I doubt he was planning to - I turn around and leave. It takes all I can to not slam the door in his face. His stupid beautiful face. That was being covered by Ashwood's face seconds ago.

Fuck.

Preview:

"Sirius...Oh Merlin, don't hate me, but we need to talk..."