Remus and I never talk about it.

The conversation is never continued, although, there was hardly a conversation to begin with.

We do what we are best at, pretending nothing happened. As if I'm not fucking mad about him and didn't walk in on him and his boyfriend, half naked, on his bed.

I walk into my room and collapse into my bed. It took a while, but James and I finally finished up with my place. It's furnished and painted and actually looks decent for human habitation now, which is saying a lot considering it was left in our hands.

It's the day after the full moon and I've just left Remus in James and Peter's care after making sure he takes all the right potions. Moony was rough on Padfoot last night and I am absolutely knackered. I've got gashes and wounds and aches all over. I just need to call it a day, despite the fact that it's only after lunch.

Shucking off my clothes until I'm only in my boxers, I curl up underneath the sheets, trying to catch up on sleep. Last night really took its toll on me. Moony thrashed around and ran too fast and clawed. It was close to unbearable.

I look down at my arms and torso to see all the reds and blues and pinks marring my skin. At first, I move to get up and fetch some potions from the cupboard in my kitchen, but then I realize I brought all my supplies to Remus' and that he needs them more than I do. So I just lie there and try to fall asleep.

Of course, I don't.

I just end up thinking of him again. The way he looks so in place when he's in Ashwood's arms is unnerving. I've never seen Remus get so bodily comfortable with anyone like that, other than us. It's so weird to think that someone else can take up so much of Remus' life. Ashwood isn't some fling; the way Remus' eyes sparkle when he looks at the bloke is enough to prove that. He's slowly becoming one of Remus' best mates too, and I can't help but feel like he's replacing me in that department.

Looking around at the walls of my room, my heart feels heavier with nostalgia. James decorated it the way he decorated his ceiling. Muggle band posters from Moony. Pictures of motorcycle and car models. Ripped magazine pages of Muggle girls in bikinis. Gryffindor banners. Of course, it's mostly coated with pictures of us four and our friends. Most of the photographs were taken in the summer or before fifth year. It feels so off that everything used to be so simple. Even with my family and Remus' condition, we managed to have an amazing time all these years.

My head must have grown accustomed to all my thoughts because, a couple of hours later, I feel myself getting sleepy. However, just as I am about to nod off, I hear a tap on my window.

A big, brown, barn owl is outside, with two letters. Groaning, I get up, and let him fly in. He lands on the desk next to me, dropping the letters and leaving before I can even offer him any treats or water. He must be one of the school owls.

Sure enough, looking down, I see one of the letters has a Hogwarts seal. I rip it open to read it, but it's just the usual back-to-school notice, so I don't bother reading the whole thing.

However, the second envelope has 'Sirius' scrawled on it in Peter's handwriting. Confused, I open it.

Padfoot,

Sorry if this is bothering you. I know you just got home and had a rough night. But the owl sent your Hogwarts letter and list of requirements here at Remus', so we thought you should have it. I don't think Dumbledore knows you moved into your own place a couple days ago.

But anyway, after you've rested, meet us back here, yeah? We have amazing/horrible news. James absolutely can't wait to tell you. It's marvelous.

Peter

Frowning, I can't help but wonder what those pricks are up to this time. Nevertheless, I'm too knackered to try and guess or even care at the moment. So I throw the letter aside, among my other things, and go back to bed, letting myself stay there and finally sleep.

"Sirius, I swear to everything that is good in this world, you have to wake up."

Moony?

I blink, my blurry vision clearing by the second. After I rub my eyes, I finally see what's going on.

Remus is at my bedside, grinning smugly, Peter is behind him, giggling childishly, and James is sitting on my desk on the other side of the room, sulking.

I groan and push myself up to a sitting position. "What is wrong with you lot? Remus, shouldn't you be resting? You look dreadful."

Rolling his eyes, he shrugs off the comment. "Sorry, mate, we couldn't wait."

"This is very exciting news. Ground-breaking. Historic. Legendary," Peter adds, with matching sweeping gestures.

"The best thing we've heard all year," Remus promises.

"Definitely. It's like music to our ears."

"The sound of all that is fair in the world."

"The promise that our seventh year is going to be way better than we've ever imagined."

"The assurance that I can finally get payback for everything James has done for me as a prefect."

"The beacon of hope-"

James cuts in, with a frustrated voice. "I think he gets it, you pricks."

I raise an eyebrow. "Will you ladies please tell me what the fuck is so important you decided it couldn't wait until I got some sleep?"

"Well," Remus starts with gleaming eyes as he crosses his arms, "remember how you wankers were talking very loudly a few months back so I could hear how you planned to sabotage every move of the new Head Boy? How you're going to use your friendship with him to gain ultimate status in the school? How he's going to wake up with his badge vandalized every day?"

I chuckle. "We were just messing with you, Moony. Not like we're actually going to do it...Well, not all the time," I add as an afterthought. "So, where's your badge? Or have you put it away for shining already?"

Peter starts laughing again, leaning against my wall for support. Remus bites down his laughter and turns to James. "I think it's only fair you enlighten him, yeah?"

James glares at him and sighs as he turns to me. "Sirius...Oh Merlin, don't hate me, but we need to talk...Please keep in mind that no matter what, nothing is going to change-"

My jaw drops. "No...way..."

I almost don't hear Remus and Peter laughing hysterically.

James walks over. "I don't even know why I'm..."

I feel the corners of my lips tugging upward. "You...you're..."

James pouts childishly. "Don't say it."

I fall out of my bed laughing.

An hour later, Remus is slouching against my headboard next to me (I'm trying to ignore how aware I am of him right there), Peter is on my other side, putting on James' new Head Boy badge, and the man of the hour himself is on the foot of my bed, still scowling.

"Are you arseholes done laughing now?"

I wipe my tears, nodding. "Yeah, yeah, it's all out; I'm good."

Remus agrees with a soft chuckle. "Yeah, definitely. Oh god, I'm so happy. I don't have to look after you jerks anymore. Oh my god."

Peter just sighs in contentment as he looks down at the badge.

James outstretches his leg and kicks me with it. "All of you are rude."

Grinning, I shake my head. "Sorry, mate. I'm just...we've been planning all these amazing sabotages for when Remus gets Head Boy since fifth year. Irony is amazing."

He rolls his eyes, but I can see that he's lightening up.

"Whatever, you tossers," he mumbles. Then, he gets on his feet, rubbing his eyes. "I'm gonna head back, yeah? I didn't tell my folks that these two were gonna kidnap me. Pete, you still staying over or are you planning to laugh at me forever?"

Peter smirks. "How could I ever pass up an invitation from the Head Boy?"

James glares at him.

"Just arsing around, no need to get your knickers in a bunch," he says, laughing as he gets up as well. "Moony, you?"

Remus smiles at them and shakes his head. "Nah, I'll be at home. I'm just going to hang back here for a bit though."

James shrugs. "If you say so. See you tomorrow, you lot."

With sharp cracks, James and Peter disappear. That leaves me with Remus.

For a while, we sit there in silence against the headboard, staring at the wall.

I almost jump in surprise when he suddenly nudges my knee with his. I nudge back.

"Hey."

"Hi Moony."

"We okay?"

Shrugging, I mutter, "Define 'okay'."

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "'Okay' as in you don't hate me."

My heart sinks. "Why would I hate you?"

"The thing with Anthony," he replies, his cheeks reddening. "It must have been...I mean, it definitely was weird and especially right after we had that...erm, disagreement...I don't know, Pads..." he trails off. Then he adds, "Plus, Moony was awful to you. Oh my god, I'm so sorry about that, by the way."

I scoff, straightening with fake confidence. "Psh, you think I can't take you? Fighting off werewolves is my idea of relaxation."

He laughs, nudging my knee again. Well, more like kicking it. "I'm trying to talk to you here!"

I smile, nodding. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. I just...don't want to talk about feelings, okay?"

He snorts. "No kidding."

Feeling a bit offended, I fixate my eyes on the wall. It's not like there isn't any truth to that, but hearing him like that still isn't easy.

"...Right."

Looking guilty, he sighs. "Sorry. I know it's unfair for me to make you talk."

"And I know it's unfair for me to want someone when I can't even fight for him."

The words slip out before I can filter them.

Remus stares at me, looking taken aback.

"You want me," he repeats.

My throat goes dry, and my heart starts to pick up its pace. I look everywhere in the room except at his green eyes. Crossing my arms, I suddenly feel trapped and on the verge of running away.

"No," I mumble hopelessly. I shake my head, muttering, "Look, it's late. I should probably get back to sleep, yeah? You can stay over if you want-"

Before I can finish, he stands up, with a frustrated look of disbelief on his face. He tries to breathe deeply as he rubs at his face. "You're right. It is getting late. I should get going, mum and dad'll have my head if they find out I'm not in bed. Goodnight."

Trying not to look guilty, I just mumble, "Oh...yeah."

"Sirius, you're doing the puppy dog face."

I frown. "I'm not!"

He smiles sadly, ignoring my protest. "Look, Sirius. I just...need to get used to this, yeah? I respect that you aren't comfortable with whatever is going on in your head, and I'm willing to cope with that because I know I'm involved with that. But right now, I just need to go home. We're okay, I swear."

I sigh. "Really?"

"Yeah," he assures. "I mean, unless you're planning to stop talking to me again."

Pouting, I throw a pillow at him, which he dodges.

Laughing, he puts his hands up. "Sorry, low blow."

Trying to stop myself from laughing, I raise my eyebrows. "You think?"

He grins. "Goodnight, loser. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Of course."

The next month passes in a blur. James, Remus, and Peter sneaking out at night to stay at my place. Long morning runs through the forests. Swimming in the rivers near Remus' house afterwards. Torturing James about his title, which he still pouts about. Improving my bike and forcing everyone to try it out with me (surprisingly, Lily and Alice are more obliging than my cowards for roommates). Remus and I doing everything for things to stay the same.

Even the full moon is not as significant. The run a couple of nights ago as Padfoot with my friends felt like the most freeing thing in the world. Moony howled and got rowdy, but was never uncontrollable. We never stopped running until the sun starting rising from the vast horizon we could barely see because of the canopy of trees. Remus woke up with minimal injuries, which was good because not a minute after I laid Remus down on his bed, Ashwood appeared, fussing over him because he saw how beaten up Remus was last month. It's been weeks since I learned that he found out about Moony, so, with my defense mechanism kicking in, it took everything I had to not just order him to leave.

However, I reminded myself I had no right to even deprive him of taking care of Remus and that this isn't just some bloke Remus hooked up with. So I oriented him on all the potions, showed him where all the bandages were, and walked out of the room.

As I walked away, I prayed to myself that he would just stay until Remus woke up and I'd never have to see him until school resumes in three days. Of course, with my luck, that doesn't happen.

I sit cross legged on the sand with my friends, all of us surrounding a bonfire Frank conjured. The sea breeze is causing my hair to fly everywhere, whipping against the wind, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore sounds even more beautiful accompanied by Lily's drunk laughter as Alice tries to steady her. James stares at Lily with a mix of amusement and pure adoration, shaking his head and chuckling. Frank is sitting next to James, managing to laugh with a cigarette between his teeth. Peter, next to me, hands me an open can of Muggle beer Alice brought. I'm buzzed on a few beers and a shot of Firewhiskey. Alice's dad owns a house only an hour from the beach, which he offered to us tonight, free to use until the sun rises. It's the perfect picture. Almost, I mean.

Right across from me, through the flames of the fire, I see Remus and Ashwood. They're sort of facing away from the rest of the group, but still in the circle. Ashwood is leaning back on his hands, and from this angle I can see him beaming at the stars. In Ashwood's hoodie, Remus is lying down on the sand, with this head on the blonde's lap - his lap - and a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand. They're talking and I can't make anything out because their faint voices are getting drowned out by the waves and the sound of laughter. Ashwood sits up and starts to run his fingers through Remus' hair. I feel a sick lurch in my chest.

Suddenly, I remember the first time I visited Remus after the full moon, the morning he told me about when he confessed he was in love me. Years ago, having his head on my lap and singing to him was so simple. But now, I can't even put an arm around him without feeling weird.

As soon as I feel someone nudge me, I snap out of it. I turn to see Peter looking at me, concerned. "Don't mind them, yeah? You're just torturing yourself."

Gulping down the beer, I shake my head. "I'm not. I'm happy for them. They look great."

He rolls his eyes at me. "Sure they do. Look, it's our last night before we get back, and it would be dreadful if you spent it sulking around."

"It's better than spending it by being bloody nauseating," I grumble, glancing in their direction just in time to see Ashwood lean down to kiss Remus quickly on the forehead. I reach into my pocket.

Feeling around, I start to panic. However, Peter soon pulls out my wand out of his pocket. "Looking for this?"

I glare at him. "What are you playing at, Pete?" I groan.

"Took it out of your pocket when you were staring at those two," he says, shrugging. "Figured you'd be feeling murderous and all."

"Great," I mumble to myself, but I don't even try to get it back from him. I'm really good at Transfiguration and I have a feeling Remus won't forgive me for turning his boyfriend into a weasel. Or a chew toy. "Hey, Pete, I'm gonna go for a walk, yeah?"

He frowns. "Sirius, I'm just messing around, if you want to talk-"

I smile at him reassuringly. "Really, it's okay. I just need time to think, yeah?"

He shrugs. "Well, when have I ever stopped you?"

I grin at him, and get up.

I bury my fists into the pockets of my jacket. I shiver in the cold, but it's manageable. My mind in a daze, I walk away from the bonfire, trying not to look back. Focusing on the sounds of the waves and the laughter getting fainter because of the growing distance helps me drown out whatever I'm thinking. I keep trudging my way, my feet sinking into the sand and my face feeling refreshed by the windy weather. It's a bit hard to keep myself steady with my vision slightly blurred and my head a bit woozy, but just being alone helps.

In a matter of minutes, I'm far enough to not even hear Lily's voice at all, but I'm certain I can still see the fire if I look around. So I turn around, and there Remus is, with a new bottle in hand, walking up to me with a concerned expression. He stumbles a little, but recovers immediately before I can steady him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Are you okay?'

Forcing a smile, I nod. "Of course I am."

"Why you out here?" he asks, as we both stare out into the sea. "Saw you talking to Peter and then you leaving. Feeling okay?"

"I'm good, really," I insist. "Just needed to think..."

"About?"

Instead of answering, I just shrug and change the topic. "Weren't you with Ashwood just now? Did you just leave him?"

He snorts, but he has an uncharacteristically goofy smile on his face. "I'd like to think he can survive five minutes without me. I mean, he did survive weeks without us talking..."

I look at him curiously. "Are you really okay with him knowing? I mean, I know it's been over a month since he found out, but it's been a while since someone has."

"In the grand scheme of things, the way he's handling everything is impressive. He's still a bit shaken after the last full moon, but who wouldn't be? I trust him...Why, don't you?" he asks, his brow furrowed, sounding worried and dazed.

It makes me feel guilty that I want to say no. But the thing is, I do trust the bloke. There's literally nothing wrong with him, which makes everything so much more frustrating. "I do."

He lets out a breath and smiles, looking out at the sea. "Good. Really good. Amazing."

I start to walk again, and he walks alongside me, hands buried in his pockets and humming. He never hums.

"Hey, Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I know we never talked about it all...And don't worry, we don't need to..." he says, trailing off, trying to form words with his mouth.

Before he can continue, I cut in. "Really?"

He sighs and takes a swig out of his drink before speaking. "I know you aren't exactly the Grand Proclamations of Feelings type. I get that. We don't have to talk about feelings and all that crap, yeah? We don't need to. But I just need to know that as far as our friendship is concerned, there aren't any hard feelings between us. I don't want to spend my last year with you - with you guys - with this strain," he rambles, although the look in his eyes suggests that he doesn't know half the things he's saying.

I look ahead, barely able to see anything in the darkness except for the stars. Last year with you.

I take a deep breath, nodding. "Of course we're okay, Moony. Of course."

"Let's not fuck up this year too, alright?"

Smiling, I nod. "We won't."

He stops walking and I turn to look at him. He's grinning at me as he holds up his pinky.

I laugh, shaking my head. "Pinky swear? Are you fucking with me?"

He pouts, refusing to put down his hand.

Rolling my eyes, I step closer and hook my pinky around his, muttering, "You're such a fucking child, Lupin."

"And?" he prompts, with a smug look on his flushed, perfect, moonlit fucking face.

Sighing, I mumble, "Fine, you wanker." Taking a deep breath, I start, "I solemnly swear not to be a giant baby and fuck things up this time. I promise nothing will get in the way of our friendship. I promise that I won't do anything stupid to hurt either of us. I promise that this year will be a brilliant one, which is what we deserve after the crap we've been through, because you and I are in it until the end of it all. I promise."

"Same."

I drop my hand, punching him in the shoulder. "Same?"

"What?!"

"I put so much effort into that vow and you say same?"

He giggles childishly, and I for some reason, I laugh along, shaking my head in disbelief. He takes another big gulp of his drink.

"Fine, fine," he mutters as soon as he swallows, interlacing our pinkies together again and tugging me closer just with that grip. "I promise I won't snog you again," he says in a deadpan voice, but with his mouth twitching. "Happy now?"

I laugh harder this time, tears in my eyes and a dizzy feeling in my head. "What if that's not what I want you to promise?"

Before I even have time to register what I just said and feel the inevitable shame, he smirks.

"Are you flirting with me?"

"I may have had a drink or two," I admit.

He lets out a big smile. "Well, I can't say that's entirely a disadvantage for me."

"Are you flirting back?"

He leans closer. "I may have had more than a drink or two," he whispers into my ear.

I smile, reveling in the way he's looking at me. In the way he's so close. In the way he's slowly slipping his finger away from mine and lowering his hand to grip at my leather jacket instead. I can feel his breath on my skin and it's warmer and kinder than the harsh cold breeze of the late night. Just like that, my body and mind void of any filter at that moment, I move to break the promise he just made.

But as I do, my eyes flicker over his shoulder. Far away, I can still make out the form of Ashwood putting up with a very intoxicated Lily, dancing with her and spinning her around.

I snap out of it, and gently push Remus away. "Blimey, I'm being so fucking stupid," I mutter.

He looks at me, his eyes full confusion.

I sigh, wondering exactly just how much more he drank than I did.

"Hey, Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Anthony. Remember Anthony?"

His faces breaks into smile and he nods. "Yeah."

"Good. We should go back, don't you reckon?" I prompt.

He nods again and turns around. I take his drink out of his hand, thankful that he doesn't protest when I do. Then, I grab his arm, start to lead him back to the group as he starts humming again, my mind wondering how in the world this drunk mess earned a prefect badge in the first place.

When we finally make our way back to the rest of our friends, Ashwood, upon seeing us, stands. I mutter something like "How do you put up with him?" as a joke to hide the pain in my chest and he laughs as he takes Remus into his arms and coaxes him to sit in the sand with him. With his wand, he repels the sand and water from a beach blanket next to him and wraps it around Remus, who is starting to shiver a bit.

I sit across them on the other side of the fire and watch as Remus slowly falls asleep on Ashwood's shoulder, curling his pinky around his.

As I try to avert my gaze, I feel sand shift next to me and look up to see James zipping up his jacket before sitting down. He hands me a beer, and I think of taking it, but decide not to. "It's okay. I think I've had enough for tonight."

He'd usually push it, but instead, he just shrugs and takes a gulp from it himself. "You know, I saw that."

"Saw what?"

"You and Remus."

I rub my face in frustration. "Look, before you say anything, let me just make it clear that I didn't mean-"

He places a hand on my knee, urging me to stop. "Hey, cut it out, I was just going to say that you're a good bloke. I mean, you've been so full of drama lately, I forget how good you are at taking care of him and knowing what's good for him. Maybe there's hope for you after all."

"The Head Boy's approval," I say in a fake daze.

"Make fun of me all you want," he exclaims, "but starting tomorrow I'm going to own your arse."

"I'm shaking," I say sarcastically.

He sighs. "Last year, mate."

I nod. "Last year."

"One more year to do the pranks we never did."

"One more year to find Peter's cauldron we lost in the dorm back in our first year."

"One more year to convince McGonagall she's going to miss us."

"One more year to beat your arse in Transfiguration."

"One more year to beat your arse in Potions."

"One more year to figure out how we let our cardigan-wearing nerd of a friend beat us for six years straight in Defense."

"One more year to figure out how to get you our cardigan-wearing nerd of a friend together."

"One more year to convince you to shut up."

"Love you too, Sirius."