Chapter 16

Jarrod and Nick walked slowly toward the stable, not saying much yet. They were as overwhelmed as everyone else was. Neither one of them had expected that coming here was going to be easy, but each of them thought, to himself, that it was a lot more grinding than they thought it would be. They didn't say a word until they stopped by the corral, watching a chestnut mare nosing around. She looked up at them and then went back to nosing around.

"How are you feeling?" Nick asked.

"Beaten up," Jarrod said.

"I meant your outlook on life around here."

Jarrod smiled a little. "So did I. It hurts to face up to your family and tell them the truth about yourself, doesn't it?"

"Hurts more to face up to yourself," Nick said. "I never thought I'd do it, not without beating somebody up pretty bad."

"Is that what you're going to do when we leave here? Find somebody to beat up?"

"Only if you go looking for an opium den."

Jarrod shook his head. "I'm through with that, Nick. I expect it's gonna be easier for me to be through with that than for you to be through with assaulting men all over the countryside."

Nick sighed. "You know, Jarrod, I understand what I said to everybody. I understand that there was a whole boatload of truth in what I told everyone, and all in all, it wasn't that hard to own up to it. But stopping it – I don't know if I can. You know?"

Jarrod nodded. "I never had any luck stopping the drugs and the liquor until someone helped me do it. You can't do anything like we've needed to do without help."

"You found the right woman."

"And it made all the difference. But you know, Nick, there's a whole family waiting here to help you."

Nick laughed nervously. "Jarrod, these good people aren't gonna take on my troubles."

"No, you are, but maybe they'd help."

Nick just shook his head. "Jarrod, I don't know."

"I don't either. When Eloise and the doctor started helping me get off the laudanum and the opium and the liquor, I didn't know if I was gonna be able to do it. In fact, I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. I'd tried before and it never worked, but it turns out I wasn't trying the right way. I needed somebody to look me in the eye every day and just say, 'Today, you are only gonna take this much laudanum and no more.' And one day led to another and another and eventually, the years went by, and the drugs and the liquor trickled away."

"Jarrod, I can't say to myself 'Today, I'm only gonna beat up one man.'"

"No, but you can get up in the morning and say to yourself, 'Today, I'm not gonna beat up anybody, and I'll take care of tomorrow, tomorrow.'"

Nick understood, but it sounded so hard. And maybe the hardest part – "You think I ought to stay here, don't you?"

"If they ask you to, yes," Jarrod said. "You gotta admit, this place is full of good influence."

"But you won't stay."

Jarrod shook his head. "I've got a life in Sacramento."

Nick wondered something. "Jarrod, why did you leave San Francisco?"

Jarrod chuckled. "I was wondering if anybody was gonna ask me that. It was while I was still on the drugs and liquor, and I was too well connected with the suppliers. Eloise had come into my life, and she and that doctor who got me started cleaning up told me it was get away from the easy supply or I'd die. As simple as that. Once they got me on a schedule of getting off the drugs and the liquor and we knew I could stick to it, I sold my business in San Francisco and we moved to Sacramento. I started up a new freight business there."

"How did you ever keep those businesses going while you were jacked up on drugs and liquor?"

Jarrod laughed again. "There was already a good business going when I took over that first freight line in San Francisco. After that, Eloise and I hired good people to work for us, people who knew enough of what they were doing that I could let them do their jobs and not worry about it."

"But just getting started - how did you ever get started getting off of the crap?"

"I met Eloise and she made me actually want to get off the poisons. That's the secret, Nick. You gotta get to the point where you want it. You gotta want to change, because it takes a lot of work and a lot of pain. Do you want it? Do you want a different life than the one you've been living?"

"God, yes," Nick finally admitted. "God, yes, I want it."

Jarrod smiled. "Then let them know you want it. I'll bet anything they'll let you stay, or at least help you out with a job."

Nick chuckled. "A job. Can you picture me working for Eugene?"

Jarrod laughed. "I think that might be just the ticket that gets him to let you stay."

XXXXXX

Inside, there was silence for quite a while. Heath kept looking at his family, wondering seriously if he had done the right thing in bringing Jarrod and Nick here. This day had been so hard on everyone – Jarrod and Nick for speaking the truth, the rest of them for hearing it. Heath knew, for himself, that it had been a good thing that he found his older brothers. He had come to know them, and he understood them, and he liked them. But what did Victoria, Eugene and Audra think? Had it all been too much for them to believe?

Audra finally spoke first. "I don't know how to take all this. I don't know these men. I don't know whether to believe them or not."

"You were only children when they left, you and Eugene," Victoria said. "We had no idea what they were going through when they left. We didn't understand at all, so of course, you and Gene couldn't understand. At least now, I'm beginning to understand. Heath – have you met Jarrod's wife?"

"Yes," Heath said. "She's one fine woman, and Jarrod is crazy in love with her."

"Is he drinking or taking drugs anymore?" Eugene asked.

"Not that I've seen," Heath said, "and he doesn't have the look of a man who does."

"This freight business," Victoria said. "Why haven't we ever heard of it?"

"Oh," Heath said, suddenly realizing something. "Jarrod changed his name when he left here, like we thought he might have. In San Francisco, he was Jim Brooks. In Sacramento, he's Jim Brookings, and the business is Brookings Freight Lines."

Eugene stood up straight in surprise. "HE'S Brookings Freight Lines?"

Victoria shook her head and smiled. "We've used them half a dozen times. We just never met the owner – and it's Jarrod?"

Heath nodded. "Have you been happy with them?"

"Happy as we can be," Victoria said. "We never had any idea it could even possibly be Jarrod's business."

"It is," Heath confirmed. "His and his wife's."

"His wife," Audra said. "I can't believe he's married."

Heath said, "He's made a life for himself in the past few years. I think we can believe he's a different man than the one you threw out ten years ago."

"And Nick?" Victoria asked, more doubtful.

Heath sighed. "You said he always was a rough and tumble kind of guy. And we did find him finishing up a 30-day sentence in Placerville for assault. In a way, dealing with a rough personality is harder than dealing with drugs and liquor."

Audra drifted off somewhere, remembering Nick before the war. Remembering how happy he was, how he could make her laugh, how he could understand her when no one else seemed to be able to. She missed him so much.

Victoria saw it happening. "If he wants to stay, perhaps we should let him."

Audra and Eugene both looked up, surprised. "Mother, how in the world can we run all our businesses and reform our wayward brother at the same time?" Eugene asked.

"Heath," Victoria turned to him. "Jarrod won't stay even if we ask him to, will he?"

Heath shook his head. "He's got a business and a family, Mother, and it's not here."

"Jarrod used to be a good influence on Nick," Victoria said. Then she looked up at Eugene and back at Heath. "Can you two be that good influence?"

Heath said, "We got no way of knowing until we try."

Audra got up, nervous. "How can we try when we know he can be so dangerous?"

Eugene said, "It was Jarrod who hit us, Audra. Nick never did."

"But Nick has hurt other men, and you're grown now, Gene," Audra said. "He hurt Father. He could hurt you or Heath."

"I think I'm willing to take the chance, if Nick wants to stay," Heath said.

"Maybe I am too," Eugene said, "assuming he can do the work around here."

"I think he can," Heath said, "but we can make ourselves sure of that before we commit to him."

"Well, maybe I'm not ready to let him stay," Audra said.

Victoria understood. "Nick hurt you when he left you of his own free will," she said to her daughter. "And maybe he'll do it again. But your father and I didn't understand him when he came home from the war, and he left when we couldn't help him. Now we understand. Maybe he'd leave again, but maybe he wouldn't."

"There would have to be an understanding," Eugene said. "I run this ranch. Nick will be working for me, and for Heath. He won't be running this operation."

Victoria nodded. "He always thought he would be the one to run things, and it might be a problem if he starts thinking that again."

"But he might not think that," Heath said. "And I'll be backing you up, Gene. You're the boss here. We'll make him understand that before he decides whether to stay or not."

So, then it was all up to Audra. They looked at her. She looked back at each of them.