Chapter 17

Jarrod and Nick turned when they heard someone coming up behind them. It was Audra, alone, and when Jarrod looked at her she stopped and even backed up a hair. She was afraid of him, instinctively. Jarrod sighed, accepting it, knowing he deserved it.

"I want to talk to Nick," Audra said.

Jarrod nodded and went off to the house. Audra came up beside Nick and leaned on the top rail of the corral. Nick turned and did the same thing.

"He won't hurt you anymore, Audra," Nick said.

"It was just a reaction," Audra said. "I suppose if Jarrod were around enough and he didn't hurt us anymore, I'd get over it."

Nick nodded. "What do you want to talk to me about?"

"We've been talking a lot inside," Audra said, turning toward him. "Mother and Eugene and Heath think they want to ask you to stay and go to work for Eugene, but I – I don't know what I want."

"I can't say I blame you," Nick said. "I know I hurt you as much as Jarrod ever did. Maybe more."

"Nick – " Audra hesitated and swallowed. "I remember when I was a little girl and you went off to the war, I made you promise you'd come back. But you didn't."

"Whoever came back, it wasn't me," Nick agreed.

Audra looked at him. "If we ask you to stay, I have to know that you're not the same man who came back from the war. I have to know that you're not going to beat up whoever you want and then just leave me in the middle of the night without a word."

Nick sighed. "Audra, I wish I could tell you I wasn't the same man who came back from the war. I don't know if I am or not. Last week maybe I'd have said, yes, I am that same man, but that new Barkley of yours – he has a way of making you reexamine who you think you are. And then seeing how Jarrod's turned his life around over the last few years, I find myself thinking maybe it isn't as impossible as I thought to become a different man. I don't know. I can't make any promises about that. But I can promise that I will never leave you in the middle of the night without a word again. If you ask me stay, if I decide to stay, I'll never do that to you again."

Audra looked away, toward the chestnut mare, considering what Nick had said. "Do you want to stay?" she asked.

Nick took a long moment to think about that. Now that Audra had asked, it was a tougher decision than he thought. Not that he was happy going from jail to jail for starting fights with men he didn't even know. That was no way to live, and part of him knew it wasn't the way he was ever meant to live. He thought for a minute about what life would have been like for him if he had never gone to war. He'd be living here, working a ranch, probably running it. Never seeing the inside of a jail – or at least not so often.

The appeal of that picture was stronger than he ever imagined it could be. Jarrod had beaten his demons – Nick thought maybe he could beat his, or at least it was worth a try. "I do want to stay," Nick said, "but do all of you want me to stay?"

Audra hesitated, but then she said, "Let's go talk about it."

XXXXXXX

The family talked it over and decided to take another day to talk, to be together, to try to get to know each other better. Heath and Eugene took Nick out to work with the herd, to see how he'd do as a wrangler, and to see how he'd get along with the other men. Audra stayed part of the morning with Victoria and Jarrod but then spent the day in town at the orphanage. Victoria was disappointed, but Jarrod understood. She wasn't ready to be too close to him yet. She needed more time than just yesterday and today. He took the day to talk with his mother and Silas, and to recover from the beating which now looked like it was going to blacken his other eye too.

It was a day for letting the previous day settle in. It was a day for adjusting and letting the past drift into the future, and for deciding what would happen now.

When Audra and the three youngest Barkley brothers came home, the family talked a bit more, and then took a vote. It was unanimous – they would let Nick stay, but there were several conditions. He would work for Eugene and Heath, he would steer clear of saloons for six months at least, he would avoid fights and even practice turning the other cheek, and if he decided to leave, he would tell everyone before he did. Nick found the staying away from saloons part a bit much, but he decided to give it a try. He decided that maybe he could keep himself busy enough working on the ranch that he could meet the condition, and after that, maybe he wouldn't need the saloons so much.

Jarrod felt a funny sense of being left out. He was the one who had left here for good, and he'd be leaving again soon for good. Maybe he could bring his family here for a visit now and then, but he couldn't stay. Odd man out again, but then his heart was in Sacramento, not here, not ever again, and that was the way he wanted it. "Well, I wish you all the best on this," Jarrod said, "but it's a little hard for me to stick around to see how things work out, what with a wife and a baby to support."

"Baby?!" everyone said at once.

"Oh, didn't I mention that?" Jarrod said with a little grin.

"No!" Victoria was the first to yell. "When?"

"Five or six months," Jarrod said. "I'll make sure we stay in touch, Mother, so you know when your first grandchild arrives."

Victoria flew into Jarrod's arms, and even if Audra and Eugene felt a distinct awkwardness about it and Jarrod cringed from the effect on his ribs, everyone knew it was a big turning point in the Barkley family life. Until this moment, she hadn't held either Jarrod or Nick. They were just a couple strangers who had come through the door, everyone figuring out if they had a part in this Barkley family. Now, it looked like maybe they did.

XXXXXXX

Nick and Heath together took Jarrod to the train station the next morning. As they waited for it to pull in and pick up Stockton passengers, the three of them stood on the platform just chatting idly as three brothers might. Then the train pulled in, and it was time to say good-bye.

"Well," Jarrod said and offered his hand, "thank you, Heath. We've got a long way to go, and I don't know how all this is going to play out, but at least we're in play, and we have you to thank for it."

"Let's see if you're still in play once that wife of yours gets a look at your face and your ribs," Nick said. By now both Jarrod's eyes had blackened and Nick and Heath suspected Eloise would have a few choice words for the brother-in-law who blackened them.

"I'm just the middleman," Heath said. "You and Nick have to do the work."

Jarrod said, "You've given us the chance." Then he shook Nick's hand. "See if you can stay out of jail before you bleed the Barkley ranch dry on bail money, Nick."

Nick chuckled. "You stay sober, and be a good husband and father for that family of yours."

"I will do my damndest," Jarrod promised, and then as the train pulled to a stop, he said, "Good luck," and he climbed onto the train.

Nick and Heath waited to watch it pull out a couple minutes later. They spotted Jarrod, his arm out one of the windows, waving good-bye. They waved back.

"You think he's gonna be all right?" Nick asked.

"There are no guarantees. He's an addict and addicts fight all their lives, but he's put himself on the right track. I think he's got a good chance," Heath said.

"What about me?" Nick asked, sounding unsure, and a bit scared.

Heath took a deep breath. "Follow the program with everything in you, and I think you got a good chance, too. But you gotta mean it. You gotta want it."

"That's what Jarrod said," Nick said. Then he took a deep breath as the train pulled out of sight. "Well, I guess if I'm gonna do that, I'd better get started."

Heath knew Nick was scared, and he couldn't blame him. He looked inside for some way to encourage him, and he ended up just saying, "Yeah. It's time to start."

The End