This is one of my longest chapters so far! I hope you like where this is going!
Enjoy!

Shizuo

My ears were ringing as the water flooded around me. My eyes stung from the chlorine, and my throat was tight; suffocating. My heartbeat felt irregular and the wind had been knocked out of me. I felt as if I were drowning.

I wasn't, and I knew that, but I didn't want to resurface. Who knew what would happen then? Would I actually strangle him? Would I commit murder in front of all these people? I wondered.

It wasn't rage that filled my vision this time, however. After years of dealing with Izaya's taunts and insults, it wasn't like that was anything new...I was used to the humiliation. Used to the resentment.

This wasn't like the other times, though. Any other time, I wouldn't let something so freely knock me down — figuratively, that was. I would get back up and fight. I wouldn't think twice before throwing a punch that could easily send him to the hospital. Maybe then he'd get the picture.

But no. This time was different. This was a new feeling of defeat and dejection, and as frustrating as it was, I wouldn't waste the energy on retaliating.

I felt used, much like the other girls who had come to the realization that the flea's sweet talking was nothing but lies and manipulation. I had played into his hands, just like them...But they were temporary things.

Huh. Sounds strange to think that for myself. I'm starting to sound more and more like the flea bastard, now…Perhaps, hanging around him has made me more of a pessimist? Or no...A realist, maybe?

Either way, I felt cold and sinking, like a stone. I felt empty, tossed aside.

The one question that etched at the back of my brain like nails on a chalkboard, however, was:

Now that he's had what he wanted, have I become boring to him?

I hadn't realized that I was standing; the outside world still deafened by my racing thoughts. I was looking down at my open palms, as if the water droplets that gathered there were from the abundance of emotions I wanted to shed.

"Shizuo-kun?"

Startled back into reality, now hundreds of voices filling the air, splashing, whistles being blown, and a soft tone of worry from a girl I had only just met, addressed me. A delicate hand was placed on my arm. She looked up at me as if she had known me all my life. It was the same look my mother gave me after I realized my emotions had taken over and I had become a monster all over again. It was a look of guilt.

I hadn't destroyed anything yet, though, physically. But I honestly wondered what I had done or said that had caused this chain of events. Things were fine earlier so why all of the sudden...

did things go so wrong? Why did I feel so betrayed?

"Sorry, I just had the wind knocked out of me," I said looking into the puppy-dog eyes of my teammate. I only just realized she was soaked from head to toe.

Her expression softened and her lips curved into an understanding smile. "You took a majority of the fall for me," she winked. "So I guess I should thank you for that."

I didn't say anything, but I was sure that my confused expression spoke for me.

"Yeah, on the way down I totally kicked you in the head," she chuckled. "My bad." She stood on her tiptoes to point a manicured finger to my jaw. "Looks like it was harder than I thought, though…" she frowned suddenly.

"I can't believe you actually bruised him!" a shrill voice from the sidelines echoed in disbelief.

"Frankly, neither can I." Shinra joined Erika's comment in a more suspicious tone, cupping his chin.

"What if, like, he has a concussion or something?" Chiyuki asked sitting on the other side of them next to Ayumi. "It took him a while to respond, after all."

When their words finally clicked in my brain, I immediately ran a hand up to the side of my neck. My eyes widened with worry as the panic set in.

"Shizuo-kun, did I really hurt you that badly?" The girl before me asked again, with equal uneasiness.

"N-No, I didn't—I'm fine, really. Didn't feel a thing." I felt the words spill out like word vomit. If I had to talk to anyone anymore, I wasn't sure if I would be able to make any sense. My head was spinning as I started looking for a way out, to not be the center of attention.

I looked around me, my gaze falling on the raven haired man a few feet away. His expression wasn't like I thought it'd be. He may as well have been scrutinizing me after not receiving a 'proper' reaction, but there was something else unreadable that masked him. He was quiet too, which led me to believe that his audience had also not reacted the way he had planned. He was thinking of his next move, calculating it carefully.

I couldn't help but narrow my eyes back at him. Why would he do this now? Why would he make such a blunt remark that dragged him under the bus too? Did he really not think of the consequences? Or simply not ca—

That was it. That's what he wanted. I felt the light bulb go off in my head.

It's because he does care what others think. He wants them to know that there is something going on between us.

He's jealous.

I felt the breath I had been holding in relax and my shoulders shrugged in return. That caused another expression to cross his features — if but only for a moment his eyes widened, like he had been waiting for something else.

I looked down at the shorter girl with a somewhat flustered smile. Not from her concern, but from my own epiphany.

"Really, I'm fine."

Her eyes lit up and she nearly swooned: "Shizuo-kun is so gentlemanly~." Her other friends agreed in awe.

Izaya snorted behind them, turning to leave. I realized that I was being surrounded by women the moment he began to walk away.

"Shizuo-kun, are you seeing anyone? Do you have anyone to take care of you?" Haru had asked, snaking an arm around my own.

"Uh—"

Had they honestly just forgotten the whole incident?

"Yeah, do you have a girlfriend?" Chiyuki inquired, batting her eyelashes.

"Wow, check out his biceps!" Fumiko giggled.

"Why don't you show us around? We only just got here today, after all. Izaya-kun said you've been staying here for a while," Haru said cooly. She had a certain vibe to her that didn't sit well with me. My instincts led me to believe she was more devious than she appeared, which sounded all too familiar.

"H-He did, did he? Well, I uh…"

I looked around to my other friends as a plea for help, hoping they would understand my predicament.

Shinra was smiling and chatting with Erika, who had suddenly grown very close to the other twin that was laughing along with them. No one else seemed to jump to the gun at my and Togusa were laying back on their towels, most likely asleep.

The girls continued to bicker at each other and I felt awkward grabs and squeezes of various hands traveling up my arms. My eyes trailed back to where Izaya had slunk back out of the pool to gather his things from one of the chairs.

Why did he have to be so goddamn moody?

Finally, when Kadota and I locked eyes, he simply stared back and shrugged, obviously just as lost as I was. This was probably taking a hit on his ego from the sudden lack of attention as well.

Trust me buddy, you don't want this...I thought, as I felt myself being sandwiched between two petite bodies. As if the first challenge wasn't enough, it was becoming too overwhelming for me to have so much physical contact

I looked pitifully back up at Kadota, my man, my buddy, my last light of hope, c'mon!

"Hey, ehem, Shizuo, didn't you forget to…?" The baritone of Kadota's voice interrupted the chatty girls long enough for me to weasel my way out of my sticky situation. Alas, my prayers were answered.

"Y-Yeah, actually, I just remembered I have something very important to do, so I —" I began to shrug them off, "— I'm, uh, gonna go do it."

I made a dash for my exit, hopping out of the pool onto the concrete floor. I didn't bother looking back when Erika, Ayumi and Shinra's heads whipped around to follow me.

"Ne, Shizuo, where are you off to so suddenly?" our bespectacled friend asked as I quickly padded away.

"I just...Gotta take care of something. I'll catch up with you later."

From the corner of my eye, I saw him shrug with a forgiving smile, returning his attention back to his conversation. I kept my back turned, not wanting to see or hear the other girls' reactions, though, I did feel kind of bad…

I shook my head. No, there are more important matters at hand, here.

Dammit Izaya, don't disappear.

I headed for the locker room after grabbing my towel. I kept almost bumping into people, and did manage to run into the elderly man as soon as I opened the door to the locker room. He mumbled something about 'impolite teenages nowadays, back in my day—', but I didn't have time so much to bow and mutter a quick apology as I hurried away. When I entered, my heart nearly sank because of-fucking-course, it was absolutely crowded. It was a few hours past lunch time, which must have been the universal occasion for everyone on the whole goddamn resort to decide to go swimming.

He's gotta be in here. He couldn't have left yet…

I scanned my surroundings for the smaller male with dark hair, only to realize, that was basically everyone in Japan.

I walked through the different rows of lockers searching for him. I craned my ears, listening for that familiar, nasally voice, but to no avail. I looked for ivory-pale skin and a lithe figure that was unmistakably his own, but so far, none of these people matched his frame.

I even resorted to checking people's feet under the doors of the bathroom stalls — as if I actually remembered what they looked like…

...Actually, who knew, I probably did at this point.

I had passed by the opaque curtains of the changing rooms, but none of the silhouettes were his.

Letting out a heavy sigh the in defeat, I placed a hand on the edge of the wall to balance myself as I thought about my options. Well, what little there were.

Maybe he headed back to the room after all...

Just as I was about to give up and leave, I heard an off tune humming coming from behind one of the shower curtains. It was so annoyingly familiar, that I almost felt elated. That was, if I didn't have another matter to settle first.

That's gotta be him.

But what do I say? Subconsciously, I walked over to stand on the other side of the camouflage the flea had used to hide himself. I took a deep breath, in and out, before clearing my throat. I had to stop myself from knocking on the curtain.

The humming came to a screeching halt and something clattered to the floor on the other side. The curtain swayed from the movement behind it, as I could only roll my eyes and imagine that I had startled him enough to drop something.

"This stall is taken, feel free to use the next one." Despite the monotonous tone, I had recently picked up on his manner of speaking when he was irritated.

"Fl-Izaya...I—"

"Feel free to use the next one," he repeated icily.

I took a step back to give him some space, even between our barrier. My shoulders slumped as I pondered my best approach. He wasn't going to make it easy for me, that's for sure. I had to think of a way to get him to talk to me. I had to trick him into talking to me. I just needed a response of any kind, and I could go from there.

"Say...I've been thinking…"

…

…

...

"Well I've always kind of wondered...Do you think Erika's…"

…

…

...

"Into women?"

Another item clattered behind the curtain and there was an immediate "ouch" that followed.

I couldn't help but smirk inwardly.

"Why, Shizu-chan," I heard him sigh after a prolonged moment, "would you be asking me that? Do assume that because I'm gay, I can tell when other people are too?" he voiced in obvious irritation.

I blinked a few times after the words finally processed through my mind. He admitted it, just now — right there, in front of me. This has been a monumental breakthrough.

"N-No, that's not what I was imply—"

"Yes, she's gayer than Christmas. You're just now noticing?"

I had to bite the chuckle that wanted to seep through my lips.

"W-Well, I just wanted to have a second opinion is all...Didn't mean to offend you or anything." I smiled cheekily.

"Why should I be offended?" he inquired, testing me.

"You shouldn't be. That's the thing," I said, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter if you are or aren't. You're you, and I...I like that." The words just sort of tumbled out of me. Shit. Ah, and it was going so well.

"Hmph," I heard the smirk behind his words. "How flattering."

Closing my eyes and biting the inside of my cheek I thought about my next move before I went through with it. I would probably regret it later.

I ripped open the curtain quick enough to sneak in, closing it firmly behind me. He yelped in surprise as I backed him into the wall holding his face between my hands. Our eyes were locked as his widened crimson orbs stared in bewilderment into mine. His chest noticeably seized in a pant as he tried catching his breath under me.

I remembered that we were still in public, and that I would have to keep my voice down as I fought the wake of trembles through the length of my arms to my fingertips. I finally mustered the courage to speak.

"Flea," I began with his nickname sincerely, in a low, hushed voice. "It's okay to be who you are and not be ashamed of it. If you don't like girls, that's cool. If you like guys, that's cool too. Just...don't let yourself get wound up in so many negative emotions. Okay?" I paused.

I had obviously taken him by surprise, although I could already hear his voice in the back of my mind taunt, 'but what else could be expected from a beast?' followed by that all-knowing smirk.

But he wasn't smirking now, nor patronizing me. Instead, he was searching my eyes for what looked like an answer to my unexpected demeanor.

"No matter what, you've always been the same pesky flea to me. The same thorn in my side since the day we met. It never made a difference then, and it doesn't make a difference now. I've always accepted you as you are, even if you are a bastard at times...You've grown on me like a damn parasite and I've learned to kind of like it…"

He was silent at the seriousness of my tone; one of the few times that I had ever seen him speechless.

He moved his hand to hold onto one of the hands that cradled his face. His touch was warm from the shower, as was the skin under my palms. We stood like that for a minute, unspeaking.

I wondered if I had gone too far. If I had said something else that I shouldn't have, that might put him in another mood. I retraced my speech for any possible mishap, but he interrupted me.

"Shizu-chan…" he whispered almost inaudibly. I wouldn't have caught it, had I not been staring at his lips.

I swallowed hesitantly, feeling the dryness in my mouth. "Izaya…"

"Why?"

My eyes darted back up to his red ones. To my surprise, he looked worried instead of mad.

"Why?" I repeated, with more intonation.

"Why are you...saying such things?" his voice cracked as he whispered in desperation.

Maybe I had said the wrong thing, after all.

The showerhead above us rained down his face and body. The tiny droplets trickled from his dampened hair to the ivory of his skin, caressing his cheeks and lacing between my fingers. Smaller beads of water collected at the corners of his long lashes as he stared intently back at me. Every emotion possible swarmed within the garnet of his irises. It was as if he couldn't choose. He looked shaken up, but his thin brows knit in confusion.

I straightened where I stood, never letting our gazes drop. I gave him a thoughtful expression as I continued in a softer voice, hoping to mend things.

"Take this as an apology for upsetting you earlier...Back at the room, that was insensitive of me. I could tell you felt vulnerable...I don't want you to feel like you have to confess to me or anything. And I don't want to force you to feel a certain way, either." I leaned in to embrace him under the water. "I'm sorry about the things you told me earlier. I had no idea that was how you felt all this time…" I felt the need of my honesty to continue to pour out of me. "I guess it's selfish of me, but...I'm kind of glad that you told me."

He didn't hug me back, and I didn't expect him to, so I made the gesture brief. I took a step back to look at him, but bit my lip when I did so, not at all expecting the sight before me.

He was looking away as his delicate fingers tucked one of the black strands of wet hair behind his ear. His face was dusted pink and his other arm was wrapped around himself comfortingly. The drops that rained down on his lithe shoulders refracted, colliding against the dark tile backdrop behind him. He was so fair that he looked almost angelic, aside from the tinged pigment in his cheeks.

To my own awe, he was embarrassed, and that was truly beautiful.

This wasn't the first time I had thought that either, the more I studied him. It just took me too long to realize it before because I was blinded by my own hatred towards him.

Even the remote thought that I had ever felt that way about the person standing in front of me made me wince physically. It honestly hurt to even recall those unadulterated emotions. As I looked at him, it was as if I had been living an entirely different life up until now.

The regret from my memories must have shown on my face, because he turned to me with another concerned expression. This one, slightly more defensive.

I shook my head, as if telling him my despondency weren't aimed at him, and smiled instead. He relaxed a little.

"Before, I…" I thought carefully about my wording. "There is so much more to you that I never cared enough to learn about before, but now...now I want to know."

Izaya's eyes wandered away from mine as he spoke smoothly, calmer now, and collected.

"At this rate, I can't help but feel that you know me the most, in all honesty," he sighed.

My eyes widened in surprise, not at all expecting him to confess yet again, something that put him in another vulnerable position.

So he trusted me, then?

"I s'pose I could say just about the same."

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling where the condensation of the humid air was beginning to stick to me. It was getting pretty hot in the small space with two people. Then I realized that I had just intruded on his shower.

I froze, demanding that my eyes weren't to look anywhere else but his face. Not that that was any better though, since he was smiling at me. Not just any smile, but that smile.

"I am a little hurt knowing that you're only now realizing how fascinating I truly am, however." The familiar glint of mischief returned as sharp eyes met mine again. "Took you long enough."

The playful tone I had become accustomed to had returned and I let out the sigh of relief I didn't know I had been holding.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't let it go to your head," I made a waving gesture.

"What's this?" He leaned forward. "Shizu-chan might actually have two brain cells now? Have you officially graduated from an amoeba to a diplococci? What a special occasion, we should celebrate, ne?" he sang mirthfully.

My expression scrunched in question. "Diplo-what now?"

He rolled his eyes, smiling anyway.

"Ah, and here I was hopeful, rooting for you."

He turned back to the shower to stand under the water, running his fingers through his silky, dark locks. I stood watching him as he rinsed his hair.

I felt my presence being questioned as he turned to side-eye me over his shoulder, grinning fruitfully. He looked me up and down, from head to toe, to head again.

"W-What?"

"You're still here, because?" he teased.

I felt my face heat up at the question, but I mentally blamed the steam anyway.

"I wasn't sure if we were done talking…"

"Hmm…" he tapped his chin with his index finger. "For now, I suppose we are. About that matter, anyway." His devilish smirk returned as he almost 'ah-hah'ed at something. "However, since you haven't made your leave yet, why don't you join me?"

He stepped to the side a little, gesturing to the space he had made for me under the stream of water.

"H-Huh?!" I started to feel my face blister from the heat. I could no longer hide how flustered I had become at his request.

"Come now, Shizu-chan. It's totally normal for guys to shower together...And I mean, we've already seen each other—"

"But this isn't like a normal public bath, Izaya! It's weird for two people to share a western-style shower!" I thought of any excuse possible to save myself from further embarrassment — not that it ever worked with him.

He chuckled, "yet, here you are."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, not finding a response that would help me. I totally walked into that one.

I pinched the bridge of my nose with a sigh. "That's not what I—...Look, there are people out there, lots of them, actually, if you didn't notice."

"Yes, and I'm sure more than just one of them saw you walk in here. Why does it matter now?" he questioned nonchalantly.

"Why does it matter," I mumbled, "it matters because they'll get the idea—"

I stopped myself from finishing my sentence when his eyebrow shot up, as if he were expecting what would come next.

Oh yeah, that was the whole point of this conversation.

Sighing in defeat, I stepped under the water next to him without another word. It was cramped, and kind of awkward. Even more awkward when the flea picked back up on where he left off humming as he reached for the shelf, pushing the pump of the dispenser down to release a handful of a colourful, soapy liquid.

He continued to wash his hair without a single fuck given, but I was constantly eyeing the curtain behind me, hoping no one would dare to walk in.

"You know that no one is going to come in here, right? Only a real pervert would walk in on someone who is innocently taking a shower~," he chided, smiling to himself with his eyes closed as he lathered the shampoo in his hair. He stepped further to the side to open up the space directly under the pouring water.

After a hesitant moment, I stepped under, rewetting my hair from the pool. It had dried mostly, but I always felt like pool water left a film over my hair and body. As if on cue, he spoke up:

"Be careful about swimming in chlorine, since you bleach your hair. The high concentrations of copper compounds will turn it green."

I stopped scrubbing to look down at him. "Huh...never knew that."

He leaned his back up against my chest, under the water, to rinse the suds from his hair. The close contact, no matter how frequent it was becoming, always sent a wave of electricity through me.

He seemed to pay no mind as the exposed skin from his shoulders to his feet, and everywhere in between, brushed up against me.

"Flea..."

"You'll never get completely clean if you're still wearing these," he said reaching behind him to poke at my thigh covered by my swim trunks. I didn't miss the way he chuckled as he said it.

"You're telling me you want me to take these off?" I hissed accusingly.

He faced me again; mischievous, carmine eyes doing more of the suggesting than his actual voice.

My lips pinched in a fine line. This was highly inappropriate. Especially in a public bathroom. What was he even thinking? I thought, as I was stepping out of my own shorts. I had to muster the deadpan expression, feeling my heart beat faster in my chest as the fabric slid to the floor, kicking it to the side.

The raven seemed more than pleased with the milestone.

"There," he said with a plastic smile. "Now with the chlorine gone, you'll be slightly less unrefined. Just a little bit, though."

I grunted in annoyance as I got my own handful of soap to massage into my hair.

Just don't think about it Shizuo, you've been around naked guys in an onsen before. And remember, everyone is naked under their clothes, I chanted mentally.

I felt like the more I tried ignoring being in the situation, the harder it was for me to think about anything but the current circumstance with the flea. Which then led my mind to other, more recent events.

I kept my eyes closed as I rinsed the product from my hair. Maybe if I kept them shut the rest of the time I was in here, I wouldn't be tempted to...look at him.

It seriously didn't help how frequently he kept bumping into me. His smooth skin felt hot and slick every time a limb would brush against mine.

Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it. And don't open your eyes.

I tried thinking of boring things, of sad things, of gross things, but nothing worked. Somehow, no matter what I thought about, the louse managed to worm his way into my thoughts.

Something clattered to the ground once again, but I didn't dare look, for who knew what might appear if I did. From what it sounded like, it was the other soap dispenser.

Did he really just?

"You've gotta be kidding me," I mumbled to myself.

"For the record," I heard him reappear, standing straight again, "I did not intentionally drop the soap."

"Uh-huh."

When I felt it was safe to peak just for a second to get another handful of conditioner, I wiped the water out of my face, only to be greeted with the flea using his hand to rub himself down with bubbles.

"Fuck, why did I agree to this," I seethed, looking away.

"Shizu-chan is such a prude. Who would have thought after last night he'd still be too shy to be naked around me," he said in a disappointed tone. "This is kind of romantic in a way though, don't you think? Like another bonding exercise," he joked in a smooth tone.

That time I did look at him, right in the eye with skepticism. "That's what you think this is? Bonding?"

He stopped lathering his arm for a second to shrug. "Is it not?"

"It's not romantic," I said flatly, looking away again.

"You blushing like that makes me think it is~."

"I-I am not!"

"Sure you aren't."

"Well I'm not, for the record."

"Shizuo? Is that you in there?" The familiar, usually cheerful tone of our bespectacled friend, sounded more surprised and curious than he ought to be when he spoke up, shadow looming outside the curtain. "Who are you talking to?"

My heart stopped and my stomach dropped in panic. I looked next to me, meeting an equally shocked expression. I immediately put myself as a barrier between the curtain and the flea.

"Uh, y-yeah, it's me...I'm just…"

I looked back down at Izaya who was poking his head out behind me for an answer. I bared my teeth in a silent growl as he fought back from chuckling.

I swear if you even make a peep, I threatened with a stern look.

"I'm just—"

As if he was trying to start shit on purpose, he pressed himself against me, wrapping his arms around my waist, hands hanging below my navel. I took a noticeably loud breath in, having to bite my tongue from ripping him a new one...Oh, he'd get it after this.

"Just trying to figure out what to text Kasuka later."

"Your brother?" the quak asked quizzically.

"Nn-yeah," I stifled, as I felt the deja vu of Izaya's hands sinking lower around my hips, closer to more sensitive areas. I felt his fingertips brush the skin on purpose. My hands immediately went up to brace myself against the sides of the stall, causing a loud thud.

WHAT WAS THIS BASTARD'S PROBLEM?!

"Shizuo, are you okay?" At first he sounded worried, but then that turned around instantly to a very much uncalled for, teasing remark. "Or did I interrupt something? Kadota said you had something urgent to—"

"No!" I growled boisterously. I was sure everyone else in the entire locker room had heard me by now.

My body lit up at the perverted comment and I could see the raven clap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud. His shoulders trembled as if he would blow any moment.

I glared at him and then glared at the fabric protecting our friend from being strangled.

"Alright, if you say so," he said in a suspicious, sing-song tune. "Anyway, I'm just looking for Izaya. Have you seen him?"

I held another threatening stare with the man in question.

"Haven't seen him." I snapped, quieter this time.

"Ah, okay then."

We were silent as both of our gazes followed the silhouette outside disappear as he walked away without further question. I eased the tension in my body ever so slightly, but the raven snickering next to me caused me to clench my fists as I turned to face him.

"You," I breathed ominously.

He put his hands up in surrender, grinning nonetheless.

"Oh, and Shizuo—"

I heard the zing of the curtain open from behind me, making me step forward to press my body entirely against Izaya, sandwiching him between me in the wall to hide him. Both of our breaths hitched as we froze in place.

I sent the most intense death glare over my shoulder to Shinra who had poked his head through the small gap, smiling of fucking course, oblivious to our current disposition.

"Shinra—!"

"If you do see Izaya, tell him that we'll meet up with him later. That's all!"

He closed the fabric again behind him, but I didn't look away from where he had intruded.

It wasn't until I felt the body shift under me, did I look back down.