(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 5: "A Secret"

December 22, 2014

Trey stepped off the elevator and tucked his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie. The management floor of the radio station was quiet, just as he always knew it to be. All the chaos happened on the first and second floors. That was where the broadcast studios and the DJ's offices were. He chuckled to himself, remembering Thanksgiving three years ago when the morning show deep-fried a twenty-pound turkey. In the studio. On the air. Nan wasn't impressed by the grease fire they started.

But, the third floor was where the executives sat. Dad's office was just around the corner from Nan's. The pale green walls, white furniture, and glass walls gave it a modern feel. But, Dad explained once that it was Nan's showpiece. People were supposed to feel impressed and a little intimated when they walked down the hall. Most employees only came up here to be rewarded with a bonus or punished with a termination notice.

"Hey, Shannon," he called out, seeing his father's assistant by the Keurig cart. "Where's my dad?"

She looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Hi, Trey. He's in a meeting with your grandmother and the other executives. They're in the big conference room."

"Ok, thanks." As he usually did, he glanced at the offices he passed, but they were all empty. He slowed down as he turned the corner. Like the other offices, the conference room had glass walls, giving him an unobstructed view of the meeting. He leaned against the wall and folded his arms, watching intently. Nan stood from her seat at the head of the table and moved away, like she was getting ready to leave. Dad was in the seat at her right, but he was still sitting. He tilted his head, fascinated as she glanced around the table before she opened the door. "Cole, I'll turn it over to you now," he heard her say.

"Thanks, Olivia," he heard Dad reply.

He snickered, watching as she rolled her eyes once she turned away from the conference room. "Now," she began, coming over to him and hugging him tight, "I'd much rather be stuck in a meeting with you instead of them." She cupped his face and turned it slightly from side-to-side. "Excellent hair cut. I approve."

"Thanks, Nan," he said, blushing as she affectionately pinched his cheek. He glanced at the people seated around the table before he turned away. "They look like a bunch of stiffs – except for Dad, of course."

She chuckled. "I think you're right. But, that's the wonderful thing about being the C.E.O., darling boy. I get to go in and out of these meetings as I please. Your father, on the other hand, has to sit through all of them so he can update me on them after." His stomach flipped as he heard the reference to his "father", but she wasn't fazed. She said it naturally, he realized. She didn't even need to think about it. And, she meant Dad, not Pop.

"I guess," he sighed, "I should be taking notes from you on how to be the boss."

"Well, I don't know for how much longer."

He turned to her, surprised. "What do you mean, Nan?"

She shrugged. "Well, I suppose...I mean, I'm 60. I think I'm ready to bag it in."

"Really?"

She glanced around, seemingly seeing the hall and office for the first time. "I think so," she murmured before she turned to him and smiled bashfully. "I've run this station for almost thirty years. I've owned it outright for the last sixteen years. That's enough."

He followed her up the short flight of stairs that led to her office. "Does Dad know?"

She nodded. "We've been discussing it for the last few months."

"But..." he stuttered, blindly watching her back. She wouldn't come to California as much. He saw her every few months when she came for meetings at the station. His stomach lurched as he realized it wouldn't matter. He was moving to New York after graduation to start the summer semester at Cornell. Even if she kept working, he wouldn't be here to see her when she came to town. A tiny part of him immediately wondered if she hung onto the radio station for so long because it allowed her to come to town every few months and see him. She always stayed with them when she did. He always looked forward to those visits. "But..."

She glanced over her shoulder, a perplexed expression on her face, as they reached her office. With a gentle smile, she lingered in the doorway and waited for him to catch up. He swallowed hard as she placed her hands on his shoulders and looked up. "Want to know a secret?" He nodded and listened as she said, "I never expected to make it."

"What do you mean?"

With a knowing sigh, she wrapped her arm around his waist. "Poppop bought the station because he was bored," she said softly as they walked through her outer office. "Then, he decided to make me the C.E.O."

"A moment of inspired genius, I'd say."

He looked up as Pop's deep voice echoed across the office. He watched as he stood, tucking his iPhone back into his pocket. Next to him, he heard Nan say, "I thought you were in court." He turned to her, both confused and comforted by the familiarity of her comment.

"The A.D.A. was granted a continuance," he replied.

Trey looked back and forth between them. "Do you two have plans or something?" He watched as they made eye contact and broke into grins. He sighed and felt the way he did whenever Mom and Dad knew something and he didn't.

"I was going to take Nana to lunch," he heard Pop say.

"But, then he canceled," Nan said as she sat behind her desk and slipped on her reading glasses. "Typical."

He watched Pop chuckle and sit in the chair across from her desk. He followed and sank into the chair next to him as Pop said, "Luckily, Patricia Steele's flunkies are as incompetent as ever."

She laughed and he leaned back in the chair, watching them. A grin stretched ear-to-ear on Pop's face. Nan's eyes sparkled as she looked back at him. He sighed, realizing that he could count on one hand the number of times the three of them have been completely alone. No Colin. No Alex. No Mom and Dad. "Why don't we order something and eat here?" he suggested as their laughter subsided. "The three of us?"

Nan nodded and turned to the computer on her left. "I'll email my assistant to have something delivered. Thai?"

He grinned, vaguely listening to Pop's response. As Nan's fingers clicked across the keyboard, he asked, "So, what were you going to explain about a secret?"

"Secret?" Pop asked.

Nan turned back to them and took off her glasses. "Well, it's not really a secret. Besides, you already know what I'm about to say, Gregory," she said to Pop before she turned back to him. "I had been the C.E.O. for a few months...and it was a disaster. The station was bleeding money. I didn't know anything about contracts, negotiations, how to lead a team. So, I told Poppop I was going to quit."

"Why didn't you?" he asked quietly.

He watched as she shrugged nonchalantly and glanced at Pop. "He wouldn't let me."

"Why wouldn't you let her?" he immediately asked, turning to Pop.

There was a long moment of silence and he watched an indescribable look pass between Nan and Pop. "Because," Pop finally said as he looked over at him, "I knew Nana could do it. I believed in her."

Since the summer, he's firmly believed it incredibly unfair that he didn't know Nan and Pop when they were married. What they were like with each other. That unknown has lingered before him like a desert mirage – always just out of his reach. But, after watching them the other night and now in Nan's office, he felt like he understood what it might have been like – if only for a few seconds.

Nan cleared her throat and swallowed a smile as she looked back at him. "So, here I am thirty years later. I lasted far longer than I ever expected to."

"Did you know Nan wants to retire?" he asked. He wasn't surprised when Pop nodded. He figured as much. They wrote each other all the time. It seemed silly to describe them as best friends, but that's all he could come up with. They teased each other. They knew each other's secrets. They talked non-stop. Nan and Pop were each other's best friend. "What are you going to do with the station?"

"Turn it over to your father." He glanced at Pop, looking for a reaction, but he was looking at Nan. "We're developing a transition plan."

"Now, you'll have to put up with us talking about it over lunch."

"Wait. You're helping?" Pop nodded. He sat back and sighed. "But, Nan...won't you be bored?"

She chuckled. "I'm looking forward to being bored," she said with a laugh. Then, she sighed and looked up at them. "Everyone's getting older: Colin, my children, my grandchildren. I want more time with the people I love." He watched as she turned to Pop and smiled. "Doesn't that sound delightful?"

He watched with interest as Pop rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I refuse to drink the Kool-Aid, Liv."

Liv.

He tilted his head, running that syllable over in his mind. No one else called Nan that, not even Colin. He barely paid attention to the way they bantered back and forth on the subject of retirement. Liv. That was special. That was theirs. Still. After all these years. His lips parted as he gazed blankly at them. He thought back to the way they looked at each other when he spied on them after dinner. The way Pop's hand gently brushed her cheek. The way Nan kissed his palm. He inhaled quietly as a thought screeched into his mind.

Did they still love each other?

He dated Caroline Morrison for a few weeks last spring. They didn't go further than sweaty hand-holding and an awkward – ok, humiliating – run at second base. He remembered telling her he loved her, but he knew he didn't. He didn't get love. Of course, he knew he loved Mom and Dad. He knew he loved Nan and Pop. But, beyond that, loving someone else was a foreign concept. Not that he's completely ignorant either. He's seen love: Mom and Dad, Nan and Colin, Pop and Alex. But, as he sat here watching them, he knew he could add Nan and Pop to the list. Because he saw the way Nan's eyes lit up when Pop called her Liv. Because he heard the way Pop's voice cracked when he said he believed in Nan. Because he saw the way they looked at each other after dinner.

Nan and Pop were his parents...and they loved each other.

His parents loved each other, but they were married to other people.

He's officially the most confused he's ever been in his life.

Colin looked up from the newspaper, hearing voices. A moment later, Alex and Caitlin walked into the living room. "We can put them underneath the tree," he heard Caitlin say as she placed a large box filled with wrapped presents on the floor. "I just-" The melodious chimes of her cell phone interrupted her and she sighed. "I'll be right back." He watched her leave, nodding at the flash of a smile she sent him.

"Well Colin," Alex said as he stood, folding the paper, "this elf has finally finished wrapping all her Christmas gifts." She set two large shopping bags on the floor, filled to the brim with more gifts.

"So, I see," he said, marveling at the sheer amount of wrapped presents. "There's nothing like gift-giving to excess at Christmas."

"Please," she began, sighing deeply, "not you too. I've already heard an earful from Gregory."

He chuckled as she sank into the sofa, wedging a pillow behind her back. "I imagine that between you and Olivia, no one in the family will need any gifts for the rest of the year." He sat slowly, wincing slightly at the stiffness in his bones. While he was grateful that he didn't look his age, there were more than enough times throughout the day when he felt it.

"Are you alright?" she asked, leaning forward.

He looked up, seeing the concern on her face. "Perfectly," he smiled. "It's just a mild case of old age."

"Ah." She shook her head and glanced down at her hands. "I know what you mean."

He knew what she was looking at. The aged and wrinkled skin. The liver spots. The prominent veins beneath paper-thin skin. There was no greater curse than aging. An internal shudder went through him as he recalled what his father, Bernard, looked like toward the end of his life. He knew what lay ahead for him. "Though, I must say, the warm weather is a comforting alternative to the blistering cold in England."

She nodded, an amused smile on her face. "I'm sure," she said, watching him carefully. He felt a chill go through him as she cleared her throat and said, "We've never really talked, have we? About..."

About Trey.

About Gregory and Olivia.

About the unbreakable bond between their spouses.

"I don't suppose so, no," he said carefully. She nodded and glanced over her shoulder, checking for Caitlin. After almost seventeen years, what was there to say? He was married to Olivia. She was married to Gregory. But, Trey was their son. Their secret. A secret the four of them shared. He chuckled to himself, amused. It was something that the four of them should share a bond like that.

"I was very happy to hear that you and Olivia were coming for Christmas," she said softly as she turned back to him. He nodded, listening quietly as she continued, "Was it your idea or Olivia's?"

"As I understood, it was Trey's idea."

She nodded. "Yes. But, I suppose I was wondering if Olivia had to talk you into it?"

He sat still. He supposed it was a fair question. He's only come to California a handful of times with his wife. Her children were frequent visitors to their home though. He's never kept them from her. He couldn't. Not after everything she's already gone through. "I wasn't going to stand in the way of her happiness," he said, his voice low and even.

Alex's wistful smile faded into oblivion. "I didn't think you would," she whispered. "You're a very decent man, Colin."

He felt her eyes on him, but he didn't look up. He didn't need her sympathy or her empathy. What's done was done. There was no changing anything. The past was over. "About as decent as you," he said softly when he finally looked up. Her eyes were steady as he continued, "We're about as decent as two people can be when they know their spouse is in love with someone else."

She leaned forward, her expression melting into concern. "Does it bother you?" she asked quietly. "That Olivia loves Gregory?"

In the beginning, once he realized, it was like a slow death. Like drowning – each breath more painful than the last. The realization slowly dawned on him when he stood off to the side, watching Gregory and Olivia fight. They had just learned the truth about Trey and the last four blissful years of his married life faded to the wayside. That is our child! Yours and mine! We made him! Even now, he could still hear Gregory's bellow and see the way Olivia's face twisted as she pushed him away. Never before had he more clearly understood what their married life had been like. The tension between them swelled to near obscene levels as they went back and forth, their charged words ricocheting in the night. Only people who truly loved each other could fight that passionately. And, he merely watched it unfold. He had no part in it.

He loved his wife. He knew what losing that child the first time did to her. He witnessed her agony as she willingly lost him for the second time. We are going to sacrifice our happiness for theirs. For Caitlin and Trey. We are the lambs led to slaughter. The way she came back to London, exhausted and devastated. The quiet tears she tried to hide. The way she savored each letter from Gregory.

Gregory.

He loved his wife. He wouldn't deny her anything. Not the letters she exchanged with Gregory. Not the frequent business trips to California. Not the annual summer visits from Trey. She may have given them up – Trey and Gregory – but she couldn't live without them. He wouldn't deny her, even though he knew there was still a place for Gregory in her heart.

He loved his wife. He loved her enough to share her heart with Gregory. He would rather live his life with half of Olivia's heart than none of it.

He loved his wife.

"Does it bother you that he loves her?" he finally asked, truly curious.

She was quiet for a long moment before she slowly shook her head. "From the moment he introduced me to her, I knew that Gregory was head over heels in love with Olivia...and would be for the rest of his life." He nodded. He knew from Olivia that Gregory and Alex had been friends before she met either of them. "I don't know that I could share my life with a man who didn't love the mother of his children." A faraway look flowed onto her face as she whispered, "I can't help but remember one Christmas, long ago, when they thought Caitlin was dead. I came back from Europe and this family was... just completely broken." He nodded. Olivia told him of that awful Christmas. It was the last one she spent as Gregory's wife. "And, now? Oh, Colin, I look at them and I am so grateful for this special place they're in. Whether you and I like it or not, because we love Olivia and Gregory, this is our family now."

He nodded and exhaled deeply. She was right. Through fate, truth, and his love for his wife, this was his family now. Families didn't end just because the spouses divorced. Families didn't end. They just endured and expanded.

"Sorry!" Caitlin exclaimed as she breezed back into the living room. "That was Trey."

"Everything alright?" Alex asked.

She nodded as she dragged the box of presents over to the Christmas tree. "He stopped by the radio station and he's having lunch with Mom and Daddy."

He wasn't surprised. He certainly didn't resent it. His wife had already given up so much. He could never live with himself if he deprived her these small moments. They didn't threaten his life with Olivia. "Good," he said aloud, feeling the smile in Alex's gaze. "Perhaps he can remind Olivia that this was meant to be a Christmas holiday."

Caitlin chuckled as she began stacking the gifts beneath the tree. "I truly don't know who's worse: Mom flying here for meetings every few months or Daddy for refusing to retire."

He vaguely heard Alex's reply as his mobile phone chirped. He swiped the screen and smiled at the text message from Olivia. Let's escape...dinner tonight? Just you and I?

He loved his wife.