I want to thank you for the amount of positive feedback I received from my last two posts! I was actually really happy to be yelled at for spoiling the fluffy mood because Izaya's an asshole, lol. But I'm really glad that that was how things ended up playing out. I feel like it's been a while since we've seen that side of him, and I just had to bring him back _
As for this update, one of our other key characters who hasn't gotten the spotlight yet appears, and I had SO much fun writing her! I can't wait to write Shizuo's POV after the next chapter, since I'm alternating back and forth...While these two are separated for a while, it will be interesting to see how our protagonists deal with their predicaments.
Without further ado, I hope you all enjoy this gift for whatever holiday you celebrate~
Shizuo
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. The only perpetual utterance I could manage to rationalize from the events that had occurred.
My hands had been shaking as I dressed myself. To the point where I couldn't bother fumbling amidst the row of buttons on my jacket, knowing all too well, that it would be torn to shreds if I wasted any more of my time in the same breathing space as him. I only saw red; oblivious to the uneasy stares I was sure I had attracted during my outburst.
My stomach was twisting in the most amazing of Celtic knots, by the feel of it. I thought I'd be sick at any moment as I stormed out the door into the hallway.
Should have seen it coming. Should never have trusted him.
My fists clenched, taking all the will and strength I could muster into not punching an ugly hole into the pristine and elegant walls. It felt like my chest had been torn open, ripping out my vital organs, constricting me with my own flesh. My blood still ran cold, and my heart was drumming so rigorously, it ached with every pulse. My limbs felt weak, as if they would give out any second. It was all I could manage to walk one foot after another.
I had tried running, but vertigo was flooding my vision, making my head spin. There was a wetness in my eyes, but I just blinked it away. Never had I felt so overwhelmed with anger, with sadness and betrayal. I felt lost. Empty. It was as if I had been hollowed out but those cutting words, leaving only a fractured shell behind.
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. The incessant mantra continued in attempts to block the echoing words in my skull that had somehow reached the core of my heart.
"Fuck," I cursed, but the ragged sound was broken behind the strain of emotions I tried my best to contain.
I needed to escape. To go somewhere quiet and alone, without the worry of being interrupted.
Unknowingly, my trembling fingers had already reached into my breast pocket for a smoke. I placed the slender barrel between my lips before the glass doors to the outside even opened.
The first breath was deep, in haste and craving. My lungs burned at the much needed drag. I closed my eyes counting down from ten, like Kasuka and my mom always told me to do whenever things went to shit. Now, with my fingers occupied and my withdrawal ebbing, I could try to clear my head…
…
…
…
…
...
Fuck it.
My anger would not subside. My go-to wouldn't work this time around, and my body wouldn't unshackle the tension that left my muscles twitching with the need to crush metal. I was too close to snapping.
Frankly, I was surprised I had even succeeded in making it out of the building without it looking like a tornado had passed in my wake. Had I not been in such a shitty mood, I'd have patted myself on the back for it. Kasuka would have been elated knowing that I held my temper for that long. It was truly record breaking.
But that didn't dissipate the fact that it wasn't over yet. I could stand outside in the cold for hours until my body went numb, but I'd still have to go inside eventually. I'd still have to face him.
Another cigarette was in order, as the current one was leaving an ashy taste on my pallet. I stubbed it out in the sand of the ashtray, bringing a second one to my lips and lighting up. This time I forced myself to breathe steadily.
Mixed between the buzz of nicotine in my system and the rush of adrenaline that hadn't quite eased away, I did manage to sit down. I raked my hands subconsciously through my hair, only stopping to feel the ice crystals forming from its dampness.
Shinra would give me shit for it later, I was sure, if I managed to catch a cold from being in sub zero weather with wet hair. Though, I guaranteed he would prefer that over treating all four broken limbs of his classmate, at any rate.
That rat bastard.
Whether I meant Shina or Izaya at that moment, I couldn't decide. Everyone was pissing me off.
I only managed to lift my head to gaze sullenly into the distance.
I had gotten used to the sun setting early in the day. It was only around 4 p.m., but the flush of various oranges behind the chains of mountains were beginning to paint the afternoon skies with its daily cycle of vibrant brilliancy. I was so accustomed to seeing skyscrapers and concrete blocking my view, the image of nature's uncharted beauty left me breathless. Ever so slowly did I start to feel my heart rate return to a regular pace. My body had loosened up, finally finding something to distract itself with.
I propped my chin with the hand that had been laying lamely across my lap. I let my cigarette hang between chapped lips as I continued to watch the sun go down. I didn't bother to check my phone to see how long it took as I sat, lost in thought, until it was finally dark out.
And I was freezing.
My joints cracked and I stood, having literally been frozen in place for thirty minutes...or was it an hour?
I sighed as I decided to face the inevitable and head towards the entrance.
I was greeted by a smoldering heat that burned my nose and cheeks as soon as I walked through the double, automatic glass doors. My skin was stinging more than it should have, and I cupped my own frostbitten hands over my face to protect it from the sweltering warmth. I was almost tempted to walk right back out the door.
"Senpai."
Had it been any other school day, hearing the endearing label used by the frail voice of a woman, I wouldn't have batted an eye. I could count on one hand, how many times a girl had addressed me with anything more than a stuttering, "H-Heiwajima-san", in fear of my reputation. That was, when they were forced to, on any account. People simply did not approach me with such.
Needless to say, I was used to it being a special name given to special someone with a special meaning. I had gotten over that shit a long time ago. I heard the name tossed back and forth between both the male and female population of my peers. I had learned over the years to just tune it out and go about my day. And I almost did, except this particular accent had my ear craning in its direction.
"Senpai," she repeated again, and I looked over my shoulder.
As expected, the shorter blonde was standing a few feet away, dressed in a warm purple coat that brought out the unheard of violet in her alluring, yet apathetic stare. She wore a black hat and grey fingerless gloves. Her fair skin was tinged pink, as if she had also just walked in from the cold.
"Vorona," I stated as she approached me. She peered behind me, her lack of expression changed into subtle confusion for a moment before meeting my gaze impassively once again.
"Shizuo-senpai has forgotten negotiation of 'buddy system'. I will remind it is unsafe to be by oneself in such unfavorable conditions…" She looked me up and down, analyzing my current state. "Essential for long durations."
I small smile found its way on my lips at the concern of my kouhai.
"Ah, yeah, my bad," I said, running a hand mindlessly through my hair, only to be caught in the knots matted by frost.
"Shizuo-senpai's hair is damp, although outdoor climate not compatible." Her expression scrunched in slightly more confusion. "Senpai must have saturated hair before exiting resort, but that deems problematic to health. For what cause? Uncertain of positive outcome."
"Oh, that. I left from the pool to sit outside for...a while," I confessed awkwardly at the memory. I turned my attention back to her before my brain let itself go down that unnecessary tangent again. "I guess you're right, I wasn't really thinking that I'd catch a cold at the time."
She put a hand up. "Negative. Common myth that cold is caused by inclement weather. Fact, it is viral sickness and contagious when coming in contact with rhinovirus. Body receptivity varies. Affirmative, sickness worsens in cold environment. Immediate treatment necessary."
I blinked a few times, not expecting the load of information. "Huh. Ya don't say..."
Shinra never bothered explaining medical stuff in detail for me. Not that I really got sick; I mostly visited him when I needed to be patched up from other injuries. Perhaps he just thought I didn't care? Or that I wouldn't be able to wrap my head around it...
"Come to think of it, I don't ever remember having a cold before...maybe when I was little?" I shrugged. "I don't usually get sick."
"Variable that senpai has immunity to virus due to evolved genetics."
I chuckled. "Yeah, that could be," I agreed, thinking to myself about my other 'evolved' genetics.
"Unusual height for eighteen year old, Japanese male, indicates possibility. Favorable DNA," she said looking to the side.
I rubbed the back of my neck feeling like I was starting to be looked at through a microscope. Was that...a compliment just now?
There was a bit of silence between us before she spoke up again.
"Likeliness that Shizuo-senpai is dehydrated from winter climate, possible. Excessive change in body heat increases respiratory fluid depletion. Seeing breath in cold air equals water vapor loss. Unfavorable outcome. Best decision to rehydrate and increase blood sugar levels."
Hearing her say that reminded me to check my phone for the time. It was after 5 p.m. now, and a fair duration had passed since my last meal. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to stop and get something.
"I didn't realize it had gotten this late," I said, tucking my phone back in my pocket. "Say, uh...would you wanna grab something together down where the restaurants are?"
For the first time, I saw her normally stoic expression shift into something more of surprise. Her eyes widened before looking away, returning back to their usual impassive gaze. Perhaps I just hadn't noticed how cold she was, but her skin appeared slightly more pink. Maybe she was experiencing some of these symptoms she had listed herself?
Yeah, it would be a good idea for her to eat something too, I thought. Though, I myself couldn't help but look away either.
"Appropriate hour for sufficient meal is necessary. Metabolism needs replenishing for both parties. Going en masse seems least problematic. Could be considered 'killing two birds with one stone'. Both are beneficial," she nodded.
I guess that was just her way of accepting my invitation.
We started walking in the general direction of the food court. I really hadn't predicted running into my new acquaintance, and never in a hundred years did foresee myself asking her to dinner.
As we continued out of the lobby, my thoughts were bouncing back and forth, unsure of what sentiment to cling onto as my mind continued to race. I only knew I was livid (and a couple of other mixed emotions) before bumping into her, but now, I was at a loss of how to feel overall.
It was clear that this wasn't a frequent experience of mine, to ask just anyone to go out of their way to spend time together. Seeing as how antisocial I had become throughout my school days, I expected something more of uneasiness and worry to settle in when I wasn't around my usual safety net of friends.
I hadn't even felt capable, especially when it came to asking a girl to go...out before. Though, that wasn't really what I considered this to be. There weren't any developed feelings here, in that aspect, at least. I just felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells around women. I lived every day in fear of accidentally hurting someone...Of accidentally repeating my past.
Day in, and day out, I told myself that I couldn't bother to think about what had happened those many years before. It wasn't worth it to remember; to have those memories haunt me, prolonging myself from moving forward. I had grown a lot since then, and I'd like to think I had become more responsible and mature. Needless to say, I hadn't counted on feeling this relaxed, being in the presence of a girl I had only first spoken to in a little over a week.
I had to admit, I was both confound and impressed that she was either oblivious to the mountain of rumors about me, had been able to look past them, or in the unlikelihood, she just didn't care. Despite her socially awkwardness — though, I was certainly one to talk — she seemed genuinely polite. Not the kind of fake polite that others used around me to avoid getting on my bad side. This was something more authentic.
As I pondered our previous interactions, each time she seemed to find me was when I was facing some sort of dilemma. She repeatedly found me outside when I was alone and frustrated, but never seemed to think much of it. No matter the circumstance, she had no problems consulting me...It was feasible that she had a knack for telling these kinds of things. Vorona was pretty observant, as it was.
My line of sight shifted from ahead, down to my side where we walked in step, silently together. She didn't seem to notice as I studied her, but I made sure not to stare, not wanting to give her the wrong idea. I was honestly just relieved to be in her company. There was a warm feeling that swelled in my chest at the regard of making a new friend in who knew how many years?
But how would I thank her for it? Would she know what I meant, or was that weird? How did guys thank girls for their kindness without it sounding like they were insinuating something else? Although, since she was the literal type, maybe she wouldn't come to any outlandish conclusions.
But it wasn't like there was anything between us, so maybe I was just overthinking things. She was an understanding person, from what I gathered in our brief conversations, so I really wouldn't have anything to lose.
"Say, Vorona—"
"Shizuo! And...Vorona-chan?"
Our attention led us to the familiar voice of the only other female that seemed comfortable enough to approach me, using my first name.
"Erika?" We said in unison, although to my surprise, the blonde addressed her with the formal suffix after her name.
The brunette bounced over to us, cheerful as ever, and slightly out of breath. She had run ahead of the rest of the gang, albeit two of which were missing.
"I didn't know you guys knew each other?"
I looked between the two females, confused myself, as to how these two entirely clashing personalities were close enough to be on a first name basis.
"Vorona and I speak...occasionally," I stated, fumbling for the appropriate word.
"Oh, well that's great! I'm glad to see her hanging out with someone trustworthy like you, Shizuo." She beamed a proud smile. "I never know what she does when she leaves the room. I'm always worried that when she goes off by herself, some perv might try to make a pass at her," she winked. "Though, I doubt they'd win."
"Wait...room?" I asked, perplexed, ignoring the tail end of the comment, though I couldn't say that it didn't bother me.
Erika changed to a more thoughtful expression. "Well, yeah. She and I are roommates," she said, dropping the other matter.
Now that was even more of a shock.
"Oh," was all I could respond with.
She turned happily back toward her roommate. "I'm surprised to see you escorting such a cute girl around, Shizuo," she teased, waggling her eyebrows. "I haven't seen this gentlemanly side of you before, hehe," she giggled, as if she had only actually heard of such rumors.
"Erika—"
"Not that I ever doubted you, of course!"
"Yo, Shizuo, and...friend?" Kadota said from behind her, as the rest of her group approached us.
"Eeeehh? Shizuo is walking around with her?" Yumasaki called over his shoulder, stopping shortly behind him. Next to him, Togusa was scratching his head looking equally as surprised.
"This is my roommate, Dotachin, remember?"
"Yeah," the other male said, scratching his head through his beanie. "Just kind of unexpected to see them together." His brown eyes met mine in confusion...Well, not confusion, but more like 'what the fuck, dude?'.
"Have you two always been close?" The guy with the shaggy hair spoke up next to the other three.
"We ran into each other," I said quickly, stiffening.
I hated being the center of attention like this, where people would randomly start assuming things. This could only end badly.
"Yo, man, why does it look like your hair has icicles on it?" my closer of the four friends chuckled, changing the subject, as he pointed above my head.
Nevermind, this was probably worse.
"I—"
"Senpai left the pool to go outside. Confusion still remains to logic. Positive result from experiment is nil. Hypothesis, other matter is present," Vorona said, filling in for me.
Agh, great. I really dug myself into this one, didn't I.
"I went out for a smoke…" I grumbled, asserting my reasoning.
I seriously need a way out of this before a certain someone is brought up...
"Oh, is that where you went? We were wondering. We thought you might have left with Iza—"
As if Erika read my thoughts exactly, she cut off when my expression immediately darkened. Somehow they knew something, and I didn't like the thought of it.
"I left, and then we met up, and now we're going to dinner, so…" I avoided the confused stares I received from the others and looked at down at Vorona with determination.
To my amazement she managed to catch my drift.
"Senpai's water vapor loss raises threat for dehydration. Fluid and sugar consumption necessary to counteract. Time is valuable. Please excuse."
I felt the cool touch of another hand meet mine as the shorter blonde pulled us away from the commotion. I merely followed, amazed by the amount of strength under that deceivingly thin physique. I was happy to oblige though, wanting to escape any other unnecessary topics that could potentially arise during our confrontation.
"Oh, okay then," the surprised voice of the other girl said behind us as we made our leave.
"I guess we'll see you later," someone else added, but I didn't bother looking back.
When we had walked a far enough distance away and rounded a corner she came to a halt, dropping the warmth from my hand. She wore the same impassive look I had grown familiar with, but her eyes seemed more sensitive when they met mine.
"Shizuo-senpai has other reasoning behind actions. I'll accept it. Answer to discuss is open, you decide."
I blinked a few times, not expecting to hear her own words of comfort. She was blunt as she was receptive, but her response was genuine, and I could tell that.
I knew in the back of my mind out of everyone I talked to, there were matters I simply could not discuss with too familiar ears. I was put off more by discussing things like feelings and emotions with people I saw every hour of every day. I needed that barrier. Close, but not too close. It might be a good thing to find a certain someone to share those select moods with, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Her offer was much appreciated, however I couldn't just bare a new friend with all of my burdens.
"I appreciate you saying this, but—"
"Understandable, it is atypical in Japanese custom to seek help in situation of conflict. In my country, we say, 'Бери́сь дру́жно, не бу́дет гру́зно'. Translation, 'many hands makes light work'."
It took a moment, but I couldn't help but relax, letting a small smile make its way across my lips as I understood what she had meant.