Note: Sorry for the delay. I work for a AAA game company and we were in a bit of a grind then a massive crunch for the past 7 months, especially since a few people in my team got laid off so we've taken a huge blow to our free time to get this damn thing to meet the deadline. Also, my boyfriend has been trying to get a visa to stay with me, so we're both struggling to collect the funds and then his application just HAD to be denied. So if this chapter is lacking, blame my stress.
Chapter 4
In a year's time, Sephiroth would be married. He'd probably have to move out of his apartment which Genesis just moved into - take down the impressionist, neo-classical and postmodern paintings, reduce the amount of bookshelves to one and send him packing again. It had only been two weeks since their 'arrangement' started and Sephiroth was inconveniently getting attached to the silly, unimportant things. Like how Genesis would get up at six in the morning, barely awake, have a quick shower, walk barefoot into the kitchen, cook up some breakfast and make them both coffee with his hair still dripping.
At seven, Sephiroth would roll out of bed, say something about Genesis liking too hot showers when he'd scorch his skin, mumble a good morning, eat, drink his coffee, read the newspaper then get ready to leave at 8:30 for work. It was an unspecial routine. A typical routine. And he had to imagine that in a year's time the person waking him up at six in the morning, sitting across the table from him, cooking for him, pouring his coffee for him, handing him his newspaper…it will be someone different. And that felt wrong. Because how could he let this go?
Today, however, was a Saturday. Test lab day. He already skipped last week's session, switched his phone off and drove far out of town with his redheaded friend. They didn't do much. Rented a 40 gil room, watched some cheesy western flick in an outdoor cinema and went cherry picking at a local farm.
Cutlery clinked as Genesis did the dishes. Sephiroth smiled. It was a nice routine. Putting his newspaper down, he got up and hugged his friend from behind.
The redhead laughed, "You're affectionate today." Sephiroth kissed his temple making Genesis sigh, "Sorry I can't stay back. I'm on duty in the slums. Some measly grunt work, but the Turks needed someone well acquainted with going undercover."
It was a blow to the gut. Great. Now he'd have to turn up to the labs. It took a lot of willpower to not swear, and even more to not drop his cover so he opted for being sarcastic, ignoring the grey cloud above him. "I'm assuming this will involve dons and you in a dress."
"You'd love that, wouldn't you?"
"Perhaps."
Genesis turned around in his arms, going to kiss him, but stopped at the look on Sephiroth's face, "Is something the matter?"
"No." he said, unconvincingly. And Genesis picked up on it.
"Hey…" he placed his hand on Sephiroth's cheek only to have the man flinch. Something was up, for sure. Ready to ask again, but decided against it as a quick glance at the clock told him he had to get ready and be out in less than half an hour. "I'll be back tonight. Promise." He said and pulled himself away.
Sephiroth listened to him get ready. The creak of the wardrobe doors, the sound of leather moving against cloth, the clink of his nails on metal pauldrons. Genesis spoke to him through the door.
"You're getting awfully attached."
Attached? Really? He wasn't getting attached. Did he enjoy being around his best friend? Of course. Even more with their new activity. Sephiroth smirked at the thought, "Well, you are as good as they say."
There was a long pause and the door opened. "Don't make me fall in love with you." he said, and before Sephiroth could say anything he put a finger to his lips, "Don't apologise. I just need to grow a thicker skin."
He headed to the front door, Sephiroth following closely. His own anxiety was steadily building up. It was always like this, whenever Genesis left or whenever he wasn't around. He got twitchy. The perfect little bubble he lived in when his friend was near would burst each time and the bitter reality of the world around him stung. It was all a coping mechanism…a fantasy. A reality that was fragile and couldn't ever be realised. Some nights he stayed up thinking, feeling disgusted with himself for making a mistress out of Genesis. He was doing what the sick fat cats in the gilded office on the top floor did to escape the reality that their wives weren't ideal, that their wives were a cover to make themselves look socially acceptable and that their wives didn't appeal to their taste anymore but divorce settlements are just too costly.
And that's what he'd have to do if he genuinely wanted to be happy. But at the cost of jeopardising his friend's future? To even consider that would make him a coward.
Mulling over his thoughts, feeling a pang of guilt, but more helplessness he decided that he could only live in the moment and let the trainwreck run its course, "Gen…" he said, making the man turn to face him, "Whatever happens, I'll always be here for you. Whether you need me or not."
Genesis frowned, "How cryptic of you. You're better when you don't talk and say weird stuff." He smiled and pecked him on the jaw, "Try not to miss me. I'll give you a call after I'm done."
When the door closed behind him, it felt like a candle going out. Suddenly the light in the room vanished with him and Sephiroth was left to wallow with his own problems in his life. The world became black and white and the colours of the paintings on the walls looked bleaker.
Back in the bedroom, he threw on some clothes and headed out the door. For a routine he didn't like.
Confirmed. Hojo paced his office with a cigarette in his mouth. His blasted son was becoming a pain. He just had to throw someone inconvenient on the road to the professor's great success, and he couldn't slow down or run the bitch over what with the President having liked the slut and with the science team's funding getting cut in only three months' time if he doesn't hurry up and get the two to copulate.
When his informant came in and gave him a folder showing that Sephiroth had brought Genesis back to his apartment consistently for the past two weeks, he knew that Hollander's failure had a part in this. And why, he didn't know! He was hardly attractive, too thin and too arrogant, had the personality of a cactus and cared more about his appearance than his swordsmanship that looked more like Swan Lake in the middle of a battlefield.
Hojo ground his cigarette into the ashtray and headed out, picking up the file he got from the stupid drug-addicted Turk. He wouldn't admit that Hollander was right, it was just a coincidence. Sephiroth's just curious. That redheaded whore was the only thing bold enough to offer him a night. And screw nature - a true experiment is tested through nurture as well. If the General would just sleep with the woman he'd know it's not all that different, heck, it could be better.
Rounding the corridor, the professor made his way to the labs where the specimen was contained. Staring into the large white room through the one-way mirrored wall, Hojo smirked. She was a pretty girl, too bad there wouldn't be a man who could appreciate her. Sephiroth's characteristic heavy footfalls could be heard down the hallway. Even from here he could smell the nervous sweating on that soldier. Such a shame he was afraid of something like this. Most, if not all men, would be leaping for joy and asking for seconds.
"It's about time you came, Sephiroth." He greeted, smiling creepily and checked his watch, "You're 20 minutes late."
"I don't care."
"You don't, but I'm sure the president does."
"Hm." Sephiroth didn't care. The president's opinion didn't matter to him, or at least for as long as they pretend he has any level of consent in the whole ordeal. He stared blankly into the white room. When he was a boy he spent almost all of his time in the labs, a lot of that time was in a similar white room. It had the bare essentials - a walled off bathroom with a camera monitored in case he tried to kill himself, a small metal framed bed, a flat desk with a single drawer full of paper and pens, a chair, and a ceiling light.
"Why don't you head in and have a talk with her? It was her birthday last week, 16 now."
Sephiroth's fists clenched, "That's sick, Hojo. She's only a child."
The professor smiled and took off his glasses, cleaning them with a silk cloth, "Her body disagrees with your statement. I reassure you, she's well and truly into puberty and her youth makes her highly fertile as well." Hojo sighed, "It would be a shame if you don't do anything. Young woman, probably never fallen in love, losing hope for a happier future - it would be a real waste for us to strip her to her bones on a dissection table."
"I couldn't care less about what would happen to her. Besides, I'm sure she'd prefer that over child birth."
"Oh?" Hojo raised a brow, tapping the folder in his hand against his elbow, "What if your alternative was me informing the president what you have been up to with your assistant, hmm?"
"My assistant?"
"Your right-hand, second in command, subordinate, sorry-excuse-for-a-SOLDIER…Commander Rhapsodos." Sephiroth's jaw stiffened and Hojo's smirk grew sicker, "Oh yes. I know all about it. I know what he is, Sephiroth. And I'm not saying I'm the most intelligent man here, but I can be pretty clever. You see, knowing the potency of what I gave you and knowing the degree of deviance your friend has, it's a simple equation." He frowned and glared at his son, "You turned to it for the only useful thing it can do for anyone: spread his legs and let him be used like the subordinate assistant he is. Well I suppose that's what makes him as grand a commander as the director always claims during board meetings - he's willing to please the general no matter the cost."
Sephiroth raised a brow, seemingly unperturbed by this, "You strike a good argument. But you don't have any proof."
Hojo cackled, waving the folder in his hand in Sephiroth's face, "You want proof? If I appeal to the president that his former lap ornament was getting in the way of our arrangements for the company's poster boy, do you think I even need any evidence?" He said, tossing the file down, the pictures within spilling out over the desk between them. Seeing the polaroids of their sexual engagement made the General's mouth dry and a chill ran down his spine. "Shinra doesn't want Genesis in SOLDIER and he will find any opportunity he can to have him down on his luck. And I think these provide wonderful opportunities." He laughed again, picking up an image of Genesis on his knees orally pleasuring Sephiroth and shoved it in his face, "Look at that poor thing. Hahah! You've done a pretty selfish thing, Sephiroth. I mean, aren't friends supposed to look out for one another?"
The general's hands sweated in their gloves and his uniform felt too tight around his chest. He fucked up. Some small, weak, stupid part of himself thought he could run away from the fate that was carved into his life, thought that a few nights with his friend would make this all go away, but instead the more the reality of what he had to do sunk in, the more of an illusion Genesis began to feel. He wanted to either run away or punch the doctor's last breath out of him.
As he watched the girl, nausea rose from his stomach and settled in his throat. If he even put a finger on a child like that, he couldn't forgive himself. Stoic heart of steel, he still had some grips of morality. He knew what being robbed of a childhood was like and here he had to violate someone and be violated in return for some reason beyond him.
Hojo put his hand on his subject's shoulder, "Go on. Just do something. Try to acquaint yourself with her."
After he 'socialised' with her he left the room, washed his hands, rinsed his mouth and made his way back to his apartment ignoring Hojo's satisfied smirk as he went. It wasn't too bad he had to admit. At least his clothes stayed on, the professor said it was a waste of time since there would be no aphrodisiac used, thus no reaction on Sephiroth's part. That was good. It meant he got the job done sooner and could leave the room ten minutes earlier.
Exiting his floor, he entered his apartment and let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding. It was a normal day. Nothing went wrong. He's the general of SOLDIER, the military force behind Shinra Incorporated. He should be grateful for that. He should be grateful that he's respected, that there are people out there who admire him. He shouldn't ask for more; that would be selfish. But what was Loveless doing on his coffee table? Why was the smell of someone else's cologne in his room? He was being ungrateful wasn't he?
He smiled, "I have a good life." He told himself and stared up at the ceiling of his luxury apartment.
Then, it was only a fraction of a second, it was like someone flipped a switch. Stumbling into the bathroom, he dropped to the floor and threw up into the toilet. Bile burning his throat and mouth, the bitter taste making him gag and his stomach clench up into his chest as the memory of what he did replayed in his mind. He gripped his head as he leaned on the toilet seat, wanting to tear his hair out each time he could taste, feel and smell it in his mouth. His sick couldn't mask it, or get rid of it. Even after flushing down the mess and picking up his toothbrush knocking shaving cream and medication to the floor and brushed with a mouthful of minty fluoride. Even after that the taste was still there - still making him gag and still making his body shake with anxiety.
He couldn't look at himself. But he had to. When his own wet-faced reflection stared back at him he looked like a different person. His hair stuck to the sweat on his forehead, his eyes looked hollow and fearful. This isn't the face of a respected man, let alone a general. It was a mockery! A bout of rage coursed through him and he struck his own reflection, repeatedly slamming his fist into broken glass, cursing everyone – Hojo, the president, the board members, his mother, and Genesis. Because he has everything Sephiroth wants and can only dream of having – aspirations, freedom, the ability to make choices and not be violated.
His fist bled and he slumped down the tiled wall. Breaths heavy. Slowly, as his rage subsided his anxiety returned and he fought hard to not cry. But before he even noticed, drops were wetting the floor.
Time vanished as he sat there. His mind blank with a crippling kind of fear. His phone rang a few times, but he didn't hear it. It wasn't until the sun disappeared did he get up. Genesis would be home soon, he'd have questions for sure. So he put on something nice and headed out the door. He wanted to be alone. To wallow in that terror alone, because he'd be damned knowing he couldn't tell anyone.
In winter, the nights darkened sooner and the streets were much quieter. He couldn't tell how cold it was since the only thing he could feel was what happened that morning. Even as he walked, the snow dusted footpaths looked like the tessellated white tiles in the labs and the streetlamps glowed like the too bright halogens in the test room.
Rain began to fall and soak through his wool coat, stinging his body with cold. He didn't really mind. At least he could feel something other than the pain. The rain didn't let up, and by the time he hit the clock overlooking Loveless Avenue, he was drenched. The lights were just globes of brightness in his vision. People headed inside, or underneath overhanging rooftops and balconies. A car speeding by splashed Sephiroth in the face who stopped and groaned. Even if he looked for it, he couldn't find peace.
But suddenly the rain stopped and a shadow loomed above him. Looking up he saw an umbrella and heard a deep chuckle beside him.
"Angeal…"
His friend smiled, "Didn't think I'd find you out here."
Frowning, Sephiroth asked, "What are you doing here?"
Angeal shrugged, "Could ask you the same thing. I just went down the road to fetch some cigarettes for the Turks."
"The Turks?"
"It's Happy Hour at Goblin's Tavern." He beamed, "You should come. Everyone's there. Unless you're busy brooding out in the rain. If so, sorry for interrupting."
Happy Hour? He thought for a moment. As much as he wanted to be alone, he couldn't turn down the offer. "I could do with a drink." He said.
Reaching into his pocket, Angeal pulled out a small tin of mints and thrust them into Sephiroth's hands, "Here." He said gruffly, "I don't know what you're getting yourself into, but you probably wouldn't want Genesis smelling a woman on you." Sephiroth stared at him mortified, a sudden rush of adrenaline kicked into his body demanding that he flee, but Angeal laid his hand on his shoulder, his eyes softening, "…Look. Don't worry. I won't tell him. But that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. Even if he looks like he's okay with your arrangement, it doesn't mean he isn't hurt by it. I've stood by you on every decision you've made, but this I can't agree with even though Genesis does look happy. I'm just worried, for the both of you."
The two headed to the bar, "You think this will blow up in my face?"
His friend sighed deeply, "Are you attracted to him?"
"He has a great ass and is extremely flexible. How could anyone not be?"
He laughed, "I enjoy the sarcasm. But no, it's a serious question."
"Define attraction. He's intelligent, cultured, somewhat reasonable and occasionally compliant. He's independent, a quick thinker, motivated, not the best at strategizing and sometimes lacks foresight, but he is incredibly manipulative, versatile and adaptable. His skill is in improvisation and wit. A great tactician – a truly valuable member of SOLDIER."
"I'm asking for your personal opinion of him, not his resume."
"Then maybe I'm not attracted to him. However I do admit he is easy on the eyes."
Angeal scoffed, "Oh yeah. Even the blind could see that one, Seph."
Closing his umbrella as they neared the bar's entrance, Angeal pushed the door open for his friend. At the far end of the bar Sephiroth immediately spotted their redheaded friend. The soldiers, booze and noise were a dull drone in the background as he watched Genesis laugh and smile with some strange man beside him. Tall guy, blonde, most likely a war veteran judging from his eye-patch and the loss of blue pigmentation in his now green, non-glowing eye. Despite his earlier desire to avoid the redhead, a part of him wanted to get closer and the longer he watched, the madder he got. The closer he walked towards the pair, the tighter his fists became.
The blonde placed his hand suggestively on the commander's thigh and Sephiroth was seeing red. Why didn't Genesis push him away? Why was he flirting back and touching his arm?
"You're charming." He heard Genesis say with a loving sparkle in his eye.
The man laughed deeply and cupped his chin in his hand, "I have to be. When I was in 1st Class there weren't any men half as good-looking as you." Genesis shook his head and the blonde frowned, "What?"
"Me good looking." Genesis said, swirling the cherry in his glass around with a toothpick, "I'm both tired and not tired of hearing it. It boosts my ego but it also gets me thinking it's the only attractive quality I have."
"You are harsh." He started, voice low and highly arousing to the redhead, "Is that why you don't train soldiers?"
He laughed and flirted back. Amidst all the noise and cheer in the bar, Genesis heard Sephiroth approach and turned, flashing his pretty smile towards him and his anger was replaced more boldly with a desire to protect him. The man with him turned and noticed the glowering general. Assuming they had matters to discuss, he quickly penned his number on a nearby napkin.
"Give me a call some time." He said with a wink and left with a nod to the pissed off soldier.
Genesis watched his two minute romance leave, "You scared him off." He said and looked back at Sephiroth, "You looked like you were going to kill him."
Taking a seat at the bar Sephiroth shrugged, "Too bad for him then." He said and ordered a drink before asking, "Why are you here at the bar alone?"
"Hmm? Well I think the better question is why on earth you thought it was a good idea to play in the rain. Rainwater isn't good for your hair, you know." He teased, making Sephiroth groan at him, "I was talking to Zackary before until the gentleman who you frightened off came to talk to me. Also, Angeal is busy playing drinking games and Lazard is surrounded by Turks."
That last part amused him, "You really hate the Turks, huh?"
"They smoke too much."
Taking his drink, he tasted it and thanked the bartender. When they left he nudged his friend and asked, "How's the love life? You looked like you were getting lucky."
"Complicated."
Sephiroth looked at him. That surprised him and for some reason his chest tightened when he said that, "Really? Are you…seeing someone?"
"It's hard to say. I mean, what with me sleeping with you, it's a little difficult to be in a relationship with someone else that goes beyond the bedroom. I told you before. I want to get married, I want to have kids. I want a boring life once I retire from active duty within the next five years." He smiled and the general groaned.
"Try your luck with Lazard. He seems the boring type."
"Hmm…not a bad choice. Although his smoking habit is a bit of a turn off." He said making Sephiroth put his palm to his face.
"No. I'd hate to think our boss is having great sex with my closest friend."
Genesis laughed, "You hypocrite," he said, "How about you? Got your eye on anyone? What do you look for in someone?"
"I'm not sure…Although, for Shinra's sake it has to be a woman."
That statement made him speechless. Up until this point Genesis was fairly convinced the man couldn't have been straight, bisexual maybe, but that's pushing it. He never did show an interest in women, let alone men. Heck, the only time Sephiroth showed an interest in anyone was himself and that was only when they started sleeping together! "Do you like women?" he asked.
Sephiroth frowned, "Not sure. I haven't really been with one, at least not as much as with you."
"Have you kissed one?"
"Not really. One sided kiss that I didn't want."
"Yet I can kiss you freely, can I?" he smirked, feeling a little proud of that approval and Sephiroth rolled his eyes at him, "Look. You don't have to be with someone to know whether or not you like them. I certainly didn't go around kissing women to find out I prefer my partners, tall, handsome and male."
That intrigued Sephiroth. Sexuality wasn't a topic the two typically discussed, but it intrigued him. How did people know who or what they were attracted to? Did it just happen and then, only later, do you realise what, who and why it is that way? Or was it a categorical thing, where you went around with an instinctive check-list of things you think you find attractive? "Have you been with a woman?" he asked curiously.
Genesis shook his head, "No. Never. I wasn't even curious about it, or in denial of who I am at any point. I just…knew. Ever since I was a child I always dreamt of being a prince trapped in a castle tower awaiting my dashing knight to come and rescue me. And I do admit that a small part of my joining SOLDIER had a little to do with spending the rest of my life in the company of men."
Sephiroth laughed at that and sipped his drink, "Ever had any luck? You rarely talk about your relationships."
"Remember Adams? Tall, dark skin. Parents are engineers at Rocket Town."
He thought for a moment, "Former First Class?"
"Mhmm. First SOLDIER boyfriend." Genesis sighed at the memory, "I met him on the recruitment train. Angeal was asleep and the two of us got to talking. Long story short, had Angeal not woken up I may have arrived at Shinra no longer a virgin."
"Wow. You didn't even mess around with your fellow recruits at first."
The redhead smirked, "In case you haven't noticed, I'm just gorgeous enough to steal the hearts of all the good men." His phone began ringing. Pulling it out, his lover's name flashed on the screen, "Lazard's calling." He stated and promptly stood up, "Come." He held out his hand for Sephiroth who took it and followed him to the booth the director sat in with the Turks.
Everyone was drunk. Genesis sat next to Lazard and Sephiroth took a seat opposite them. A freshly opened bottle was thrust at him and the redhead flirted at a Turk to get him a good cocktail. Sexual suggestion and all. Reno hurried back with a Screaming Orgasm that got a laugh out of Genesis. And to prove his point, the Turk swung an arm around his shoulders and eyed him lecherously.
"Now, now Reno. The commander's not for touching." Chastised the director who then put his hand on Genesis' thigh and whispered something in his ear.
Sephiroth smirked at Lazard's boldness to touch him like that. Hypocrite he thought as he took a drink from a freshly opened bottle of beer. It was sort of funny in a weird way. Lazard, being the pretentious, classy prude that he is, but still somehow in all ways a good, well-intentioned person who demands Sephiroth's trust and respect.
He had a chat with Angeal and they joked about his protégé who couldn't keep up with the complicated orders that the bald Turk kept making and kept missing the crude innuendo in Reno's orders. But from the corner of his eye he noticed Lazard and Genesis keeping to themselves and at this point he realised the blonde's hand hadn't left his thigh. Frowning, he caught them briefly socialising with Tseng and Rude, something about a recent mission his friend was involved in with them before they went back to smiling and laughing together. A few whispers and a playful shove.
Taking a cigarette from Rude, Lazard patted himself down for a lighter.
Genesis, all coy, tutted, "Don't smoke." He chastised, flicking the cap of the blonde's silver lighter before pocketing it.
Raising a brow, Lazard asked, "Could I get a kiss in exchange?"
The redhead laughed, "You're drunk." He said and the blonde shrugged, touched his neck and pecked him on the cheek.
That simple interaction made Sephiroth freeze from shock. He felt this strange twist in his gut, a kind of betrayal mixed with some sort of fear. But he was still confused, not sure if he really saw that. He looked around himself and either no one seemed to notice or no one seemed to care.
Looking back, Genesis was lighting his cigarette for him, with an unmistakenable look in his eyes. The same look he would give to him when they were being intimate – that soft, unguarded, yet playful look. A look that was sinful, but also gentle. Lazard wasn't short on affection when he reached to take his lighter back. Sephiroth noticed how his fingers lingered and stroked his hand. How he looked back into his eyes, how his arm flexed as he tightened the hold he had on the commander's thigh.
It pissed him off to no end. And the worst part was that Genesis was enjoying it.
"Gen." he stood up, grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him away.
Startled, the redhead stumbled out of his seat and waved at a confused director, "Ah! I'll send you the reports in the morning." He said and glared at the general who dragged him to a private room upstairs, "What the hell, Sephiroth!" he yelled and was suddenly pushed up against the closed door with their hips pressed tight and their lips locked together.
Pulling apart, gasping for air, the redhead laughed breathlessly, "We're you getting jealous?"
Tseng glanced over his wineglass at Lazard who watched the two soldiers leave for an upstairs room. It was faint, only someone who knew the blonde as well as he did would pick it up, but the director looked upset.
"How does it make you feel?" he asked, snapping Lazard out of his musing, "Not too bad I hope."
The director sighed, "Like being passed through a meat grinder…But I guess it could be worse." He smirked weakly, knowing he was caught off guard by the Turk who simply nodded to the side. The two men finished their drinks and left the table for a private room in the back.
Locking the door behind him, Tseng loosened his tie and plopped into a nearby arm chair, "Did you hear about the progress?"
Lazard held his head in his hands as he sat down, "I did. Poor guy…"
"Professor Hojo knows about Genesis."
The blonde sprang up out of his seat, "What?! How? Goodness Tseng, do you know what this means?!"
The Turk calmly pulled out a cigarette and fired it up, "He's already blackmailing Sephiroth with threatening to inform the president about their escapades."
Lazard groaned, his face reddening with fear and anger, "As if it couldn't get any worse!" he kicked the coffee table and stood looking dishevelled with his hands on his hips, "How in the world did he find out?"
Tseng puffed, filling the room with light grey smoke, "You've got Reno to thank. He sees a doctor about a drug problem he's having and with Hojo promising a decent supply of opiates well, you get the picture. Rude ratted him out to me. I'd reprimand Reno and have him demoted immediately."
"Don't bother." He said, waving his hand dismissively, "He's a helpless addict. Hojo preys on people's weaknesses so he's one victim of many in this stupid game. If anything, just keep an eye on him and have his treatment be done off Shinra premises."
Tseng nodded, "I will."
The director sighed heavily and sank back into his chair, his sweaty hands making his hair greasy as he nervously ran them through his locks. The Turk knew what was on his mind. For the past two weeks Lazard deprived himself of adequate sleep. Stress, worry, heartache – a bad mixture for an already busy man. His selflessness, a gift given to him by his mother no doubt, was unlike any other. The way he cared for SOLDIER and the people in SOLDIER. The way he loved the commander near unconditionally despite believing his affections weren't returned. If he wasn't such a good person, such a pleasant breath of fresh air, Tseng would call him an imbecile.
"He loves you." He said, taking another drag.
Lazard laughed unconvincingly, "Thank you, Tseng. But that's hard to believe. I can't compete with the man he's sleeping with."
"You're available. Sephiroth isn't. In the long run you will win out."
The blonde smirked and shook his head, "No…It doesn't matter anyway. He can do whatever he pleases. As long as he's safe…which he isn't." He looked Tseng in the eye, "If the president finds out, Genesis is going to lose his job. Do you understand how devastating that would be for him? He has worked harder than anyone in this company to get to where he is. No one had faith in him, no one cared that he was intelligent and clearly the most skilled after Sephiroth. We promoted cannon fodder to second class while he was still stuck in the cadets all because of the board. Because Genesis isn't an image of SOLDIER, because no one wanted to make people see there could be someone as good or even better than their model soldier!" His face twisted with disgust "And because my father…Now imagine taking that from someone. Taking their pride and joy. Taking away their accomplishment, their whole life's work. He wouldn't – couldn't – be the same after that. All he ever talks about is how happy he is to be a commander, to be a SOLDIER, to be successful and accomplished – he even wears his uniform with more pride than Sephiroth does."
Tseng nodded in understanding as he exhaled, "Then I suggest you get the two separated."
The blonde laughed, "They can't be together. I'm not stupid. But I can't force my way between them. I love Genesis and the last thing I need is him retreating because he thinks I'm acting out of jealousy. Plus I happen to love him so much that I want him to have the choice without me forcing myself onto him, even if I think the other option is a bad one."
"Wutai." Tseng said, stabbing the butt of his cigarette into an ashtray, "They just need time apart. Give them that time and Sephiroth may comply to Hojo's requests. The more time they have together the more comfortable Sephiroth becomes with Genesis, if they have time apart Hojo can't claim that Genesis in particular is the culprit interfering with his 'research'."
The idea sounded good, if they could pull it off, they could even have the general in on this as well seeing that the life of his best friend is at stake, "That…makes sense…" Pulling out his phone, the director checked the soldiers' schedules, only to swear, "I've got Genesis scheduled for Wutai in about 7 weeks time though..."
Tseng shrugged, "It's diplomacy. I'll speak to the consulate and arrange it to be earlier."
"No wait…Next week he has a vacation slot open."
"How long?"
"8 days." Lazard flicked through his files and pulled up Sephiroth's only to be let down once again, "Oh no…Sephiroth has the same time…I'm going to assume they'll take that vacation together."
Tseng scoffed, "And here I thought you were a man of action, director."
Lazard shrugged, "We'll see…how about your contact?"
The Turk smirked and walked to the mini-bar for a drink, "Well…they've talked to their fellow superiors…"
The director raised a brow, "And?"
"It sounds a little far-fetched to them."
"Understandable."
"But they'd like to meet you." Tseng said, pouring himself some brandy, "Their next meeting will be shortly after your soldier's vacation. If you're planning on accompanying him, keep your mind sharp. It's a cutting board out there so unless your charisma and wit is still in check…"
Lazard raised a brow, "Sounds like a charming crew. Oh well, I understand their attitudes towards Shinra. That's what we have alike."
Tseng raised his glass, "Cheers to that."
At first, the kissing was alright, but then it got possessive, dominating, and Genesis could barely breathe. He tried to be polite, turning away and playing coy, but Sephiroth was having none of it. His hands grappled with his uniform, pulling buckles apart and palming at the flesh underneath the shirt.
"W-wait…" he tried to say between forcing a penetrating tongue out of his mouth.
The general growled and tugged the loop of his belt, "Just shut up and get undressed."
Genesis blinked, "What?! Oh no, not here." But his protest fell on deaf ears as Sephiroth picked him up and threw him onto the bed, "Seph stop it!" he yelled as the man tore off his own clothes and manhandled the redhead with his own erection.
Genesis' voice hitched as he tried to push him away and bit his tongue as it tried to force itself down his throat again. Sephiroth recoiled briefly, only to snap the offender's head back, near tearing out precious auburn hair with a death grip as he fused his lips to his neck, "Sephiroth!" he cried.
"You're perfect, Gen." he mumbled between kisses on his pale neck, "You're so perfect and gorgeous it kills me."
Anger and fear crept up on the redhead as it became noticeable Sephiroth wasn't playing around and probably wasn't going to take no for an answer. His voice dropped low as he quit being nice and his stress response was turning closer towards fight, "Stop. Just stop. I'm warning you…"
But his friend didn't listen and made his way down to his hips. Unzipping his pants had done it. Before he knew it, he was on the floor. The first thing he felt was a searing sting on his cheek. Looking up, he saw Genesis, palm raised and breathing heavily appearing both furious and shocked at incapacitating the general. They stared at each other for a few moments, neither knowing how to react after what happened. Slowly, Genesis calmed down somewhat and started putting on his clothes while Sephiroth stayed on the floor.
A knock sounded on the door, "Genesis?"
It was Lazard. The pair shared a glance before the redhead warily responded, "Y-Yes?"
"Tseng and I would like to talk to you about your next assignment on Wall Street."
Good, a reason to leave, he thought, and headed for the door, "Sure, I'll-"
An arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him back, "Don't go." Sephiroth said, "You're not leaving until I say so."
His partner didn't tolerate the manhandling and clawed at his fingers, "I'm sorry," he hissed, "but I'm not going to jeopardise my work for you like this."
"This is out of work hours." He said and pressed him up against the wall, "So…let's enjoy our downtime."
"Genesis?"
"Coming!" he called as he tried to push the man off him.
Sephiroth grabbed his jaw and forced him to stare into his eyes, "No. You aren't going anywhere. I'm your superior and I order you to not leave this room."
Genesis glared at him, "You're being a real prick, you know that?"
"You think I care?"
"You think this is foreplay to me? Because I'm very tempted to leave you alone tonight."
Sephiroth smirked at the proposition, "I'd like to see you try."
He sighed and softened his face. Lazard was outside, and unless he wanted a lecture on forgetting about his arrangement with Sephiroth or how he would be happier if he left, making a scene was a terrible idea. There was no point in getting emotional over this. Even though he was so tempted to knee the man in the groin, but it was only going to make him madder and Lazard suspicious. "Look…" he started, sounding a lot calmer, "Just let me go and I'll meet you at home later."
The sudden change in mood didn't impress the general. He would have questioned him, but the director's knocking and nearby presence put him off. If they did fight, he might just get Angeal to burst in. After a few deep breaths he gave in and let him go.
"Wait." He said, catching him before he opened the door, "Give me a moment."
With a half-smile, Genesis pecked him on the cheek and indulged him one last hug before he left. Walking home just shy of midnight, he found his apartment empty. His body still buzzed with frustration and some bitterness towards his friend. Sitting on the edge of his bed in his underwear he watched the seconds tick by which turned to minutes. When a full hour passed he drank some whiskey with wine. Not a great mix, but it was all he had to get him off his face and forget the altercation he had.
Two hours past midnight his phone beeped. A message from Genesis. "Try to enjoy your night alone."
Sephiroth was going to give a piece of his mind to that bitch. Leaving him alone like that, after saying he was coming, there was hell to pay. He bashed the button to his office, the hallways strangely empty and lacking tacky office paraphernalia.
Stepping out of the elevator, he straightened his lapels and kicked open the commander's office door only to find the director inside.
"Good morning, Sephiroth." He said calmly, gathering up some files, "The commander's gone to Wutai."
"Wutai?" He repeated, a bad taste settled in his mouth. He didn't hear about any developments on the Wutai front, "I thought he had a mission on Wall Street."
"President's orders." Stated Lazard, who looked at him over his glasses, "He knows about you two."
The general paled. His worries and fears for his friend – how he betrayed their friendship and used him for his own selfish desire. Hojo's laughter rang in his ears. But the bastard gave him time! And now his life was at stake!
In a flash, he grabbed the director by the front of his blazer, "What's he tasked with doing? What's his squad size?!"
If Genesis died…if he got injured…he could never forgive himself.
"He's alone." Stated the blonde who pushed him off gently and dusted himself off, "I'm sorry. It's a suicide mission."
The pain overwhelmed him. He was on the floor, clutching his chest as the memories of their time together flashed before his eyes. From their first meeting at the recruitment centre in the ShinRa building, to their first kiss and the night that followed. Genesis' lovesick face scorched into his retinas as he told him he loved him over and over in his soft, melodic voice. All of that, gone, because of him.
Everything around him seemed to vanish in a whirlwind and time disappeared. Angeal hit him. They fought for hours and Sephiroth got himself insanely drunk with the breaking news in the background. Genesis' pretty face, soft smile with that proud glint in his eyes…all marred by the KIA status beside him.
"He loved you!" Angeal yelled, "And this is what you did to him!"
A solid punch to the back of the head knocked him unconscious. But he heard a voice. A soft voice. Genesis?
"I hope you're happy."
Sephiroth sprang awake – body drenched in his own sweat. He wiped at his forehead, trying to catch his breath after the dream he had. It was all too much to process. Shakily, he stood up and had a cold shower. The image of a casket and a world devoid of Genesis flashed into his mind repeatedly. He had to cut off ties with him, he just had to. But at the same time…
Turning off the water and stepping out, he stared at himself in the mirror. His red eyes stared back. For whatever reason, he had a stronger desire to make Genesis feel appreciated and cared for.
"Dammit!" he kicked the bathtub and sat on the bathroom floor.
The situation was a mess and the shock was too much for him. He couldn't think straight – constantly going around on wanting to be away from Genesis, calling himself selfish, wanting to make Genesis feel appreciated and then concluding that it's an excuse to be too close to him. Thoughts cluttered with too much emotion and too much stress, he got dressed and headed out the door.
He needed to calm down. The anxiety kept seizing his chest and making him feel guilt and grief for something that didn't even happen…yet…
Wandering aimlessly through the backstreets, he boarded the train out of Midgar and made himself faceless in the slums. Here, everyone was miserable. Walking down the street didn't force him into seeing couples who are happily in love without a care in the world. Here, people were opportunist traitors like him. No one was your friend if money or some sort of selfish profit could be made.
Down the road, there was an old church dedicated to the Ancients. It sounded like a great place to be alone since the whole thing was falling apart. He was surprised they didn't tear it down and build some subpar housing. Rats ran across his path as he entered. The floorboards creaked beneath his feet and the smell of damp moss was in the air, but the sight before him surprised him.
"Flowers?"
White lilies grew by the altar. If he cared much for flowers he would have called them beautiful, but sitting on the front pew he could only think about Genesis. Genesis would love it here, Genesis likes flowers, this would be a good place for Genesis to recite LOVELESS. It was the guilt that was doing it to him. If all he could think about was auburn hair and ocean blue eyes – it was that and the worry.
He didn't know what to do. The wakeup call was something. Maybe he'd have to have a word with Hojo. Some new drug or therapy to get him to impregnate the girl. Or maybe a word with the president about marrying sooner than later, but that would mean retiring and retiring meant leaving Genesis way too soon –
He groaned. Was he always like this? Did his friend really mean that much to him to the point he couldn't do these things he had to? Maybe a part of him wanted him dead. For making him be this way. For making it so difficult for him to want to marry and sleep with women. They were friends, that's all. Yes, the sex will be missed, but that was it. Right? They could still go back to being friends after, right?
Entering Genesis' office was hard. It's fine, he told himself, just go in, deflect his screams and insults, apologise, give him the nice flowers and leave. He heaved in a deep breath and slowly went in, only to find no one inside. Briefly he worried that his dream may have been true, but there were fresh flowers in a crystal vase on the commander's table with LOVELESS opened and a few red-marked reports scattered about.
Nearing the table, Sephiroth's heart slowed somewhat from the relief, but the flowers on the desk didn't help. White pink rimmed roses with a strong natural perfume that filled the whole room – each rose perfectly structured and identical. Looking at his handpicked lilies, they were no match to the flowers Genesis already had.
Giving up, he tossed them in the trash along with his note and went to train.
Exhausted, Sephiroth took the stairs home, wanting to avoid everyone and be alone at all costs. He exhaled loudly and shut his eyes as he closed the door behind him. The whole day was emotionally draining for him. He didn't hear from Genesis all day and summed that up as he royally fucking up with his friend. He tried to apologise but –
Opening his eyes he saw the lilies he picked in a vase on the coffee table with a note beside them. Frowning, he checked around himself, in case anyone was around as he approached the note. Taking it, he read "I love you. P.S Angeal and I are at the rec room. Come xox"
It felt like a great weight was lifted off his chest. He may not have been forgiven, but his friend was going to make this work. Smiling, he headed to the Firsts' recreation room on the SOLDIER floor catching Genesis and Angeal in the middle of a game of pool. Angeal was on a winning streak as Genesis made conversation with Sephiroth, occasionally drawing the brunette into the discussion in hopes of distracting him so he could get a good shot to the 8 ball. The game ended with a proud Angeal and a dismissive Genesis who plopped into the soft brown leather couch motioning for Sephiroth to join him as he continued his story about the lab technician frying the capacitors on the motherboard of the VR room's workstation.
Pulling out two beers from the mini-fridge, Angeal offered one to Sephiroth, "Beer, Seph?"
He nodded, "Sure."
Angeal looked at Genesis who smiled and reclined further into his seat with his legs crossed, "Champagne for me. If there's any."
The big guy checked the fridge, "Nope, but we do have a kick up the ass and some."
"Mmm…sounds hot. I'd take two please." Joked the redhead who ended up with a bottle of chardonnay and a flute glass thrown at him. "Now…this would be perfect if I had fish."
Angeal rolled his eyes, "Whatever, princess. Why can't you be more like Seph, huh? He never complains."
Genesis scoffed, "Yeah right…" he winked at Sephiroth who shook his head.
The three talked about random things – from report writing, to how strange operations have been lately and the latest gossip on the board members. According to Genesis, Scarlet got new implants, and while Angeal chastises everyone on gossip, he couldn't help but share the conversation he overheard in the executive bathroom between Heidegger and his new paperboy.
"I'm pretty sure he's underaged…"
Sephiroth shrugged, "At least he's getting a pay rise. Genesis does that to Lazard all the time and still hasn't reaped any benefits."
The redhead slapped him making Angeal laugh before his phone started ringing. "Just a second." He said before walking out of earshot.
It was nice, for them to sit down and have a friendly talk like that. Since he started sleeping with Genesis, the friendship really did become secondary. He was more interested in sex than the friendship which outlasted a decade. Suddenly, he felt a pressure on his side and found Genesis leaning against him. He smiled and stroked his hair, stopping himself short of kissing him on the temple.
The sex was good, he thought. But so was the friendship and the intimacy. Was that what dating was all about?
"I never took you out." He said.
The redhead glared at him, "What do you mean?" he asked stiffly.
Ah, that's right. He had an aversion to dating. Sephiroth sighed, "I never made you feel appreciated. Because I am grateful for what you've done for me."
Genesis groaned, "I'm not a prostitute."
"Come on, Gen…Just one date."
Claiming defeat, his friend sighed. It was hard to say no to him, especially when he was promising to do something nice. "Fine. But don't make it too obvious that it's a date. Not sure about you, but I wouldn't want to double date with the press."
At seven they went for dinner at 'that fancy restaurant Sephiroth promised he'd take Genesis to' which Genesis was flattered by and had to keep face pretending he hadn't been there before with Lazard. They laughed as they dined, casting jokes on the previous night and making remarks on Angeal's too optimistic protégé and the director's fashion sense.
After dinner they had drinks at the old burlesque jazz bar they used to visit together, occasionally with Angeal, because Goblin's Tavern was often loud, rambunctious and too full of soldiers and other workmates. The River Blues was quiet and secluded, served good liquor for a price, and had a good music library on the jukebox if not decent live musicians. Here, the people didn't care who you were, everyone was faceless.
A wealthy mako refinery owner danced with an amputee, body riddled with burn scars that were dulled by her brilliant smile. An older woman with her much younger girlfriend – an heiress to a high fashion label. And then there was Genesis and Sephiroth amongst the mismatched lovers that social constructs frowned upon. To everyone else in the building, they were the same as themselves – a couple of no good misfits barking up the wrong tree, but want to be social sinners for the supposed 'thrill' of it. And not because attraction and love is a concept. They were all the same – perfect lovers who couldn't, shouldn't, be.