The wind whipped wildly through my long auburn hair as I ascended the three steps into Sam and Emily's cottage. I willed myself to focus on the way my cheeks burned in the unforgiving air of La Push in November, anything but the despair that was reaching around my sanity, implanting itself into a solid lump in my throat.
I spotted Emily right away, her glossy raven hair draped over Sam's shoulder as they embraced, her calm expression quickly shifting to furrowed brows as he whispered into her ear. Her eyes lifted to my pitiful form in the doorway. She pulled back and held her husband at arms length, searching his face for any indication that she may have misheard. When she found none she rushed to my side in an instant, her face filled with concern. She wrapped a maternal arm around my waist and her other hand came to rest against my cheek, pulling it lovingly against her breast like she would a frightened child.
"Come on, honey. Let's get you into the bathroom." My legs, barely moving of their own accord followed Emily's lead as she kissed my hair and started walking toward the back of the house, supporting my weight in her grip. I could feel her head turn to look at Sam once more. I couldn't see either of their faces, but I knew the look they were sharing must be intense if the energy surrounding us was any indication.
Emily and I squeezed through the narrow bathroom doorway side by side. Once we were inside, she maneuvered my body until I was facing her, lightly pushing on my upper arms until the back of my legs reached the cold porcelain lip of her bathtub shower. My heart fluttered as I remember how Jake had backed me into his toolbox less than an hour earlier, the frigid material licking my fevered skin the same way.
As I sat down, she pulled a small vanity stool for herself so she could sit in front of me. Her soft fingers dipped into my hairline, pushing back the sweaty tendrils and catching my bloodshot eyes in her knowing gaze.
"Are you alright, love?" She questioned, her mouth halfway between a smile and a grimace. "Can you tell me what happened?"
I felt like she could see right through me whether I explained myself or not, having been the mate of an alpha for some time.
I looked down, and Emily's eyes followed mine to the large moist patch at the apex of my light gray leggings.
"One moment Jake and I were arguing. He was trying to get into my head... make me admit that I feel... things... for him. And the next... he just changed. He wasn't himself anymore, he was... the Alpha... aggressive." My voice dropped to a whisper and my eyes hit the floor again "Sexually..." I swallowed thickly "I swear... I didn't mean to like—"
Emily visibly swallowed her anger, sensing that it was not the reaction I needed from her in this moment. She cut me off before I could continue.
"— Listen, Bella. I'm not making any excuses for what Jake did today. His actions were inexcusable and you can believe that Sam and the rest of the pack will tear him a new one once they see how he took advantage of you. But..." She took a deep breathe "I was with Sam at the beginning." A blush barely evident beneath her milky brown skin "Their bodies... undergo a massive change. It's like, they're still themselves, but every thought and action they have are fueled by the most powerful animalistic instinct you can imagine. It grips them so tight, and sometimes they struggle or fail to shake it off. I remember Sam... his hormones raged. One day he was calm and the next... he was like an explosion of emotions, only able to express one feeling at a time. And when he was... turned on... he was consumed by it, you know.. sort of...rough?" She looked like trying to figure out how to form the right words. "Even though I didn't always want to, I was overwhelmed by my need to submit to him... in every way." Her face filled with sympathy. "With all the pheromones pouring out of Jake right now, you have absolutely NO reason to feel ashamed of your physical response to him. Okay? Not in this house."
She eyed the wrap on my wrist.
"Do you need help getting undressed? I have some warm clothes you can change into after a shower." Emily asked.
"No... I'll be okay. And Emily? Thank you so much, for talking to me and for... understanding." I worried this blush was becoming a permanent part of my look.
"Of course, Bella. Regardless of your choices, you will always be family here. I'll go grab a change of clothes and leave them on the toilet seat. And... if you have any questions about this change Jacob's going through, please don't hesitate to ask. I have a lot of personal experience with the subject." She delivered with a sparkling wink and another warm motherly smile as she closed the bathroom door.
I turned the temperature knob of the shower as hot as it would go and steam filled the small enclosure. With a little difficulty, I was able to use one hand to grab the hem of my tee shirt and lift it over my head. I unclasped my bra and did a little shimmy so the straps would fall down and off of my arms. Hooking my thumb into the band of my leggings, I dragged them down my legs along with my panties. The slick evidence of my arousal staring me right in the face. Sure, I had felt excited every time I was intimate with Edward. Butterflies in my stomach and on more than one occasion I've felt my nipples harden and strain against the fabric of my shirt as we kissed. But never have I felt like this. Never have I felt so out of control of my body's.. functions. I blanched at the memory and stepped under the scalding spray, willing it to wash away the past hour along with the moisture between my thighs.
Only after my skin was burned raw did I dry off and pull on the loose tee shirt dress and fuzzy socks Emily had left for me. She must have known her underwear would have been too baggy on my thin frame, but the dress was long enough to cover my modesty and most of my legs.
The bathroom door creaked as I pushed it open and tiptoed to the living room where Emily sat on the couch. She smiled up at my face, handed me a steaming cup of tea and pat per palm against the triangle of cushion between her legs. I sat down and she gathered my wet hair in her hands, guiding a soft brush through the tangled mess as she hummed a soothing tribal melody. I felt my eyes brim with tears at the feeling of love and security that radiated into my body. Emily would be the most incredible mother someday.
I was shaken from my thoughts by the sound of two sets heavy footsteps on the porch.
"You need to leave man, this isn't the time" Sam tried to keep his voice low. "Yes, she's here. She's inside with Emily."
My eyes snapped to the small windows framing the Uley's front door. Through the frosted pane I was able to make out the russet curve of a sculpted lower back, right where it met the waistband of worn blue jeans. If I never saw that shade of denim again after today...
"Step aside Sam. I need to see her... explain what happened, make her understand." I could pick out that sound from a sea of different voices. My pulse started to quicken knowing that nothing but a thin mortal wall parted me from his gaze. Yes I was angry with him, but if I was completely honest with myself, I was more afraid. Afraid of the power he had over me.. a power he shouldn't have but somehow did. I fear that Edward will see right through me the minute I see his face again. That although my soul belongs to the vampire from my dreams, parts of my body, and I'm not sure how many, might belong to very real, very virile wolf... with or without my consent.
"Sam, I know you're trying to look out for her, and I'm grateful. But you're not going to keep me from her. Now, move." Sam had no choice but to bend to the will of his Alpha's timbered command. He shrunk begrudgingly out of Jacob's path and the doorknob turned.
The Alpha's towering form almost dwarfed the doorway where he stood. Had I never really looked at him before? Beaded sweat trailed down the bronzed muscles of his chest, catching in the creases of his lower stomach, channeling them down... down. His arms, veiny and vascular from non-stop running hung heavy at his sides. His thighs thick and sturdy and flexing like a champion horse. Dark brown eyes full of soul and torment pierced my own and made my lips and cheeks go numb.
"Bella..."