Chapter 11: Patient B503

Two days later, on the day of his operation, Clarence woke early and decided to go for a walk on the ward. Unable to have breakfast before the operation, he walked around watching others having theirs. He was now playing a before an after in his mind. He was trying to look at the other patients without staring and guessing whether those with facial injuries had had operations. Everybody became a before, an after or a don't know. He felt guilty doing this but he wanted to see what could be done by surgery. As he stood looking down the ward, Clarence heard a quiet voice from behind him.

-All right-

Clarence turned to see a boy about his age standing in front of him, with a face so disfigured that he gasped with surprise.

-Wow...I'm sorry-Clarence's awkwardness was obvious and he could not stop staring at the boy's face.

-It''s all right-, the boy replied-I'm used to it. Are you Clarence?-

-Yes...How do you know my name?-Clarence's eyes wandered all around the boy's face. He now realised how his friends must have felt when they first saw him.

-Miss Ling told me about you, said you were a Aberdale Team Supporter-

-Yeah, I am, are you?-

-I'm not really a supporter, I've never seen them play, only on telly, but I like them. So what happened to you?-

This took Clarence by complete surprise. It was the first time he had ever been asked the question and he was being asked by someone who he saw as worse off than himself. Clarence didn't know how much to tell. He wondered if he should he say how he got in the crash. In the end he said, -I was in a car crash...the car caught fire-

-Gosh-The boy replied-How long have you been here?-

-Just over two weeks...I'm having an operation today. How long have you been here?

-Well...I was born like this...well, not like this...but I was born with severe facial disfigurements. I've been here in six times and I had eight operations. I could stay on one of the other wards if I wanted but I like staying on this one. All nurses here know me and I like them. They're cool. I had an operation a couple of days ago and I'm going home today-

Clarence couldn't believe what he was hearing. He admired the boy's confidence. -What's your name?-

-Anthony, Where's your room?-

-Down there-Clarence pointed-Do you wanna see it?-

-Yeah-

As they walked down to Clarence's room, Anthony greeted most of the people in the ward, or they shouted hello to him. He seemed to know really everybody and Clarence could see that he was well liked. Clarence showed Anthony his many videogames books. Through the headphones he introduced him to his favourite rap tunes, and he ended up by showing him photos of his mom and stepfather. Amongst the photos was a picture of himself with Sophie.

-It's that your stepsister?-Anthony asked

-No man, that's my girl-

-What, your Girlfriend?-

-Yeah, man-

-What's her name?-

-Sophie-

-She's not bad, guy. Is she sticking by you?-

-What do you mean?-Clarence asked, puzzled.

-Is she still going to hang out with you when you get out? Some girls don't, you know. Some girls say "Let's just be friends" and things like that-

Clarence was caught off guard. He wasn't sure how to answer. -Yeah, man, she's sticking by me all right, she was here yesterday-

-Shame-

-What's a Shame?-Clarence asked.

-It's a shame I didn't see her-Anthony replied as he winked.

They both laughed and slapped hands. Then Anthony looked at his watch and headed for the door.

-I gotta go, guy, my mom will be here soon. Don't worry about your operation man, you'll be OK. They're good here. I'll see you around. Say "hello" to Sophie for me-

Clarence was on a high. Anthony had really cheered him up. The way Anthony talked about himself with case inspired him and there was much about him that reminded Clarence of how he used to be. Clarence realised that although Anthony's face had shocked him at first. He'd soon forgotten about his face and become more interested in his character and showing him around. Clarence climbed into bed smiling.

Clarence has just put on his theatre gown when Nurse Ling and two men in white coats came in pushing a theatre trolley. Nurse Ling asked Clarence to lie down on the theatre trolley, which he did in nervous silence and they were off. He lay on his back watching the ceiling above him. He knew where he was as he went down the ward but when he left the ward it was new territory. All he could see were ceilings and lights; every so often would go through rubber doors. When he looked to his left he saw white coats, when he looked to the right he saw white coats. But although he couldn't see her, Nurse Ling's voice comforted him. –It won't be long now, Clarence-and-Not far to go now-. Then the busy, draughty corridors were replaced by the calm warmth of the operating theatre.

-Here we are now, Clarence-Nurse Ling announced. Clarence could hear the people talking about him. He was being referred to as patient B503. Nurse Ling stayed by him. –We're just double checking that you are who you say you are-

-I am not a number, I am a free man-Clarence said half jokingly.

-Good morning, Clarence-It was Dr Owens leaning over him. She was now all dressed in white as far as Clarence could see and looking very much in control. –This is Mr Carr, he's our anesthetist today. He's going to help you relax-

Mr Carr took Clarence's arm and started to wipe a spot with wet cotton wool.

-Now you haven't eaten anything today, have you, Clarence?-His voice was well lived and serious.

-No-Clarence replied.

-You're just going to feel a small prick as the needle enters-Clarence felt it-And now, Clarence, will you count to ten for me?-

-One, two, three…four…five…-

Clarence opened his eyes slowly. He recognised the ceiling, he was back in his room. It felt like five minutes later, but in fact it was six hours later. The operation had taken three hours and it was now 5 o'clock. He lay still. His face felt as if it had been pulled and stretched in places; it felt tight. He could feel that hands had been all over his face. His throat was dry and he felt very hungry. He began to check his limbs for feeling. Everything was coming to life, it all felt OK. He lay still for about fifteen minutes before he manoeuvred himself into his sitting position. Then he looked to the table for his mirror but it wasn't there. He rang his bell and nurses came running but he was told that he would only be given a mirror when he had seen the doctor. He had neither the strength nor the will to protest.

The doctor and Nurse Ling came soon afterwards. Dr Owens looked towards Clarence and smiled. –Well, Clarence, from a surgeon's point of view the operation went well. I'm sorry about having to remove your mirror but it's standard procedure-

As the doctor was speaking. Nurse Ling left the room and quickly returned with the mirror in her hand. Dr Owens continued. –Your face will look and feel more bruised than it was before you went into theatre but it will soon calm down-

Nurse Ling handed Clarence the mirror. He put it in his lap, and then the doctor and nurse left the room.

As soon was Clarence was alone he looked into the mirror. The doctor was right; it did look worse than before surgery. Although he had been warned not to expect miracles, he had still believed that he would look much better. He could see the outline of the grafted skin was clearly a different colour from the original skin. His face felt tight. He raised his eyebrows but instead of the usual lines, the whole area of new skin moved upwards. Martin slammed the mirror over to the table to turn on his personal stereo. His breathing quickened with anger. He put on his headphones and listened to music until he felt asleep.

Later that evening, Clarence had a visit from his parents. There was a little talk of how the operation had went. His stepfather said a little talk as usual and his mother was being her kind, caring self. After forcing yet more fruit onto the table and removing the fruit which was now decomposing, she attended unnecessarily to Clarence's bedclothes, smoothing out and tucking in bits of sheets and blankets.

As she folded the bed covers under Clarence's arms she burst into tears, crying loudly. –Oh my god. What happened to my son? What have I done, God? What's happening to us?-, her voice was loud. It went outside the room and down the ward. She flopped over Clarence's bed like a mourner over a coffin, weak and out of control.

-My beautiful son, my beautiful son. Why did happen to my son, why?-

She cried and cried. Clarence's stepfather put his hand on her shoulder-Come on, Mary, calm down. We ain't done nothing wrong-

Just Alan Green entered the room. –Now Mrs Wendell, let's have you sitting down-He said, taking her by the hand and guiding her to the seat.

She continued to cry but as the minutes passed, she began to take control of herself. Alan Green soothed her with his words, and then, as he left, he put a thumb up to Clarence. Soon his mother was apologizing to him for her outburst.

-I'm sorry, son-

-Don't be worry, Mom-

-I'm showing you up-

-What, showing me up in front of Chad?-

There was a laughter as Clarence went on to recall times when she had really shown him up. After Clarence's parents had left, Alan Green came back to see Clarence. He wanted to make sure that Clarence was not too affected by what had happened.

-How are you feeling?-

-I'm Ok, I think-

-Why, are you not sure?-

-I feel kinda Ok but, I'm wondering if my mom knows something I don't know-

-No-Alan smiling-A lot of parents act like that. Your mother also has to get used to the idea-

-But she was getting all religious and stuff, you know saw her. I ain't never seen her like that before-Clarence said.

-It's probably because she thought that the operation would put things better straight away-

-Yeah I got a bit of shock when I looked in the mirror myself-Clarence admitted.

-The way your face looks immediately after grafting is not the way it stays. Newly grafted skin needs time to take…as we call it. She just needed to cry and that's very normal-

Clarence needed these words of comfort.