a/n: Hey, I'm back. For a bit. Heh.
This was a pain to write. I think the sentences and ideas could seem disjointed as you read. It just made me feel guilty that I hadn't updated this story in so long, so I wrote whatever came to my mind. My laptop crashed a while ago, and it got formatted, every file was corrupted so everything had to be deleted. All of my drafts for my stories had been washed down the drain. It was a crying shame, to be honest. I tried to recall the things I wrote in the original, but I had already forgotten most of it, so this would have to do.
If I got anything wrong in the details of RWBY canon, I hope you'll point it out and tell me. I'd already stopped watching RWBY. The animation was just too cringy. I referred to the wikia, but my interpretation of it could be wrong. That goes the same for F/sn. I only watched UBW and read the source material, and that's it. Well, this is supposed to be crack-ish, anyway. So don't take everything I wrote here seriously. Or anything I wrote in my stories, really. Heh.
disclaimer: I fully understood and comprehend that I don't own anything. I'm a fanfiction writer, that speaks well for itself.
Summer Rose hummed a random tune as she shifted her hold on her burden, easing the weight on one of her arms so she could fish for the apartment's spare key and fit it to the slot below the knob of the closed door. With a sharp 'click', she twisted the knob and pushed the door open with a ready smile on her face.
"Russ! We're here!" she declared jovially, pausing on the entrance as she bounced Yang on her hip.
Summer didn't wait for the current occupant of the home's response to put down the exuberant babe in her arms on the living room floor. She took off her white cloak and hung it on a stand, watching like a protective mother duck as little Yang hobbled on all fours. Unlike Qrow's strange young charge, Yang still couldn't stand on her own feet, or even lift herself up properly when she crawled. It was to be expected of normal children just barely a year old, she supposed, Russel was just too much of an exception to the rule.
Russel Archer, Qrow's little adoptive child. Apparently, it was Qrow who named him Russel, but Ozpin was the one who tagged him with the last name 'Archer'. Unbelievably intelligent, steadily responsible, and had an infinite potential even as a child, the boy was less than a couple of months older than Yang. Qrow told her he found him in the border of the Grimmlands while on an assigned mission from Ozpin a year ago. The poor thing was alone and abandoned, and the black-haired huntsman decided to take him back to Vale. Ozpin awarded his thoughtful gesture with the boy's guardianship—forced it to him, Qrow insisted—much to his annoyance.
Summer was glad for it;the boy had been nothing but a blessing. Russel was exactly what her team member needed, what with Qrow's irresponsible, devil-may-care attitude. Since the little boy came into his life, Qrow had been more considerate, subdued in his leisure indulgences, especially with his excessive drinking, and perhaps a little bit more reliable. Summer trusted Qrow with her life in combat—don't get her wrong, but in a casual setting, she wouldn't even trust him with boiling a mug of water. Chances were, he might screw even the simplest things. Now, though, he'd even started teaching in Signal, getting a job on his own without anyone prompting him. Summer was undeniably proud.
"Hey, Summe', g' mownin' (Hey, Summer, good morning)," the boy greeted in his mangled baby speech as he stood from the door of the kitchen, giving her a small smile. "An' Yang, too (And Yang, too)," he added, nodding at the infant crawling towards him. Yang's wide lilac eyes sparkled at being acknowledged, giving a broad toothless smile herself.
"Good morning to you, too, sweetie," she greeted back. Summer then pouted at the child, playfully putting her fists on her hips. "I told you should just call me Aunt Sam. Come on, it's easy," she told him, bending down to look him in the eyes. "Aunt, Sam. Au-nt. Sam. Aunt Sam," Summer said enunciating the words repeatedly.
"Summe' (Summer)," the boy deadpanned. "Yo Summe'. I wepush ta coy you nuthin' eys. (You're Summer. I refuse to call you nothing else.)"
It took a couple of seconds for Summer to comprehend what the boy just said, and it made her pout all the more.
"Oh, how you wound me, Russ," she said, giving him an offended puppy-dog look. Even as an adult, the look had never grown out of her; she had perfected it as such so she could make her stubborn and hardheaded male teammates, and sometimes, even Raven, to do what she wanted.
When the boy's eyes widened, taken aback, Summer just knew that it worked. "Come on. Call me Aunt Sam. It's just two little words. Aunt and Sam. Aunt. Sam," she persuaded again.
Russel was bemused, but he seemed to have decided to give her a chance.
"Aun'," he started, shaping the word on his mouth but seeming to miss a nuance, "Ant. Aunt," he continued trying, his brows furrowing cutely. He glanced at Summer's expectant smile and huffed. He crossed his arms on his chest and said, "Sham. An' Sham. Aun' Sham. Heh."
"Sham!" The silver-eyed maiden was horrified. "That's just rude! You did that on purpose," Summer accused. "You're not even trying that hard."
"Ant Sham," he called her, unrepentant, a pompous smirk plastered across his smug little face. "Wat we doin' t'day? (What are we doing today?)"
Summer gave him the stink eye. "Dishing out punishments for you, apparently," she told him.
"I did nothin' wong (I did nothing wrong)," he reasoned petulantly, "Aun' Sham," he added, making Summer grimace.
The name had stuck, much to Summer's dismay. He wouldn't let it go now, the same way he held onto calling Qrow "Cow" without even trying to pronounce the man's name right, or when he called her "eyhead (airhead)" for the first time with a shrewd expression on his face, and then proceeding to regard her as such. Russel could be a total brat sometimes. Most of the time. No, actually, it was all the time. Russel is a little prick.
"You are incorrigible," Summer said with a resigned sigh. "Truly, you and Qrow makes a pair."
"I wesen' dat (I resent that)," Russel dryly responded, rolling his eyes. "In tems of hopeyeshness, oyd Cow's on 'node' yebey 'f his own. (In terms of hopelessness, old Qrow's on another level of his own)"
Summer hesitated between laughing and agreeing; incidentally, both actions were a confirmation of her teammate's unreliability.
Oh, Qrow, that's just so sad…
"I'm making cookies," she informed him, letting go of the subject of her failed attempt to make him say her name and half-asking for permission. It's only proper, because the boy practically declared Qrow's kitchen as his own personal domain ever since he started walking and moving around on his own. Catching him cooking at about ten months old almost gave Summer a heart attack. Remembering it now, it was still very bizarre, almost as bizarre as the amount of aura he had condensed in his small form. Qrow, being the irresponsible adult that he was,just let the boy do whatever he wanted. "Play with Yang for a bit, will you?"
"Hn," Russ grunted. Summer took that as consent.
With the ease of familiarity, Summer went to the kitchen and proceeded to bake a batch of her favorite chocolate chip cookies. With the extensive upgrades of Qrow—Russel's kitchen, it took no time at the oven door, Summer peaked on the living room to see what the two were doing. She smiled, watching as the red-haired boy took out the stuffed toys Qrow bought for him on his birthday. She knew how much Russel hated the toys so every time she saw him playing them with Yang amused her, but it made her pleased nonetheless.
Summer had raised the two children as if they were her own ever since they came into her teammates lives; Yang, the daughter of Tai and Raven, and prodigious little Russel Archer, whom was thrust into Qrow's care without had always been thankful for the distraction the children offered. Especially Russel. He came unexpectedly during the most perilous time of their team dynamics. With Raven pregnant and Tai busy preparing for their home, Qrow always avoiding spending time with them for a stupid reason or other, it left Summer feeling out of place. Like a third-wheel, which was more horrible than it really was when she had a silly crush on Tai. It was absolutely awful, to be honest, but she couldn't show it, lest the rift between their team grow wider than it already was. When Qrow approached her seeking advice, she was dumbfounded at first. After all, this was Qrow Branwen, someone who was as attached to his bachelorhood as he was to his flask of alcohol, if not more, and he was suddenly asking her foran opinion on taking care of and raising a babe. To say Summer was astonished was an understatement.
And then, suddenly, Raven left. Without a word, not even a goodbye to her teammates—her own twin brother, her friends, and to her lover and daughter. She just up and left, and never once looked back. Summer didn't understand, and Tai didn't either; he was heartbroken though. Seeing him like that broke Summer's heart, too.
Qrow was a mess to begin with, Tai was miserable, so it was up to Summer, the amazingly reliable team leader, to pick up the pieces. She had always been the dependable one, though not the most sensible at times, so she had to be strong and responsible for her team.
Now that she thought about it, she hadn't realized how much time had passed. Raven's decision to leave was a fresh wound on all their hearts, especially on Tai and Qrow, but all wounds heal in time. Although Qrow and Russ didn't live with them under the same roof, Summer still considered them as a part of her family. So she would always look out for them, too.
"Hey, eyhead, (Hey, airhead)" someone called out, breaking her reverie. She shook her head to chase away wistful thoughts and glanced down on one of her charges' face. The smell of her favorite cookies wafted through her nose and she started, suddenly remembering that she'd put it in the oven but found that it was already taken care of by the small red-haired boy whom was now standing on a stool, looking at her with an unimpressed expression on his face. "Penny fow yo thoughts? (Penny for your thoughts?)"
"Russ! Don't just sneak up on me like that!" she dramatically chided him.
"We' you, pe'chance, twying to buwn down the buiyding? (Were you, per chance, trying to burn down the building?)" he asked dryly, carefully laying down the hot, freshly baked tray of delicious cookies on the island counter with his mitten-clad hand.
Summer pouted. "What are you doing in here? I thought you were playing with Yang?"
"She's in the yiving woom, wight whe' I yeft he', (She's in the living room, right where I left her)" he answered shrewdly. "I jush checked on you, an' I was wight to do so. Yo such an eyhead. (I just checked on you, and I was right to do so. You're such an airhead)"
For some reason, Summer felt indignant. If she was really honest to herself, it was as if Russ was berating her like an ignorant child. What in the world was Qrow feeding this kid to be such an upstart? No, actually, it might be more accurate to say it was Russ who fed Qrow. After all, he's the cook. It just had Summer debating how much of an adult Russel had to be in the raven-haired huntsman's care. He seemed to grow more jaded and cynical the longer he shared the same home as Qrow. Goodness, where was the wonderful, angelic baby boy she used to spoon-feed and change dampers had gone to?
"You used to be so cute," Summer told him, puffing her cheeks. "I think I'm gonna smack Qrow upside the head when I see him again."
"So, how was your day with Summer and Yang?" Qrow asked, idly pushing the shopping cart as he scanned the shelves of produce.
The two of them were grocery shopping for dinner. Since Qrow had no idea what to buy, he'd dragged his small charge along. Russel had rarely (never) been out of the apartment ever since Qrow took him in. Counter Guardian EMIYA hated going out just for the fact that his honorary father had to carry him in his arms or be strapped on his torso in a sling every time. God knows he hated cradles even more. Nevertheless, it was good to be out for a change.
"Fun," Counter Guardian EMIYA replied wryly. "That, gimme dat," he said, pointing at a ripe watermelon at the top of a pile. He would get it himself but he was sitting in the cart. Why was the Counter Guardian sitting in the cart? Because he could. Perks of being a kid again, he supposed.
When Qrow picked one of the fruits, EMIYA scowled at him. "Don' jus take one, s'upid. Fyick it to see 'f tis wipe (Don't just take one, stupid. Flick it to see if it's ripe)!"
Qrow glowered at him, which EMIYA returned with a condescending scoff. Resigned, the man did as he was told. A dull 'tak' resounded when he flicked the watermelon, and the boy seemed to be satisfied with it.
"So, fun? Just fun?" Qrow steered the conversation again as he lead the cart down another isle.
"Aw' you fishing fow detaiys? (Are you fishing for details?)" EMIYA, aka Russel asked amusedly.
"You did at least get a good word in, right?"
"I toyd he' yo' a wo'thyess an' pathetac dunkawd, but you do twy yow besht. (I told her you're a worthless and pathetic drunkard, but you do try your best.)"
Qrow paused, squinting at the little boy imperiously riding the cart. "You're surprisingly eloquent with your insults. I thought you were supposed to be my wingman."
"Fowgettit (Forget it)." Russel rolled his eyes. "What made you think dat, anyway? If yo' guts as tough as yo' acohoy toyewance, maybe you wouldn' need a wingman in de fiwsh pace (What made you think that anyway? If your guts is as tough as your alcohol tolerance, maybe you wouldn't need a wingman in the first place)," he replied tersely. "It would be easiew if you jusht confesh (It would be easier if you just confess)."
"Like that's gonna happen. She likes Tai!" Qrow argued. "I'm gonna get rejected, and everything will be awkward, then."
"Oh, p-ease. Yife's a gamble. What's de point 'f yiving without a yitte' wisk (Oh, please. Life's a gamble. What's the point of living without a little risk)?" the babified Counter Guardian asked exasperatedly, shaking his head. Grumbling, he added, "One 'f dis days I'd jush push you both on top 'f each othe'. Idiots (One of this days, I'd just push you both on top of each other. Idiots)…"
Qrow heaved a sigh. "I don't know why I even bother. I'm asking help from a one-year-old brat."
EMIYA rolled his eyes again.
His second adoptive father was just pitiful. It made EMIYA ponder if he'd ever been as pathetic as Qrow in his youth. He knew himself to be idiotic and dense when it came to romantic relationship, or any relationship really, what with his twisted mentality, but he was proud to realize he'd never been as self-conscious as the huntsman.
EMIYA couldn't understand what Qrow was so afraid of. For as long as he'd known Summer, he had never pegged her as a woman who would break a long lasting friendship just because of a one-sided love interest. Even if she did have a crush on Tai, the Counter Guardian could tell that Summer cared for Qrow as well. Heck, she might've even liked him back, obliviously or secretly. How was Qrow to really find out if he didn't lay out his feelings to her?
Qrow is a moron, EMIYA concluded with a nod to himself.
The baby Counter Guardian had never hesitated to tease or blackmail Qrow with his unrequited affection before, but sometimes, the man could be so tiring with all his whining. One of these days, he'll just lock them both in a room. Maybe then, the pathetic huntsman wouldn't have to bother him with his woes of love anymore.
The next morning Summer arrived in Qrow's apartment, EMIYA made it his goal to drop his guardian's feelings on Summer's head. Bluntly and directly, as Qrow should have done a long time ago.
Summer was an affectionate ditz, in EMIYA's perspective. She was always cheery and warm, a bouncing bundle of sunshine. Besides, she was pretty cute, in her own way; she had a dimpled smile, and eerily exotic silver eyes. She was reliable and thoughtful, although a bit of an airhead. He couldn't fault Qrow for liking her. Truthfully, EMIYA wouldn't mind if she did move in with Qrow.
The problem was, Summer supposedly had a crush on Tai, but the man got involved with Raven instead. However, Raven abandoned him and their daughter a couple of months ago, to be the leader of their tribe or something, and never came back. Seriously, their team was a mess. Just thinking about what kind of dynamics they had made EMIYA scratch his head in puzzlement.
He hadn't met Tai, he'd only ever heard of his name from Qrow or Summer, from time to time. He seemed like an okay guy. He knew even less about who Raven was. From what he'd heard, she seemed like a bitch, so, whatever. EMIYA was going to hear the end of his honorary father's stupid love dilemma, and then he's not gonna let him live with it.
Qrow would better be grateful. It would be a gamble but if they did end up together, it would most likely entertain him for the duration of his 'childhood'. Then, he was going to hold it over then man's head for as long as he could. Most likely forever.
When Summer came bounding in with Yang in her arms right after Qrow left for work, EMIYA set about finding the right timing. He entertained Yang for a bit, just as he'd always done whenever Summer was busy about something, or for this instance, she was eating the leftover breakfast he set aside for her.
"I'm so excited! Yang's turning one in less than a week," Summer told him after gulping some water, giving him a jubilant smile. "There's going to be a big party! You and Qrow are invited, of course. I will be really sad if you don't come. Yang, even more so, right Yang?" she asked the little girl, whom had tilted her head curiously in reply.
"Dun woowy, Cow wouldn' mish it fow de wo'yd (Don't worry, Cow wouldn't miss it for the world)," EMIYA replied with a shrug. He smirked to himself. "You should ashk him diwectly ta be shu' tho (You should ask him directly to be sure though)."
"Oh, I will! I won't let him resist!"
Pfft. Perfect.
"Be estwa fo'shfuy, k (Be extra forceful, k)?" the toddler gladly encouraged. "He yikes it when you pe'shade 'im (He likes it when you persuade him)."
Summer's brows furrowed, her silver eyes squinting at EMIYA. "Hmm, does he?" she asked, intrigued.
EMIYA shrugged again, feigning disinterest. "F'cowz. He's pwacticayi wap'd awound yo' finge' (Of course. He's practically wrapped around your finger)."
Surprisingly, Summer reddened. How curious.
"I-is he?" she mumbled, suddenly fidgeting.
The haughty smirk plastered on the little boy's face didn't quite fit his cherubic form. Luckily, Summer wasn't looking at him, lest she would have been disturbed.
"T'is p'etty o'vioush (It is pretty obvious)," he paused, for dramatic effect. "Cow's in yove wid you, dimwit (Cow's in love with you, dimwit)."
There. The bomb finally exploded. Hiroshima and Nagasaki in one blow. Hah.
Semblance.
According to the facts Alaya had supplied to him, Semblance was an individual's unique power—something innate and distinctive in one person. It was perhaps an extension of Aura, the manifestation of one's soul. EMIYA reckoned that his Reality Marble was his Aura, and his Semblance could be his advance version of Gradiation Air. Well, it didn't matter, one way or another. His existence couldn't be defined by the mechanics and technicalities of this World. He was a Counter Guardian from another World with a distinct system of its own, and he was directly connected to Alaya. Remnant's rules and principles did not apply to him.
Along with Aura and dust, Semblance was one of Alaya's gifts to Remant's humanity. The Collective Unconscious of Humanity had empowered the mass of its patrons several times in its bid to win against her arch nemesis. Some of those gifts had almost transcended her principles, but Alaya had been desperate. Remnant was no longer a world of balance and prosperity; it had turned into a playing board between the Counterforces of the World and Humanity, each of them with their own set of pawns and schemes. Rules that kept the realm from tilting were bent and twisted, as long as the game would end with one as the victor, yet neither were willing to relent.
Still, no one in Remnant could know what Semblance a person was gonna get. Not even Alaya itself. It's like drawing lots, from the most mundane of abilities to that of the deadliest curses. Some could be hereditary, but one couldn't be certain. Ultimately, it will all come down to chance.
Or maybe Karma.
In that regard, Counter Guardian EMIYA suspected that Qrow must have enslaved a universe in his past life.
His luck just sucked, literally. Qrow Branwen's Semblance was Misfortune.
Misfortune, how pathetic could he get?
EMIYA could admit to sympathize, in a way. After all, his Luck stat every time he got summoned in a Grail War was E. Hell, he could even bet his Luck now was as bad as Qrow's. The fact that he got saddled with the man in the first place just proved how unfortunate he was. Ironic, really.
Anyway, the point was, both his and his guardian's Luck sucked. Life, as he believed, was a gamble, so it shouldn't have surprised EMIYA that he was bound to lose every time.
Summer didn't visit the apartment again after he'd dropped the bomb. Qrow was confused at first, that was until EMIYA told him what he did, with a pint of condescension and a scoop of cynical sarcasm, injury and insult straight through the heart. The Counter Guardian just wouldn't be EMIYA if he had worded it in anything less weaponized with pessimism.
Qrow was livid. He was so mad that he even attacked his baby form, which EMIYA was quick to defend. Their fight destroyed half the apartment building. Qrow had been mad enough to shoot him with actual dust and EMIYA had countered Gilgamesh-style. Not that either of them succeeded to draw blood; Aura was convenient like that. In the end, Qrow just drowned his grief and heartbreak with about a drum's worth of alcohol, as any man should, EMIYA supposed. There's nothing more effective a cure to a woman's rejection than a truckload of whiskey after a good fistfight—more like an all out battle with a toddler in Qrow's case, but, close enough.
EMIYA was apathetic in the face of Qrow's misery. Still, he was feeling a little guilty. After all, it was his fault that their relationship turned for the worst. He wouldn't admit it, though. He was adamant in his belief that Summer just need time and space to sort out her feelings. Women were complicated and puzzling creatures like that. She'll come around in time. Probably.
a/n: Writing CG EMIYA's dialogues makes me cringe every time. I swear I'm going to do a time skip next chapter and just drag a very long exposition.
I just realized, maybe I liked bullying Qrow a little too much. Lol.
Well, thanks for reading.