Chapter 16: Problem with the unity

Clarence learnt quickly to take every day as it came and never to expect one day to be the same as the last. His fellow pupils could be unpredictable: some would want to show how good they were by being seen with him, other would use him as the butt of their jokes or avoid contact with him. Some kids could be both caring and uncaring according to their mood, or whose company they were in. He was beginning to choose his friends according to the respect they had for him. He hated pitied and he hated begin given special treatment. He learnt how to look into the eyes of others and measure their sincerity.

October became very rainy. It put a stop to much of the school's outdoor activities but the rain was much needed after the dry, hot summer. There was a lot of talk in the school about Sophie's new commercial. She was becoming a minor celebrity. When Clarence saw the commercial, he realised why everyone was talking about it so much. It started with Sophie washing her hair, with an extra large bottle of Nulocks Shampoo in the foreground. Then a shot of her drying her hair, followed by quick flashes of her meeting a friend in a bus station. As they jumped on the bus, the camera focused her bouncy, flowing hair. Then there was a other girl's hair began to look tired but Sophie's hair, washed with new improved Nulocks, still look 'Freshy and Bouncy', as the voice-over said.

Clarence thought the commercial was good and that it was sure to help Sophie's future career in acting or modeling. But seeing her as the centre of attention in the commercial and knowing how popular she had now become in school highlighted the change in their relationship. They still talked, they still spent time together, but that time is always in the company of others. They had not kissed since the night of the accident. It wasn't every afternoon now that Sophie walked Clarence home with Jeff and Sumo, and she never walked him home alone. In fact, all four of them would sometimes go their separate ways at the school gate.

Clarence has the confidence now to walk home on his own. Walking home via the same route at the same time meant that he would usually be seen by some people. It didn't take long for most people to get used to seeing him. It was the same mornings on the way to school. These were becoming Clarence's safe zones.

Clarence also began to wonder about his relationship with Jeff and Sumo. He didn't doubt that they were still friends. He knew that he was no longer the 'main man' but he was conscious of other changes. There was a time when Sumo wanted to be with Clarence every opportunity –this wasn't so now. He begin to hang out with a couple of other guys. It was as if he was making a new gang, with himself as the leader. Jeff was different, he still spent some time with Clarence but he now preferred to be alone. Clarence thought maybe Jeff was using the circumstances to take a step back and become himself. He just hoped that Jeff would be there if he needed him.

On a wet Friday afternoon after school, Sophie and the Gang of Three were standing at the school gate talking to friends. Clarence thought it was a good time to suggest something that he had been thinking about for a while. -Hey, let's go out somewhere together this weekend.

There was a moment's silence, as if they were all little surprised by Clarence's suggestion. He had shown no real matters in going out since returning to school and none of them had given the idea any thought.

Sophie was the first to respond. -I got drama school tomorrow and dance class after on Sunday, I won't have any time this weekend.

Sumo's response was unconvincing -I'm not sure. Where we going to do? What are we going to do? I just want to stay in and watch some movies.

Jeff's response was the only positive and even that was conditional -I'll go out but I'm not going to one of those rave or rap places.

-That's cool, man; we'll just go out, walk around East Street or something. Check me at my home around seven.

At seven o' clock the next evening, Jeff arrived at Clarence's house. As he went to press the bell, the door opened. It was Clarence's stepfather.

-Ssh, be quiet-Clarence's stepfather whispered. Jeff couldn't work out what was happening as Chad pushed him outside and close the door gently behind them both-I wanna word with you…now, you know the phone number here, don't you?-

-Yes, Chad-Jeff replied.

-Well, you look after Clarence, it's his first night out. If there's any trouble, give me a ring straight away…I'm sure he can look after himself, but if there's a problem ring me…all right?-he said, trying hard to keep his voice down.

When they entered to the house, Clarence's stepfather rang the bell to make Clarence think Jeff had just arrived, then he shouted from the corridor, -Clarence, are you ready? Jeff's here.

Clarence ran to the living room, heavy-footed and ready to go. Tonight he was wearing his dark green jacket and blue baseball cap with his white trainers. Without giving Jeff a chance to settle down, he shouted, -We're off, Mom, see you later. Bye, Chad.

Jeff bid Mary and Chad goodbye and they headed down the street. There was a spring in Clarence's step. Before Jeff had arrived, just thinking about going out into the night made him nervous. Now he wasn't worrying, he was just happy to be out an about. He would have like to have been with the whole gang, including Sophie, but he still appreciated Jeff's company.

At eight o' clock in the evening High Street North was very different. All the school children were missing, the sweet shops were shut and the familiar faces had all gone. The restaurants, bars and amusement arcades had now come to life. For a while Clarence became self-conscious again but he quickly realised that everyone was too busy doing their own thing to notice him.

-Where shall we go?-he asked Jeff-you said no raves and no rap, so that doesn't leave much, does it?-

-I have an idea-said Jeff-ler's go the Unity-

-Are you kidding, guy, the Unity, table tennis and bingo, come on, man…things aren't that bad.

-Well, what do you suggest?-Jeff replied.

-I don't know but there's got to be somewhere better than that.

-Name it.

-I don't know what scenes are happening.

-All the happening scenes are full of drugs and losers. When I go out nowadays, all I wanna do is get home safely…and getting home safely usually depends on where you go…so I've got no problem with the Unity.

-I suppose you're right and I suppose I should know better, Ok, to the Unity we go.

On the way to the Unity, Clarence began to confide in Jeff. -I'll tell you something, mate, just because this happened to me I won't let it hold me back. I'm not going to sit at home feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to go out and get some.

-Yeah-Jeff replied-but what you gonna get some of? Do you wanna get some of those fast cars?-

Clarence stopped walking. Jeff stopped a step ahead of him. -What are you trying to say, Jeff, man? Don't you think I've learnt anything lately? Or are you just trying to upset me or something?

-Why I would want to upset you? I just think cars are trouble. And most of that music you listen to is all about guns and drugs and girls.

Clarence was quick to defend. -Cars are OK, it's people who are crazy, and not all rap music is bad. I like it for the beat, man, the grooves. You know I never used to like rap music but it's cool to dance to. I don't listen to all stuff about guns and drugs. The stuff about girls is cool. I got no problem with that. It's just fun, man, don't tell me girls are out of fashion!

They both continued to walk as Jeff spoke. -No, but you know what I mean, it's all about lust and not about love.

Clarence's mood changed and he laughed as he said -What are you saying, man? What have you been reading? We ain't supposed to fall in love until we're twenty-one or something like that. Love is something you fall into when you gotta job.

Jeff stopped laughing. -Do you seriously mean that?

-No-Clarence began to cool down-I don't really mean it, but you sound so serious about it. Love is ok but lust is fun-

-Isn't lust sin? Anyway, what are you dealing with? Do you love Sophie or do you lust her?-Jeff enquired.

Clarence stopped laughing. -Good question. Well, you see, it's a bit of both, it's half love and half lust and if we go out together for a long time, the half lust will grow into love, that's when we'll do the marriage and baby thing.

For a few yards there was silence. What Clarence had said had got Jeff thinking and Clarence was also thinking about what he had just said. Clarence began to get even more personal.

-Tell me the truth now, Jeff. Do you think Sophie still loves me?

-Of course she does-Jeff replied.

-Do girls lust?-Clarence asked.

-I've heard that they do at certain times of the year…I think there is a season when they get all hot and passionate or something?

-Well, do you think she loves me or anything like that?

-I'm not too sure what you mean by anything like that, and from what you've just said we're all too young to know what love is.

But Clarence came again with more questions. -Do you think she's gone off me since the accident? Has she said anything to you about me?

Jeff could see that deep down Clarence was desperate for the truth. -I don't know if she's gone off you or not…I don't think so…but I don't know. And she hasn't anything to me. When she talks to me about you it's always about making sure you're ok, making sure you get home ok and making sure you're stay out of trouble.

-So-Clarence replied as if slightly surprised-she cares about me-

They reached the Unity club to find about fifteen kids there. Two games of table tennis were being too played. A small group of boys were playing computer chess with the priest. There were the good kids of the neighborhood, all dressed sensibly and or their best behavior.

The priest waved and shouted –Hello, Clarence. Nice to see you. Hi Jeff.

Jeff waved and Clarence nooded his head to response. They watched the boys playing computerized football. Some of the younger kids stared at Clarence out of curiosity but they were quietly told off by their older friends. Clarence could hear the whispered telling offs as he explored the various corners of the club.

He hated it. After twenty minutes he told Jeff how much he hated it. -Look, man, we got to go, I hate it here. Lying in a hospital bed is more exciting. Let's go.

-Where?-Jeff asked.

-Anywhere. I'd rather just walk the streets than stay here.

-OK-Jeff said-let's go-

As they reached the door, the priest jumped up from his seat and ran over to them. Clarence had always found him funny with his posh accent and his out of date sense of fashion. Tonight he was dressed in jeans, a tweed jacket and a white shirt with his church collar on top of it.

-Clarence, my dear friend-he said-it's good to see you, Aren't you going to staying?-

-No, I ain't-Clarence replied-I promised my parents I'd be home early tonight-

-I understand. I've been seeing quite a lot of Jeff lately, haven't I, Jeff?.

-Yes-Jeff said reluctantly.

Clarence shifted his eyes towards Jeff in surprise.

-Jeff knows he's welcome to come here any time…so are you. Our doors are open to anyone regardless of race…or disability.

Clarence's heart raced. He breathed deeply in order to control his temper. He felt sweat breaking out in his palms and warm a glow around him as if his blood was warming. Once again he felt like lashing out; he didn't care if the man was a priest, he wanted to punch him. But the voice in his head said, No, just talk to him.

-Listen to me, man. You think you're perfect, you may think you know everything and that you're going to Heaven but let me tell ya something. I ain't disabled.

The priest tried to interrupt. -I didn't say you were disabled. I just said all are welcome regardless of race or…

Clarence came back, -Disability. You've never mentioned age or race to me, before. Why you quoting your equal opportunity stuff to me now; I've been coming to this place a long time before you.

-Calm down now, Clarence-the priest held his hands out and waved them soothingly-calm down-

-I am calm. Let me explain something to you. Anything I could do before I can do now. There are some things I can do better now, like spotting the patroniser. I was in here two months ago, now I'm only two months older now, and I am the same race and I have the same abilities. Goodnight, Mister…Reverend…

Clarence turned and walked away at speed, Jeff was stunned by Clarence's performance. For a moment he watched Clarence walking down the road, then he looked at the priest, who was also in a state of shock watching Clarence.

-I've got to go-Jeff said and he ran to join Clarence. When Jeff had caught up with him he was out of breath-hey, Clarence, that was amazing, man. I like you the way you just come out with the truth, man-

Clarence replied on the move with his tongue firmly in check. -This is part of my role life…you see, some people may think I've got some disease that they can catch, or that the way I look makes me disabled, so I have to tell people to look beneath my face and see me, the real me. This is deep.

They walked back to Clarence's house at a leisurely pace. Clarence asked Jeff why he had been spending so much time at the Unity and how he put up with their lack of activities, Jeff agreed that the club wasn't the liveliest of places but he insisted that it was safe and there was never any trouble there.

Clarence went to bed contented that night. The idea that he might be seen as disabled angered him greatly, but recalling the priest's response, or lack of response to his outburst, amused him. He also realised that living whit his new looks could well mean that he had to become an educator. It isn't just about me and how I cope with it, it's me learning to deal with people's prejudices, he thought.