4 Frustration thy name is Hiccup.

Hiccup had always been a very interesting boy; clumsy but interesting, and although he and Astrid had been friends for their entire lives, he had not always made it easy for her - even the timing of his birth was incredibly inconvenient.

A little over fifteen years ago, the Isle of Berk had suffered through one of the toughest winters in living memory; the sea ice was so thick and the snow was so deep, that neither the Vikings nor their animals went outside for several months. Fortunately for the people who dwell there, Stoick the Vast had prepared the village and its people for this very situation. Several years ago, the digging of small tunnels to link the Great Hall, the forge, the main barn, food store and four village houses had begun. The reason why Stoick had ordered the construction of this vital piece of infrastructure was that five villagers had been lost during a similarly hard winter back when Stoick was only twelve years old; one of these was his own beloved Grandfather who froze to death while attempting to fetch supplies from the village food storehouse. Although the project was not yet complete, there were then enough tunnels running beneath Berk to allow all the Vikings in the village and their animals stay safely inside during the freezing winter storms.

Much to everyones delight, late in the following autumn, Berk enjoyed a larger than normal number of babies being born. The first to arrive was Hiccup, followed within four days by Snotlout Jorgensen. Tuffnut Thorston and his twin sister Ruffnut came into the village two days later, with little Fishlegs Ingerman a week behind; although he didn't remain little for very long. Three weeks after Hiccup was born to the Chief and his wife Valka, Astrid finally arrived in the Hofferson household to complete the six who soon became known as the winter babies and they all spent much of their time together, especially after the dragon attacks that the village would regularly suffer from; each mother would take a turn in caring for the babies while the others would help to clean up and rebuild the village. This arrangement worked out very well for everyone involved, until the day of Stoicks tragedy when during one of the dragon attacks, the Chief's house was destroyed, little Hiccup was injured and Valka was carried off by a large Stormcutter dragon never to be seen again. This left Hiccup to spend much of his time being cared for by the other four winter mothers during Stoick time of grief, although he did continue to take good very care of his people as Chief.

It had always seemed quite normal for Astrid to have a group of close friends her own age around her while most of the other children in the small village often had to find friends a few years younger or older than they were themselves. Astrids troubles with Hiccup began when she was about to turn seven. The other winter children had celebrated their birthdays already, and while she helped her mother to set up for her own party, she made an innocent observation.

"I wish I wasn't always the last one to have my birthday party."

"Well, you wouldn't be but Hiccup just couldn't wait to be born" her mother replied casually.

"What do you mean?" Astrid shot back.

"Well we weren't expecting him to arrive for another month but unlike you, he couldn't wait"

"Unlike me? What do you mean?"

"You my sweet were four weeks late, and so we all thought you would never get around to being born."

A look of intense concentration came over Astrid's face as she did the calculations in her head followed by a look horror.

"I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE OLDEST" she protested.

She was chastised by her mother for shouting but the worst was soon to come.

"HICCUP SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE YOUNGEST, NOT ME" came the only reply.

Astrid's mother sighed as her head drooped; why had she said anything? It was only a conversation she told herself. Explanations of the unpredictability of pregnancy and statements that it was not anyone's fault, particularly Hiccups, were not heard through the rage of the six year and three hundred and sixty four day old girl, and so Astrid spent most of the next day staring at Hiccup with a seething hatred that took over seven years to subside completely.

Life took a very strange turn for Astrid at the age of thirteen when Snotlout, who had always been a show off, started trying to impress her with crazy stunts while constantly staring at her with a smile that would turn Yaks milk into yogurt. When she told her mother all about Snotlout, and of how she could never walk passed the blacksmiths forge without seeing Hiccup out of the corner of her eye watching her intently, the older lady had tried to explain the ways of boys and men, but had to admit in the end that she didn't really understand them either and so Astrid decided to avoid them both for the next year or so.

Eventually Astrid began to consider what she would like to do as she grew to adulthood; it was a foregone conclusion that she would be a Viking warrior, but would she choose to marry and if so, then to whom? Snotlout of course already assumed it would be to him, but the thought of it made her feel a little queasy. Hiccups crush had grown stronger every day and although she liked him, Astrid could do almost everything better than he could and that, she was sure, was not the way it should be. What's more, every time the dragons attacked and Hiccup tried to help, he ended up doing almost as much damage as the dragons did. As for the other two boys, Fishlegs was more interested in his collection of dragon facts and figurines, and Tuffnut only wanted to fight (with his sister mostly) and then brag about his injuries afterwards, so they were both out of the picture as far as Astrid was concerned.

One thing in Hiccups favour though, was his skill as the Blacksmiths apprentice. Once when Gobber the Belch was out fishing, she had given her mother's best battleaxe to Hiccup for sharpening and when it was returned to her, it felt just like a new axe; Shiny, sharp and perfectly balanced. At first she suspected that it was a new axe but just above the handle grip were the notches her mother had carved to show how many dragons she had despatched with it. A husband with these skills would be very handy indeed as she would always have the best weapons on Berk, but Astrid could not help but think that there should be more to a successful marriage than having the best weapons, and not everything he made turned out anywhere near as well.

On the night of the last dragon attack, Hiccup was seen running off to the high cliff top near the sea with what appeared to be some kind of strange cross between a log and a wheelbarrow, only to return a few minutes later without his contraption and running at full speed from a pursuing Monstrous Nightmare. The chaotic scene that followed ended with one of the village's huge torches being destroyed and a trio of captured Deadly Nadders being allowed to escape while carrying away the net, which should have held the marauding dragons, now filled with several of Berks sheep.

After this fiasco, Astrid was totally flabbergasted that Hiccup was chosen to join her and the others in the dragon battle training arena, and that first day of training was truly a genuine disaster. Gobber assumed the role of teacher and decided to throw them straight into the deep end by releasing an angry Gronckle into the ring. Every one of Astrid's friends proceeded to do absolutely everything, except what they should; the twins started fighting with each other, and then Fishlegs turned his back on the dragon just to answer a question, and barely avoided being shot in the back with a chunk of hot lava. When the Gronckle turned and came at Astrid, Snotlout was flirting with her and Hiccup as always, was Hiccup; the beast managed to pin the Chiefs son to the wall of the arena and was about to remove his head when Gobber quickly grabbed the Gronckle's jaw with the shining hook that was his left hand, and the molten lava struck inches above Hiccups head.

The next day found the trainees moving stealthily through a tall wooden maze that had been set up in the training arena. They were being stalked by a Deadly Nadder and as usual, Fishlegs was screaming, the twins were fighting and Snotlout was flirting, but Hiccup's actions were the most puzzling of all; the boy just stood in one spot and looked up at Gobber while asking stupid questions about Night Furies. What was he thinking? The Vikings did not even have any Night Furies in the arena and Hiccups inattention almost got both he and Astrid killed. This fool was really beginning to annoy her, and what's more, now he was disappearing into the forest every day after training.

The third day of training changed everything when the six trainees were put up against a Hideous Zippleback; a long tall dragon with two heads and no fear of young Vikings. At first the dragon had managed to get the best of all the trainees, and it even managed to get its teeth into Tuffnut, but then to everyones surprise, Hiccup just stood unarmed before the beast with his hands raised; forcing it by sheer will alone to move back into its prison. The other trainees and their instructor stood in awe and were unable to close their gaping mouths, while Hiccup simply locked the door of the cage and ran off to who knows where.

The next few days of training were like a new kind of hell for Astrid; on the first day Hiccup brought down the Gronckle by apparently just looking at it, and on the next he dropped the Deadly Nadder completely unarmed just as Astrid lunged at the creature with her mother's sharp, shiny and perfectly balanced battleaxe. Jealousy grew and festered within Astrid as the other trainees began to look past her and on to Hiccup as the new star of the arena. That jealousy turned into seething rage after Hiccup managed to turn away the attack of a Terrible Terror by simply wiggling his shield at it; Tuffnut had then declared that Hiccup was now better than Astrid had ever been.

The angry young girl attempted to quell her rage later that day by retreating deep into the forest with an old throwing axe; over and over again Astrid would hurl the axe into the trees while imagining that she could see Hiccups grinning face in every trunk. Then she would roll over in a weapon dodging manoeuvre to retrieve the axe before throwing it at the next tr... wait... what was Hiccup doing out here... and what was that bundle he carried. The startled boy looked back toward her, gave an innocent looking sheepish grin, and trotted off beyond a nearby boulder. Pulling herself together, Astrid ran to the rock, climbed it and peered over only to find that Hiccup had gone, disappearing completely into the forest.

Astrid was beginning to feel that Hiccups behaviour was getting monotonous and boring, when later that evening, while walking by the Blacksmiths forge, she heard a clatter from within.

"Hiccup?" she called,"Are you in there?"

The boy jumped out the window and quickly closed the shutter behind him. "Astrid, hey" he said with surprise. "Hi... Astrid, hi Astrid, hi... Astrid.

"I normally don't care what people do, but your acting weird" she noted "well... weirder."

Astrid watched amazed as Hiccup rose with a jerk two feet off the ground and disappeared backward through the shutters. She ran to the window and threw it open but the forge was empty. 'That did it' she decided; Astrid would find out what he was up to, even if it killed her in the process.

"Stay out of my way" Astrid demanded the next day "I'm winning this thing".

On the day of the final test, only the top two trainees were allowed into the arena; Astrid and Hiccup. Stoick the Vast had returned late on the previous day leading back a fleet of burned and battered Longships. He had been so despondent upon his arrival because his failure to find and destroy the dragons nest, but his solemn mood had changed dramatically when he found out how well his son was doing in battle training. Stoick watched intently as the two young Vikings moved quietly and with purpose through the arena while the large yellowish brown Gronckle flew slowly around the inner rim. Hiccup appeared to give in to Astrid's earlier threat by staying well out of her way; he stood aside and waved to his father with that annoyingly sheepish grin Astrid had grown to loath.

Moving away from him, Astrid hid behind one of the short wooden hurdles that were scattered around the arena, while the dragon swept around behind Hiccup. She crept from wall to tiny wall, moving in behind the round and heavy beast. This was it; she was in the perfect position and the dragon was totally distracted. Astrid leapt out from behind the wall and with her axe raised, she vaulted a second wall and ran screaming at the unfortunate dragon, only to stop dead in her tracks with her eyes wide in disbelief. Before her on its side, lay the Gronckle; it purred happily while Hiccup just stood there looking very scared; not of the dragon, but of her.

Astrid, for want of a better term, lost it; totally and completely. Swinging her axe around her head, she stomped on the ground while Viking mothers covered their children's ears against the tirade of profanity emitting from the pretty blonde girl in the arena below.

Are you the mother of a young child on Berk? Do you want to protect your child from the constant stream of bad language emitting from the training arena?

Then you need Gobbers new 'Astrid Proof Headphones'. Simply place the device delicately over your little kiddie's ears and he or she will be lulled off to sleep by the comforting sound of a Monstrous Nightmare trying to sing 'Rock-a-by baby' in E minor. (no responsibility will be taken if your child should develop night terrors from the use of this product)