Chapter 22 – You can't run from the truth

NORMAL POV

The following morning Kyle left early to start his shift while Brax woke just before Kyle was about to leave.

"You off mate?" Brax asked in a tired tone.

"Yeah. Tell Case I'll see him soon." Kyle whispered and Brax nodded, glancing over at his sleeping brother.

Brax spent most of the morning watching his brother breathe on his own. Nate had taken Casey off the machines late last night when he found Casey to have gained most of his reflexes back.

Casey finally awoke around 12 noon. He looked around and noticed Brax giving him a weak smile.

"Hey mate, how you feeling?" Casey didn't answer but began to feel more vulnerable as he came further back into reality.

Casey pulled the sheets up tighter around his body, ashamed of what would be said about his self injury secret. The two sat in silence for a while before Casey spoke.

"Why are you here?"

"Huh?" Brax asked confused.

"Why are you here at the hospital with me?" Casey whispered.

Brax rested his hand over Casey's arm that was still under the blanket.

"I'm here because I care about you." Brax replied softly.

There it was the care word again. How could Brax care about someone who wasn't even his full brother? Casey looked away, wanting to believe what Brax had told him.

"Hey, you're not thinking of doubting that are you?" Brax asked firmly.

"No." Casey whispered.

Casey wandered off in his own thought, but was taken back when he felt his arm being pulled out from under the blanket. He wanted to retreat but Brax was far stronger than him and he lay defeated as Brax held his now exposed arm in his hand. Casey sighed.

"What's all this Case? Why didn't you talk to me or any of your brothers? Why'd you go and hurt yourself like this?" Brax questioned.

Casey tugged his arm, but Brax held it still, observing the injuries.

"Nah don't. I want you to talk to me about this Casey." Brax said firmly.

CASEY POV

Brax kept a firm gaze on me while he sat beside me holding my cut up arm. I wanted to get away from everything. My head was spinning. Brax wanted me to talk but how could I when I couldn't even explain what I was feeling. I don't know why I cut for, but it was just something that seemed to help me, but Brax wouldn't understand that.

"Casey? What's going on?" Brax asked.

I avoided his gaze, not wanting to talk about all this. What good would it do?

"Brax please just let it go. It's nothing okay." I replied.

I saw Brax shake his head and rub his hand over my injured arm.

"This is not nothing Case. This is serious stuff. Nate said people do this to themselves to have more control over what's going on in their lives or to punish themselves. Casey are you doing this to cope and punish yourself for knowing the truth about your father, because that is not your fault, do you hear me? You don't deserve to feel like you have to do this to yourself."

Brax's words somehow made sense but I still couldn't fully understand it. How could it not be my fault, it was about me!

I turned away and shifted in the bed. "I don't want to talk about it, so just leave it." I said abruptly.

"Case I can't do that." Brax replied softly.

I pulled my arm away from his grip and turned my back to him. "Case please don't shut me out." Brax begged.

"Brax just go okay! I don't want to talk about it! It's not your problem!" I shouted with all my energy as I felt myself getting upset again.

All this talk about my injuries made me itch, I needed to do more. Brax rubbed my back and stood up from the chair.

"Get some rest, I'll be back later." He told me.

I heard the sadness in his voice and it made me feel guilty. Even though I didn't feel part of the family, I couldn't stop the shame of having someone hurting because of me.

NORMAL POV

With Brax out getting fresh air Casey sat up in bed, he needed to go to the bathroom. Carefully he stood up, slightly disoriented. Hanging onto his drip he wandered out of the room.

On his way to the bathroom Casey stopped when he noticed a tray of surgical supplies. The nurse that had been wheeling the trolley out to the washing section of the hospital had left the tray to assist in an emergency.

Casey laid eyes on a sharp scalpel blade. He couldn't? It wouldn't be right to steal from the hospital.

CASEY'S POV

I stared at the sharp blade on the trolley. I knew it was wrong to even be thinking about stealing it from the hospital but it looked so appealing and I was itching to have my fix. I felt sick to my stomach, I needed my release.

NORMAL POV

Casey quickly glanced around and grabbed the opened blade on the trolley and noticed another unopened blade so snatched that up too, quickly shoving it into the underwear below his gown. He had nowhere else to hide them. The nurse walked back to the trolley.

"Are you okay hun?" She asked sweetly.

Casey startled out of thought as his body was filled with anxiety over just stealing the scalpel blades and he was feeling dizzy.

"Ah yeah...um I was just on my way to the bathroom." Casey replied.

"Okay let me help you." The nurse guided Casey towards the bathroom then cleared away the trolley.

Casey held the blades in his hand as he sat in the bathroom. As much as he wanted to cut now there was no way he could jeopardize his stay in hospital and have everyone asking more questions. Casey put the blades back in his underwear and walked back to his room.

Brax had come in from outside and gasped in panic to see Casey's bed empty, he rushed through the hospital frantic.

"Where's my brother Casey Braxton gone? He's not in his room? Is he okay?" Brax breathed out.

A nurse behind the counter came around to reassure Brax when Casey walked back down the hall. Brax caught sight of his brother and ran up to him, grabbing him in his arms to help steady him.

"Casey what are you doing out of your bed? You're not well enough yet." Brax said in panic.

"I just went to the toilet. I'm fine." Casey groaned, he just wanted to be left alone. It was just him now dealing with his life.

Brax sighed. "You had me worried mate, when I didn't see you in ya room."

Brax helped Casey back into the bed. "Thanks." Casey whispered and twitched as he felt the foil of the blade digging into his hip. It wasn't the most comfortable place to hide his new blades but he had no choice.

Heath and Kyle came into the hospital after their shifts had finished and saw Casey sitting up in bed eating some hospital food.

"Hey ya Case." Heath greeted.

"How are you feeling?" Kyle asked.

"Fine." Casey groaned and shifted further under the blanket, making it awkward to eat his food, but he didn't want his brother's staring at his injures and judging him.

"I bet that horrible hospital gunk ain't making ya feel any better. I bet you could do with an all ingredient special pizza, huh?" Heath laughed as he gently punched Casey's arm, but Casey just grunted.

Heath raised his eyebrows and glanced at Brax who shrugged, giving a head nod to follow him out of the room.

"Be back in a sec Case." Brax said and left, Heath following.

Kyle stayed in the room and sat next to Casey's bed. "Won't it be good when you can get out of this place Case, spend some time in your own bed." Kyle smiled, only to have Casey ignore him.

"You're tough Case. You can get through this."

Casey had finished his food and tried to push the tray away, whilst hiding his body as best he could. Kyle moved the tray away for Casey and gave him a weak smile.

"Casey you don't have to hide from us. We know you've cut yourself. It's nothing to be ashamed about. We're your brothers. We care about you not what you do." Kyle comforted as he gently reached his arm out to touch Casey's arm.

CASEY'S POV

Go away Kyle and leave me alone. I just want everyone to stop mentioning that brother word and not draw attention to my wounds. I feel so distressed and part of me wants to cry but I don't have the feeling inside to do so.

I clench and wipe my fists under my sheets as I feel the urge inside me. I know why I am in hospital now. Everything about my life is haunting me again. I cannot deal with this. No-one can understand what I'm going through. No-one.

NORMAL POV

Brax was outside the room telling Heath how Casey had walked out of his room. "Wow, I didn't think the kid was ready for that. That's a good sign though right?" Heath said.

"Yeah I guess, but he was still pushing me away telling me he was fine. He might have gotten through this, but we've got a long way to go."

Nate walked up to them. "I have some news on Casey's progress. The nurse told me he got up and wandered to the bathroom before."

"Yeah." Brax replied.

"Well from what I can see, Casey has made excellent progress and should be right to go home tomorrow." Nate said.

"That's great!" Heath replied.

"However I am still concerned about his frame of mind and his self injury and I do recommend you reconsider the option of me organizing a counselor for him."

"Is that really gonna help him? I mean talking to a shrink ain't gonna change what's happened." Heath said as a matter of fact.

"Well no, but it might help him deal with what he is feeling." Nate explained.

Brax waved him off. "It's fine. I'll deal with it."

Nate sighed. "Okay if you're sure."

Brax and Heath followed Nate into Casey's room and Kyle had stopped talking to Casey.

"Hi Casey. I have some good news, you are fine to go home tomorrow morning." Casey nodded not giving any response it wasn't like it was going to change anything for him.

Kyle gave Casey's upper arm a rub and smiled at him. "It'll be great to have you back home again Case." Kyle said then shrugged at his older brothers when Casey didn't reply.

Kyle looked at his watch. "Look I have to get to work I can't ask the guys to cover another shift, it's good to see you up and about Case. I'll see you later."

"See ya mate." Brax and Heath fare-welled as Kyle left the room.

"Yeah I better do the same. See ya squirt." Heath waved at Casey and left.

Brax sat down next to Casey who was staring at his sheet. "What ya thinking Case?" Brax asked.

"It's nothing." Brax didn't want to push Casey anymore so stood up and rested his hand around his brother's neck briefly before pulling away.

"I'm gonna go home and get you some clothes and things ready for tomorrow. You gonna be alright Case?" Brax asked and Casey nodded.

"Okay, I'll be back soon." Brax then walked out the door and before closing the door took one last glance at his fragile baby brother and sighed.