Thundercracker walked down the halls of the Ark. They were oddly empty, but that didn't bother him. It was not uncommon for a party to start haphazardly around the Ark. He would never stop marveling at how different the Autobots were from the Decepticons. Not really odd, not once you'd gotten to know them; but very, very different.
He didn't know where he was going. He suspected it didn't matter. It was his choice, wasn't it? He could go nearly anywhere and he had a feeling no one would attempt to stop him. If there were anyone around to stop him. It was a queer sort of liberating.
Odd and oddly peaceful. Part of his prosessor told him to take caution, that Prowl hadn't meant it. A larger part was telling that part to frag off. Prowl was a mech of his word. Honorable to a fault. At least Prowl had proven himself to be so far; and, surprisingly, Jazz was as well. He fretted for a moment as he thought about his trinemates. He didn't know what to do with them or about them. It left him flailing inside. Luckily, he was an old pro at bottling his emotions, and it would serve him well for now.
Though he was a little surprised that he didn't hear the stealthy pedfall of Jazz. The little game they were playing. He knew Jazz could be silent enough that he would never detect the other mech. That Jazz purposely stayed just loud enough for him to hear. He also knew that Jazz knew he knew. One more thing to be both thankful for and annoyed about. Contradiction and confusion; his old friends.
He sent a questioning push down the bond, not enough to communicate but enough to gather some basic data on where he was. The bond was not blocked, not obstructed in any way. Jazz was on the move, yes, but headed in the opposite direction. Prowl was with him, and they appeared to be heading back to their quarters...and running hot. A little shiver creeped up his own back strut, and his fan kicked on even after his attempt to suppress it. He could not help but wonder why they would even want him. They had each other, and that seemed enough. He was just...he didn't even know what he was anymore. He vented heavily, and leaned against the hallway wall. He needed a moment, some time to try and compose himself. Either they must have felt the bond open on his end or they were just always this way. Love/trust/adoration swept through it, leaving him reeling for a moment. It was pleasant to feel this rush of trust. And yet not. He felt cold, lonely, and smaller than he had ever felt in his long existence. He wanted to turn around and go back with them. But he needed to do this. Needed to confirm he could walk away, anywhere he pleased, for as long as he pleased. He needed to know.
He pushed a little harder, wanting words to go with the emotions. The push seemed to remind them he was there. The love they felt really was a default setting. Foolish to think that they loved him, wanted him to share in their love; but it was the only thing that had made their actions make sense. Without a warning, and with more than a little regret filtering down from Prowl, the bond slammed shut on both ends.
It really had been a conversation for just the two of them. He had been overstepping boundaries when he went delving into it. Prowl had been referring to Jazz as Nightfall, and Jazz had been speaking so eloquently. It was like they were different bots. Curiouser and curiouser. He leaned against the wall, trying to gather himself for what seemed an eternity. It was a pain filled thing, bitter on the glossa; like bad energon. Not for the first time he wished that they had just left him to die. Confusion and contradiction; can I offer you a seat?
"Are you unwell?" A voice behind him murmured in a soothing tone. Thundercracker turned, only partly surprised to find the doorwinger from earlier standing slightly to his left. Smokescreen was on special ops, after all. He could be as stealthy as Jazz if he needed to be. Something back processored, something he didn't understand yet, told him that maybe Smokescreen could be stealthier than Jazz if it came down to it.
"Smokescreen? No. I'm-I'm fine. But you don't really believe that, do you?" Thundercracker hedged away from him. This Autobot wouldn't hurt him. First impressions, in this case at least, had been misleading. Smokescreen was a Praxian in every meaning of the word. That didn't mean he wanted a protector of the wing and the newspark to see him panicking. He would tell Prowl. Prowl would tell Jazz. Jazz would weld him to the berth by his wings until he stopped panicking. Again. Slagging prone to overreaction Seeker-kin.
The Praxian snorted, "No, I don't suppose I do. You are a horrible liar at the best of times. I doubt you could lie to me even if you were clear processored. Which you very much are not.." Smokescreen gave him a lopsided grin. "It's hard, carrying. The emotions carry you away sometimes. You want to love everyone, while wanting to kill them. You can't get enough personal space while you wonder why everyone's running away. I always had that problem, at least. It gets better though, I promise, and it is worth it if you're ready. It really is. Nothing is quite like the moment when your newspark comes online. To watch the first colors bleed in. It truly is a gift from Primus. One of the few he has allowed us to keep in these crazy days."
Thundercracker watched him for a long moment. Trying to decide what the gambler was up to. Another trick? A way to get more information for a betting pool? He gave a soft sigh and decided Smokescreen was being harmless enough for the moment, "Bots keep telling me that."
"You doubt it though?" Smokescreen asked, gently steering him towards the recreation room. He allowed himself to be led. The outsider Praxian wouldn't hurt him, and could be decent company on the right day.
"I doubt everything anymore." Thundercracker gave a slight shrug. "Do I have any reason to believe?"
"It's easy enough to fall into that trap." Smokescreen said thoughtfully. "I certainly heard Prowl say as much many a cycle when he was carrying. Then again, I think every carrier says it from time to time. Like an unbreakable law of the universe."
Thundercracker glanced down at him in renewed interesting. The casual way way he spoke of things. Something clicked; a phrase he hadn't been paying attention to when Smokescreen first said it. The Praxian was this way when he was carrying? "Wait...what...you carried? Do... I mean did you...have sparklings? I understand if you don't want to-"
Smokescreen rolled his optics. "I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't want you to know. I sparked two. Both made it into adulthood. In that I was blessed. Both are...well, were soldiers. One was lost to me early in the war, you see. And the other...well, it is complicated."
"What isn't?" Thundercracker asked, ex-venting loudly. "Everything is complicated, just plain difficult. It always has been."
"That, unfortunately, doesn't get any better, youngling." Smokescreen said as he peeked into the recreation room. It was thankfully, at least to Thundercracker's view, deserted. "Though I certainly think what we're dealing with now makes it worse. War never was a place for sparklings, I told Prowl much the same, but if they're coming then they're coming. Not many options these days. Few have the medical access we enjoy in Ratchet."
Thundercracker watched the Praxian as he followed the smaller mech inside. The mech reminded him of someone, maddeningly so, but he could not quite put his finger on who. "So, two sparks?"
"Sadly just two. I always wanted a larger family, but it wasn't in the dice. My career didn't really allow for a large family. I would have had to retire; and while their sire would have loved to bond I just wasn't the bonding kind. Sparklings I could handle. Mates... well, you know how bondmates can be. I was lucky though, they...were the best little sparklings. So clever and resourceful, my boys. Nightfall and Scattershot." He sighed, "No carrier should outlive their sparklings, but there it is. You would have liked Scattershot, I think. He was a character." The bot gave him a crooked smile he was coming to associate with just two mechs. And half with a third. Smokescreen and...
Thundercracker nodded absent processoredly, not meaning to be rude but unable to stop thinking about the smile, "I'm sure." His lips quirked into a frown, worrying what Smokescreen had just told him like a terran canine would worry a bone. He knew that name...he'd heard it somewhere. Smokescreen stared at him patiently, as if the bot were waiting for him to fit all the pieces together. Scattershot and NightFall. Nightfall and Scattershot. Nightfall...he stopped in the middle of the room, almost tripping over a chair placed in front of the view screens for the humans. He glared at Smokescreen for a moment, wondering if he were going mad. Maybe he was an idiot, after all he had just heard Prowl use that very name. Or maybe, Primus forbid, if the other was playing a cruel trick. Surely not. But that meant. "You are-Jazz is-"
"Ah, now you're starting to get it. He always was a secretive spark. It paid off in our family, a boon really. But you are family now. It's not fair for you not to be let in on the secret. I'm sure that they would have told you soon. But it's just very hard for us all to trust. It's not in our nature." Smokescreen shrugged softly. "It has kept us alive when all others of our kind fell, but it doesn't forgive what we've done; kept from you. But I think you understand why they did it. Are still doing it."
Thundercracker froze and just blinked at him. He didn't understand at all. Was this a trick? Please let this be a trick. Or a bad flux. "I'm sorry, I don't-I don't understand. I wish I did. I wish anything in my life made sense."
Smokescreen patted his shoulder. "I was afraid you wouldn't. I thought maybe this was too soon. But we..." He frowned and searched for the words. "Our clan were Shadows. Secrets, I fear, were our stock and trade. We dealt with dangerous things. Dangerous enough to haunt us even now."
"Why are you telling me this, Smokescreen? If your designation even is Smokescreen." Thundercracker moaned. Too much. It was too much. No mech would ever joke about being a Shadow.
"I'm afraid not. It was...is...Shadowveil. But as I said, it's a secret to be kept between family. You do understand, right, son?"
Thundercracker's processor whirled, and he tried in vain not to shake. Shadows were the mechs carriers told their sparkling about to make them behave. The darkest elements of Cybertronian society. The assassins, the thieves, the ones who lived on the outskirts, who could be anything and anyone while being nothing at all. Most bots didn't even believe they really existed. They were rumored to steal other bots sparklings, whisking them away into the night never to be seen again. If you don't behave I can't protect you from the Shadows. Something to fear when you were young, half joke about when you were grown. Boogiemen, as the humans would say. He had thought they were nothing but tall tales. Mechs who could be anything; would do anything. Mechs touched by Unicron himself.
It was rumored that Megatron had used them early in the war and then had them all executed. He didn't believe it. He had never seen a real Shadow before Smokescreen, and so had imagined it was idle chatter Decepticons told each other on boring shifts. Surely if they had been real Starscream would have told him... Then again, Starscream had been good at keeping secrets of his own. "I-yes." Thundercracker could not help but stare at the bot, try to hide his horror. If Smokescreen was what he claimed to be he and Jazz might be the last of their kind. Well, probably Prowl too. He couldn't imagine a non-Shadow willingly bonding with one.
Smokescreen sighed. If Thundercracker made it through this discussion without having a minor breakdown it would be a miracle. But the Seeker needed to know. What his spark had done wasn't right. Not at all. He had gone against their clan's code. Brought disgrace. A Shadow must never bond with one who did not have optics wide open to the dangers around them.
If Nightfall had been a smaller mech, Smokescreen would have turned him over his knee. It was tempting to do so anyway, head of Special Ops or not.
"It needs to stay a secret. There are only two mechs outside of our family who know the truth about us..."
Thundercracker couldn't help but interrupt him. His processor would burst if he didn't speak, "Optimus?"
"That goes without saying, youngling; though he doesn't know everything." Smokescreen rolled his optics and tried to push on, but the blue Seeker would have none of it.
"Who else? My newspark... My newspark is going to be related to Shadows. Oh, Primus." Thundercracker moaned in fear.
"Someone we trust whole-sparkedly. We would not have told him otherwise. Don't trouble yourself with it for now. But you...you just needed to know. Your newspark will be fine as long as you remember to keep this close to your own spark. We have taken great care to hide this. Jazz and I have jammers, we can block others from picking up any conversation we wish. Jazz could even block others from having access to you, or Prowl. This room could be packed wall to wall and if I so chose no one would know what we are speaking about. We are not fools. And before you ask, we could not share our secrets with the Autobots without giving away what we are. We can only point Red Alert and Wheeljack in the right direction; hope they stumble on what our clan has known for vorns. But that is neither here nor there. If you want to know more you should ask your bondmates about it."
Thundercracker's processor swam. So much to take in. "Prowl is..."
"Prowl is something else altogether, but that is not my tale to tell." Smokescreen said dismissively, watching the Seeker. "We aren't what you think, dear one. I promise. Prowl had a similar reaction when he found out about Jazz. We don't-we never have stolen sparklings if the job did not require it." His laugh was bittersweet. "I had trouble enough with my own two. Much as I would have welcomed more, they were a handful. Nightfall was always a little too proficient in our clan's ways. Though, what I wouldn't give now for Scattershot to have had that proficiency."
Thundercracker looked at the Praxian. Really looked at him. Smokescreen wasn't a monster from a sparkling's tale. He was just a weary carrier; grown old before his time with worry and grief. It was amazing he was able to put up as jovial a front as he did. "I'm sure they were trouble. He still is." His lip quirked up. "He's always been up to his browplates in it, I'm sure."
"You don't even know the half of it." Smokescreen's optics twinkled with mirth and Thundercracker got it then. Scattershot had gone, Smokescreen would never forget him, but Jazz was still alive. Jazz, and through Jazz the gift of Bluestreak. The Shadow had family, family that reduced him to a normal mech. Family that gave him hope. Even allowed him to feel true joy despite all his losses. What Thundercracker wouldn't give for such feelings. Smokescreen continued on. "Honestly, Prowl isn't much better at times, not that most bots would guess. He hides it well. But get the two of them in a mood. Or Primus forbid, get Bluestreak in on things..."
Thundercracker nodded, ducking his head. "They are well matched. The three of them belong together."
"Don't sell yourself short. You compliment them." The Praxian grinned softly. "If you could only see yourself through my optics, youngling."
Thundercracker huffed. "I'm not a youngling. Not by half. I'm old enough to know when things don't look well for me."
Smokescreen gave him a light thwack against the plating of his side. He wondered if that wasn't a habit the whole Primus forsaken family had. "Hush. Most of you are younglings to me. And you are my spark's bondmate. That alone makes you my youngling. And perhaps, fool's fantasy that it is, I can treat your newspark the way I've always longed to treat Bluestreak. Full family and clan, not just Seeker-kin. And when that day comes I can begin to make things up to Bluestreak. So many things I've longed to tell him. To teach him. He has Jazz's proficiency. He would be a wonder. But I've kept you too long. We old bots do ramble. Perhaps we can speak more on this another time?"
"I would like that very much." Thundercracker didn't know if Smokescreen was doing something to him, making him feel things that were not his own, but a wave of calm swept through him. He found himself wanting it to be his own. Even if Prowl and Jazz never came clean with him, he had family now who would be there for him. He prayed to Primus that this was one of his life's few real truths.
He couldn't find it in himself to feel awkward when Smokescreen pulled him into a hug.